Ho ho holy shit, sometimes you come across a post that couldn't be more accurate.

Day x of the recovery journey

Bestie had a rough night, came over in the morning and worked from my home for the day. I did my housework and it was lovely, just enjoying each others company while doing our daily work.

We laughed a lot, talked about the guy she's been kinda dating, ate lots of great food and watched my favorite movie (Ratatouille ❤️). Still cried after brushing my teeth but calmed down quickly, very proud of myself.

There seems to be a time of peace coming up and I feel like breathing again. Looking forward to autumn.

Taking an edible before PT helps !

I hear the devil in my mind

Pushing me to try to escape life

I don’t want to, sincerely

Sometimes it feels like it’s my only choice

In reality, instant gratification is the devils lie

Impatience will send me straight back to hell

Cause would anyone care, I dunno it’s hard to tell

Medication

I’m on a handful of medications for my anxiety, depression, and problems falling/staying asleep.

I also take a women’s daily vitamin, and an apple cider vinegar capsule. 

I often wonder if I can actually call my feelings and thoughts real, since I take behavior-altering medications. Like, what would go differently if I weren’t on these medications. I did meth for almost four years, and very soon into getting clean I got onto medications. I have no idea what my mental space would be like if I didn’t get medication.

super easy fried rice recipe 400 calories for the whole thing! (makes 2 medium/ smaller portions or 1 larger one depending on how hungry you are)

- 65g brown rice 227 calories

- 30g frozen peas 30 calories

- 30g frozen sweetcorn 30 calories

- 50g grated carrot 23 calories

- 1 spring onion 2 calories

- 1 egg 78 calories

- 2 tbsp soy sauce (30ml) 16 calories

- i also add jarred garlic, ginger and chilli from the brand ‘very lazy’ about a teaspoon of each these are so little calories i don’t count them but i think it’s about 10 for all 3 but if you don’t have these you can add fresh or powdered

instructions:

1. boil your rice and while it’s boiling prepare your veg and sauce

2. strain the rice and run it under cold water to stop it from sticking together

3. spray some fry light or your oil of choice into a pan, if you are using fresh garlic and ginger fry it for a few minutes if not just add all your veg and half the soy sauce and fry for a few minutes

4. add your rice and the rest of the soy sauce

5. push your rice to the side of the pan and crack your egg into the other side and scramble it whilst it’s cooking, when it’s done stir it in with the rest of the food

that’s it! this recipe is so easy and filling while also being nutritious. you could add whatever meat/ veg you wanted to cater to your taste and sprinkle some sesame seeds on top if you like :)

 needed this.... <3

I'm aware of the black and white mindset the illness gives me and trying to control it is hard but I'm learning. I can be gradient, I can have in betweens, I can change and evolve, little by little. Because I want to, I need to for myself

Transition

I am molded from the soft whispers of the moon.

Forever waxing and waning,

Growing and changing,

I delight in the act of creation to become who I was always meant to be.

X

I have been torn apart until I could barely put myself back together again,

And yet I have become an expert with a needle and thread,

Creating a patchwork quilt of experience and self love and the echoes of childhood.

Ah, an anguish so sweet it would give you a toothache.

X

I wrap myself in that blanket

And breathe.

My breath is soft yet labored,

Trembling and still steadfast.

I know who I am.

X

I know who I am,

When I carve myself from mountains,

When I lounge upon the space between the stars,

When I kiss the lovely sky and bury myself into the churning earth.

I am a gravestone and I am a celebration,

And I am creating something new,

Something true,

Something beautiful.

X

These changes are my revelation,

And like a butterfly emerging from the cocoon

I transform.

Truth is more than reverie,

And far stronger than malice or sadness.

I am like the painter of a thousand trees,

Or perhaps the gardener

Who's planted a thousand seeds.

X

Let's see what tomorrow brings,

Shall we?

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What if I decided to not wake up tomorrow. What if I decided that today's the day I die.

Nobody would know.

If you want to understand why it is important not only to not be racist but anti-racism and to not be fascist but anti-fascism, please watch Motherland Fort Salem.

Ps: you might also enjoy how friendship and grass root coalitions are more necessary than the army

So is there any ed recovery tags that arent full of thinspo/pro ana or do these selfish assholes take up the recovery tags too?

Ed blogs fuck off and dni or you'll get reported

and determination to remain abstinent by constantly reminding themselves of the rational basis of their decision to quit Jack Trimpey´s AVRT (Addictive voice recognition technique)

AVRT emphasises the fact that you are not your addictive voice, you just think you are. When you recognise the AV as ‘not you’ and say no to it, it drops the “I” and starts using “you,” “us,” or “we.” This is proof that it is not you.

Once the big monster is dead by removing the brainwashing, the only voices telling you to engage in your addiction will come from the little monster (the AV). Because the AV uses the pronoun “I,” confusing the AV with the big monster becomes a possibility.

It’s also important to point out that the AV is a massive liar. It’s only concern is getting dopamine at whatever cost. Your AV will try to convince you to put yourself in potentially deadly situations if it means getting a fix.

“Failure to recognise the AV has lead myself and others who have used Easyway to falsely believe we haven’t fully killed the big monster, so we re-read the book to try to kill the brainwashing again even though we already have”  Failure to recognise the AV combined with the belief that ‘if you failed with Easyway it means you failed to kill the big monster’ will cause you to focus your efforts on the big monster again when it’s already been defeated. You may end up in a cycle of re-reading Allen Carr’s books, lasting a while then relapsing over and over again.

When the AV says something like “I want to do X now because it makes me X,” if you’ve undone the brainwashing and removed the big monster you may think “But I know that this isn’t true, so why do I still believe it is? Have I failed to completely undo the brainwashing.” The truth here is that you have removed the brainwashing, evidenced by the fact that you know better than what your AV is telling you, it’s just that you think that the AV is you because it used the pronoun “I.” Recognising the AV and forcing it to reveal itself by dropping the “I” for “you,” “we” or “us” should confirm to you that it’s not the big monster here, it’s the little monster. If it was indeed the big monster it wouldn’t replace the “I” for “you,” “we” or “us.”

Now when the AV says “Please, can we just do X one more time for old time sake, just one more?” and you say “No,” you may feel an emotional response. You may feel fear or sadness. It’s extremely important to realise that this feeling isn’t coming from you, it’s coming from it. If you’re unable to recognise the AV, you will think this emotion is coming from you and will be more inclined to give in. Recognise the AV and the fact that the emotions coming from it are not coming from you, then feel joy in this.

When you put both these methods together (if necessary, not all people seem to have a problem with the little monster) and maintain a feeling of joy and elation whenever you recognise the AV, success is yours.

From here on I just copy paste from wikipedia excerpts that I find mind blowing and game changing:

The Rational Recovery program is based on the premise that the addict both desires and is capable of permanent, planned abstinence. However, the Rational Recovery program recognizes that, paradoxically, the addict also wants to continue using, [...] because of his belief in the power of the substance to quell his anxiety (an anxiety which is itself partially substance-induced, as well as greatly enhanced, by the substance). This ambivalence is the Rational Recovery definition of addiction.

The primary force driving an addict's predicament is what Trimpey calls the "addictive voice", which can physiologically be understood as being related to the parts of the human brain that control our core survival functions such as hunger, sex, and bowel control.  When the desires of this "voice" are not satiated, the addict experiences anxiety, depression, restlessness, irritability, and anhedonia. 

The RR method is to first make a commitment to planned, permanent abstinence from the undesirable substance or behavior, and then equip oneself with the mental tools to stick to that commitment. (funny thing cause EasyPeasy tells you to not quit or change your usage at all while reading the book, and then towards the end of the book you make the commitment to quit forever and stay clean, which is relatively simple since you have already realized you don´t actually want to use anymore)

Most important to recovering addicts is the recognition of this addictive voice...

and determination to remain abstinent by constantly reminding themselves of the rational basis of their decision to quit (I don´t need this since I already killed the big monster, aka system of beliefs that are lies and illusions, easy peasy helps with this, you don´t need determination as much since you kill the big monster, but it doesn´t target the little monster which in my case is a bit of a problem)

As time progresses, the recovering addict begins to see the benefits of separating themselves and their rational minds from a bodily impulse that has no regard for responsibility, success, delayed gratification, or moral obligation.

The methods are similar to those used in Cognitive Therapy of Substance Disorders (Beck, et al.) and other belief-, attitude- and appraisal-challenging and cognitive restructuring schemes (??? what the heck is all that Idk but sounds interesting)

The RR program is based on recognizing and defeating the addictive voice (internal thoughts that support self-intoxication) and dissociation from addictive impulses

Objectively recognizing any mental thoughts that support or suggest substance use as AV (addictive voice). This passive recognition allows the practitioner to realize that he/she need not do what the AV says, but can effortlessly abstain

Once this "separation" is achieved, and the practitioner has personally experienced that he/she indeed can observe objectively their own addictive voice, maintaining abstinence is a matter of self-control and becomes a personal choice of free will. (not really since the big monster is already killed, now it´s just a matter of not believing I want what the AV says, and emotions don´t come from me, the AV is the hijacking, it´s hiding under a mask of “I”, tricking me to think it´s me when it´s not, it´s the addiction trying to intoxicate me)

In his book, Rational Recovery, Trimpey calls the addict's addictive voice "the bark of Beast", "the Beast" being the desire for intoxication. He proposes that this is the sole reason why addicts continue their self-destructive ways. Furthermore, by recognizing any feeling, image, urge, etc. that supports drinking/using as "Beast activity", the compulsions will fall silent, and the person can eventually regain control over their life and never worry about relapses. Rather than making addiction a lifelong battle, it is much easier to say "no" to the addictive voice, than to give in. Moreover, this separation of the rational self from the relentless "Beast" will, Trimpey says, enable addicts to always remain aware of the repercussions associated with a single relapse.

The notions that internal thoughts support self-intoxication and that the practitioner is in control of the addictive voice have become foundational in "evidence-based" treatment schemes at more progressive substance abuse treatment facilities in the US, Canada, Australia and the UK. These facilities base their programs on the success of rational emotive behavior therapy,[9]cognitive behavioral therapy,[10] cognitive appraisal therapy,[11] and schema therapy[12] for anxiety and depression, as well as for substance abuse.

lol we have to keep our meds in safes in our room and mine barely fit.

but i’m finally on self admin! first time i’ve been able to hold my meds in almost two years!!

.