It is midterms/finals this week and I am so happy about it. I am so tired right now. I’d rather feel tired than what I had been feeling over a year and a half ago.
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I don’t think people talk about how hard recovery really is. Even hell can get comfy once you’ve settled in, I wanted the numb inside me to leave, little did I know, opening up to the world is harder. Feeling everything is harder. Being open again for betrayal and disappointment is harder. Living is harder. Pain is easy.
I know I’ll make it but imagine not being able to recognize when you’re tired or you’re dying. It’s a constant battle. And being alone and accepting your past is so dark. So dark. The world shattered me, broke me to pieces, and they left. I am alone. I am the only one that’s there to pick me up, I know I’m making it. But sometimes I just wish I had a real hand to hold.
I’m tired of unconditional love
Choose me. Or I won’t choose myself.
0I haven’t seen a lot of these around so
Heres me reminding you that your abusive relationship was not your fault. You did not instigate or deserve any of it. Its not your fault you didn’t reconize the red flags, and its not your fault you didn’t leave right away. You didn’t deserve it because you stayed. You didn’t deserve it because you made excuses for them. You didn’t deserve it because you didn’t ask for help right away. You didn’t deserve it period.
And heres me reminding you not to to back
0Embrace light, embrace softness. You’ve been sleeping on the floor for so long a matress seems unnecessary. Soft sheets don’t even cross your mind. Gentleness exists, it’s abundant and obtainable. Stop saying the sun is in your eyes, close them and feel it’s warmth on your face. Imagine each breath entering your lungs as pure. The world doesn’t need to be relentlessly hard for your pain to exist and matter.
0Tw: self harm (free from)
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So, I just did the math, and I’m actually only just now 10 weeks free from self harm. It has evolved from a minute by minute struggle to more of a one-day-at-a-time thing, and I’m finding the arts and exercise both really helpful this go of it. The longest I’ve ever been free of self harm since I was 11 years old is 2 years.
1sunday
Another double run on this day off from work, 8 miles in the afternoon and 8 miles in the evening. Slept in a little to give the tired body some overnight recovery, seemed to help. The calm mild day let me wear some lighter gear and less layers - that also helped! The first 8 miler was almost a warm up for the creaky joints, the second run went smoother. Getting set for a longer run in the morning before heading into work.
4I have depression right now and I’m trying to figure out how on earth I’m going to do school tomorrow while feeling like I’m floating outside my body
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“Dear Me: I’ll stand by your side no matter what ” iPhone Cases & Covers by fill14sketchboo | Redbubble https://ift.tt/2LB3wRx
0Title: The Kübler-Ross Model [Masterpost]
Fandom: Sanders Sides
Pairings: background LAMP
~~~
Chapter Title: Acceptance- Chapter Five
Summary:
Stage Five: Acceptance- Characterized by coming to terms with the loss and understand how deeply impacting it was, allowing the space to rebuild and move forward.
In which Remy is finally moving forward.
Warnings: Panic Attacks, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms (mentioned), Unhealthy Family Relationships, Food Mention, PTSD, Cults
[ao3 link]
Acceptance- Chapter Five
“Selected: Voicemail. One item. Tab one of one,” Remy’s phone says calmly. It’s from her dad. She puts her finger to the screen, sliding it around as she searches for the desired section.
“Voicemail.”
One finger down.
“Daniel Zurko. M-”
Double tap.
“Okay. Okay. You win. I’ll stop calling. I thought about cancelling your phone but… Your college fund is still yours. Your phone’s still yours. Everything I pay for is still yours. Most of that is already set up so we don’t- we don’t have to talk. I get it, you don’t want to. That’s okay. I- I’ll admit I’m not happy about it. I don’t- I don’t know how we fell apart Remy. But I- that’s in the past. If you want to change meal plans or need me to pay vet bills for Cha-Cha or- or- whatever, just let me know. I get you don’t want to call. And that’s your choice. I- You can say no. But you are- you are going to have to communicate at least a little bit if you want me to pay for those things. But we don’t have to talk. Your choice either way.”
-
“Remy?” a voice picks up, and Remy almost cries in relief, “Remy, why are you calling at… 4:26 in the morning?”
Remy shudders and tries to take a deep breath, failing halfway through with a wheeze.
“Remy?”
“Virgil,” Remy chokes out. And then again, “Virgil.”
6you dont know what you’d miss. if you think that nothing could happen, you’re wrong. things can change. you should be there to see it.
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‘The White Noise Parade’
I think the original idea behind this piece was how society ignores what they don’t want to see/hear.
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“Dear Me: I see you & I hear you ” iPhone Cases & Covers by fill14sketchboo | Redbubble ~ https://ift.tt/2StUIOj
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your trauma won’t always look like someone else’s.
your recovery won’t always look like someone else’s.
and that’s okay
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