I feel like recovery is too easy.

From one day to the next I decided that I want to recover and suddenly eating was easy? In fact, eating little became impossible.

A week ago I was terrified of cheese and bread and basically everything with food. And now I want to eat all the time.

I eat so much that my stomach hurts from it at least once a day. I am thinking about food almost constantly and then I want to eat it.

I haven’t stepped on a scale since I began recovery and I’m scared because I know that I probably gained a lot.

I am scared that I turned from undereating and restricting heavily to overeating and not being able to stop.

Good Things Happen Everyday

it’s not always something miraculous.

Even if you had an awful day, maybe your dinner was hot, nutritional and delicious. That’s good, right? Even if you’re struggling, the support you receive in your sadness (when reach out) was a good thing.

Of course there are also traumatic, horrific days where there seems to be no light. They are exceptions, but the day after, when you persist in spite of every thing? That’s you being a good thing to happen to you.

Good things are small moments of joy, love & all that is kind in this world. Try to look for the good - the something to be grateful for. I promise that it will help you see the good things effortlessly with a little practice. It will give you a better quality of life when you can recognise that good things do happen every day.

Originally posted by corpsebridess

Also before I go to bed, I just want each and everyone of you to know how much I love and appreciate you. Thank you for keeping me going, thank you for being supportive after my relapse. I know I do a lot of batching here, but it nice to see that some can relate. Thank you for being part of my journey. Thank you for allowing me to use this as an outlet for the hard parts of recovery. I love you all 🥰😘

Only cried over him a few times today, I guess I’m doing better. I hope he’s doing better. I want us to be better in the future. I love you to the moon and back handsome, I know you won’t see this but…. God I miss you. But I know you would be so fucking proud of me and that makes me happy 😊

Fingers crossed and asking for many prayers I get into treatment in the morning!!!!

—🥀—

Expectation, I’m waiting for you

To tell me I made it up to you

Tryna work on my patience

But twice a day, I be praying to hear from you

—

[DON’T message me creepy things, thanks 🖤]

I’ve been alive 35 years today, which is 4 more than I was expecting.

7 Types of People You Can’t Help

even when life is sabotaging, you still choose to remain gentle and loving and i think that makes you very brave and humble as a person ♡︎.

TW: ED Talk

I just weighed myself for the first time in 3 years. 230 lbs. I gained 40 lbs in three years, it really broke my heart. How could I let myself get so disgusting? ((if you weigh this amount please take no offense, this is a personal issue with ME, not what I think of others))

I try to go to the gym but I have crippling anxiety and can’t go unless there’s no one there, but I work every day at 7 am for just 10 dollars an hour and none of it feels worth it. I want to be at the gym 24/7 around no people just working my ass off.

I dont know how to stop eating. I feel sick at the thought of food but its like something takes over me and I eat and eat and eat.

Why did my mother let me end up like this? She gained baby weight and got herself a personal trainer, only fed herself salads, talked about how gross she looked (she was a size 8, now a 4) and doesn’t realize how badly that affected my health. I want to be pretty and small more than anything in the world, I’m so fed up with being ugly.

The only person who makes me second guess myself is my best friend, he tells me I’m pretty unprovoked and doesn’t give me work out advice, he makes me believe momentarily that I might not be some hideous monster. I appreciate him so so so much. I just hope maybe one day I can truly see myself that way. My other friends also have disorders and they fully support me going through this, which is nice.

Its just not a fun time.

I’m really struggling with my body right now. I’ve been in recovery almost 3 years now, why do I still feel this way sometimes??

𝐒𝐋𝐎𝐖 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍

𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅

𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐒

𝐁𝐄 𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓

𝐉𝐔𝐃𝐆𝐄 𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒, 𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐄𝐏𝐓 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐄

𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃 𝐀 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊

𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒 𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐇

𝐄𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 ✨

Ill be able to start cooking meals at my dads again, going grocey shopping tomorrow so can eat more better foods then easy stuff like cereal. i fasted over 16 hours today and ate spicy ramen that upset my tummy but haven’t been going over calorie limit so should be making progress its just bugging me so much i cant weigh myself to see how im doing. Today was mostly spent cleaning the kitchen and relaxing. Ive felt really fat today and just i cant wait to lose all this weight i feel like my boyfriend would like me so much more if i was skinny, i also am starting to save for a new wardrobe so when lose the weight i can celebrate by buying a bunch of new clothes.

Breakfast: spicy samyang noodles

Lunch: lucky charms

Dinner: pork chop and brussel sprouts with cheese

Snack: 2 toaster strudels

Calories: 1836

Originally posted by monsterenergymiku

China GDP: Economy grows 2.3% in 2020 as recovery quickens

China GDP: Economy grows 2.3% in 2020 as recovery quickens

The world’s second largest economy expanded 2.3% in 2020 compared to a year earlier, according to government statistics released Monday.
It’s China’s slowest annual growth rate in decades — not since 1976 has the country had a worse year, when GDP shrunk 1.6% during a time of social and economic tumult.
But during a year when a crippling pandemic plunged major world economies into recession,…

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Yen gains, euro squeezed as recovery doubts creep in By Reuters

Yen gains, euro squeezed as recovery doubts creep in By Reuters

© Reuters. FILE PHOTO: A U.S. Dollar banknote

By Tom Westbrook
SINGAPORE (Reuters) – The dollar clung to gains on Monday and the Japanese yen edged higher as softening U.S. economic data and rising global coronavirus cases kept investors cautious, while lockdowns and Italian political turmoil held the euro under pressure.
The euro dipped to a six-week low of $1.2066 in Asia and fell to a…

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Check in with yourself. Are you comfortable right now? When did you last eat something or drink water? Are you feeling anxious? Take care of yourself.

Recovery?

hi, i quit dancing about four months ago because of personal reasons. at the time, dancing was what had helped come out of the ed hole and kept me away from my bad habits. now i feel myself not only get emotionally worse but i feel like i’m slowly relapsing again. as time passes, i feel much more inclined to go back to my self destructive tendencies. if there’s no reason for me to be strong, i’m gonna force myself to be skinny. for obvious reasons, i don’t want that. i need to get back on track without throwing myself into a spiral of self destruction.

so, what am i gonna do? i’m gonna turn this desperate attempt at getting better into content. ive been telling myself that i’ll get back on track as soon as i’m dancing again, but since that period has been extended indefinitely, i can’t keep on waiting. so, for the next two weeks i will be blogging everything i am doing to get better. from working out to cooking to taking care of my skin to making sure my room is tidy and my space is clean. i can’t promise perfection, but i’ll give it my best.

sunday

6 miles in the neighborhood after work.  A sore knee and a little tired after a late night of football and an early start this morning.  Had to go into the store to finish up some things, everyone, the staff and customers in a good mood here in Buffalo.

Follow @brenzaart on Instagram❤️

at times when all your thoughts do is fight with you in an attempt to make you feel awful about everything, you gotta start thinking your brain as a separate person. it may not make much sense but it had helped me a lot and i think it’s because when you look at your thoughts like a fucking karen you immediately start hating it, immediately get the urge to oppose like “no i’m worthy and i’ll prove it to you”. also trying to counter the negative ones with positive gentle talk eventually is a huge step towards self love. it won’t happen real soon as it takes time to inculcate a foreign habit for someone who was obsessively self deprecating for most of their life. but once you feel the need to prove your karen wrong, it starts happening slowly. don’t be ashamed to tell your inner self things like “ok babe take it real slow. i know you don’t feel like getting up but please let’s start by removing the covers hm? ”, don’t be ashamed to stick to whatever coping mechanism which will get you to the point the karen is out of your system. you deserve to live your life to the fullest. but it won’t happen if you choose to live with a karen.