*to the tune of working for the weekend* just living for nancy drew 3x04
i'm doing really as far my recovery comes - i'm working full time basically, i've started step work, i have a new therapist appointment coming up on monday, i go to meetings everyday (i have to do 90 in 90, courtesy of my halfway rules)... i'm doing everything i need to do and more. and yet again i'm starting to catch myself putting people before myself. i am such a fucking pleaser no matter how hard i try not to be. with that being said......
DEV UPDATE: so the last time i talked to her, she had left the dude's house who she left treatment with, found someone to hangout with, was trying to sell weed that she somehow accumulated in her travels so she could get some money for drugs. THEN she told me she was gonna go to detox like 5 times. and like i know this entire time i cannot put all of my effort and soul into this because she'll get me high before i get her sober, but she's all i fucking have. this morning i heard someone share at a meeting "if you're going to pray for someone, you better be ready to walk next to them while you help them get sober/clean" and that really fucking made sense. so like i'm not gonna give up on her but what the fuck. i wanna just say fuck it but i know the best thing i can do for her right now is to just wait and be there for her when she's ready. and not too long ago, i was right there with her rippin and runnin. fuuuuuuckkkkk.
Chapter Four of Seasonal Healing is ready for your viewing pleasure. Thank you again for @sdktrs12 for making an great Fall/Halloween prompt list that inspired this whole angsty series.
Chapter Four: Movie Night, Rated M on my Ao3. See Summary below the cut.
Summary: After spending their last date in the kitchen of the bunker, Gabriel avoids Sam and turns down Sam's every invitation. Dean discovers why one night when the bunker was supposed to be completely empty
marta :((( get well soon <3
8 simple ways to start positivity changing your life:
Easy list of things to stop doing & begin to change your life for the better -
Stop fearing the unknown
Stop killing your own vibe
Stop worrying about the future
Stop getting tangled up with anxiety ￼
Stop letting others drain your energy
Stop forgetting how truely strong & powerful you are
Stop poisoning your thoughts & listening to intrusive thoughts
Start smiling & stop caring!
How do you make download posts? I don’t know and I just learned BHAV modding so I am not learning another new thing today that’s for sure.
Inspired by this post I set out to make @sunmoon-starfactory ‘s “Weak Constitution” trait a little more functional - making it so sims with the trait are a little more sickly. And here is the result!
It’s 97% the Regular Version of simler90′s Disease Mod, but with one fun addition: A BCON tuneable recovery penalty for sims with the Weak Constitution trait, meaning you’ll have to take better care of them in comparison to sims without the trait while they are sick if you want them to recover.
Here, have a preview of the current “default tuning”, based on my personal preferences because I am nothing if not lazy:
Those values can be changed to be more in line with “Realistic Sickness” from over at MATY, if you prefer that setup.
Required: Weak Constitution Trait by @sunmoon-starfactory , pretty sure I didn’t use Easy Inventory Check, but that’s good stuff anyways so you should grab it anyways just to be sure?
Conflicts: Obviously, simler90′s Disease Mod, but also Realistic Sickness, because all of these mods change how a sims’ recovery is calculated.
Credit where credit is due: Lots of thanks to @hexagonal-bipyramid for the lovely Trait Project and the existing trait mods I looked at to figure out what the heck I am doing and of course simler90, because I just added a few lines to their mod to make this
Binging is my passion
increasingly more and more suspicious of antidepressants like why do i feel better when i only take my stimulants and mood stabilizers…..
i feel like my whole life has been me screaming in panic and rage and agony right in peoples faces and them being like Hey do you hear something?
"This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it-- this utter inability to leave it (alcohol) alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish."
"...certain nonalcoholic people who, though drinking foolishly and heavily... are able to stop or moderate, because their brains and bodies have not been damaged as ours were. But the actual or potential alcoholic, with hardly an exception, will be absolutely unable to stop drinking on the basis of self-knowledge.
"Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason-- ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor-- becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention."
-The Big Book
There's nothing wrong with you if you've never had a long term relationship. Short term relationships are no less valid than something long term. You're not a freak, or broken, or unworthy. (Relationships are more like jobs/careers than people care to admit. If you can have tenure in school/college/a job, that's a commitment. The fact that can stick that out in the long run means you can also do it in a relationship).
lmao okay so how do i process what just went the fuck down
having various mental health issues is like
do i not relate to my body because of dysmorphia from my ED, or am i really trans? or is it because of severe dissociation? wait, am i dissociating right now? how come i don’t know how my body looks and it seems to change hour to hour? that must be dysmorphia. but why do i see myself differently in my head and it changes a lot? or maybe my personality is unstable for some other reason... do i have a system/alters, from all the trauma? is that why i forget everything? or is it because i show so many symptoms of adhd? do i have adhd? should i ask my therapist if i might have adhd?.... wait, what was i questioning to begin with-
Credit to @the_depression_chronicles11 on instagram (reposted with permission)!
24th October 2021
Sometimes I just have a day of completely normalised eating. From the moment I wake up until late into the evening I am, by all accounts, a normal, functioning human. Then I tell myself, I am “anorexic”. I should be starving myself, not feeding myself adequately. No wonder I am being denied more intensive treatment options. One week in an inpatient setting and I would lose all control and binge on the entire contents of their kitchen.
So hence the question: am I unwell? When I have days like this my head feels like it is trapped in a multiple choice questionnaire. Is it: a) I never had an eating disorder; b) I have an eating disorder, but it is not that bad; c) I have an eating disorder, but I lack the self control to maintain it; d) all of the above in whatever warped way all of those thoughts can subsist in one mind.
My mind exhausts me. It is a very complicated place to be existing right now.