When we were kids, we were taught to listen and obey. “Listen to your elders, obey your elders, follow your elders.” For the most part, I think that really helped me become a somewhat “likeable” person. When you keep all of your unpleasant thoughts to yourself and just listen and obey, people wouldn’t hate you as much as they would when you choose to be more open. Because of that, I strongly valued listening and obeying at some point in my relatively young life. But as I grow older and expose myself to people with various beliefs (and minds that are way more open—I’ve always thought my mind was as open as one’s mind could be, but I was wrong), I’ve come to realize that listening too much have caused me to lose important parts of myself that I use to have when I was young.
When I was young, I was a total performer. I sang, I danced, I was even a youtuber! I was an overly confident child. Because of that, I spent a peaceful childhood. I didn’t care much about what other kids thought of me, because why should I? I can’t remember the exact reason that caused me to change or when that change occurred, all I know is that I spent my high school years slowly losing the confidence I used to have. Because I was slowly losing that one thing that helped me live a peaceful life, the serene mindset I used to have was gradually turning into anxiousness. I really wish that confidence just lessened; that would’ve been way better. If that happened, I would’ve kept believing in myself but my both of my feet would be on the ground. But I guess I listened too much—I listened to the nosy titos and titas, the faceless cowards online, and sadly, the so-called “friends” of mine. They all told me one thing: I was being too much. My dream was too much, I tried too much, I did too much, and my confidence was too much. And because I was taught to listen, I listened to them, and lessened myself. From then on, I was no longer “too much”. That gradually happened. I slowly stopped singing, slowly stopped dancing, slowly stopped saying too much. I stopped being too much, and I ended up being too little. I used to have solid dreams, but I lost all of those too.
I made it sound overly dramatic, but I honestly don’t regret that I changed. I didn’t exactly change for the better, but I am somewhat much more comfortable with who I am now. I can’t tell if this is really who I am meant to be (shy, reserved, distant?) or if I just ended up this way because I needed validation from others and I feel like maybe this is the most likeable version of myself? I really don’t know. I like who I am now, and I’ve learned to accept things as they are. That really helped me to slowly gain back the confidence I used to have. I can’t say that I am confident now, but I can say that after a few years, I finally believe in myself again.
I recently celebrated my 18th birthday so I’m still on the “oh no I’m an adult I have to rethink my life and reflect on how much I changed ahaha so sexy” phase, so sorry if I sound extra serious here. I also “rebranded” my tumblr and I feel like I wanna write more here (since I might end up with this type of career in the future ahaha…I don’t know… I’ll save that for another post) ANYWAYS … TL;DR: basically I lost a lot (if not all) of the confidence I used to have as a kid, and that’s usually normal…but in my case I got heavily affected by it and it might be because I cared too much about what others think about me…. But I like who I am now anyway so it’s all good :—)).
Change is inevitable, sometimes we wake up and the world is different. Some has the choice to change in the way they want to end up but some doesn’t. It’s normal…I think? At the end of the day LISTENING is still a GOOD thing. And listening IS a choice, but you can also listen and choose not to do anything. Hearing is different from listening. So just always make time to reflect about yourself and learn more about yourself. And in that way, you’ll know which among the words you hear from others are the ones that you should listen to.
Film Narrative 2 - Reflection: Swings and Roundabouts
Two young men discuss the status of their relationship to one another after a drunken night, but do they both feel the same way? Will they be able to maintain a platonic friendship? Or has it all gone too far?
Written by: Abigail Gillespie and Maddy Reay
Abigail - Writer/ 1st AD
Maddy - Directing
Tom – Camera
Daniel - Producing/Lighting
Will - Sound/Editing
I feel that our pre-production was overall successful. Though due to last minute issues with location permissions, they differ slightly from our final film.
Script - I feel that our script was successful. Especially the dialogue, which I feel was realistic to the situation.
Marked Script - I feel like our marked script was well done, and allowed us to make sure we had full coverage of the scene. I am glad we were given a class on this, as it was incredibly useful.
Storyboard - The storyboard was also successful, though this is one of the things that didn’t follow through to the actual shoot, the location having changed. Due to this change in location, certain aspects of the storyboard didn’t follow through to the actual shoot.
Shot List - The shot list allowed us to get most of the shots we needed, though there were a couple of shots that we didn’t think to write down ahead of time, but we found time for on the shoot day.
Floor Plan - Although our floorplan was still useable on the day, there were aspects of the set that were different. Most notable being the type of ‘swing’ being a bench swing from a garden, rather than the sort you would find in a park.
Another issue we had during pre-production was with our kit booking. Due to an error on our part, we forgot to get an adapter for the headphones for the sound recorder. As well as not having access to the lenses due to the box being damaged by whoever had it previously. Both of these things, although inconvenient, I feel we managed to work through. Though obviously it would have been much nicer not to have had to deal with these issues. In future projects I will make sure to remind those booking kit about the adapter for the sound equipment.
Our shoot day was fairly successful, though there were a few issues.
On a good note, we were working on a tight schedule and had not had chance to recce our new location as a full crew. This meant that a few things had to change on the fly, and we hadn’t be adaptable. Something I feel that we did well, for the most part. In fact, our shoot ran on schedule, without going over our wrap time.
On the other hand we did have several issues. The first of which was our lack of adapter for the headphones. This meant that our sound recordist was recording sound without being able to hear it live. With this in mind, I feel like Will did a good job at getting workable sound. Having to check it between each take by going inside and playing back through the inbuilt speakers. Other sound related issues came from the windy weather, as well as the road near our location. Though luckily the road wasn’t well travelled.
The second issue came from the large windows / patio doors. In a perfect world I would have liked to change where the seat was, so that reflections were less of an issue. Though we felt that the chosen location was the best for the lighting that it provided. In a couple of the shots I did not realise that my reflection was visible. This lead us to schedule a re-shoot of a couple of shots with minimal crew, as well as getting some extra shots that we felt could have been useful.
Another camera related issue came from the lenses we ended up using. We had to use our own lenses, and unfortunately that left us with a very small range. For the most part we were able to use a 50mm prime lens, though for the wide shot this was not wide enough. This meant we had to use a zoom lense that was at its widest. Due to this there is a noticeable quality difference in the footage. We tried to make this less noticeable in the edit by using the wide shot at the beginning, and not returning to it. As once the better quality footage was used, it made the lower quality of the wide much more noticeable.
Although I feel that the edit works to tell our story, and that the pacing works to add tension. I do agree with much of the feedback that we have been given that questions the shot of the shoes. This shot doesn’t really do anything for our narrative, and is actually quite jarring. Pulling the viewer out of the emotion of the scene.
As the sound designer, I feel that I did well to minimise the amount of wind that can be heard within our audio, though there are problems with it. With some audio cuts still being noticeable. In retrospect there are some sound effects that I wish I had removed (the gulping), and some sound effects that I wish I had added in to mask the cuts. Perhaps an occasional bird sound (likely a crow due to their ‘ominous’ nature) as that would still make sense in the outdoor setting.
In conclusion, I don’t hate our final film, but I’m also not in love with it. I feel that it works to tell our story, though I did make some stupid mistakes in terms of framing. Something that I take full ownership of, and that I need to pay much more attention to in future.
Something I have learned from this project is that I need to trust my instincts more. Many of the issues that I found with our film and that were pointed out to us during our crit, I remember having gut instincts about during the production. A feeling that things weren’t quite right and that things should be re-done. But I second guessed myself in many of these cases, and ended up talking myself out of them. This was a rookie mistake, and in future I am much more likely to pay closer attention to those gut-feelings.
If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land. (2 Chronicles 7: 14)
I believe that it is God who put this virus upon us, it is not to harm us but to remind us of His power. God put us in this situation to strengthen us, for us to seek him, for us to remember that it is He whom shall we seek everyday, whether we’re despair or in bliss.
We have to repent from our wicked ways, we have to repent from our habit of giving ill judgements, from our addictions, from our sexual immorality, from our disrespectfulness, from our lack of faith and trust in Him.
In this time, we shall not take credit from the Lord, it is He who gave us all the scientific knowledge and all knowledge known to man. It is He who gave us life and it is He who will take it away from us.
Just like Nineveh, the land was by far bery sinful, but the moment they heard God’s command, when they knew from Jonah that God will destroy them and their land if they won’t repent. What did they do? They repented from their wrongdoings, and they were forgiven.
In this time, it was literally said that we have to seek God. See God in the midst of this crisis, know His goodness, and we will see His glory. Our God is ever forgiving, we just have to ask for forgiveness. God knows our desires, what we want, we just have to ask for it and He will grant it.
Repent from our wicked ways and we will be forgiven. No matter how big your sin is, God is bigger, and He will forgive us when we repent.
There is none of prayer that are unheard, there is none of our plea to God that is unheard. God will hear us, we just have to ask Him, seek Him, and have faith in Him.
You’ve given me so much time to spend with myself and the ones I’m supposed to love the most that I am beside myself. Trying to put the best foot forward inside of a difficult situation, but the truth is, I’ve been busy all this time doing things - pretending. Expecting that everything I need will be given just because I showed up. Then I realize that my kids want to be with their friends not me. And my spouse is there because … I’m not really sure. You see, I’ve been used to doing my own thing, living by my own rules, thinking that kids should be seen and not heard, that wives should submit to their husbands but those sir are the very wrong words.
Now that the business, I mean the busyness is gone and I can’t find toilet paper I’m starting to see that the world didn’t really revolve around me. All this time I’ve been praying for myself, asking for this, seeking that, when others have been paying dearly and I was ignorant to their cries.
Here I am, chilling in my crib because I’ve got a fridge stacked with ribs and booze, a different one to choose each day. But with no neighbors, no friends to watch the game with, my kids playing Fortnite and my spouse watching reruns - I’ve had some time to think. To prioritize, to realign my perspectives. Just yesterday I heard myself criticize some people for being in the streets, congregating in the market instead of being home trying to be safe. But then I was told, that their worries are not about 401k’s or student loans, they’re still not sure they’ll be paid next week, so they’re out hustling, desperately trying to make ends meet.
Hello, if you can hear me, I think I’m starting to get it and I hope to never forget the little things that matter most. I used to think it was only the big things, I was programmed that way. It was the next big win at work. It was so much about being self made, me being the man.
I used to think that I knew what fear was but I don’t. I’m not a bad person, but the pollen affects my allergies and I’m afraid to sneeze for fear that my neighbors might think I’m infected and further isolate me. My kids are going crazy because they’re used to the teachers being right, not me. They have no friends to play with and it’s pressures all around.
And I have to face some truths I’ve been hiding from. That life is really at home and the little thing do matters. Just because I’m the boss it’s not my place to treat my staff like grass. I cannot hide behind religion and can’t demand respect if I’m not even sure how to give it. That money is a means to an end, not the end itself. That the pursuit of happiness is elusive and reason or meaning is what I should strive for instead. That I can be happy with the lot that I’m given, and not get angry when someone isn’t like me. That I should be more attentive to my environment and act responsibly if I want fresh air another day.
Hello. I hope that I’m here tomorrow and I pray that everyone suffering will get better. I also hope that when it’s over, that we, this world will do better with life after covid-19.
A priest gifted his friend a horse which he himself trained. He gave him this instruction: “This is a special breed of horse, a very religious horse. To move forward, you must say ‘Alleluia.’ To run faster you should command, ‘Praise the Lord.’ And to stop, you must shout, ‘Amen!’”
The next day, the friend mounted the horse and said, “Alleluia!” The horse began to move. He wanted it to run faster, so he shouted, “Praise the Lord!” and it ran faster. He got excited so he said, “Praise the Lord,” again and again and the horse ran as fast as it could. To his shock, the horse headed straight toward a cliff and he couldn’t remember the command for stop. Luckily, just inches away from falling off the cliff, he remembered to shout, “Amen!” and the horse screeched to a halt. Exasperated but grateful, the man thanked God and shouted, “Praise the Lord!”
Once more, Jesus in the Gospel today gets in conflict with the elders and religious leaders of His time. They were in the temple area and Jesus told them that obedience to His word is the one that constitutes genuine worship and gives glory to the Father.
The Gospel ended with them reaching for stones to hurl at Jesus. They charged Him with blasphemy by claiming “before Abraham was born, I am!” But more than the alleged blasphemy, they knew Jesus was alluding to the phony worship they afforded God in the temple.
Like the elders and the religious leaders of Jesus’ time, we can read Scripture and offer sacrifices daily in the temple. Like the horse in our opening story, we can mouth the words “Alleluia,” “Praise the Lord,” or “Amen” without saying what it means and meaning what it says. We can close our eyes, raise our hands, and shout till our throat gets hoarse, but “if we do not obey His Word, we will still see death.”
Worship is not a matter of how high you raise your hand in praise but how straight you walk in the ways of the commandments.
~Fr. Joel Jason
What do you offer to God—a raised hand or a straight walk in the ways of His commands?
Your commands, O Lord, are spirit and life. Amen.
… for a deep and profound respect for life, especially for the unborn.
… for the strength and healing of the sick.
… for the healing and peace of all families.
Finally, we pray for one another, for those who have asked our prayers and for those who need our prayers the most.