Ways you can heal from the past
Ways you can heal from the past
If you are trying to move forward from a painful experience, but you are not sure how to get started, here are some tips to help you let go. Source link
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Ways you can heal from the past
If you are trying to move forward from a painful experience, but you are not sure how to get started, here are some tips to help you let go. Source link
View On WordPress
5:30am, time to have insomnia and wonder why i have SUCH a hard time over feeling Left Out
Well, here they are~ Soulmates again, but in HD (I would max to 99 but will wait for the full game for that this time)
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
In this video, I'll give you 3 key phrases to use to ensure your needs get met in your most intimate relationships.
Whether it's your lover, partner, friend or family member - these phrases will help you communicate succinctly and compassionately.
petition for hunter to change his name to something else because thats my name 😤
Series summary; The boys struck a deal with Lucifer, a deal that allows him to stay in the bunker. How will not only they, but you cope with an archangel, the devil nonetheless, roaming around the space? Especially as you seem to notice something no-one else does, his wings. You could see the devil’s wings.
Pairing: Lucifer x reader
CHAPTER NO/ONESHOT: Chapter 7/?
A/N: Ohhh Lucifer is back in this chapter baby! And as if it couldn’t ge better the tension is rising. Jesus Christ my whole body is vibrating because it close, you guys it cloooose they get to know!
You kept your promise to Cas and didn't confront Lucifer. You also followed your angel friend's words of avoiding the devil. However, keeping your distance from Lucifer meant that the only space you could be sure not to encounter him was in your room. Which meant that the majority of the time, you spent your day in that safe space.
You wouldn't lie and say it wasn't isolating because it was. Almost more so than when you were injured. Thus then, you hadn't acknowledged how little you saw the others, as you'd been too exhausted to think about it. Now, it was all you did.
Cas had been gone for a week. He hadn't returned to the bunker even once since the day he left after confronting you about Lucifer healing your injured shoulder. It felt odd, seeing how it had been a while since he'd been away for this long without returning to check-in. But that didn't mean the angel cut the communication. He contacted you well, Sam or Dean, to update if he found anything worth investigating.
Even though the Winchesters, in fact, stayed back in the bunker, you saw them as sparsely as the devil you avoided like the plague. It wasn't a question of how it could be like that. Thus, between being cooped up in your room and the brothers using most of their time trying to aid Cas by looking into clues or discussed the problem with their hunter associates, the time to see each other was sparse.
Grateful wouldn't even cover what you felt for the time and effort the guys put into the search after the demons and their motif. Although, you felt a bit like a bystander.
You knew they worked themselves around the clock, yet every time you checked in on them, wondering if they needed any help, they usually declined. Insisting didn't work. And after the time you argued with Dean over the fact that they didn't only help but did everything, on top of that losing said argument, you'd stopped trying altogether. Essentially because of what you'd seen when the older Winchester said it was the least they could do for you. Regret. The same regret as when he and his brother had rushed into your room when you'd woken from your then injured shoulder.
You'd been right. Dean wouldn't forget that if he hadn't dismissed either your or Cas's apprehension towards the first staged demon hunt, you wouldn't have been injured. Even if no one knew if that would be true or not. Still, in the ever Winchester fashion, he showed that he regretted his choice then by overdoing his help now.
And honestly, it was because you knew that it ate the brothers away you didn't blame them too much, nor argued with them anymore. Instead, you sat down and rolled your thumbs while waiting for the exceedingly rare occasion when either of the brothers would accept your help.
The only positive thing about this was that it was the perfect cover for spending a copious amount of time in your room. Thus, the brothers still had no idea of the conversation you and Cas had before he left. Neither did it seemed like they would, especially as you guys had no luck in finding any demons or anything in general that abled you to answer the question of why you suddenly was on the wanted list.
You'd run with Sam and Dean for long enough to know how famous the name Winchester was in the supernatural world, from hunters and monsters alike. Every time something had gone south, it was primarily because danger always followed the brothers closely and thus most times also directed at them, never you.
You never envied that, so much you hoped your name still would fly under the radar despite running with the most famous hunters. So far, it had to some extent. But now, all of a sudden, it seemed to have taken a sharp 180-degree turn.
You huffed at that. Of course, it would be demons that would become a pain in the ass. Probably the most difficult creatures to shake of your trial, if not to find theirs as well.
The sound of your steps become more rapid as you fastened your tempo in annoyance. For the last minutes, you'd stretched your legs by walking around in the bunker, though your mind had never really been with you, rather the whole mess around you.
You would've exercised to fully clear your mind for a short amount of time, even if your road to recovery didn't really need any rehabilitation for your shoulder. However, there was one main thing keeping you from doing it. Lucifer. It felt like if you stopped at one place for too long, he would suddenly be there.
It wasn't that you feared facing him. You wanted to. You wanted to see if he acted differently after healing you. Both because you now knew some of his grace still lingered inside you and for another reason.
Having spent so much time by yourself, you'd had more than enough time to think. And, one thing you realised was that the incredulous way he'd looked at you, along his hasty exit after healing you, may have meant more than you first thought.
Repeatedly playing the whole encounter back, you realised that despite his hard-set features, sharp tone and seemingly indifferent feeling throughout the entire event, one thing had betrayed Lucifer. His wings.
You should've recognised it earlier, seeing how you knew that his wings were a great indication of how he felt, no matter the facade he put up. It was your code to crack him, one that had shown something defying his stoic and harsh way of handling the situation.
Never had his wings encased you as they'd done then, nor had they given of that particular sound they did. Sure his wings hadn't touched you -which they never did if it wasn't by mistake, even then, it was milliseconds- but they'd wrapped around you enough to not be able to see the room around you when you let the archangel now you were in pain from something he did. And the sound that then came was scaringly like something you felt was a soothing croon.
That was further something that confused you. Lucifer's actions were pulling two separate ways. One almost told you he'd done it for some secret purpose of his, one where every aspect was planned. Frankly, you still thought this was the main point of why he healed you. However, there was still something small telling you he was as disturbed by what he'd done as you. He may be an angel, but the defensive way he'd excused his action and how he disappeared a second later, was as easy to recognise as turbulence in emotions no matter species.
You dragged your hand down your face. This whole matter was an endless black hole.
Perhaps it was because you knew you wouldn't stop thinking about it either, that instead of turning left in the intersection of hallways, down towards your room, you continued forwards, in need of a distraction.
You heard Sam's voice before either his or Dean's room were visible to you. It sounded like he talked with somebody on the phone, something you figured, purely because you didn't catch a voice responding to him. It also seemed to be the case, as when you turned the corner and stopped by his door, which was open, you saw him pacing around in his room, phone pressed to his ear.
He was turned away from you, so to notify him of your presence, you knocked on the door already swung open. The sound instantly made the younger Winchester turn around. Although noticing you, Sam didn't give you more than an acknowledging look before he held up a finger, telling you to hold whatever you'd come to say until he finished the call. Therefore, you leaned against the doorframe as the brunette continued talking to whoever was on the other end.
"Yeah, I have it here, didn't find anything in it though", you followed the hunter with your eyes as he walked over to his desk, turning a few pages in the book already open upon it. "Yes, I'm sure", Sam rolled his eyes as he closed the book, turning so he leaned onto the countertop.
His eyes found yours again, a furrow working its way between his brows as you heard the intelligible sound of someone's voice from the phone.
"Yeah, she's fine", the younger Winchester nodded towards you, inclining whatever question he answered concerned you. This made your brows raise and mouth a questingly 'who'. Once more, you heard the voice sipper through the speaker as whoever was on the other end talked. As they did, Sam informed you who it was by mouthing an answer, 'Cas'.
Knowing it was Cas made your eyebrows raise.
"Put on speaker", you said lowly while pushing off from the doorframe, crossing the threshold to enter Sam's room.
"If you wanna speak to her, she's here actually", he lowered his phone as you neared, pressing the button so you would be able to hear Cas.
"Y/N?" You stopped opposite Sam when your name was spoken, crossing your arms while watching the timer tracking for how long the call been going on. 15 minutes, which meant the hunter and angel had talked for quite some time before you came here.
"Hey Cas, how's it going?" You had a smile on your face while saying this, although it fell when you heard a heavy sigh come from the other end of the phone.
"Haven't Sam or Dean already informed you?" You cocked a brow at that and glanced up at the younger Winchester.
"Informed me as in making me come to the assumptions myself from how they blow me off when I tried to help, yes. Informed me as in giving me the same information I presume you give them, no", as you said this, Sam got a sheepish look on his face. Probably realising that he and his brother indeed haven't handed you all, if barely half, of the information or things Cas had asked them to look into, as they'd been too occupied by doing so themselves after declining your help.
"Sam", there was a sternness in the angel's tone. "She's a part of this".
"I know, it just has been... much", the hunter explained to Cas. You knew it wasn't a hallow excuse, mainly by the apologetic look he sent you while mouthing a 'sorry'. Sam and Dean Winchester may be stubborn and prone to make debatable decisions when trying to protect someone, but they weren't assholes. Therefore, you weren't angry with them for excluding you from the research and trace investigation. Maybe a bit annoyed because you knew you could've helped, but not angry.
"It's fine. It has been much for us all", the way the younger Winchester smiled thankfully made the side of your mouth tilt upwards. "After all, it's better to be late to the party than never invited", you shuffled closer then, leaning against Sam's desk in a similar fashion as him. "But now, when I'm here, what's the news?"
"Since a day or so, Dean and I have been looking through some old spellbooks", your direct thought when hearing the brunette mention his brother was wondering where he was. Apparently, Sam noticed your reaction as he continued by stating his older brothers whereabouts rather than answer your initial question. "Dean's currently in the storage room, rifling through it to see if there are some old men of letters records that could help us."
"Help with what, exactly?"
"So far, I have found no more than an underling knowing nothing of what we want, along trails. The traces caught my attention, as I think I recognise them as ingredients to some spell, though I haven't been able to look into it myself", Cas answered.
"So that's what you two have done?" You gestured to Sam.
"Yes, however, not so successfully. We're starting to believe the demons know we're after them and are leaving fake trails. Because everything Cas has found so far has been a dead-end", your brows narrowed at this because it could be true. After all, the demons have been clever enough to stage two hunts to lure you guys in.
"Say if it's true, what's the plan?"
"I believe I'm closing in on an upper-rank demon that I've learned has a connection to the ones we encountered. Hopefully, I can get some information once finding it", Cas said, which made you mumbled 'that's always something' under your breath before continuing to ask him about it.
"Do you know how close you are?"
"Close, I believe. Next time I'll call will plausibly be after I've found the demon".
This whole ordeal had gone on for longer than it ever should. So finding this demon that Cas talked about would, as he said, hopefully, give you an idea of what you were up against. Which would make this more manageable. Primarily because the longer you didn't know the cause of the situation, the more concerned you got that Lucifer, how much he ever denied it, actually played a part in it. If he did, you knew there would be no pretty ending to it, especially not as it seemed you had a role to play in it.
Somehow Cas seemed to have caught onto the silence from your end of the call, as it was his voice calling your name that made you snap out of your thoughts.
"You good?" The question coming from the angel sounded similar to the time he'd asked you that after handing back the angel blade. Yet, there was more than the worry you without a doubt knew Sam noticed. In his question, there was another one, one asking about if you were doing good. He wondered if you kept your distance from Lucifer as he'd advised you to until the two of you knew more.
"Even though I'm locked up like before, spare some company, I'm good", you nudged the younger Winchester's shoulder to hide the true meaning behind your words. It got the effect you wanted, as Sam simply shook his head, defending himself instead of reading into what you said too much.
"I've already said sorry".
"And you're probably gonna have to say it a few more times", you jabbed him in the ribcage with a finger, which only made the hunter chuckle, a sound you fell into once stopping.
"Well, I left you in a good watch, it appears", your gaze trailed back to the phone Sam had between you two. Like you knew the man beside you hadn't caught onto the hidden meaning of your statement, as well did you know he didn't with Cas's. However, it was perhaps close that he did, regarding the way your mouth pursed.
"Come one, have some faith in me, Cas", it was said jokingly, but that wasn't the true nature of the words.
"I do", but not in Lucifer. The unsaid part of the sentence was whispered via your memory. For some reason, your jaw clenched and if Sam hadn't been beside you, the shift in your mood would defiantly have been more noticeable.
"Always good to hear", you chose to put an end to the conversation like this. Even if you wanted to say one of the many things on the tip of your tongue. Thankfully, that also seemed to conclude the call, as Sam wrapped up the conversation with a goodbye.
As you now sat in silence, you saw, in the corner of your eye, how Sam dragged a hand over his face. Shoving away the slight irritation for the uneasiness you very well knew why Cas felt, you turned to watch the younger Winchester as he tipped his head back and looked up.
"Perhaps Cas should've asked how you are", the brunette tilted his head, making his gaze meet yours.
"For once, neither I nor Dean, are the ones they're after, so I only find it fair he didn't. But to be honest, I wish it was the other way around", you couldn't fend off the smile spreading as you shook your head at what he said.
"Ever the heroes".
"You know how it is", Sam bumped your shoulder with his, not letting out a chuckle like you but showing amusement towards what you just said with a smile. "Well, to be an even bigger hero, I need to leave for a short while to return yet another useless book in the library", you knew he meant the one he'd flipped through earlier, so before he could reach it, you snatched it up in the fluid motion of pushing away from the desk.
"I'll do it to take some of the weight off your shoulders", you jested while heading for the exit of the room.
"That's the only reason?" You stopped on the threshold to look over your shoulder at Sam. Now he also had pushed off from the desk.
"Nope, to continue my great tour of restlessness in the bunker is another reason", he only rolled his eyes.
"If you want to help us rather than continue your stroll, come back here after leaving that", the brunette gestured to the book you held, which made you smile and turn to leave.
"That is an offer I'm not going to reject", you called over your shoulder, hearing a chuckle from the younger Winchester as you headed down the hallway.
Sam's room was the closest one to the central part of the bunker. So walking there didn't take as long as it did from yours. However, even if you'd gone to the library to simply put back the book you had with you into its designated place, you sidetracked somewhat once stepping into the room. Primarily because the table closest to you was filled with ledgers and scrolls. Your eyebrows furrowed, as you instead of walking towards the bookshelves, stepped forwards to inspect the material scattered on the counter in curiosity.
The second you were close enough to see what was written on the multiple open pages, you realised it must have been either Sam or Dean, you would guess the latter, who'd forgotten to put away everything after some research. Probably correlating to the demon-wanting-you topic.
It was at the very moment that you let go of a book, having flipped to the cover to read what it was about and began shifting towards the bookshelf, that you noticed an odd movement in your peripheral.
Purely from instinct, you reacted by not continuing to turn towards the bookshelf to go and put back the book you first had intended to. Instead, you dropped the textbook you'd come here to leave, causing it to land among the rest on the table with a soft thud while you drew your weapon. Gun, seeing as you'd opted to not take the angel blade with you, was raised and aimed in point-blank seconds towards the source of odd movement.
You realised it was a mistake once regarding the strange movement you'd seen, were one of shifting wings.
"Nasty habit that this", your jaw clenched as you watched Lucifer standing with his hands raised in mocking surrender on the other side of the room. So much for avoiding him.
"Only a habit greeted by someone lurking", you retorted, voice remarkably even although you felt something being lit inside you when after a week meeting Lucifer again. It felt weird, like the same emotion of being aware of the archangel had intensified. Perhaps it only was your cautiousness sky-rocketing. Otherwise, you wouldn't have pulled your gun like a scared cat.
"But you wouldn't shoot your saving grace, now would you?" You nearly wanted to huff at his choice of words but concentrated more on what you knew was a rhetorical question, seeing how you could shoot the archangel and still it would do nothing to him.
"I would, without a doubt", you aimed a little higher like you'd done so many weeks ago when urging a reaction from him. When that empty snap had been followed by a flinch from him, one you took great satisfaction in back then. The only difference now was that your gun was loaded and you did doubt yourself. Hence, you couldn't even think about shooting Lucifer at this moment.
The concern that had tasted acidic in your mouth when thinking about, rather not knowing, what it meant having a trace of Lucifer's grace in you returned once more. You would never have doubted yourself for pointing a weapon at the devil. No matter how useless it, in the end, would be against him. So why had you done it just now? And why had you now, in the silence that followed, dropped your gun entirely, not caring about upholding the demeanour you always did around the devil. A devil that also lowered his hands to let them hang by his while his wings shuffled.
How taken aback you ever were by either of your actions, it wasn't the physical movements that caught you the most off guard. It was what you saw swirled in Lucifer's eyes when his gaze held yours.
Though his vessel's eye-colour wasn't far from Cas's, it seemed something else met you as you looked at him. It felt deeper, almost pulling. Something buried far in your chest felt like it came alive by noticing this. The only resemblance to the feeling was that Lucifer always woke in you when being around. What you, with waining belief for some reason, thought was your hunter instinct.
Before Lucifer would be able to read the confusion as well as panic -you started to think you were in rather than felt- in your eyes, as easy as you'd done with whatever manifested in his, you looked away.
That daze-like sensation you'd noted many times after looking the archangel in the eye slowly dissipated to only leave the familiar feeling of being aware of him left. Still, at the moment, even that was overwhelming for your racing mind trying to concentrate. So you grabbed the book you had dropped in the opposite hand of which you held the gun and turned.
You weren't able to do more than set your eyes on your goal, the bookshelf, and take a few step forward before you heard Lucifer speak up.
"Fleeing now, are we?"
"No", you answered, forcing your voice to sound neutral. "Compared to you, I face my problems".
"Are you really doing that right now?" The devil countered. It was good you halted before the bookcase that second, or else he would've known your sudden stop was a reaction to his words. You took a moment to follow your movement of replacing the book you brought with you into an empty slot, not really caring now if it was the correct placement or not, before responding.
"Are you admitting you're a problem?"
"We all have different definitions of what classifies as a problem", you rolled your eyes at this, hand dropping to your side. Still, you didn't turn around.
"Well, for me, you're the biggest one", you said this as if you talked to the books before you rather than Lucifer standing on the other side of the room.
"Even though I saved and healed you?"
"Especially because of that", you snarked and only realised what you'd said after the words had passed your lips.
This was one of the few times you were glad your back was turned to the devil because then he couldn't see the way your eyes wrenched shut, nor how you pressed your lips together tight enough that you came to bite the bottom one. You didn't know if Lucifer had caught onto the number of emotions displayed by your short answer. But no matter what, you felt how tense you became contemplating if he, in fact, had.
You'd told yourself to keep your cards close to your chest. Yet, for some reason, the feelings welling up from somewhere deep inside you made that increasingly difficult it appeared. And knowing that if Lucifer wouldn't need to just look at your shoulders, that was drawn closer to your ears to realise you made a wrong step, you needed to relax. So, that was what you tried to do.
You took a deep breath and held it. While doing so, you let your eyes open and occupied yourself by looking at the different books before you, trying to see if anything could be interesting to take back to Sam.
Not until you felt the tension slowly fade from your body did you exhale. Your lips formed the word 'fuck' halfway through, which thankfully only sounded like a sigh as the last air left your lungs.
Now when you felt in control of your body again, aside from the sensation indicating Lucifer still was in the room, despite it sounded like he wasn't, you trailed your fingers over the ridges of the books before you. It was a method you regularly used to make yourself feel grounded. Regarding that concentrating on the fabrics under your fingertips made it harder for your thoughts to fly away.
It went well until your fingers halted on the ridge of an all to familiar book.
Even though not having the Enochian translation sheet you by some miracle had found in the bunker, you still remembered bits of what the book you once deciphered had talked about. Angels. It was one of the records you'd read at the beginning of Lucifer's stay to try and figure out why you could see his wings. Seeing how you hadn't gotten an answer, it had been a waste of time.
"That one won't help", you felt your heart lurch in your chest when Lucifer's voice sounded from directly behind you. You definitely had not heard him walk over to you. "It's about a lot of angel nonsense, not demons", this time you caught yourself from saying 'I know' even though the words lingered on your lips. However, you couldn't pat yourself on the back for that success. It was what Lucifer had said, the last two words he'd said, that made you pause.
You turned then, away from the shelf and towards the archangel, only then noticing how close he was standing. It wasn't more than an arm lengths distance between your chests, though his wing made that space feel even smaller.
If you would've been able to, you would've stepped back, but you could already feel how your fingers pressed against the uneven wall of books.
"Before you even ask....", when Lucifer began like this, holding up two fingers to seemingly stop you from interrupting him, you thought he'd seen the shock on your face from having him so close and would mock you or something. Not say what he then did. "...I know of that little plan of yours to find the demons. The two morons aren't so good at working in silence".
Though surprised that he'd chosen to explain the statement you'd wondered about, you were even more shocked by yourself for electing to ignore it and ask about what he said before that.
"You said the book wasn't useful, but don't angels know something valuable about demons?" Lucifer looked down at you, his eyes searching yours from how they flickered between them. He must have noticed something earlier, after all, for him to study you like he now did. Perhaps that was why you did the rash decision you made.
Before being able to regret your action, you forced yourself to shift towards his left wing.
For the first time ever, you looked straight at it while Lucifer was watching you, yet you didn't just stand there for him to figure out you actually could see it. Instead, you walked straight towards it.
If the devil would've been any other person, enough space would've existed on his side to allow you to round him. Although now, his wings blocked that path. Nevertheless, you figured that he would move them before you were able to walk straight into them. Ultimately, the archangel had always flinched away when his wings had come in contact with you.
However, for a second, you feared that this had been a misconception. Because as you began the second step that definitely would make you bump into the white wall before you, the devil hadn't moved his wing. Though, the moment you were about to close your eyes for the impact, it suddenly disappeared from your view in a swift retreat.
You kept yourself from both sighing in relief and let your gaze follow the appendage that withdrew itself from your vision. Instead, you simply kept walking towards the exit in an attempt to return to aid Sam, and by now also Dean as you guessed he'd returned.
"I do, not we. My brothers and sister aren't as fond of delving into matters surrounding anything remotely awry of their moral", you were surprised Lucifer even answered your question so long after you asked it.
"Understandable", you mumbled under your breath, but apparently, it wasn't only Cas that was able to hear you every time you muttered for yourself.
"Ever the wise one, aren't you. Tell me, why is it so understandable?" Lucifer's snarked question made you halt at the end of the table.
There was a conflict in you regarding if you should turn and face him or just continue onward. You felt how you wanted to look back at the archangel, that pride of yours arguing to not let the dare hanging in the air go unanswered because that was what Lucifer was doing. He was daring you to say what he already knew you thought.
However, you conscious knew that if you turned, you wouldn't be able to just leave the conversation, not only because of the arguing that would ensue but the emotions that tugged wildly in your chest. The one's wanting you to face Lucifer. The ones that in the end won.
"Well, you aren't their favourite older brother, right? Only logical they don't like anything connected to you", you said it while you turned to the archangel without much of a second thought.
His gaze bore into your the moment his blue eyes met yours. You couldn't see any anger rise in them by your words and regarding how his wings weren't fraught with tension as he slowly began to walk forwards, you supposed neither had your words truly enraged him. It was, after all, only a dare to see if you had the guts to say it, your mind whispered.
"They often say arrogance is one of the devil's, my traits, which possibly can't make you so favoured by angels neither", unexpectedly, you couldn't contain the tug in your lips as Lucifer said this.
"Who said I was?"
"Little bro Castiel seems to be quite fond of you", the archangel's voice had changed while saying this. There was still a mocking lilt to it, but it also swayed towards dislike. This made one of your eyebrows arch.
"To establish, if you haven't noticed, Cas isn't like other angels, much like you", the devil cocked his brows while his arms crossed over his chest.
"Do you believe I rejoice being in your presence?"
"You said it yourself: you haven't killed me yet", you'd half-expected he would respond with 'you forgot the part where I call you toy'. Instead, he stayed silent. Merely observing you.
Then, he took a step closer. And another. It was almost enough to make not only his chest touch yours but his wings as well. Though, you stood your ground.
"You humans are so... human", you rolled your eyes to this, but when Lucifer tilted his head, index finger leisurely following the outline of his lips, it made your eyes travel back to him rather than look towards the exit to your right, the one you should head for. Still, you didn't step away from the archangel. Preferably, you kept standing in the glow of Lucifer's wings and chilly presence, concentrating on how he let his finger fall to rest under his chin.
"Are you so curious about life after death that you choose to, again and again, stand up to me? Or are you simply stupid?" He followed up his previous statement with this. Nevertheless, it was hard to decide if he still meant you as in humans or you specifically.
"I would argue neither", you said, answer as vague as the context of his question.
"What is it then?" His wings rippled as he said this. And though your eyes did not stray to the movement of feathers, it made you think of your answer.
It was that intuition, no the hunter instinct you tried to correct yourself, which you always felt around the devil. The one that at the moment made you notice how his wing wings seemed almost relaxed.
As if your mere thought of the word wings elected a reaction, you heard the sound you recognised as the flutter of feathers. Yet it didn't come from the angel in front of you. When you realised this, you looked to the side, where you spotted Cas.
"Cas, you're back", you moved away from the devil to face the dark-haired angel in shock at his unexpected arrival.
Without even looking at Lucifer, more than what you could see in the corner of your eye, you saw how he turned the same direction you already looked in. When the angels noticed one other, you saw how Cas tensed, his eyes widening in the closest thing you ever saw they had in panic, while you felt how Lucifer went rigid, his wings stretching out behind you as the air felt like it grew twice as cold. The tension became palpable in a matter of seconds.
"Y/N, I need to speak to you", Cas's voice was urgent, as he quickly glanced at Lucifer before looking back at you. "Privately".
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🥺 i’m so glad i came back to this blog because i am thriving on wholesome content tonight
jsyk... saying “you dont make me happy anymore because you won’t sleep with me” to your asexual partner is not an okay thing to say, and it’s especially not an okay thing to say when you know they’re going through a real rough patch at the time???
The world got too rough, and mean, and violent so my brother put everything in a box and built himself a castle in the clouds through which he could experience life, muted, far away. This let him forget all the bad things. All the noise and fights and feelings he didn’t want were successfully whisked away. I just wish I wasn’t whisked away with it. It’s been 17 years, but I still remember the look on his face as we danced through the kitchen, him in his silly paper crown, me in my big puffy dress. We were surrounded by paper garlands we’d made ourselves and still thick as thieves, partners in crime, peas in a pod as close as close gets. I remember how I’d reach my hand out in bed to hold his, and the way the sunlight trough the window highlighted the freckles on his face and made his blond hair shine gold. I remember translating for him as we learned to talk because I always knew what he was saying. I remember loving him soo much I couldn’t possibly have been lonely, but why wouldn’t I have loved him, as twins we were experiencing everything together for the first time new and exciting and vibrant. I think of those first years of us together and I want to scream. We were so small, so full of light and love and happiness, but the world wasn’t kind and there was no one to protect us from that. My brother built his box and he built his castle and I understood because every bit of himself he reached out got swatted away like a stray fly, he was to loud, to messy, to curious, to much, and everyone made sure he knew it. But I was in the box with all the rest holding the frayed end of the string he cut looking up at the cold castle I couldn’t reach. 17 years I’ve been pulling that string behind me constantly tugging on it even though I know there’s nothing on the other end, and I think about trauma and how the media portrays it as this unifying thing that people survive together. It’s not true. How dare they. Some people remember everything. Some people feel it and fight it and live with it. And some people put it away. I’m 23 now and at 6 my brother decided life was to much to be present for. He doesn’t remember what I do. He doesn’t remember us as we were. He doesn’t remember how I fought and struggled and raised both of us. He just remembers me after. Because something else you don’t learn about trauma until it’s you is that sometimes you can be a superhero. Sometimes you can carry the world on your shoulders and win. But when its over and its safe to put it down that’s when you crumble, that’s when it crushes you. So I pull on that string because at the other end of mine is love and happiness and a cure to loneliness. But he doesn’t, because all he remembers of me is the mess. And that wasn’t something anyone would want especially when you’d tried so hard for so long to hide from it.
killing the modern and harmfull concept of romance caring about my besties in a strong and heartfelt way without a need of romantic feelings in order to have a passionate conecction is my aesthetic 💕
( im in love with my best friend, help)
gender got me feeling like-
The biggest form of irony in my personality is that I’m a hopeless romantic who absolutely resents the idea of a romantic relationship for myself. Love that for me