Everytime I watch the mugen train I burst into tears and to cope with this hurt I try to relieve something in writing. I don’t know how I came up with the idea but here we are. Hope you enjoy 😊
romance, drama, mentions of blood and harsh topics (murder)
PS: Not a native speaker so I’m sorry for mistakes in spelling and choice of words
Everyone was looking at her.
Some with anger, some pitiful, others with tears in their eyes or a completely blank one. Each of these strange individuals radiated a strong aura, their gazes strong and undoubtedly all directed at her.
She could feel their eyes burning in her back, making her slightly uncomfortable. Anger boiling, accusing and judging her as she kneels in front of the building. Her hands are tied, the sword taken from her und her eyes were covered with a cloth.
It wasn’t really bothering her she knew this place by heart. The crunching of the cobblestone path, the neatly trimmed gras and beautiful blooming flowers arranged to absolute perfection.
The sacred garden was normally a sight to behold, a divine place reserved only for worthy eyes chosen by the master himself. Usually only his own family, the pillars and a few selected personalities were allowed to see the mansion from the inside. A place so divine that many think it must have been crafted by the gods themselves.
To have this view taken from her hurts her already aching heart, but she refuses to give in. She still believes in herself, believes in her doing and the choices she made.
It was better this way.
When she came here before it was always a pleasure. The meetings brought a bunch of people together who, over some time, she came to think of friends or some even family. She was looking forward to it, catching up, making plans for new missions, everything directed by the strong minded but gentle master.
She loved all of them and they loved her, but that changed.
Their positive attitude and gently greetings were gone, replaced with cold stares, unwilling to accept this situation.
She heard them whisper. How could she? – She was supposed to protect. – She brought shame on us.
It wasn’t hatred that drove them, it was simple disappointment. Not understanding what led up to this, they only did what they deemed right. And that was okay. She knew the consequences, even though in that moment she didn’t think of them.
Hearing them now, accusing her, not believing or understanding, it cracked her heart. She didn’t mean to hurt them or even betray. But she understood that none of them could share her feelings and thoughts, so they couldn’t understand her behaviour and her decision.
But the one thing that hurt the most was his staring. Of all the people gathered here today, he was the one he knew her the best. He was always beside her, encouraging her, training with her, loving her. Always a gentle ray of a sunlight in a cruel and dark world. sta
Whenever she cried or feared he was there. Holding her in his arms, let her cry her heart out in his warm embrace. Laughing with her over stupid little things. Always there whenever she needed him.
And he was there, he saw what happened. Her porcelain like sword drenched in dark red blood dripping from the blade. Her Uniform and soft hair splattered with red dots while she stood above the corpse. She would never forget the way he looked that day. Sad, disappointed, confused, broken.
When he dared to step closer, she immediately surrendered, kneeling down and offering him her sword, head held down submissively. In that moment she realized what she had done, but the only thing she regretted was that he had to witness the scene, had to see with his own, beautiful flaming eyes what she was capable of.
She wanted to apologize to him, if only to help him cope with it, but the words wouldn’t leave her tongue. How could she apologize if she believed to have done the right thing?
It was futile, and so she silently surrendered as two of her other friends arrived and restrained her. All of them knew it wasn’t necessary, she would never dare to hurt them, and they would never hurt her, but it was part of the protocol and so everyone simply followed the rules.
The Stone Pillar asked her why she acted out of her way, but she refused to talk. They wouldn’t understand, they didn’t need to. The feelings still swirled inside of her, the fear, the hatred, the pain inflicted to her reminded her of a time she would never forget for the rest of her live, and that was what snapped her restraints.
In the next moment she smelled the blood and looked into widened eyes as her blade dug deeper into the heaving chest in front of her. Relieve filled her and she watched as the life left the eyes staring at her and the body fell to the ground.
Gyomei started crying at the absence of her answer and mumbled a prayer for her. She appreciated it as she was walked by them back to the headquarters.
Neither Shinobu nor Kyojuro would speak. While the insect pillar would look at her and silently question her strange behaviour the usually loud and enthusiastic Kyojuro walked quietly behind them. She could feel his eyes, searching for a sign, a single clue to understand what has driven her, but still she refused to give a single hint.
She didn’t need them to feel for her, it would only cloud their judgement more and her pride wouldn’t want them to ease her punishment just because she was one of their friends. She murdered a human being, a person she was supposed to protect and now she would take the full responsibility for her actions. She owed this to the other pillars.
For the last few days, she was kept in a makeshift prison in the headquarters. They didn’t need one before, so they had to keep her in room, emptied and darkened to a least copy the feeling of a real prison.
While she was waiting there, she was visited by the other pillars. They also tried to get answers from her, but she cast down every single attempt. Frustrated with her weird behaviour all of them left pretty fast, Sanemi got particularly angry and threw a fit. “You are making this hard for all of us. I don’t understand, we don’t understand. How could you do this?!”
She shook her head in silence and looked at him, her gaze begging him to leave before she would break, and he unwillingly followed her plea. She wasn’t ready to talk about her motivation and didn’t knew if she ever would.
It was too much pain, too vulnerable and she didn’t want to be pitied. For her it would mean to shatter all of the carefully build walls, remember everything and she feared if she remembered she would never recover from it.
It was for the better. I couldn’t go on living like this.
The most persistent one was Kyojuro as expected. He would come every day, closing the shoji doors behind him and sit down. His gaze capturing hers, his bright smile not showing anymore. Instead, there was frown his face, his mouth drawn in a thin line and the fire in his dulled the longer he stayed.
Kyojuro wouldn’t speak to her, he couldn’t find the words to do so. He was way too confused; of all the pillars he was the one who suffered the most. In his eyes she could see the love he held for her and how he tries to understand all of this.
He wouldn’t cry while sitting there, but she knew he did when he was alone, and no one would see him. Her heart ached, longed for him and his warmth. A few times she considered to tell him but hearing her sorrows would only spark the sadness and worry more and didn’t want to hurt him more than she already did.
He was way to caring, always watching out for others without thinking of his own wellbeing and hearing her truth would only break his loving heart. She couldn’t do that him, she loved him too much. He already had to endure so much; it wouldn’t be fair to load more of her weight on his trembling shoulders.
Kyojuro deserved happiness, someone who hadn’t seen what she saw, someone who would give him everything he wished for and as much as she wanted to be that person, to shower him in love and affection her own struggles wayed her down, so much that she lost herself and did something unforgivable.
That’s why she was surprised on the last day before the trial. Kyojuro came to visit her and for hours they sat in silence until the sun set and the night approached.
When he stood up, he didn’t turn around to leave, instead he would step closer until he stood before her. His gaze weight heavy on her and she crossed her arms she averted and stared at the wall.
The ruffling of his clothes unnerved her, and she closed her eyes, hoping he would leave. But he wouldn’t.
Kyojuro kneeled down as close to her as possible, his fanned over the crown of her head and his heart beating loud as raging drums she could hear the fast rhythm next to her ear.
One of his hands touched her cheek tenderly, caressing her skin and he leaned closer to her, burying his nose in her hair. Her pulse quickened and she dug her nails into her arms, trying not throw herself into him. She wasn’t worthy of his love anymore.
The Flame Pillar proceeded to stroke her face, warming up her cold skin and thinking over and over what he missed, what made her act in such a defeated way, what made her take a human life.
As much as he thought about it, he found no solution to this riddle. She was the nicest, gentlest person he ever met. A fierce fighter, protecting everyone and slaying demons to keep people safe. Of course, she sometimes had a harsh attitude and rough days like everybody else, but to murder someone? Kyojuro was devasted and confused when he found her.
She surrendered so willingly, but what bothered him was that she didn’t show a single sign of regret nor let anybody in to solve her actions. He didn’t understand and it hurt so much. It’s the first time she wouldn’t let him into her problems, and he was lost. Lost in this unbelievable situation, lost in his own feelings for her.
His restraints snapped on the last day of her capture and he couldn’t bare to see her like this anymore.
When he kneeled down next to her, overwhelmed by her sweet smell, couldn’t help but to show her he still loved her. Kyojuro needed to make sure she would understand that she could still open up to him and that he would always stay at her side no matter what. He love her to much to let her go but at first, they needed to see what the next day would bring.
Helplessly he leaned closer and pressed his lips to her temple. Her skin was cold against his burning hot lips, and he hoped a bit of his warmth spread over to her, making sure she wouldn’t feel too alone when the morning arrives.
She stiffened she felt his lips but didn’t push him away. Relishing in this familiar feeling she let him hold her for she craved his presence too much. She knew what he wanted to tell her with his loving gift, and she appreciated his sympathy.
He retreated way too early for both of them but needed to leave before he would be suspected of favouritism in the trial. Kyojuro left as quickly as he approached and as he opened the shoji doors, he spoke the first words to her in a long time.
“I don’t understand why you did it, but no matter what happens, I refuse to leave you.”
The shoji door closed, and she cried silently.
Kyojuro held his promise. When they came to fetch her, he was there too, walking together with Sanemi and Gyomei. They brought her to their meeting point, the sacred garden, and waited for the arrival of the master.
He would be the one judge her and decide the punishment for her crime. She was told he already had a few Kakushi explaining what happened and of course the pillars opinions. Today he they would hear her view if she was willing to speak and the master would make the final sentence.
Everyone was nervous and waited impatiently until they heard the soft footsteps approaching from the building.
She wasn’t able to see them due to the cloth covering her eyes, but she heard good enough to recognize the steps of the master and his daughters approaching. But she was curious what his expression must look like.
The master was a kind person, treating and loving them like his own children and it hurt her to have betrayed his trust in her. The ruffling of clothes told her the other pillars had taken their places and kneeled behind her, while the master stepped out and stood on the engawa.
“What a day to meet, my dear children, though I wish it was for nicer circumstances.”
His voice was soft as always but tinged with a bit of sadness. Her heart clenched painfully, and she bowed her head down to the ground. Though he couldn’t visually see her, he was focused on her, and she felt tears gathering in her eyes.
After all his aura was nothing but soothing and gentle, radiating a peacefulness that could calm any raging storm.
“I’m glad your healthy master and thank the gods for keeping you safe, but I’m sorry too, as we all are, for the cause of our meeting.” It was Shinobu who spoke, and her words sting a lot in her already aching heart. She didn’t know how long she could take this.
And now all the attention shifted back to her, and she summoned all of her willpower not to start trembling, not now.
“Someone please take the blindfold off her; she is still one of my beloved children.”
She swallowed heavy at his sweet words, even now he refused to treat her as a criminal and in her mind, she thanked him for his never ending kindness.
Someone stepped closer and she could feel hands working on the blindfold, untying the knot and then exposing her eyes to the broad sunlight. The day was far too bright for an event like this, and she felt ashamed for taking their precious time.
From the corner of her eyes, she could see Tengen tugging the blindfold in his uniform and a small reassuring smile gracing his features as he retreats to his position. Even the flamboyant master of sound was absolutely quiet. How disturbing.
“Thank you, Tengen.” She held her head low but still managed to get a glimpse of the master. He was facing her but without a trace of a smile. A small frown sits on his face, and she had never seen him so sad before. Even his usual neutral watching daughters radiated a kind of sadness and her heart beats unnervingly.
She has hurt the only people she ever considered her family.
“Now”, the master spoke, and all eyes were directed at him, “It’s time to converse about your punishment, my dear Y/N, Thunder Pillar.” His expression softened a bit and I made sure to pay attention to every word of his.
“But before that I would like to hear why you acted so out of your way. What drove you to kill a human, one of the precious beings we swore to protect with all of our might?”
Even the happily chirping birds quieted at his question. She could feel the Pillars glares on her back and goosebumps spread over her sensitive skin. The temperature seemed to drop a few degrees and nervousness makes her nerves shiver.
For a second, she closed her eyes and reviewed the scene to led to all of this. Suddenly all her feelings vanished, and her body grew cold, despite the wonderful day bathing her in sunlight.
She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, conviction swirling behind them. “I will make no excuses. I know it was wrong and I will face whatever consequences you find fitting, master. But I won’t apologize for my heart tells me I was right in my doing.”
The Pillars gasped in shocked behind her. Some started murmuring and others just stared at me. The words weigh heavy in the air, but she was convinced to speak the truth, even though it may not be what they wanted to hear.
The master shushed them and turned back to me. “So, you are not regretting anything?”
He questioned further, straining the tension that was building around us.
I straightened my back and folded my tied hands in my lap. “I regret taking a human life, but I saw no other solution for the sake of my soul.”
The master narrowed his eyes and thought about her words. she wasn’t ready to unfold the things that occurred before the incident but answered as truthfully as she could without giving too much information.
Somehow, he understood a bit of what I hinted at, and he nodded. “Does one of you has something to share before I make a decision, my children?”
They hesitated, and she was relieved they did. Hesitation meant they tried to separate their logical thinking from their feelings and a possibly unclouded judgement was what she wanted. Whatever they decided she would cope with it.
Then, surprising everyone, Muichiro raised his voice. “I’m certain she had a good reason. And we can’t afford to lose a pillar in these harsh times.”
“But she still killed a human and broke the corps rules. She needs to punished, pillar or not.” Obanai tried not to sound too hostile.
“Y/N always protects everyone. It makes no sense she would suddenly turn her person like that. I believe in something she refuses to share.” Mitsuri sounded genuinely concerned and her hurt swelled for her dear friend.
Shinobu followed closely after Mitsuri. “The punishment shouldn’t be lethal; we still need her abilities. But she needs to be watched as long as she refuses to put the whole truth.” Curious how the mood changed slowly she watched over her shoulder as the pillars nodded at Shinobus statement.
Gyomei has started crying again and folded this hands. “She needs to atone for her sin, but we don’t have the luxury to lose a pillar.”
“As much as it pains me, but they’re right. It wouldn’t be wise to kill a pillar, think of how that must look for the lower ranks, they’re making enough problems without these news.” Sanemi tried to sound rude, but even he couldn’t accept to lose a friend, since she was one of the few people secretly respected.
Giyuu didn’t said anything but agreed with the other opinions, so did Tengen who held a short speech of how he could not let a flamboyant pillar like her die in such an unflamboyantly way.
She wasn’t really happy with their opinions. Maybe because she wanted to atone for the kill and the way they spoke it didn’t seem like they would actually want her to get a real punishment. Maybe she was wrong and the were indeed too clouded to judge her?
The master listened to them and thought about a solution. He agreed that the Thunder Pillar was hiding something that would explain why she hurt an innocent human, but as long as she wouldn’t word her problems none of them was able to help her.
But there was still one of them who hasn’t said anything, maybe it would help him make a decision. “Kyojuro, my child, what do you think?”
The Flame Pillar flinched as the master addressed him. Everyone looked at him, surprised and concerned he was so quiet, unlike himself. He hasn’t spoken a word until now, refused to smile or interact with them. His enthusiastic nature swapped with a downcast gaze and a frown sitting on his face.
Y/N wouldn’t turn to him. She looked down into her lap and dug her nails into her uniform, trying to keep her composure.
“She did something unforgivable, something every other person would be sentenced to death for.” Kyojuro took a deep breath, and she could feel his burning gaze fully focused on her.
She didn’t see it, but a sad smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “But I could never see her hurt. I agree with a softer punishment and supervision, but please, Master, friends, let’s try not to lose more friends than necessary.”
The dam broke and she cried silent tears as her nails dug painfully into her skin. Kyojuro words were stinging, clawing at her heart. Even he, who was so righteous as him, couldn’t come up with a real sentence.
Why can’t they just treat her equal to the crime she committed? She killed someone and they don’t know why yet refuse to really accept the reality. It hurt her more than anything else since they wouldn’t even allow her to make up for her sin. For her, this was more cruel than actual death sentence.
The master thought hard about this. He too wasn’t too fond of killing a pillar or exclude her from the corps. They needed every single fighter and since Y/N was the Thunder Pillar, he couldn’t afford to lose her, not like this.
The feeling of Shinobus gaze distracted him. She tried to send him a silent message and he nodded silently at her, then raised a hand to guide the attention back to him.
“I have made up my mind.” The pillars looked at their master and Y/N eyed him shyly with puffy red eyes and slight tear stains on her cheek.
“Y/N.” She felt his attention on her and shivered lightly. “You will keep your rank as the Thunder Pillar, for we can’t afford to lose more slayers. But as your punishment you will lose your freedom, being supervised day and night until we decide you deserve our trust again.”
She huffed and her heart pounded angrily. Even the master pitied her that much?! Please, couldn’t they just behead her as the criminal she is? No, instead she will be treated like a child, a shameful and unnerving situation for one of the corps best slayers.
“Furthermore, you will spend some time in the butterfly mansion, of course working without salary, to cope for the caused damage.”
Great. She will be chained like a dog with anger issues until they decide to set her free, which, in case of her crime, could mean she will never be free again.
As much as she wanted to voice her discomfort, she had no right to do so. She wanted to be punished, and if that’s what that the master decided for her, she will bow. Maybe it really was better than get beheaded. Maybe it was chance to finally live free of nightmares and the haunting feeling that was creeping her for twenty years.
“And who will be her supervisor?” Tengen asked curiously and the gemstones on his headband rattled playfully.
In a split second a voice answered, bitter and determined. “I’ll do it.”
She turned around and met with the intensive burning gaze of Kyojuro. His eyes were slightly narrowed, and he watched her with an unreadable expression.
“Then so be it.” The master agrees and Y/N could feel the blood draining from her face.
I’m sure that my brother will forgive me...
Power of siblings bonds
sry idk anythin bout him (yet)
fuck you father hope you're sad you called me worthless would a worthless child save 200 people at once during a hostage situation. not that i counted. but i did save 200 people. also i saw mom and she didn't mention you like at all. anyway if you hurt senjuro ever again i will haunt every waking and sleeping moment of your life til you realize that the mistake was not me but you! see you never, father
Mugen || Yuukaku - OP Parallels
*adds another fire-user to the fav list*
“Sometimes you don’t realize how special something is until you lose it”
“Please take care of yourself”
farewell and thank you
Tanjiro, finally calling Rengoku by his given name: Kyojuro
Ok GUTS, the answer it's ALWAYS yes... Damn where's my sanity, this man is toxic and I want him...Yeah he deserves be in all these hashtags... Imagine Gyomei on this outfit ... My mouth it's salivating... #BERSERK
Kyojuro: To save water I'm using my noodle water for my tea
Uzui: is it good?
Kyojuro: *Smiles* No
Mugen Ressha-hen 七
No because I just watched the first episode of Demon Slayer part 2 and I'm genuinely not okay. Kyo is my comfort character and it already hurt so much that he died and now this??? I can handle so much.
God, it's like Itachi's death all over again. 😃
Omw to cry myself to sleep