You must hate happiness!
I see people pursuing happiness as if it is something real. Is so hard to realize that it does not exist? Or is it just me who is overly pessimistic? These are important questions. People may spend their entire lives chasing happiness and only get hurt constantly. For me, the fact that the Pursuit of Happiness is one of U.S. Constitution’s amendments is so weird. What exactly is the pursuit of happiness? What should I, as an individual, do in order to attain it? This undefined concept has caused so much trouble.
We see others who, according to our own standards, are happy. We forget that they are not us and their standards are different from ours. We envy them and we hate them. You may also see someone who seems to be successful in everything, so you feel an urge to hate him/her but things get even worse when you realize that they kind of deserve this success because they worked hard. You become trapped in a situation where envy is eating you and, at the same time, you know they do not deserve your sick hatred because it is absolutely unjustified. So, you hate them even more. This is one of the many troubles that accompany the belief that the purpose of life is to live happily.
Besides, when we are happy, we are reckless. We become impulsive. The capacity for rational thinking shrinks. This is one good enough reason to make me dislike positive feelings (although I do experience them). Plus, time runs faster when you are having pleasant feelings. So, if we live in a constant state of joy, life would be way more shorter. I am not in to that! However, there is a good reason why being reckless or impulsive is more of a nightmare for me; it all comes down to responsibility. My understanding of life is that it is a series of duties and responsibilities that one has to live up to. Being impulsive minimizes the probability of meeting this goal. To be fair, it eliminates the probability; not just minimizes it.
Another problem is the degree of subjectivity and irrationality of that who is chasing pleasure. If you ask people about the way to happiness, you are bound to get contradicting answers. Does this mean that it is itself and its opposite at the same time? Like when someone tells you to live in the moment and do not get anxious about tomorrow, and another tells you to sacrifice the present for the future. They are both giving you advice on how to lead a happy life, but how is that both answers are the absolute opposites of each other.
I feel like I am trapped in my own mind. Looking at happiness from a hole in the wall and unable to see any other dimensions. It is irritating, but not because I would like to pursue happiness like others are doing, it is rather because I do not want to be so shallow. I want to be able to examine it from other perspectives. I cannot put my finger on it, but there is something about happiness that repels me. And the more I learn the more I detest it. While writing this, I was trying to get to the bottom of the issue, but I could not. What I do know is that grief and sorrow are how the depth of a human character is created, and if I know one thing about myself, it would that all my struggle is to get to look at life and mine out the deepest of meaning. Happiness will definitely keep you floating on the surface.