something I’ve been thinking a lot about recently.
I’ve never been a person with high self-esteem, I don’t think. Sure, I wish I was and I wish that I didn’t doubt myself constantly, but that’s so hard. It’s been a shitty year (thanks, pandemic) and a year prior to the pandemic starting, I was in a really, really bad place mentally. I’m not anymore, but I’m also not at a point where I really... love myself.
So, instead of saying that I have to love myself, I’ve just... sort of accepted that “I don’t actively hate myself” is an improvement. When I’m feeling really bad, I remind myself that, even though I don’t like things about myself, there are things I do like. Other people like me, like my art, like my writing. People like me even when I don’t, and while the part of me which is really self-doubtful wonders why the fuck that is, it just... is. People like me which must mean I’m doing SOMETHING right, even if I don’t know what the fuck it is yet.
It’s really late at night and I was having thoughts and I kind of wanted to throw this out there because I see a lot of ‘love yourself even with your flaws’ and not a lot of... ‘it’s okay not to love yourself yet; being ambivalent is better than self-hate, and it’s okay to still be working on it,’ I guess.