Share a moment with me and read this excellent novel by Mitch Alboom!
Share a moment with me and read this excellent novel by Mitch Alboom!
When learning a language, my to-do thing is to first learn a cuss word or words before anything else.
Anyone else? No? Ok.
Today, I learned about limerence:
For a while, I have dealt with intense unwanted one-sided feelings that have been very overwhelming. I struggled with constant intrusive thoughts about a person I know will never love me back, and I always wrote my feelings off as anxiety and a simple crush. Finding out about limerence changed that.
These are the symptoms of limerence:
I really just found this out today, and I’m relieved that I’m not alone in what I’m going through. But please don’t misunderstand: Limerence is NOT LOVE. It is NOT A CRUSH. It is a crushing obsession with another person. It is a person addiction. The neurotransmitters involved in limerence are extremely different from ordinary love.
Limerence can, on average, last 18 months to 3 years.
I’M NOT AN EXPERT, BUT I HOPE THIS SHINES A LIGHT FOR OTHERS IN THE DARK
I hope one day I will be the reason someone writes love poems.
‘Nature never did betray the heart that loved her…’
- William Wordsworth
show me how
to play pool
or swing a
mini golf putter
like all the
in the movies
-nereum // jul.14.XX
me and my friend just agreed that i was almost definitely one of the Romantics in a past life and honestly… it’s an honour
We go to museums and stare at a piece of art for far too long and wonder what made the artist create the art. We read a book and wonder what made the writer write that particular sentence or add that particular word in that particular moment. We listen to a song and think as to what inspired the songwriter to pen down those words. Fiction is a stupid excuse to a story that remains unrevealed, and we, are all a bunch of curious kids who’d love to know what went behind the scenes. We dig up old journals of people dead and lost in time, from centuries old, trying to figure out what they felt in that particular moment when they made what they made and wrote what they wrote.
When are we going to dive in, to ask our friend who is right next to us as to what made them write what they wrote or draw what they drew or say what they said or what made them remain quiet and silent and laugh and cry and dance and shut down? We all want to be heard and yet make no effort to lend in and listen. There are stories that are far often not said than heard.
I need to stop having rebelious friends, friends who drink a lot and argue about politics, friends who are not afraid to speak their minds even to their parents, friends that write love poems as a joke to one another, friends who give roses and chocolate as a sign of affection. I need to keep having these kinda of friends, because life seems better with them.
I really wanna know how it feels to be everything to someone
I FINALLY GOT A FOUNTAIN PEN!!
it kinda shitty because it was probably sitting in that small basket in the market for 15 years before this desperate soul took it, but eh
I take it.
- the sight of obsidian bats casting shadows against the walls
- velvet dark rooms lit only by the flickering flame of a candle
- reading through your favourite novels whilst overlooking the embroidered landscape embroidered with wildlife and inspiration, the same landscape that bleed into the works of the romantics
- writing up moon-shine poetry with only the rhythmic sound of your typewriter entwined with the ripples of words in your mind
- layering up against jack-frost’s fierce kiss with layers or turtlenecks and bobbled hand-knitted jumpers
- bike rides where the wind whispers nature’s secrets into the wisps of your hair
- imagining the chiffon life that occurs inside the stone cottages built out of history and ivy
i want to be a vampire,,,not bc of the aesthetic but bc i could live a thousand years & major in so many subjects & just learn.
— Cain, Lord Byron (1821)
sometimes I cry because i’ll never be as goth as mary shelley
this queen was carrying around her husband’s calcified heart. meanwhile the best I get is wearing black and bitching about summer to the neighborhood crows
The hues of a Sunset present themselves for you
wrapped up in soft clouds and as the Night becomes new
I’ll gather a dozen, fresh Roses and pour back
the Love you’ve given to these discoloured cracks,
We’ll gather petals together and let their Muse
forge a whole new Skyline with its own vivid hues.
-(You Keep My Heart As Full As It Can Be)
(10th April 2012, Tuesday)
“So now you’re babysitting the two of us,” Ookami playfully swings her legs as I skim through a couple of journals.
“Hope I get paid by the hour,”the chest sits in my lap. I know it can’t move on it’s own (hope I don’t jinx that), but I’m terrified it will, “And here, I thought I was the only wolf hiding in sheep’s clothing.”
“What’s his name?”
“I…don’t really know.”
“Hold, you’re telling me your roommate, who you’ve been living with-”
“If you want to be technical, I kinda live with you too.”
“-for God knows how long, and you don’t know his name? And I don’t mean this stupid nickname system.”
“Look, I’m sure he told me once…but I just forgot it…”
“It’s Chudo-Yudo,” these people need to stop having dramatic entrances, “Or at least that’s the ‘silly nickname’ they assigned me. It is kinda silly, but appropriate.”
A boy as fragile as my self-worth comes forth in a wheelchair. He taps his chin as a gentle breeze messes his dragon mask (slightly different from mine), he adjusts it.
“And I don’t really mind, that you don’t remember it,” he just keeps smiling,which is a little off putting, “So, why don’t we officially get to know each other?”
“Well, this is Ookami,” I gesture to her as she thrusts her head up, “I’m called Ryuu.”
“A pleasure to meet you both,” he extends his hand for a shake, and I take him up on it. Ookami joins in, and I silently pray she doesn’t break him.
“Are you really here because you’re gifted,” Ookami changes her tone, “Or is it more so,” she does a weird hand gesture.
“A mix of both really,” I’m picking up a European accent from him, “For most of my life, I’ve been the ‘sick’ kid. Never quite fit in on Earth, my mother’s people don’t really accept me; I’m getting by alright here. How about you guys?”
A wave of empathy washes over me before I can answer that, “I had a wonderful aunt who went here. But I am pretty skilled in magic,” I dig my nails into my skin, “Almost as good as her.”
We both look at Ookami as she tightens her ribbon, “I have a cousin.”
“Oh isn’t that lovely? I don’t really know much about my extended-”
“He’s been enrolled here for a while,” she cuts off Chudo-Yudo and I whisper an apology to him, “But he’s been, distant, to say the least,” great, now guilt’s the only thing on my mind, “And I know that’s part of security and such here. But I need to find him, our family needs more hands on board.”
“Maybe I know him, what’s his name?” I inquire, she looks uncomfortable.
“The Chairman said this was to stay between us, it’s Hitsuji-”
“Whoa,” now it’s Chudo-Yudo to cut her off, “He’s your cousin?”
“Based on your reaction,” she puts her hands on her hips, “I’m assuming he’s the big shot he was raised to be.”
“I’ve heard he’s in Chudo-Yudo’s batch, “ I added , “Likewise, I’ve only heard great things about him. But also, he’s a bit of a mystery. No one’s really seen him,” Ookami grumbles in frustration and I put my hands up , “But that doesn’t mean we can’t find him.”
She gives me a face I can’t identify,and that bothers me, “I’m not that I’m mad at you.I’m not even sure that I’m mad at him,” she drops to the ground, as if defeated, “I just want to bring him home.”
“Um…,”Chudo-Yudo wheels back with fear in his voice, “I don’t mean to be sour puss, but none of us can easily go home. I mean, Ryuu, haven’t you been here since you were like…eight?”
Ookami almost looks like she’s about to cry, I grab her mask and offer her my hand, “C’mon, you better cover up, so that we can look for your cousin faster.”
A group of seniors emerge in a rush, like a storming herd. Most are carrying compasses and maps, other hold posters and what look like aged parchment. Some of the older teachers are with them, who speak in whispers. Among them, an auburn haired girl who I’ve never seen before, is the only calm one. Maybe I was starting for too long, because I’ve caught her attention and she’s coming this way.
“Shouldn’t you lot be in class?” she asks angrily.
“I believe it’s still the lunch hour,” Ookami stands her ground, and I’m prepared to diffuse the tension.
“What’s going on?” Chudo-Yudo claps his hands as a poor attempt to lighten the mood. The senior looks back at her group, then to us.
“What year are you in?”
“Basically middle school, bit of elementary-”
She cuts me off by gesturing us to come closer, “You didn’t hear this from me, but there’s some Oddity business happening in Kyoto, Japan-”
“Phoenix!” one of the teachers calls out to her, my heart stops. Just before she goes, I grab her by the wrist.
“By any chance,” my grip tightens, I didn’t mean to, “Are you going there?”
“Well, it’s where my whole family is, I’ve been born and raised…,” she trails off as this inhumane heat is emitted from her, “Why should I tell you that?”
“You told us what was going on,” Ookami argues. I put my hands together in a pleading motion, then bow my head.
“PLEASE-take me with you.”
I can tell she’s heistating and shakes me off. But grabs me by the shoulder as we catch up with her group. I look back at mine, “I’ll explain everything when I’m back! Cover me in class.”
“Let’s just hope you don’t get me in trouble,” she mutters.
The group keeps on going, until we reach a part of the institution I’ve never been to. From the looks of it, it’s the basement. From reading the room, some sketchy business is going on.
“Why’d you help me?” I whisper.
“Truth be told,I’m not a regular student here,” no wonder I don’t recognise her, “The Chairman has me bouncing between here and Earth. I’m…a bit of a special case, to say the least.” Aren’t we all?
The group comes to a stop, and speak of the devil, the Chairman is guarding this portal covered in vines. The senior gestures me to keep low, so I hide myself in a niche, but keep listening.
“Students, teachers,” he’s using a more serious tone than I’m used to, “As you’ve heard, twenty-six Oddities have been released from volumes three and six.I trust you all, not only as the seniors of our Amatus Prudentius Institution; but with our truth concerning the Corona Seraphina.” Well, I don’t feel so special anymore.
One of the students hands him a map, which he slams against the wall.Another holds a box of pins and strings, which he too, slams against the wall. They all stick, and appear to map out certain routes.
“Harming human civilians is one thing. But the other, and our top priority-” one of the teachers stands next to him, and holds up a statue of various beasts, “-is to maintain our peace with them. If this were to get out of hand, God help us all. I have faith that you all will continue to help with the crisis. But most of all-”
The heat from before returns, and the senior girl transforms into a flaming bird. Oh wait, Phoenix, I get it now. The group split themselves apart like the Red Sea and she soars through and lands next to the Chairman.
“-Phoenix here will be our eyes and ears; and we trust she’ll keep matters under control.”
I’m expecting a round of applause or some chattering, but everyone leaves soon after. I push myself back even further as they pass, hoping they won’t even hear me breathe. I look back at Phoenix, who’s being briefed by the Chairman. Once he leaves, and I’m sure of it, I rush to her.
“I can give you explanations for another time. But now,” she grabs me by the sleeve and drags me straight into the portal, “Let’s pay our home a little visit.”
An electric surge rushes through my veins, I feel as light as a feather, everything becomes white and I can feel my body fading away. We’ve arrived at our destination. Personally, I haven’t been to Japan, at least I think I haven’t. But if it’s anything from my grandparents’ photographs, it’s better in real life. Before I can begin to appreciate this place, Phoenix puts a hand on my shoulder.
“So you’re the kid that’s helping out Chudo-Yudo,” she takes off her mask and puts on a pair of glasses.
“You…know about me?About him-” I’m concerned.
“Remember how I said I wasn’t a regular student? I’m top of my class, well, if I was stationed at one. The Chairman let me in with Amatus Prudentius’ secrets,” she starts marching somewhere and I try keeping up, “You work to be part of the elite, and get rewarded.”
“And apparently, let the first kid in on it who’s mildly aggressive-”
“Thought you’d be more grateful,” she gestured to me to stop and I instinctively leaned against the nearest wall, “Most kids would do anything to get back home. I know who you are, the youngest grandson of the esteemed Kusanagi Kiwako and well respected Hoshizora Mashiro. Which means your aunt is the beloved Setsuna-”
“Sounds like you know about my family, not me.”
“-voice will come again?” that’s…a voice, I think I recognise.
“Only time will tell,” that’s definitely a male voice I don’t recognise.
“Io-chan?” Phoenix whispers under her breath, her face full of confusion. I take a peak of where they’re coming from, and my heart stops.
All of the seasons collide into one. Spring’s youth marries the wiliting of Autumn. The warmth of Summer kisses Winter’s frost. You’d think none of these elements could come together. Even if they did, they’d cancel each other out as easily as when Fire caresses Water. But sometimes, the least likely of combinations forge a unison that only the Stars could dream of. They wish they could have aligned something so remarkable, so out of this world; that it deserves to be immortalised among legendary constellations.
From the rush of fresh rivers to gentle blossoms brightening the days; Spring promises a season of being reborn. Burying yesterday’s ache and letting the shadows disappear beyond the night, it is a time to greet a new dawn. Down the line as Autumn fills the air, this season guarantees rest. Although the Sun shortens its stay, the Night is committed to watching over sleepy dreamers. Even as the leaves wilt and present themselves with the hues of sunset; it is only a reminder that all that lives deserves a peace of mind.
You are my Spring and Autumn, with every other hour in between and after to be filled with timeless love.
I feel literal sparks on my shoulder as I realise Phoenix is tugging at me with concern in her eyes, “ You need a break? Was the portal too strong?”
I shake my head as a physical response, and then take a breath while looking at the Spring sky, “No, that’s not it. Sorry for worrying you.” I try looking around for her, but she’s long gone.
“I can stay here as long as I like,” her voice is softer, “But you can’t, for now at least.”
“What do you mean?”
“You want to keep visiting your home? I’d suggest you’d join my rank of expertise,” she pulls out her cellphone and starts typing away, “I’d suggest you start with those friends of yours. The Chairman is already trusting you to help with the dragon boy. And you’re looking after that American girl, I’m sure you can wriggle your way up the ladder. How knows, maybe by the end of the summer; you’ll be positioned here with me.”
She pulls out another device, and I know it’s meant to open a portal to send me back to the institution. But before she does so, Phoenix shows the screen of her phone to me; displaying ‘new contact’, “While we’re here breaking rules, let’s add another one. My real name’s Ashitahime Natsumi.”
“I’m Rikiya-Mustafa Rios,” I offer my hand as a proper introduction, “I look forward to working with you in the near future.”
(The following months, 10th September 2012, a Monday.)
“You’re sure you have everything now?” the Chairman gives me my scroll of details and records we’ve gathered since April. He does the same for Ookami and Chudo-Yudo, who nod in unison.
“About every and anything that we need, or will need,” I respond and take another good look at the map.
“We’ll make you proud,” Chudo-Yudo adds, or rather, his avatar does.
“Alright, boys, we’ve got one job,” Ookami brings out a pocket-sized notebook and starts crossing out a few things , “What a joke it’ll be if we mess this one up.”
Phoenix bursts into the room with a couple of devices in hand; but countless whispers following behind her. Soon after. About three teachers and three other students enter, each keeping careful watch and having an open ear.
“You might have trained with the likes of me and the rest of the group,” she approaches the Chairman’s desk and starts preparing the portal, “But you’ll still be under my supervision. No messing about, or it’ll be on me…,” Phoenix takes out a laptop and starts typing away, “-and I’ll burn you back to a crisp.”
One of the seniors does a body inspection of me, like the ones at airport security. The same goes for Ookami and my roommate, who are eventually brought under magnifying light. Just some standard procedure to make sure we’re not shady or carrying anything that can harm our institution (vice versa with back on Earth).
“I know this will be the first time in a while that you all have step out of Amatus Prudentius,” she shoots a blink in my direction, “So just follow my lead.” Phoenix takes a quick look at Chudo-Yudo, “Well, as much of you that can.”
Its been exactly five months since I first saw Tsuki-nee, I’m ready to come home.
The teachers bless us individually before we go through the portal. I turn back to the Chairman, who simply sits in his chair and flips through the morning paper.
“You’re not going to…offer us some wisdom, or-”
“Break a leg out there, kid,” he cuts me off and turns to the wall. I muffle a chuckle before walking towards Earth myself. An early autumn breeze welcomes me, the Sun still hiding behind the clouds. It’s not too hot, but it’s not that cold either, even the weather’s a gray area. Ookami stands in awe of Kyoto as Chudo-Yudo’s avatar is taking baby steps. Of course, Phoenix wastes no time and scans the area in her, well, phoenix form.
“Welcome to Japan, guys,” I say to them as I offer any form of leadership.
“…welcome back to Earth…,” Ookami says slowly, “I know compared to you guys, I’ve only been gone for a couple of months. But believe me, I’ve been homesick.”
“Could have been Russia, could have been Germany. No, Valeriy, try new things,” Chudo-Yudo mumbles to himself as his avatar plays with its fingers.
“Keep it together, gang,” Phoenix returns in her human form as tiny flames appear at her feet, “The radar’s high with Oddity business.” She looks a little annoyed and enters a narrow alleyway. I turn to the other two, who are still looking around in awe; I rush after her.
Phoenix is leaned against a wall, her phone in hand and a few grunts coming from her direction. I cough a little and she turns to me startled, “Hope I’m not interrupting anything?”
“No, no you’re not,” she crosses her arms and does the thousand yard stare, “I’ve been thinking…”
“I’m the best of the best, I come back to Earth as often as I can,” she starts biting her fingernails and a few feathers fall out , “But I’m nowhere close to getting leads on this case.”
“Hey, hey, that’s what we’re here for,” I offer a hug, but she just walks past me, “…to help.”
“But what if you guys weren’t? And I’m in on this alone as originally planned.”
“Well then, are the ‘what if’s going to help you now?” I can hear the other two getting roudier and start making my way back, “We’re students, aren’t we? Learning, experimenting, even a few failures : it’s all part of the process.”
A black car is parked near Ookami and Chudo-Yudo, who are clearly startled. My first instinct is to leap to action, but Phoenix places a firm grasp on my shoulder and waves her hand. A gentle,older man who bears a striking resemblance to her bows and flashes a kind smile.
“Yup, these are the kids,” she plays with my hair and gestures to the other two to come closer, “C’mon, I’m taking you to my place.”