“Sei così. Ti lasci toccare solo da chi ha l'anima più in fiamme della tua”

-C.Bukowski

“I stopped texting you and hanging out. I thought you would understand”

Yes. Because when you say you’re busy with finals my first thought is that you’re back with your ex.

Sorry for understanding that finals are stressful and giving you space instead of jumping to conclusions.

Here’s the final draft.

One week has passed with me thinking about you. Thinking about all of the memories of the past, the things that you did a few days ago, and all the possibilities of the future. Trying to keep myself away from you and always failing on the process.

We used to be someone who cares for each other. And now we can’t even look at each other’s faces without wanting to look away. We no longer feel comfort but only the awkwardness that just can’t seem to go away. And I hate all of this.

It never seems serious. We were just doing what the hearts wanted to. Despite all of that, I do cherish it. But I’m scared to take this relationship to another step that always seems like a mystery to me. I am scared of changing all of this and scared that you would tossed me aside when you finally got me.

So I broke your heart while breaking mine on the process also.

I broke us.

With all my lies, my excuses, I pushed you away so you would stay on that line. I fucking hurt you and me.

Things got weird for a while and we were okay after that. But you never give up, something that I actually really really appreciate. With that, you made me felt like I’m not that worthless to you. But you never really seem like you would like to spend your love with me seriously. And I didn’t want that.

So I still let you go. Kept doing that until you found another one. And of course it broke my heart again on another level. But I knew that you should be happy even if it wasn’t with me. Because I do care for you and you deserve to be happy.

We lost contact and 4 years passed without us seeing each other.

And we met again. A brand new me and you. And I guess we no longer knew each other. I didn’t know the man who grew up within that 4 years and you didn’t know me also. But you know what, memories stay. I knew the you from my memories and I wonder if you are also like that.

We passed each other on the hallways not even bother looking at each other, always leaving a thick thick tension along the trail. I noticed sometimes you would glance at me, expecting me to come up to you. What you don’t know that I felt the same.

But I’m scared to start something that I would never finish. I am scared of rejection.

So when we’re stucked in the same room for 2 weeks, I felt that I’m fucked up. I kept trying to act like nothing happened, I act like I didn’t felt anything. I tried to lie to myself.

But shit started to fall out when I discover some of your thoughts.

I heard you were thinking that I no longer remember you. That I forgot all of us.

I didn’t. I never did.

I still remember it like it were yesterday. I remember all your faces, all your actions.

It also didn’t help that you actually pay attention to me.

I kept telling myself that I’m okay and nothing was wrong. I just have to live like the usual, those times where you leave my life for a long long time. But I just can’t. I fucking can’t.

My friends kept teasing me whenever you are around, loudly. I knew you heard it. I am scared because of it.

I am scared you would feel that I am some kind of thirsty annoying girl and such. I am scared that you would wound my pride and ego.

But you keep silent.

Makes me wonder what the hell are you thinking about.

Old feelings start crashing back to me and as selfish as it sounds, I hope it did to you too.

And now I spend my times thinking what should I do. Thinking about you. Wishing for something I shouldn’t.

But I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I am sorry for breaking your heart, I’m sorry that I am scared.

I wish you would love me again. And I wish that I could love you bravely, without doubts and fears.

13/12/2019

“This morning was fucking amazing. But now I want to cry.”

- 8:46pm

I’m scared of meeting you because I‘m scared that you eventually see me the way I see myself…

I lie awake some nights thinking about how my bed wasn’t always empty. I lie on a matress full of warm memories made frigid by your absence.

T.W.Rogers

I’m not givin’up , not yet. Even when I’m down to my last breath . Even when they say there’s nothin’ left

Andy grammer

ive got a million questions and i think they can all be answered with no

Você era tudo que eu poderia imaginar de bom. Mas como todo ser humano você trás defeitos, traumas, dificuldades com certos assuntos e tópicos na vida. O que e extremamente normal. O problema a encontrarmos pessoas que vão saber lidar com essas coisas e nos ajudar com elas. Eu abraço você e todos os seus problemas por mais complicados que eles sejam.

Bom, natal… Estamos em um certo dilema. Alguns problemas com sua familia, eu querendo muito que você passe o natal comigo, pra você se desconectar um pouco de tudo e todas e colocar a cabeça no lugar. Mas você se encontra dividido e nao sabe bem o que vai fazer.

Mesmo doendo muito. Mesmo nao querendo, como namorada e companheira, eu te apoio em qualquer decisão que va te fazer feliz. Eu sempre me doei e sempre vou me doar ao maximo pra fazer do nosso amor o mais lindo do mundo. Sempre quero te fornecer, alegria e paz da melhor forma possivel. Queria te entregar minha poesia por completo.

E engraçado e ao menos tempo triste, pq eu ja tinha planejado tantas coisas pra te mostrar, tantos lugares que sao especiais pra mim e eu queria que você conhecesse, ja tava vendo algumas cenas aqui na cabeça, tantas risadas, tantas conversas, eu e você de um jeito diferente, um mundo meu totalmente aberto pra você. 

Queria te ver relaxado, respirando um ar puro, acordando tranquilo de certa forma, você com suas energias renovadas, pra começar o ano como um novo ser. Ja tava vendo você deitado na rede nao pensando em nada e olhando pra toda aql paisagem que a frente da minha casa proporciona. Um por do sol cheio de viajantes passando na sua frente, e como uma infinita e diversificada tela de cinema. 

Meus pais, kkk estao mais na esperança que tudo…. Eles amaram tanto você que olha de verdade nao sei descrever tal apego. 

plz dont hate me plz dont hate me i wouldve shown you it if you had asked i didnt keep it to myself on purpose im not an attention whore plz dont hate me plz dont hate me

oh no

no no nononono

i was supposed to protect them i was supposed to protect them nononono

imsorry im sorry i msorry im sorr y

Part 2 of Luigi’s Depression.

Final drafts might be done idk yet.

It’s an imperfect world but it’s the only one we got

Iron man

OH GOD I HAD A BAD DAY AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS TEXT YOU AND TALK TO YOU AND I WANT YOU TO TELL ME THAT IT’LL BE OKAY AND SEND ME A GOOFY SELFIE TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER BUT YOU DON’T DO THAT ANYMORE YOU DON’T EVEN TALK TO ME ANYMORE AND IT’S BREAKING MY HEART ALL OVER AGAIN

sometimes i think i’m getting better

but then something reminds me of you

All what  it left for me, is the dream of you
This glitter shine from our hearts,
I not the same anymore
My heart becomes narrative
and I wanna be with you ,
but do you accept me
as I am .

We used to catch all stars
and we were lying in the middle of night on grass,
moon protect us,
don’t tell me , don’t call me
If you don’t need me
don’t make a call
If you don’t tolerate me as me.

I love you deeply ,
I respect you
so just don’t walk away
don’t leave me
I think I need drink
Of course I’ll end with his arms
thinking about you the same time.

and then my hope just die
and then I hold his hand
and then I realize you stuck in my brain
and then we end make love
but I see your face
in front of me
again and again and again.

You’ve become ghost

You say I am perfect but am I really?

Unknown

Why do I still love you

Unknown