#scars Tumblr posts

  • support
    27.01.2014 - 7 years ago

    Everything Okay?

    If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. There are many support services that are here to help. 

    If you are located in the United States, consider reaching out to the National Alliance on Mental Illness HelpLine.

    If you are located in the United Kingdom, The Mix is here to help you with any challenge you are facing.  Reach out online, on social or through their free and confidential helpline.

    If you are reading this from in any other country in Europe,  Mental Health Europe has compiled a list of helplines and other resources in your country. 

    For more resources, please visit our Counseling & Prevention Resources page for a list of services that may be able to help.

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  • artctrlcee
    25.10.2021 - 4 minutes ago

    8, 7, 6 days until Halloween

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  • corkytheguar
    25.10.2021 - 16 minutes ago
    #not even gonna lie i mostly connect popović's voice to scar despite having never actually seen the lion king in its entirety #like i saw the first few scenes and i saw the ending but i have no idea what happens between #asks
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  • minehog
    25.10.2021 - 32 minutes ago

    pspsppsppsps @ trafficblr

    #last life #last life smp #last life fanart #last life spoilers #goodtimeswithscar#ethoslab #im sure someones done the scar veil thing but i needed to get it down the brainrot is strong #also. a lil ethoslab! because ethoslab :) i like to think his tubes and working eye change with lives #dangit i just realised i flipped him and now its on the wrong side ooh bites and gnaws #and his hair is done up fully so its easier to keep on the last life server #post#art
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  • chaikachi
    25.10.2021 - 32 minutes ago
    Day 2: Married Life | ko-fi

    This one comes with a callout post to my friends who keep getting me extremely invested in really sad aus that I can't summarize in a single post so I just end up drawing for relentlessly instead.

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  • grain-crain-drain
    25.10.2021 - 1 hour ago

    Whumptober 2021

    No. 16 - ON A NEED TO KNOW BASIS

    recovery | scars | aftermath

    No. 17 - FIELD CARE 101

    “Please don’t move!” | hemorrhage | dread

    Aruni is back at her village and receives a feverish welcome from the children. She tells them about her life, adventures and the prosthetics she gained along the way. There is also another special someone Apha sees whenever she’s at home, and there has never been a day that she forgot. 2.3k.

    I truly thank @moondustk who beta-read the fic, gave me pointers of Thailand’s culture and who also had a headcanon of Osa giving toys to Aruni for children at her village. We had a chat and it also gave me the idea to have the children see Aruni as the robocop, and here we are now!

    -

    There she stands, stretching to arch her back, arms up high and taking in the air that smells of greeneries and gravels she grew up with. Apha had travelled around and felt at ease anywhere, but there is something distinctively normal about her home town in Ta Phraya. She wouldn’t have it any other way. 

     Aside from the minor changes here and there, she can’t help but to smile upon seeing the food stalls that withstood the time. Her collections of luggage are full of presents for the family and friends, but she also has a different crowd eagerly waiting for her arrival. Buying assortments of donuts, Sugus fruit candies, packets of dried squid and a whole roasted chicken filled the box to the brim; she also has other snacks that aren’t sold in Thailand, but those were to be kept as a surprise. This may seem all too much and it is expectedly so, especially given how scarcely she visits her hometown. 

    The first person to greet her is the aunty from the neighbourhood. Her family also comes along to have a chat, and Apha readily pulls out gifts she bought in Greece. Jewelries, ceramics, confectionaries and such. Other people also join in, and soon the neighbour’s yard becomes a meeting square. All ask about how her life is, whether they are treating her fair and square, any plans for marriage before it’s too late for her and when will she find a job that won’t risk her life. It has been only an hour since she got here, and Apha has become the beacon that gathered half of the village around her. Her parents are also there, making humourous jokes about how it’s them who set out to find her instead of the other way around. 

    In the midst of busy chatter, Apha catches a little bubble that bustles by the fence. It’s the special crew who would appreciate everything that comes out from her mouth, the audience without hard questions, and foremost, the loveliest team of buddies who meant the world to her. The other adults notice where her eyes lay, and with elders’ nods of approval, Apha is promptly excused to leave the crowd. They could do without her, as the luggage and duffel bags still have other gifts that are yet to be explored. 

    She walks over to them while carrying a backpack and the box full of snacks. The chirps escalate as they follow after her, busily reporting everything that has and hadn’t happened at the village. Channarong peed on his bed last night. Hey, that’s a week ago! I didn’t do that. I’m all grown up, aunty. Rochana can walk now, aunty, that’s why she painted the walls with our sticky rice the other day and made mum mad. Dusadi and Thuanthong were sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

    They settle down by a bili tree, and many strands of tiny fingers reach out to grab the snacks that she had prepared for them. 

    “I told them, aunty.” One of the children chimes in. “I told them that you were coming, but they didn’t believe me!”

    “That’s because you’re super busy, aunty! I thought Chaiya was lying.”

    “Stupid! I told you. Don’t blame me for not finishing your mango fast enough.”

    “Now, now. I wouldn’t miss out on seeing all of you.” Apha chuckles and opens the backpack. “Especially when I’ve got something special to give you all.” 

    It’s nothing special, according to her favoured colleague. They are things that are lying around my room. Anja beamed a smile, the bashful kind, which was a rare occasion but preciousness, nonetheless. They are practically my brain children, because you know, some ideas rot and die if I don’t get them out. I am sure they will be loved more by children than me. 

    And her prediction was correct, because Apha nearly loses her hearing upon being exposed to dolphin-like shrieks and yelling. She has to do some traffic control by assigning who gets who, and thankfully there are enough for each and everyone in the group.

    “Aunty, aunty!” A greasy hand slathers on her prosthetics. “Tell us about your cop stories again.”

    “Is it true that you’re the robocop now?”

    “Do you have bazookas hidden here?” One taps on the thin joint of her mechanical knee.

    “Why aren’t these red? They were metals too last time.”

    “Do you shoot lasers?”

    “I bet you can punch through walls. Are you stronger than One Punch Man?”

    Apha cuts in, or else she won’t be able to keep track. “Kinda, no, these are carbon fiber versions, I kind of can shoot a laser, and I can punch into soft walls. I don’t know about this man? Who does a punch?”

    “I want one.”

    “I am going to have all my legs and arms to be a robot!”

    There is an alarm bell ringing within Apha. “Whoa there. Let’s not go too far.” 

    “Tell us about your cop stories.”

    “Why do you have a robot arm and leg?”

    That, she can manage, even better than last time because she had been retelling the story from time to time. Each time she learns where to censor some details and which parts to exaggerate, so Apha hopes that the older children keep the spoilers to themselves, or maybe it’s better to have them busy elsewhere. “Dusadi, Chaiya, Tuanthong and Karawek, you’ve heard this story already so go ahead and play with the toys, yeah?”

    Thankfully they are inclined to agree and leave the group to experiment with their newest obsessions. Now that she is left with twinkling eyes that sparkled with a feverish anticipation, Apha starts to recount the story.  

    She was the best of the best at tracking down the criminals. If those crooks left even the slightest little hint around, Apha could use everything within her power to find out their next plot of scheme. There were bad people out there, alright. Hurting people by kidnapping them away from home. That’s why children should stay close to adults and come back home before dinner. Okay, aunty, we know that. Of course. So one of the things that Apha did well was to drive really fast, as she knew how to drift around the corners and accelerate just enough to block the baddies’ car on spot. These police cars, oh, they were made to endure. But sometimes, even the sturdiest vehicle can fail to cause drastic damage. Is that how you lost your arm? Shh, shush, Rong. That’s okay. So her and her good friend were on the way back, driving the truck that had a bomb in it. See, her friend was an expert at snuffing out the bomb. He surely would have done it if Apha saw a car coming straight to her way, but that’s what these crazy people do. They are out there, actively wishing to hurt people. The collision cause the bomb to explode and-

    “I’m scared.” A voice quivers, and arms wrap around her.

    “It’s okay. We’re nearly there.” Apha can leave this part out, but she must press on, to quell the dangerous fantasies that children seem to harbour about the prosthetics. “So the bomb exploded, and he and I got hurt. We were moved to the hospital and they told me I had to lose my arm and leg. I knew if I did that, I won’t be the same. The body that my mum and dad gave to me- part of them would be gone forever, and it made me sad at the time. But I had to do it, no matter how much it hurt, and thankfully the doctors and nurses helped me back to health. Can you believe that I still worked as a detective with a plastic arm and leg?”

    “Really! Wow, really?”

    “Really. It was a bit later that I went to work somewhere different, and they gave me the versions that I can move like I own them.” And to this day, Apha is grateful to NIGHTHAVEN.

    “So how do I get robot arms and legs without hurting myself? I don’t want to go to the hospital.”

    Children. Blissfully impressionable, and Apha cannot fault them for being who they are. “I have to say, it’s better to have all of your body unhurt. Remember how sad I was?”

    “Yeah.”

    “I was sad because losing an arm meant that I couldn’t feel what I touched. The first rain after the dry monsoon, slimy mangos that crushes if I grab it too hard, my mum’s back, my dad’s hand,” and the urn that still has the ash of- “It’s important to look after yourself, okay? It also makes your parents sad when something bad happens to you.”

    “I don’t think so. Dad pinched me by ear because I sprained my ankle.”

    “That’s because you climbed all by yourself to touch a baby bird.”

    “Hey, they were cute!”

    The children’s focus scatters for a moment, but they resume to bombard her questions about her current workplace. Who gave her the prosthetics, how heavy is the battery pack and would she gain muscles like wrestlers, and whether there are any pictures of her new friends. She shows them from her phone, and the children spill their unfiltered comments.

    “This lady! Why does she look so angry? What, that’s your boss? She looks like that old man across our home. He hates it when we pick on his cucumbers.”

    “Who’s that with cool glasses? Oh, she’s the one who made the toys? What’s her name? Can I write letters to this aunty?”

    “Oh my God what is he doing in the water tank? Why is he sleeping in there?”

    “Ooh, he’s handsome. Looks like a movie star.”

    “He’s not handsome. He’s got oil on his hair.”

    How Apha wishes to record all these, because they sure would sound more innocent if heard in children’s voices rather than her own. But some things are best to be left as a fond memory, and speaking of as such, there is another person who she needs to pay more visit than anyone else. After she walks the children back home, Apha takes a brisk walk to her home while enjoying the view. Gravelly roads, palm trees and their stalks swaying to create shadows dancing on the wooden houses and other structures, the desolate field that has holes carved in, fences of her childhood friends’ home and the front yard of her own. She steps in, properly greets her parents once more, and strides into her room that used to be owned by two, not her alone. There stands the urn on her desk, and a photograph has lost its colour as the years went by. With the hand that’s still her own, Apha lays a fingertip and senses the natural chill of a ceramic. Cold, stagnant and still. 

    “I’m home.” She breathes in full composure, as time had filled in the void that used to drag her into the depth. “How are you? I’ve saved you some fruit candies.” A couple is laid out, mostly red as strawberry was their favourite kind.

    It had been more than twenty years since the incident, but the horrific scenes never failed to play out when she let the pain wash over her. A girl who was no older than five, the bundle of joy that used to pull Apha by her shirt whenever she found something new to ask about. Apha should have known where a curious child was willing to go, but she was also a child. An older sister who loved her sibling to bits, who was praised for being responsible and such, but she also wanted to do her own things instead of being bound at home. 

    She wasn’t too far away when it happened, so the incident remained as a clear memory to haunt her throughout the childhood to adolescence. A tiny voice calling out for her name, the sudden boom that shook her to core, and a piercing scream that cut into her eardrum. If it wasn’t for other adults who held her back, Apha might have lost her life by stepping into the mine field. She saw it all; the erratic spazzing and shakes, her sister’s face distorted in immense suffering, and those plump hands that still held onto a khaki-coloured disk covered in blood. She wasn’t in her right state of mind. Apha begged the adults to let go of her, to save her kin, to allow her to be there and hug her one and only baby who needed the big sister. Among many other regrets that Apha chose to discard, one of a few that still remain with her to this day was the inability to soothe her sister who bled to death while being struck with fear. It was too late when the help came, and Apha dared not to touch, because her parents refused to let go of the lifeless body that couldn’t respond to their desperate hold.

    Apha went through all the other pain; her parents' devastation, people’s blame on her, and odd looks she received at the police academy for insisting that something must be done to get rid of the minefield altogether. It’s all in the past, and yet that’s what shaped her present. Quite the irony to have her limbs lost due to a similar infliction, and at the time, she wondered if this was karma or a sort. She also wondered if the guilt would fade away, then realised it lingered whenever the phantom pain woke her up from dreams that left her in cold sweats.

    “I’m sorry.” She coughs to clear her throat. “I love you. I always will.” Apha shifts to set some distance between her and the urn, and puts both of her hands together for a brief prayer. Her palm warms up the other, and she soon feels no difference between the contacts. She also hears subtle creaks next to her, and the tear finally falls when they join by her side. The family shares their time together in silence, but everything is understood without a single word. Love is remembered; it transcends and yet, remains within those who choose to cherish it.

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  • glowingspence
    25.10.2021 - 1 hour ago

    The journey of finding a home

    Chapter: 9.7

    Summary: Gideon reconnects with his old friends meanwhile the wedding preperation brings Derek's & Spencer's family to town.

    Note: I stole the headcanon that Hotch is allergic to strawberries from the lovely @ssa-sarahsunshine . Much love to you. (Also: If you want to read fantasy criminal minds AUs, her blog is the best place to go <3 )

    Ao3

    "This smells amazing." JJ announces stepping into the kitchen, her dress from yesterday has been replaced with Hotch's shirt, it had been tucked into pants from Spencer that after getting up, Hotch stole for her.

    Following the scent she walks towards the oven where fresh cookies are baking while Gideon is making scrambled eggs on the stove.

    "You can grab a cookie already. It's on minimum heat to keep them warm until Spencer wakes up." Gideon tells her with a warm smile.

    "Can I hug you first?"

    "Of course" The man puts down the spatula and opens his arms for her, "It's good to see you."

    "You too"

    "You turned into a grown woman. You lost your baby cheeks." He tells her with an honest smile as he looks down on her.

    "They went with my pregnancy."

    "I heard" He lets go of her to keep stirring the eggs. "Henry, right?"

    "Yes"

    "Are you married yet?"

    "No, we have been engaged for years but there was never the right moment." She explains, grabbing a glass to pour some orange juice in, "What about you? Did you meet someone on the road?"

    "No" He tells her with a chuckle, she always had been the most blunt one when it came to his private life. Back then he had been their supervisor, now, sharing a cabin with them and making breakfast, he knows they can drop the formalities.

    "I heard you got some work done."

    "I did."

    "It's impressive. Garcia kept tab on it."

    "Garcia?" He questions filling the first portion of egg into a bowl.

    "Penelope." JJ answers with a frown.

    "Right, the technical analyst. She must have a lot more work in the times now." Gideon guesses, "How is she?"

    "She is good. She is dating someone and she is doing an insane amount of work."

    "What about your work? I heard you changed your opinion about profilers?" Gideon hints at her newest promotion.

    "I am one now." She admits stealing some of the scrambled eggs with her fork, "Not that I did not learn most of it prior already but it's official now."

    "I saw an article when you worked for the pentagon."

    "That was not my decision-"

    "I figured." He calms her, "Your name, believe me, whenever I worked with a PD that I worked with the BAU before, they remembered you. You certainly did a good job representing us."

    "Thank you"

    "I am just being honest."

    "Good morning" Rubbing his eyes, Hotch steps into the room walking towards the fridge to get some water.

    "Morning, Aaron." Gideon greets him and grabs a glass for him, "You okay?"

    "Allergies" He complains and sits down, his nose stuffed.

    "I tried cleaning most of the dust, I am sorry kid." Gideon apologizes. "You have your medication with you?"

    "It's not a problem, I am fine." He takes a sip smiling at Gideon, "I promise"

    "I didn't even know you had allergies." JJ admits.

    "Strawberries and dust." Gideon answers for him earning himself a glare "I found that first thing out at a charity event."

    "Ever since you have grown a little bit protective over it."

    "It's your own fault." Rossi chimes in, entering the room, "We had our newest Agent lying on the floor, choking for minutes until someone found an allergy pen." With a knowing smile he walks over to the can of coffee, "I think most of my grey hair grew that day."

    "I don't also take the blame for that." Hotch defends himself with a raspy voice.

    "JJ is here." Spencer whispers. cupping Morgan's face in the morning, leaning onto him . "Wake up"

    "I am up." He brings out, his head is pounding from the alcohol he had last night.

    "Can we get up? Can we get up?" He asks with a wide smile being barely an inch away from Morgan's face. "Please"

    "Sure, give me a moment okay?"

    "JJ is here!"

    "I know, she drove me."

    "Can I say good morning?"

    "Of course"

    "I will be back in no time." Quickly Spencer rushes out of bed, the dog following him out of the room into the kitchen where he shyly looks at the scene before making his way over to JJ to hug her.

    "Hey you"

    "That was a nice surprise that you brought Morgan over."

    "It was, wasn't it?" She questions, both her and Hotch not telling him what brought this on while the others are left in the dark. "Where is he?"

    "In bed."

    "Why don't you get him? Breakfast is almost ready." Rossi encourages him.

    "Bring him coffee," Hotch suggests.

    "Bring him coffee. Bring him coffee. No coffee in bed or he won't get out." Spencer tells them rushing off leaving chuckles from the others behind as he walks back into their room where Derek is asleep again. "Morgan?"

    "Mmm"

    "Breakfast is ready"

    "Only breakfast I want is you." He jokes with a chuckle, pulling Spencer down to him for a kiss, "You got that?"

    "That's something you say to Penelope. It's probably something sexual."

    "It is"

    "Not here!" Spencer exclaims.

    "I was just teasing you. Come here." Hesitant Spencer climbs onto the bed while Derek sits up, leaning against the headboard. "You alright?"

    "You alright? Very"

    "I didn't ruin your night by coming here did I?"

    "No. I like it." He tells him, smiling at him, "I sleep better with you in bed than with Rossi."

    "Then you are marrying the right person."

    "I don't know yet" Spencer jokes and lets out a yelp when Derek pulls him forward and turns both of them over on the bed, looking down on him, "Maybe I should think about it again" He adds while giggling and Morgan leans down starting to kiss his neck while holding him down by his waist, "Maybe I should marry Rossi" He keeps on bringing out between laughter finding himself funny, while Derek keeps kissing his neck and eventually starts sucking at a spot, causing Spencer to moan.

    "You like that baby?"

    "No" Spencer presses his eyes shut, "No stop. Stop!" He yells taking his hand up to Derek's face to push him away, "Stop please"

    With the last please Rossi and Gideon come rushing in while Derek moves from the bed, "I don't want it, please"

    "It's okay, bambino" Rossi assures him walking towards the bed, "Nothing is gonna happen."

    "You okay?" Worried, Gideon steps closer to Morgan who looks down on Spencer, shocked about what just happened.

    "Yeah we- I didn't."

    "It's okay." Comforting Gideon places a hand on his back, "Why don't you step out with me for a moment?"

    "Spencer eyes on me for a second" Rossi tries calming Spencer, "There you go, it's okay"

    "Morgan"

    "It's okay, he is not gonna do anything."

    "Morgan" He makes grabby hands in his direction and said man understands, crawling back onto the bed and taking him into his arms, "I am sorry"

    "You have nothing to be sorry for."

    "I do" Soothing Derek rocks them back and forth while Spencer cries and the others leave the room.

    "Why?"

    "What if I can't do it on our wedding night?"

    "Then that's okay. We don't ever have to do this, I promise. I promise you, nothing could make me not want to marry you at this point."

    "I want to sleep with you."

    "I know and that's a huge step." Derek tells him, "I am so proud of you, you made so much progress since I know you, you are so brave and strong, believe me you don't have to do this yet."

    "Why can you do it?"

    "I don't know"

    "You can just- you can just have sex." Spencer brings out. "The same thing happened to you."

    "I guess I can just not do other things because of it."

    "You can do everything" Spencer brings out.

    "I can't leave my fiancé with other men." He tells him and Spencer moves back, kneeling in front of him while wiping a tear away.

    "What do you mean?"

    "Last night I drove down here because I had a panic attack thinking about what they could do to you up here." He admits and Spencer frowns at him, tears gathering in his eyes again. "My mind went crazy the whole day. All I could think about was my baby all alone, not being able to defend himself."

    "I- I- I was fine."

    "A part of me knew that but there was so much worry inside my head, I couldn't leave you here."

    "That's okay. I like you here." With a sad smile Morgan looks at Spencer, "Are you okay now?"

    "Of course."

    "None of them ever hurt me"

    "I know." Morgan reaches for Spencer's hand letting his thump run over his rough skin, "It's just the cabin. Not this cabin but any cabin away from everything, really."

    "Because of Buford?"

    "Yeah" he admits, "And then the lake thing? It just tipped me over the edge I think. Hotch didn't mention it when he told me what you would do, I kinda just- I don't know."

    "We didn't do any dirty things there. We just swam. And we had swimwear on."

    "I know"

    "I didn't know you get panic attacks." Spencer admits and Morgan realizes what just slipped out.

    "No- no it was one time. It happens-"

    "That's why you are still in therapy" He figures out, withdrawing his hands, "Why wouldn't you tell me?"

    "You didn't need to know."

    "I do- it's- okay" Sadly Spencer nods, his lips forming in a way that tells Derek he is going to break into tears again.

    "Hey, don't cry, come here." Derek pulls him closer again, and helps him lean against him, "I get panic attacks but they are rarely accruing, okay? I am all good. Being in therapy is something good because it helps me with them."

    "Because of me?"

    "No, I don't get them because of you. I may or may not have for years underestimated the trauma that comes with our job and some things that just hunt me."

    "You can- you can talk to me about it. I can help."

    "I know. It was just something I wanted to figure out alone first."

    "But now with me?" He questions.

    "We can try"

    "I am gonna be your husband. Then we have to share things more."

    "Is that so?" Derek asks, surprised.

    "Yes."

    "Well, what things are you gonna share with me?"

    "The last name." Spencer tells and then giggles again.

    "Alright, that was smooth pretty boy."

    "Dr. Morgan Reid" He whispers. "It sounds long."

    "You know what sounds long? Supervisory Special Agent Dr. Spencer Walter Morgan Reid." Derek teases him. "And technically, it's doctor three times."

    They agreed on both of their last names, simply because on the job there are a lot of associations popping up in people's heads when they hear their last names.

    "Can we go eat breakfast? They made cookies." Spencer suddenly remembers. "Please?"

    "Of course! I am starving."

    "Me too?"

    "I don't know, when was the last time you ate?" Morgan questions.

    "Yesterday afternoon"

    "Then I would say you are probably very hungry, yes." Derek concludes and Spencer nods and for a moment starts zoning out. "Baby?"

    Hesitant he pulls him close again. "It's okay that was a lot at ones, why don't we go to the others? Eat a little bit?"

    Morgan scoops him up in his arms carrying him over into the kitchen, "Good morning" JJ greets him, "We prepared coffee"

    "You are a god sent angel." Morgan places Spencer on a chair, Clooney walking closer to press his head against Spencer's stomach. "That is a hell of a breakfast combo"

    "When we-" Gideon starts, "It had been the only thing he would eat. Cookies and scrambled eggs."

    "Why am I not surprised?" JJ asks, biting in another cookie while Derek fills Spencer's plate. "Do you want a coffee too, Spence?"

    Anxiously he looks up to Morgan, "You want some? I am sure Gideon has some sugar."

    Without an answer Spencer looks down on his plate and after a moment takes his fork and starts to eat while Derek places a glass of water in front of him, followed by pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Love you."

    After a moment Spencer takes his hand up and signs it back before going back to eating his breakfast.

    "There she is!" Spencer exclaims when he sees Fran walking towards them at the airport on monday, "Hug her?"

    "Go ahead!" Morgan encourages him and watches Spencer surprising his mother with a hug, wrapping his arms around the smaller woman with force,

    "Oh goodness!" She exclaims and hugs him back, "It's so good to see you"

    "Careful" Morgan hugs them too, trapping Spencer between the two who lets out a giggle. "We missed you"

    "Now you will have me for full 8 days, you will get sick of me soon enough" The woman tells them as they move out of the hug. "I am just glad you let me stay at a hotel, not at your home. I am too old for all the wedding stress"

    "Don't act like you didn't hope you could stay with us, Mama" Derek tells her with a smile, grabbing her luggage.

    "What do you mean?" Spencer questions, "We have a guest room."

    "We don't" Derek fakes a confused expression and hopes that Spencer gets the hint to shut up about this.

    They have a perfect guest room, they could let even more people stay but they have so many things going on this week that he declared their home an alone zone for the two of them.

    Everything wedding related that requires personal meetings happens at Rossi's now. It is also where Spencer will stay the night before the wedding and where they will stay on their wedding night.

    “We do,” Spencer tells her again innocently, “I would also let you stay in my room if you want too.”

    “Real funny, baby.” Uncomfortable Derek lets out a laugh and places a hand on his back, “Someone had too much coffee this morning. Our guest room is filled with wedding stuff.”

    “That’s all at Rossi’s, he has been complaining for months.”

    “Spencer-”

    “It’s okay, Derek. Believe me, I wouldn’t want my mother to stay in my house for a full week either.” Fran tells him with a wink, “Why don’t you two take me to my hotel so I can freshen up and can make it to our dinner reservations tions. I am dying to see Emily again, it has been so many years.”

    “She is already excited.” Emily had, when everything with Buford came out, played an important role in comforting her. She had spent the day at their house, informing them about the investigations and even though she was still new to the team, didn’t even ones questioned Derek’s innocence.

    “You are going to run holes into the grass.” Dave exclaims when he sees JJ outside, measuring things by walking up and down before taking notes on her tablet. “It’s all gonna be okay.”

    “I just don’t want to mess anything up.”

    “You won’t.”

    “The woman at the flower shop needs a number today.” JJ sighs and looks at her notes again, “You think this is enough?”

    “I think we will drown in flowers and that is exactly what Spencer wants.”

    “Did the guy from the rental company call you back about the tables?” She asks.

    “He did, it's all being taken care of.” With a warm smile he places both hands on her arms, “Come inside, we will eat something and then drive back to the office.”

    “If we get a case on Saturday-”

    “We don’t take cases this week. Hotch took care of that. All we do this week is take care of paperwork that piled up and consult on other cases.”

    “That’s what we always say and then a case happens and we have to leave nevertheless.”

    “We won’t”

    “But if we do-” She starts and places her hand on top of Rossi’s, “You can’t come with us. He needs you here.”

    “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

    “You look gorgeous.” Emily exclaims when she sees Spencer in a nice suit walking into the restaurant. “Did you drive all the way alone here?”

    “No, I was with my mom and then I only had to take the subway and drive six stations.” Hesitant he sits down next to her in the round booth.

    “Is your mom as excited as I am?” She questions while playing with her wine glass, she was the first one there.

    “I don’t know.”

    “You don’t?”

    “She wasn’t very clear today.” He tells her and forces himself to a smile, “But her doctor said maybe she will be on Saturday.”

    “I hope so.” Comforting she places a hand on his thigh and first he pulls away, using his hands to shield himself from her but then he grabs her wrist and places her hand back, taking a deep breath and then smiling at her, “Good job”

    “You are safe”

    “I am glad you see it that way.”

    “Jack come here for a second please!” Hotch calls through the apartment, “We have a visitor.” Quickly the boy puts his pen down and takes up the opportunity to get out of his homework to rush into the kitchen seeing an older man standing next to his father which makes him insecure when he can’t recognize who it is but he seems nice and like someone that makes his Dad happy. Hopefully he didn’t forget about an uncle he is supposed to know.

    “You are right, he grew up quite a bit.” Gideon speaks up looking at the boy he saw the last time when he just learned crawling.

    “Jack, this is Jason, he is an old friend of mine. We worked together when you were born.” Shyly Jack leans against his fathers leg, feeling the comforting hand on his back, “You probably don’t remember do you?” Hotch asks in a tone that indicates that there is no chance he could.

    “I don’t”

    “It’s not a problem, Son.” Gideon speaks again, “I heard from your dad that you are playing soccer now. My son loves soccer as well.”

    “Dad and uncle Dave coach my team. And Beth always makes me snacks for afterwards!”

    “Beth?” Gideon questions and looks at Hotch but Jack is faster in delivering an answer.

    “Beth is Daddy’s girlfriend. I love Beth, she is the best!” He exclaims and runs over to the fridge to get a picture that they did hang on it with a magnete, “Look how pretty she is!”

    “She is.” Gideon agrees and reaches down to grab the picture. It shows Jack and Beth at a picnic in a park.

    “You know about-”

    “I do” The older man quickly ends the topic, “I gotta talk to your dad about something important for a moment okay?”

    “Like work stuff?”

    “Yes”

    “Alright.” Defeated, he hangs the picture back up, “Will we still eat mac and cheese tonight?”

    “Of course, this is just a quick conversation, you can go finish your homework in the meantime.”

    “Do I really have to?”

    “Well you don’t if you don’t feel up for it, but wouldn’t it be cool to have it done already? You won’t have to do anything tomorrow.”

    “I will just get new homework tomorrow anyways.” The boy complains.

    “You can- you don’t have to finish everything tonight but if I were you I would at least do everything you need for tomorrow so you get another sicker from Mrs Dean.”

    “But can you help me with math?”

    “Yeah, sure, after I am done talking to Jason okay?” Comforting Hotch reaches down to Jack’s head, letting the pet of his thumb run over his cheek before the boy nods and runs off towards his room.”

    “You are a good father.” Gideon concludes, “He is going to grow old just fine.”

    “I don’t know about that.” With a shy smile Hotch walks over to the kitchen taking a pan out of the shelf to start cooking Jack’s dinner. “I don’t see him very often.”

    “Doesn’t mean you can’t be a good father.” Hotch bites back a comment on how Gideon would know after abandoning his biological son throughout his childhood and the other kid that loves him like a father without a word for multiple years, “I am here to talk to you about William.”

    “William Reid?” Hotch questions and turns on the stove.

    “Yes.”

    “Well he is dead, he is not gonna show up on saturday if that is what you are concerned about.” He tells him, “Besides, Spencer's family isn’t invited.”

    “I know that, I heard about it when he died.”

    “Suicide, crashed his car near washington.” Hotch tells him and grabs the package he uses to make the mac and cheese, feeling a little bit guilty about feeding his son this kind of stuff while Jessica makes sure he eats healthy and balanced.

    “Did he?”

    “I don’t care. He is dead.” Hotch tells him while a smile creeps on his face, “I can’t tell you I was sad though.”

    “There is a rumour that it wasn’t suicide.” Gideon starts, “I don’t think it is a coincidence that he died here.”

    “Well if it wasn’t the person just did what was your job many years ago.”

    “Can we eat dessert?” Morgan asks Spencer while his mom went to the bathroom and the younger man has his head laying on Derek’s shoulder.

    “Tired and loud.”

    “I know but maybe you can make it through thirty more minutes? I promise we will drive home after.” He shields Spencer’s face with his hand from the room, hoping to give him a break from the light and noises, “Please”

    “Why don’t I take Spencer? I will bring him home and you can stay with your mom and have a few nice drinks and dessert.”

    “No it’s okay.” Derek takes his glass and chucks down the rest of his beer, “It has been a long day.”

    “Emily”

    “What?” Derek asks looking down towards Spencer

    “Home. Emily.”

    “You want to go home with Emily?” Spencer nods and raises his head from Derek’s shoulder before taking his wallet out of his pocket and placing money on the table tapping on it twice,

    “Drinks. My treat.”

    “Thank you, babe” Derek steals a kiss from him, “I love you”

    When they reach her car she gets surprised by Spencer grabbing the hand she wanted to use to turn the key to start the car, “What’s wrong?”

    “Wine”

    “Wine?” Confused Emily looks at him before he reaches over and taps her stomach, “Oh! You mean I drank wine.” He nods and pulls out his wallet containing his drivers license. “You wanna drive?”

    “Yes”

    “I only had one glass.”

    “None”

    “When was the last time you drove a car?” Spencer shrugs, “I am gonna drive us.”

    “I can’t believe that my little baby is getting married.” Fran smiles while raising her glass, “All grown up now.”

    “Only now?”

    “I had my doubts when you called me to ask if you could eat cheese that you left out of the fridge for a few days.”

    “It looked good.” Derek says to his defense before tapping his glass against the one off his mom, “To you finally getting rid of me.”

    “I am not getting rid of anything, I gained another one.” She jokes, “You got lucky there, don’t mess it up.”

    “I won’t.”

    “Secret.” Spencer tells Emily when she asks him what’s going on in his head while getting him dressed in his sleepwear.

    “Does Derek know about the secret?”

    “No” Emily pushes his sleeves up and grabs the creme used for his scar tissue, from the shelf,

    “I thought you stopped with the secrets.”

    “No body secret.”

    “That’s good. Is it a surprise?” Gently she puts some on her hand and takes her other to spread it over the skin, Spencer twitching ones at the cold feeling.

    “Yes but Morgan won’t like it.” Anxious he watches her movements and gently guides her hand further down when she meets a spot Derek doesn’t usually cover.

    “Do you wanna tell me?”

    “Secret”

    “I know, it’s gonna stay a secret between the two of us.” Spencer considers it for quite a moment until Emily is done treating his arm and walks over to the sink to wash her hands and with her back turned towards him, he dares to voice it.

    “My uncle and grandma. Wedding.“ He brings out while shaking hi arms to get the cream to dry faster. “Our wedding.“

    “I don‘t know what you mean.“ She turns around to get a look at him, often his gestures help understanding broken words or sentences that don’t seem like they are following any grammatical law. “Say it again.”

    “Show you” He grabs her hand and pulls her through the corridor towards his rooms, up the stairs and then gently pulls her to the floor where she kneels down and he reaches down to grab two roled up posters from under the bed.

    He rolls the first one out, revealing the seating arrangement with the headline “Official seating chart” and guides Emily hands to the edges to hold it down before opening the other one. “Unofficial but real seating chart.”

    “What does it mean?”

    “5” Emily let’s her eyes travel over the circles drawn on the paper down to number five and then starts to compare it to the one of the unofficial seating chart.

    “Oh”

    “Secret”

    “I know” Emily reads again and then looks at Spencer who stares at her, his eyes begging her to tell her it’s okay. “You invited your family and sneaked them into the seating arrangement.”

    He nods and suddenly lunches forward cupping her face, “Secret. Secret. Secret.”

    “It will stay a secret, it’s okay.”

    “If you are a good boy and love Daddy you keep this secret.” He whispers and leans close to her face, “I will make you feel special,”

    “Spencer-”

    “I will love you when you keep this secret, it’s special-”

    “Spencer-”

    “If you keep the secret for Daddy, Daddy is going to-”

    “Spencer snap out of it.” She yells and presses her hands on his sides trying to ground him, “It’s okay, you are okay.”

    Distraught he looks at her, her hands still on her cheek, she can feel his fingernails digging into her skin, “Your secret is safe with me, it's okay, we are friends, we can have a secret together. It’s not bad, it's okay.”

    "I will keep the secret, I promise you." She doesn't even feel the wounds forming, her concentration is fully on Spencer, "I know this is a huge thing for you, he isn't going to find out."

    "Promise me"

    "I promise you"

    "Secret"

    "Yes, it's our secret." She takes her hand off his hips and tries prying his hands off her face, "It's okay" She whispers, "We will hide these under your bed again."

    "If you tell him, I will hurt you."

    "He won't find out from me." She manages to get his hands off and then smiles at him, "Why don't you go downstairs? I will be there in a moment. Lay down on you bed, I am sure I can make you some hot chocolate before bed"

    He nods and then looks at her curious, "What is it?"

    Spencer flashes his teeth, "Oh right, well one time won't break your teeths. But if you think it does, we will just brush them again." Sceptical he nods and pushes himself off the floor, and when she hears him get off the stairs, she photographs the plans before shoving them under the bed again.

    "So you had a fun night." Emily comments when he sees Derek stumbling through the door.

    "Can't outdrink my mother." He walks over to the couch, plopping down next to her and laying his head on her shoulder, "He okay?"

    "Perfect."

    "Thank you"

    "Mmm" She tries scooping away but he wraps his arms around her.

    "Alright" Emily laughs, "Your fiance is right upstairs to cuddle."

    She wakes up to the cracks of the stairs, "Hey you" With a tired smile she looks at Spencer, ignoring Derek laying on her. "Everything alright?"

    Confused he points at Derek before he harshly grabs down, "Spencer don't"

    "You promised me!" He yells while Derek wakes up, looking at his boyfriend in confusion.

    "Spencer, sweetheart, I didn't say anything."

    "Not you! Shut up" He snaps and pulls Derek to his feet, "You promised me you wouldn't do this anymore."

    "Wha-" Lightheaded Derek grabs Spencer to not stumble in the dark, "What is going on?"

    "I hate you! You promised!"

    "What did I promise?" Derek tries to reason with whatever is going on right now, "What happened? What did I do?"

    "You couldn't wait five more days?"

    "Baby what?"

    "Five days and you could have fucked me all you want but you had to- your pathetic- your embarrassing disgusting sex drive couldn't even be contemted so we can get married?" He spits out, the veins popping out on his neck.

    "Spencer, calm down. I don't know what you are talking about."

    "You promised you wouldn't cheat again."

    "And I didn't"

    "Don't lie to me!" He yells.

    "You are talking about the stripper at the Bachelor party? We talked about that beforehand-"

    "I am talking about her!" Furious he points at Emily, "I hate you- I fucking hate you both."

    "We- no Spencer- hey!" Derek reaches forward but Spencer flinches away, "We just cuddled. Like you cuddle with JJ."

    "I hate you!" He spits out again, "I hate you! I hate you so much."

    "Okay you don't hate me." Derek reaches forward again, catching his arms,

    "I do! I do! I am mad!"

    "I hear you, we can talk about this." With strength he holds Spencer, "I didn't do anything with Emily, you know that baby."

    "Can I do something?" Emily asks concerned.

    Morgan ignores her, "Spencer stop!"

    "How could you do this to me?"

    "I didn't do anything."

    "Five days! Five days! It would have been five days." Spencer yells, gesturing with his arms as much as Derek's grip allows it.

    "It is still because nothing happened." Derek promises him in a calm tone, not copying Spencer's volume.

    "You are a fucking liar." He spits back and Derek turns around towards Emily, while Spencer keeps yelling at him, "I hate you! Stop touching me."

    "Did you follow the night routine?" Derek asks her, dodging Spencer's attempt to hit him.

    "Yes- I mean- we interrupted it ones but-"

    "With what?"

    "He wanted to show me something and he had to brush his teeth again and then I told him that there is no need to do everything else again too." She explains, "But he was fine when he went to bed."

    "Doesn't look like it, does it?" He snaps before using more strength and bringing both of them down to the ground, half kneeling, half sitting. "I know you are angry, it's okay." He let's go of his hands and places his own on his own thighs, "We will breathe it out together okay?"

    "No! No, breathing it out! You are a liar."

    "I am not a liar." Calming Derek let's his shoulders slump, his hands remaining in the same position, his voice keeping the steady calm tone, all of this to show Spencer how there is no reason to be this loud and aggressive to protect himself.

    "You cheated on me again."

    "I didn't." He repeats as he watches Spencer hitting the floor with his fist, wincing at the sight. "You want my help?"

    "No!" He yells and takes his fists up to his head, hitting both sides before he grips his hair near his roots pulling at them.

    "Derek, do something!" Emily exclaims.

    "What do you want me to do, Emily? Can't really pull at his hands to get him to stop?" He gives back, raising his words slightly.

    "You gotta know something!

    "I don't know everything that goes on in his brain." He defends himself and looks up to her when she approaches them,

    "So you are saying you have no idea how to help him? He is hurting himself."

    "And if you were bothered enough to check in ones in a while you, would know this is not unusual."

    "Apparently you haven't been checking in much with him either? Cheating on him? Yeah that's a really caring thing to do."

    "You don't know the circumstances" He yells back.

    "Well, do it like every other guy and jerk off under the shower if you were that desperate instead of cheating on your boyfriend."

    "It's none of your business."

    "It is my business! How do you expect him to marry you when you pull shit like that?"

    "Like he doesn't?" Derek yells and gets up from the floor looking Emily directly into the eyes. Both of them not noticing how Spencer stopped what he was doing and is looking up to them, a tear running down his face. "I think you should get out of my house now."

    "I am not leaving."

    "Go"

    "Yeah not until I know he is okay.”

    "Like you did with distrusting his evening routine when I told you specifically not to do so because he is already nervous." He reminds her, "Go now, I gotta somehow find a way to make sure he isn't having the worst headache of his life tomorrow or killing me out of frustration."

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  • twobellsilence
    25.10.2021 - 1 hour ago

    i just got my Diamond Select Zuko and the difference between the display pictures and the actual figure makes me want to cry

    #WHERE'S THE SCAR BLENDING?? WHY IS THE PAINT JOB SO MEDIOCRE???? #maybe this is just me only having experience with Bandai and being unaware that this is how it works with this particular brand #but still. it's kinda sad. like even the the knockoffs i own have a better paint job #i mean he doesn't look bad at all I just expected a lot more #Luke rants
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  • madame-kevlar
    25.10.2021 - 2 hours ago

    bad really bad.

    #some people just don't mesh well when drinking #like at all #i am so ashamed #but to be honest it wasn't on me #i still feel horrible even being implicated #and I feel emotionally scarred for what was said to me #you really can never ever take back words that were said especially in anger #i don't know how to heal from this #or if I ever really will
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  • memryse
    25.10.2021 - 3 hours ago

    scott nicknaming joel and grian "thing 1 and thing 2" kshdkdhdkjd

    #just catching up on my last pov for the week #i'm gonna miss this red duo. my terrible little red life ex friends of scar who are definitely both insane
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  • yumenosakiacademy
    25.10.2021 - 4 hours ago

    “this is like reverse truman show-- we were all so nice on herm!tcraft, now its time 2 Let Loose!! >:)” top 10 words said b4 disaster

    #I KNO SPOILERS FROM THIS SERIES N I KNO SCAR IS A FUCKING BEAST #delete later#3l liveblog
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  • seajacksons
    25.10.2021 - 4 hours ago

    hair down wild my beloved

    #loz#botw #too lazy to do scars sorry baby #its the shaping and coloring…. #legend of zelda #linktober#inktober#my art #artists on tumblr #mine#link#wild#linkeduniverse
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  • sleepygreywolf
    25.10.2021 - 4 hours ago

    I love that the only difference between a pirate and a privateer is a letter from the government saying I can do what I want

    Like no wonder sturmhond is a privateer he’s the king he could just write his own

    “I can attack whoever I like- Nikolai king of ravka”

    #grisha triology#nikolai lantsov #nikolai my beloved #sturmhond#sab #shadow and bone #shadow and bone trilogy #sab trilogy#s&b memes#s&b trilogy #shadow and bone meme #s&s #siege and storm #ruin and rising spoilers #ruin and rising #books and literature #king of scars #rule of wolves
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  • waisted-daisiess
    25.10.2021 - 4 hours ago

    Everybody's got a little someone to trust ,

    But me

    #jack off jill #angels fuck devils kiss #sexless demons and scars #1997#grunge#punk#riot grrrl#90s#tunes#mine#Spotify
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  • knivesnkisses
    25.10.2021 - 5 hours ago
    #He pretty much wears whatever to blend in with the current times but you have NO idea #how badly I wanted to dress him up like a dandy getting ready in a Leyendecker advert. #My art. #Mr. E. #yandere#male yandere #Also scar placements subject to change and NONE of them were self inflicted jsyk!
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  • peculiar-shardscape
    25.10.2021 - 6 hours ago

    “HEY, ARE YOUR EARS BLEEDING YET? C@N S0M3B0D% H3@R M3?!?”

    Can’t believe they were gonna kill Ixol off man

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  • pynkhues
    25.10.2021 - 6 hours ago
    #basically my appearance headcanon is that rio actually has quite a few scars haha #thanks again anon! #this was fun to write #beth x rio #beth boland#rio#fic asks#headcanon meme #nbc good girls #welcome to my ama
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  • cuteiemonster
    25.10.2021 - 6 hours ago

    don't reb|og

    i like when i accidentally draw like. an oddly squishy expression

    like. this is squishy to me

    #don't reb|og#hush cuteie #im slowly going through the big assignment lol #im not drawing his scars yet cause m just trying to clean up the rough a bit #ill probably...clean it up AGAIN but eh w/e #this round im going to do most of the in-betweens so ik the timing and stuff #and the next round it'll just be nicer ig idk NKDSJVNDS
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