Alone again.. another empty night. Another night meant for only sleep. Where I can dream of being anyone but me.
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“I wish you I can just forget about these stupid feelings but that’s not how it works now ain’t it?”
— Day 6 of loving him but slowly healing
2Breaking was easy.. putting the pieces back together was the hardest part.
—opalmoonlite
1December 6th
Really great day!
I drank my water, ate healthy and worked out a little.
Also I did my homework and studied for the Biology exam next week. Lastly I took the time to just clean my room and study space so I could start off my productive weekend tommorow without having to clean first.
I hope everyone is having an incredible day!✨
1I want to be in love.
With a girl. With my life. With myself. I want to love the person I am, my journey, the things I say and do. I want to be so proud of myself, not just for ‘making it’ but making the best of it. I’d like to have one style and things that I want to do and I want to just breathe without it hurting so damn much. I want to feel loved, be touched, mean something to people.
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I’ve been reading a lot lately
Everyday I have to read at least a hour
And this new book is everything I needed !
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2019.12.07 | 00.15 AM | Self Healing Journey
beberapa dari sekian banyak resolusi tahun depanku adalah belajar menggambar, melukis, dan segala yang berkaitan dengan seni. dulu aku nggak bisa banget gambar, sama sekali. melihat mereka yang gambarnya bagus, aku juga pengen dong bisa gambar seenggaknya yaa mendingan lah daripada skill gambarku dulu. aku nggak inget terakhir menggambar kapan, yang jelas ini adalah gambar pertama aku di tahun 2019 hahaha.
butut banget, nggak enak dilihat gambarnya. akupun mengakui.
tapi sebenarnya ini adalah cara baruku untuk self healing. begitu pula dengan semua resolusiku untuk kedepannya. aku pengen nemuin kebahagiaan aku dengan cara baru yang sederhana tapi efeknya bagus. tahun ini aku kehilangan diri sendiri dan lupa cara membahagiakan diri, semoga ini awal yang baik agar kedepannya bisa terus berkembang.
1I thought I had a date tonight. I had such a lovely time. We talked for four hours about everything. He walked me the couple blocks home. But I think it wasn’t actually a date. There was no indication of anything but friendship. And I’d love to be friends. But still, I am so disappointed. Not even just because I liked this person specifically and I so rarely do. But because I’m feeling tender hearted and too much and broken and I wanted to be wanted. I wanted to be seen by someone and accepted and desired and found worthy. And that’s not fair and not anyone else’s job to provide. I have to find my own worthiness within myself. And even if we’re just friends that’s a lovely thing that still involves acceptance and being seen. But much as I know that I suppose I wanted some comfort tonight, and I’m disappointed someone else couldn’t give it to me cause I don’t know how to give it to myself.
0December 5th
So today I drank a ton of water and did a small workout when I came home from school.
I studied a bit for Biology and did my homework.
Even though I didn’t eat the best today, I’m feeling pretty okay.
Just gotta stay positive and motivated.
(I might even write a bit later, I haven’t in ages and I’m feeling pretty inspired rn)
Hope y'all are having an incredible day💕✨
4Pain
Pain isn’t evil,Pain is your friend,when everyone betrays you,the Pain will tell you,when everyone leaves you,only the Pain will stay with you. Pain is your teacher,Pain makes you stronger,it makes you a better person,it guides you,but the best thing about pain is that,if you feel it that means that you’re a still alive,so use that pain for yourself,take care of yourself,be a better version of yourself,give yourself time,do the things you love,but never use the pain for vengeance,you will not going to feel better,it will only consume you.Use the pain for good and beautiful things,live your life as you want,because one day you will not feel pain anymore
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