Wednesday 20th Jan 2021
I survived the day.
It was a terrible day.
I woke up at 7 in the morning but couldn’t come out of my bed till 12 noon. I had to so much push myself, to pull myself together to get the courage to atleast come out of bed. The thoughts in my mind kept me away from everything else. I thought I would get myself busy but there are some days when you can’t even breath. The pain in your body and mind doesn’t give you the energy to think anything.
You just hop from one work to another to survive, praying to God to give you the strength to survive. I have never felt so helpless in my life. I knew what I was suppose to do but I wanted to do something else.
It’s all about accepting things. Accepting that you can’t change what has happened, what will happen and what is happening. You just try to breath. You think of hope but you also think how practical your hope is and then you realize that hope and reality don’t go hand in hand.
You get what has been written for you.
You can ask God to ease the pain but he won’t remove the pain.
You have to survive. This is what life is all about.
I am happy that I survived today.
0Do you have a friend turned in to a total stranger within seconds??? Who has taken advantage on you from the very beginning??? But you never knew??? Betrayed you without even a glance back???
You always had your best interest towards them… you always had it… but they never did.. and you never knew because you thought everyone is like yourself…
The action of betrayal is like a slap across your face.. it hurts so bad… and it was very unexpected though it was well planned ages ago…
But still at a corner of your heart you still yearn for a slightest reason to forgive her forever… to have her back…
Are we that pitiful? Are we that humble? Are we that naive?
Why do we actively find a reason to forgive a person when they make no attempt to show they even repent??
After all we are all humans with emotions…
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Good morning! I accept myself for - the weirdness, bone collecting, ritual practices and finding meaning in everything - type of person I am becoming. Try accepting yourself today. It’s fun :-)
13Coming to grips with how things are; an how things came to be. Accepting the fact that I have to mend wounds.
4I adore writing down recipes in my journal or getting one passed down from my elders, friends, loved ones. <3 dziękuję ci życie!
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Imagine this all just disappear with a snap like just for a second I gave up and self harm because I got too emotional
0My clinician said that I should start with self love and self care first for two week and see what happens.
Look at me now it’s only been five days seen we last talk and here I am crying again and breaking down. Two days ago I stop going back to my healthy and self love lifestyle I feel so drain even tho I haven’t done anything and now look at me pathetic just crying and want to kill myself again and self harm what a fucking pain why is life so fucking hard and painful
0A Break Up And A Miscarriage by Sabie
We’ve been in this position 1000 times..
And still I get so uneasy
After 8 minutes of 60 on the highway
It feels like we’re running
Maybe a change of scenery is all we needed
Maybe a few miles make things easier to forgive
Like the miles between your forearm and my heartbeat
An ocean of loud music between us that nobody is listening to
We’re always so far, always
Or maybe I just always wanted you a bit closer
But never made more room
Even with a part of you inside me
You felt completely unattainable
I’m stuck in this passenger seat
Because right now
It’s as close to your heart as I can get
As I can handle
I’ve been clutching the door handle
For twelve minutes and my hand hurts
My head hurts I wanna talk to you
I need to tell you everything
Like.. when you blocked me I pretended to be fine
Like I told my mama that shit Just wasn’t gonna work out so we’re just friends now
Like.. I was lying in a bathtub with a dead body and a broken heart and still thinking of ways to apologize
Like I hate you
Like I needed you
Like I need you
The tiles on my bathroom floors have heard me pray harder
Than the walls of any church
And I tried to call on God
But only remembered your name
No I did call on God,
I just pronounced it “R*****”
And as usual I got no answer
It’s funny how we make
People we love most immortal
And still can never save them
I sat there confused
Because my life felt like a joke I didn’t get
Or forgot the punchline to
Or am the punchline to, idk
I sat in the rain and cried with clouds
I watched gray water turn red
You were probably fine the whole time
And I’m still thinking of ways to say sorry
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