â¤ď¸â¤ď¸Love, love, love his quotes. He has such a connection to the female mind. â¤ď¸â¤ď¸
0Iâve always seemed to dislike myself (mostly appearance wise) but as of lately itâs been too much. I want to practice what I preach and genuinely love who I am on the inside and outđ
3
Tonight, these are my thoughts. I can finally see the beauty of life all around me. I see beauty in all kinds of people. Every time I am around people, there is something I admire in each person. I see how worthy they are of love. I tell myself I am worthy of love, but I am yet to fully believe it. I tell myself I am beautiful, but I am yet to fully see it. There is still a part of me that feels there is something wrong with me. I feel different, like I donât belong. I feel that no matter how hard I try, I canât quite get it together. I wonder how my partner could possibly love me. I feel like I could be only be loved once I am perfected, or at least normal.
These thoughts and feelings derive from 18+ years of abuse, trauma, and mental illness. When the world constantly sends you a repetitive message that you are not lovable, you are ugly, you are nothing, you do not matter, you do not belong, you are helpless, your body is not yours, you deserve pain, your life is meaningless⌠you will come to believe it, because it was programmed into you. But these thoughts can be changed. You can create new healthy thoughts creating more positive feelings.
Thoughts are different from truth. PTSD will continue to trigger old thinking habits, so I will continue to make space for new healthy thoughts and remind myself of the truth. I am loved, beautiful, and worthy as I am though I do not always think or feel it.
I will not prevent myself from enjoying my life. I have been robbed of too much time and opportunity. I deserve a beautiful life. I DO have a beautiful life. Life is not all sunshine and rainbows. Life is full of the good and the bad. Life comes with pain. It is up to us to either embrace the life we have or to not.
The time to live is not WHEN. âwhen I lose weightâ âwhen I get it rightâ âwhen I am healthyâ âwhen I am fitâ âwhen I feel goodâ âwhen I am happyâ âwhen I have enoughâ âwhen I love myselfâ âwhen I find loveâ âwhen I healâ âwhen I am normalâ âwhen I am confidentâ âwhen I have a familyâ âwhen I am acceptedâ âŚ..NO. This will keep you in a time loop of self imprisonment. The time to live is NOW, as you are, to freely live and enjoy this life.
Do what you want to do. Go where you want to go. Wear what you want to wear. Say what you want to say. Be who you want to be. Dream what you want to dream. What is holding you back? Itâs time to set yourself free. Itâs time to face fear. Itâs time to live your life.
1A journey in self love
Instead of your heart
You gave me this tiny beast
With sharp, sharp claws
And horrid little teeth
Then when sweet memories
Tempt me to surrender
That wretched creature bites
So I canât not remember
A flash of your wit
Sours with ruthless jabs
That sharp-clawed devil
Knows just when Iâm trapped
Until I wake up fresh
Feet firmly set on the floor
âIâll remind myself today, thanksâ
And I see the monster no more
1a new place of my own. a one bedroom across the river. an apartment youâve never touched. a street youâve never seen. the weeks dragged on until I felt better, but Iâm now falling for the recreation. invention. all my favorite songs are a genre I didnât listen to a month before. I run every morning and fall asleep two minutes into a television show. when I move, this room will be white. bleach on every bad word you left in the kitchen. unstreaked mirror. scrub the scuffs off the front door. the cupboard above the stove will be back on its hinges. itâs hard not to feel the same. how long I let the stains sit. how right it all feels to be under this skin again, though I might never be spotless. Iâm packing the dishes. Iâm excited about new curtains. what kind of light the windows will bring in on sunday afternoons. toes curled into unfamiliar carpet. candles Iâll choose for the coffee table.Â
itâs so good, itâs so good to be my own.
27Realization today.
I AM TIRED OF SAYING SORRY. Also BEING sorry. That shit ends today. PERIODT.
0
23.09.2020
The key to being happy isnât a search for meaning. Itâs to just keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you'll be dead
3I talked to an older woman today
60s Iâd say
I walked into the room
And the first thing she said
âI donât think Iâve ever been tatt skinny."Â
She seemed so sad
Just seeing how her entire life led to that moment
I didnât know what to say
Or do
I had no answer
Yet I was sad hearing that too
That moment scared me
It stuck with me for the rest of the day
It made me afraid
That one day Iâd be sitting there feeling that way
Because I didnât see that sheâd never achieved a weight
I saw a woman who in 60 years
Never once learned to love herself
60 years
Of looking in the mirror
Seeing hate
And I canât explain to you how that moment broke my heart
Youâve been here for 60 years and you still care
Why
Youâve made it so far
Youâve fought so long to have got here
And you still care?Â
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