#self observation Tumblr posts

  • I filmed myself eating a few weeks back and have not been the same since. Every time I go to eat now, I see myself. Like really see myself …

    Relatedly, I recommend that everyone film themselves having a conversation to observe all the speech crutches and whatnot in play. But be prepared to be alarmed.

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  • There is only seeing or not seeing. All the rest, happiness, unhappiness, intelligence - are just words.
    The highest form of human intelligence is the ability to observe yourself. 

    ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti

    Artwork by: Marcel van Luit- ‘Imagination-Dreamer’

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  • You go to the therapist because you want to get rid of your problems. But this is not how it works. You cannot get rid of anything.

    You must get rid of yourself. Without getting rid of your situation.
    Through the Work by and by you detach from what you see and you observe yourself in a neutral way. Then you reach to a point where basically you become your own therapist.

    Through the self-observation work you will learn to see your real self.

    #do the inner-work #leave ur ego and come #self observation
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    “Thank gods the room Willow gave her doesn’t have anything valuable in it.”

    ‘glass shatters from behind the door’

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    “Ah shit.”

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    “Tell me Stigr, which of the ancient ones did you say was having troubles with their own self?”

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    “Hmm…that would be Lord Tal’um. A young dragon by any means, but from what I’ve gathered from him and Master Val, he’s been through much.”

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    “Indeed? Then perhaps he’s the next one I’m supposed to help.”

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  • Tal“Don’t need people taking pity on me and trying to befriend me for no reason. Just pisses me off more.”

    Also Tal: ‘is too used to people lashing out at him and is very reluctant to open up to anyone about his thoughts or ideas, so he just ignores people unless they start shit first. he just wants people to GENUINELY WANT TO BE HIS FRIEND BECAUSE THEY LIKE HIM FOR WHO/HOW HE IS, AND NOT JUST FOR WHAT HE IS OR CAN DO OR OUT OF PITY. Or at the very least they don’t sugar coat things around him and give things to him straight. But then again he’s a big ass dragon, so he doesn’t expect much really, except maybe screams or people lashing out at him.’

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  • ‘I was not able to do this because of him or her, She/He dos not allow me to take a chance.’  I do hear people saying so but I strongly oppose this. No one can stop you or force you to venture into a task or opportunity. It is all your insecurities and inferiority complex which shuts you or holds you back. I back in my school days was unable to raise questions, make the first move for any opportunity because I was afraid to move forward. It was my mind that gave rise to self doubts, insecurities and inferior thoughts. What I learnt from my childhood days was, you cannot just wait and think to make the first move and if your friend is confident and courageous enough to stand for himself/herself , then you cannot blame them. At the end its you and you only. In a group there will be people who will be already so confident, who will be timid and shy, who will be good in any specific thing..we can support each other, motivate each other but at the end the efforts are required.

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  • Anxiety

    Help me tear down my walls

    Brick by brick

    Mortar by mortar

    I will offer the sledgehammer

    The wrecking ball

    The stick of dynamite


    What am I to you?

    Don’t let the smile fool you

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  • News Flash

    You’re probably not the hottest girl in the room and you need to chill

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  • Nervousness

    So this is kind of a self observation post. I’ve noticed that I can’t always tell if I’m nervous until after something has happened. I think what’s happening is I’m repressing those feelings and then once the event I’m nervous for is over the feelings all just hit me at once. Like, I know I should be nervous for something but I’m not, and then when it’s over I’m extremely anxious and upset. But now that I’ve recognized this pattern of behavior, maybe I can fix it by just allowing myself to be nervous for something it’s perfectly normal to be nervous for, and then I don’t have to feel all of those feelings all at once. That’s my theory at least, and I’m going to start working on that.

    Because I really do try too hard to lie to myself and say I’m not nervous because that’s the type of person I want to be. But everyone gets nervous. And that’s okay. I just need to learn that for myself. I’m only human, and I should stop trying to hold myself to the expectations that I’m something more.

    That’s all my thoughts for today,

    Claire

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  • This is 100% why I’m late for work .

    Fuck it .

    #late#always#mirror#self observation#snake print#shirt#fuck it #chuck it in the fuck it bucket #shouts gay#notice me#she gay #love love love #outifit#vans#checkered vans#lesbian #want to talk #like for like #follow for follow #girls #girls are hot #talk to me
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  • I am so weird.

    #self observation #i do and say werid things because of my own insecurities #ffffff
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  • So Some deep and depressing thoughts. Depression Sucks. It’s not new, and it’s not old. It sucks but at the same time, no one really gets it if they don’t have it. And the best way I can explain it is, when you want something so bad, you are willing to hurt yourself for it, but when it’s given to you, you can’t believe it’s there. It’s a stupid idiotic tick in my head. Like for example, me. I want someone to make me feel safe. Like safe to be me, to explore who I am, and grow with that. Cultivate what i want, and what’s good about me. To be frank, to be loved. But not like love as in a partner, but a family. To pretty much feel like, if something happens, you’ll get a hug and be told everything is going to be ok. You know it isn’t, or you can think it isn’t. but you want to believe it. 

     Yet, get this, this stupid thing is, when I finally get it. I don’t think I actually got it. Like if I have friends who try to cheer me up or talk to me. People who care and want to try. I think of them like people who will just give up on me. No matter what. Granted, it’s stupid, and a self defense mechanism. I mean… I don’t want to trust someone, feel hopeful, and get shot down because I did something. That feeling of betrayal. When you are so needy, and hungry for someone to make you feel better when you are down, to the point you’ll open yourself up to it. But the next moment, feels like you took a bullet to the heart when you just fall from a flight of stairs wondering why the hell did I bother trusting them? Now, I try to be a little more open. I mean ridiculously open. So much so, I don’t really hold anything back. I just expect everyone to leave me. If I just disappeared, I eventually fade from their memories. 

    It’s weird, to hide nothing, but at the same time, to hide something else.Like, if you hide nothing about yourself, you hide the one thing that really matters, your trust in people. You can say something and no one can listen. If someone does, well it’s nice, but it won’t last. Eventually people will get tired of you whining about shit. And truth be told I would too. Yet I don’t feel like anyone is just there for me. It’s dark to say, but the feeling that If I get lost, I want someone to find me. To tempt to try it, is to see if someone does. Yet eventually there is a disconnect from that. If I get lost, I can be alone. 

     It’s not dark, just, a little happy. No one to bother you, no one to bother with. It’s nice being alone. It’s peaceful, it’s quiet. No one wants you, and you can just be who you are, alone and safe. There’s no need to hide, no need to be somewhere crept away from the world. You’re already alone and it’s nice. It would be nicer if there was people in it. Where you can paint color into your world. You realize the moment you do, your world was black and white. So emotionless and only focused on you. But when you can bring someone else in, the world bursts into color. And I mean color, as in , the world has meaning. Things you may have felt once, feel different, because at first, it was just you who likes it, where you share your color with it, but now, it has some color of it’s own, since others fill it with color too.  

     The world can be a magical place. That’s what this means. That’s what everything is, potentially can be. Yet, it still needs people, and I’m the only one living in it. When people leaving, their colors disappear with them. Slowly sinking away into the black of this grey world. But it’s ok, when you have some light, you can just make it comfortable for yourself. Eventually, you might find something. But if you don’t, it’s ok. The world still has your color. And that’s all the matters

    Bleh

    I do some sort of metaphor and go on some allegorical track

    Crazy thoughts, meet the mad man

    Yeah, I don’t think if it’s not stated, or picked up. I mostly just talk to myself in these rants.

     I’m not really trying to talk to anyone. 

    Just, weird thoughts buried deep inside and just shot out like a potato in a canon

    It’ll hit a wall and go kablooey

    it’s actually kind of fun

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  • After careful self observation I have made an important realization:

    I AM THE PROBLEMATIC FAVE

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  • derealisation/depersonalisation

    i’ve experienced both these psychological sensations since childhood, except back then i had no idea what it was like. if you asked kid-mel, she’d have told you it felt like she were still in a dream, walking around, everything not quite real. i decided to observe the sensations i perceived the next time this happened to me, to see what it feels like, now.

    it feels like a membrane around my brain. if i start to think within that membrane, it becomes tougher, more tangible. i experience something like mental claustrophobia, but without the terror. just a discomfort of feeling stuck. if i look at my phone, my (incoherent) thoughts speed up, swirling and eddying. the membrane thickens. i focus on my feet, one after the other on the concrete, on the tarmac, and my breath, and miraculously - this has never happened while i was entirely conscious of it before - i started to feel the membrane thin, feel the outside world touch me again. the cold on my face felt like the cold on my face, and not some bizarre simulation of me watching someone who was cold and feeling it second hand. the inside of my jumper crinkled against my arm. i could taste the dregs of hot cider on my lips. standard grounding exercises, except this time they worked. the membrane didn’t entirely disappear. but it thinned out enough for me to see through and feel through it.

    walking meditation: it works. (for me, at least)

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  • I’ve come to notice recently, most of my diet has consisted of fruits, berries, and nuts. I am unsure how to feel about this…

    #tangents#side note#self observation #im not even vegan #or vegetarian #meat is good #but i've noticed im eating less of it #???
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  • So I wanted to share a bit of personal experience. 

    I was a pretty emotional kid growing up, and I would never deny the existence of my feelings and didn’t care whether how I expressed it was socially acceptable. So as I grew older I started doubting myself because I learned that I was making a fool of myself from the perspective of others, I grew more introverted, and I learned how to think of myself from the perspective of others. 

    Before doing this, I had to learn to suppress my emotions but ended up repressing it (Thanks Freud). So for two years, I was doing fine but everyday I was still haunted by my old feelings of love for this ex of mine. I know it’s not advisable for us to be communicating but this is how my life is, anyway the point is, at first I was confused by my old feelings for her being revived and I wanted to deny it but I realized that I should just let my feelings for her exist in my consciousness and not deny then bury it deep in my subconscious only to stumble again on it in the future. 

    Bottom line is, here I am realizing that I shouldn’t have let myself deny my feelings for her. Although my instincts yell to express my love for her, she has someone right now. And I think for me to recover is to let myself feel what I’m feeling whilst keeping this a secret. It feels good to feel something, instead of feeling like an empty vessel without anything to motivate me. And yeah I do feel sorta jealous and a bit of pain but it’s better than not feeling anything at all.

    I’ll update you guys next month.

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  • I have nothing to say. I was a pretty quiet kid, although cheerful, but now that I am an adult, I literally have nothing to say.

    Did I grow numb? Am I truly just an idiot? What happened? How do I get it back?

    It’s not a lack of willingness to communicate, or opinion. But if there’s not a question given, I can’t find one myself. My mind has become too willing to draw blanks as well. I detest this kind of behaviour, but how do I stop it?

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