New beginings.
Today marks the first day of a self protection, cleaning and self forgivness journey. I’ll be updating daily on the steps I’m taking and how I am feeling. Wish me luck.
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One of the most inspiring things that helped me with starting accepting myself was Grimes saying: “I’m grateful to be oddly designed”
Whenever I start thinking about fixing myself to fit into society standards I say these words until I feel like an ancient, powerful odd creature again
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pamper yourself,
one of the most important principles about beauty is recognizing the beauty on oneself.
xoxo 💋
2💜 You might slow me down but you won’t stop me.
🤍 You might reach for me but you won’t touch me.
❤ You might bend & twist me but you won’t break me.
Unstoppable. Untouchable. Unbreakable.
1any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts
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🌙 The hardest thing to do is to be true to yourself, especially when everybody is watching. Don’t be intimidated by what you don’t know. That can be your greatest strength and ensure that you do things differently from everyone else. You can have anything you want, if you want it badly enough!
♥️ 🤍 ♥️ how bad do you want it! The change! A healthier and happier lifestyle for yourself and the people around you. If you ignite the positive it will spread like wild fire!
#confidence #trueme #lovethyself #confidence #bootygains #nikkisiixx #nikkisiixxfit #fitness #active #lifestyle #mentalhealth #happiness #respect #selfworth #truthbomb #journey #glowup #beyou #unique #unicorns #girlboss #bossbabe #florida #healthy #lovelovelove #strength #wonderwoman #dccomics (at Fort Lauderdale, Florida)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CL2WFriD_0l/?igshid=17gue3mdpuyxs0
Before April 2019 167lbs ✨After February 2021 120lbs ♥️♥️ my heart is so full with happiness! I never knew I could do it; and I did it! The power of overcoming you’re own self doubt is the power everyone needs to come out of the darkness and into a brighter light
🤍 I’m here because dec 2019 I decided to take charge of my life and make better choices for myself. I was depressed, alone, used and abused, sick and tired. I never want to feel like this ever again! I won’t because I know what I want and no one can take that away from me!
#transformation #journey #mystory #lovethyself #selfworth #positivity #growth #glowup #happiness #nikkisiixx #nikkisiixxfit #weightloss #weightlosstransformation #beforeandafter #magickingdom #power #strength (at Orlando, Florida)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CL2NyPPDIFg/?igshid=bnmyl171y44i0I’ve noticed recently there are men who can’t seem to fathom how a fat woman could have self-respect, confidence and self-worth. Why is it fat women aren’t allowed to love their body and have confidence? I feel there is a stigma about fat women (or fat people in general) in that we are desperate, lazy and stupid. There’s a stigma we will take ANY attention (good or bad) and will be thankful for it. I’m sorry, but that’s not me and I’ve been given hell because I won’t take the abuse with a smile and say “thank you”. No one should take abuse, whether you’re fat or thin, and we all should love our bodies and ourselves.
0es dauert Jahre
bis man vielleicht mal begreift
was Freundschaft mit sich selber heißt
und selbst wenn man es weiß
glaubt man es sich nicht
weil das was man sagt
niemals das Richtige ist
6I just made a massive realization just now. It frequently happens when I do mundane things. I was putting away the laundry, angry, listening to rage against the machine when I sat down and realized that I am pissed because I keep looking at the same experiences, and people over and over, wanting them to change. And I am frustrated, because there is no change. And now I can see, why the rage guys, are raging. Because I’m pretty sure, that they, are also remembering their shit times, and getting pissed too.
I don’t want to be mad anymore. I’m 46, and I have a rage alright…. a raging headache, from my decision to reactivate the old energy of my past that makes my head explode. I am choosing, rage. Now look, the band, Rage against the machine, although I’m sorry I don’t know any of their names, is one of my favorites. Their music makes me feel, deeply. I want to go out and yes, throat punch a lot of people. And yes, I didn’t make that term up. I heard it, from a woman named Amanda, who now hates me, because I was pissed at her for not being empathetic to me in my time of feeling sorry for myself. So fuck everyone.
That, has been my life over the last year or 5. I have systematically alienated most everyone out of my existence, because I felt unvalued. Well, now my family somehow reads my posts. They have figured out where I am online, because I have told them, and some, I have not shared, because I surmise their reaction will not be one that I would most likely appreciate so much, cause sometimes I’m blunt, I swear, sometimes I talk about sex, my feelings, and people’s body parts. So now, I have done it. Family, most likely disapproving, and not into me, cause “no” on most counts. Friends, little to none if any at all, and me, rage against everyone. Oh, and I think someone has hacked my phone, and now I feel gaslighted and insane. All of this, inside my lil ole noggin. I need Advil.
So, that all said, and it was quite a load of shit to swallow… that was a gross analogy, but apropos, cause shit thoughts and feelings and occurrences, when that is how you feel, what’s a gal to do? Well, I’m sitting here, with my brain melting out of my ear, sad, lonely, and angry, because of the thoughts I think, and those thoughts feed my mood, and how I act toward people. Sigh. Ok. So here I am, with all these ass feels because of my ass thoughts because of my ass beliefs because of maybe some either truthful or made up scenarios. Let’s figure out how to go from here, to slightly better. Hmmmmm. Ok. Well, hmm. Give me a minute, cause I have recreated quite the ass scenario thinking all that crazy crap, causing the momentum of ass, to accumulate rapidly. Ok… but I like the word, scenario, cause that’s all it is, since they are all past memories, and not real time anymore unless I reactivate them. And I love the song, “scenario” by, “A tribe called quest” cause it’s a killer song, and it holds up over time. I like to sing to what lyrics I can remember, and dance.
Now I have a choice; I can go down this path of thought, or the one where when this song came out I was in high school and I hated my high school experience… I chooooooose, the loving the song! Yes! Love all the rappers, and yes, fun hip hop music! Love it, fun to dance to. Ok. Do you get me now? I’m choosing to think better thoughts. I am choosing, my mood, & as I decide, I feel accordingly.
Ok, so, now I’m back on fun music. Cool. A tribe called quest… quest for fire, a crazy ass movie with Ron pearlman and Rae dong chong. They were cavemen and women, and there was no talking in this movie. They were cool! And Rae dong, nudie. She was very brave. They all did a great job. Ok… so I’m back in the prehistoric age, where there was no language and people were kinda homosapien esque not really, but they were evolving at a fast rate, and fire, was the most valuable thing to them.
Fire, is a basic element that helped humanity become what it is today. Social groups, developed around camp fires. Stories were told, and feelings were shared. A commonality was created, and bonds were formed. We are all humans. We are all, in need of bonds, and one another. And the further away I get from humanity inside my head, the sadder I become. Love, is what we all crave. Love, is what we all share in many different ways. Falling away from love, isn’t the answer. Expecting it from others, isn’t either. Finding the love from within yourself, is.
I’ve been mad, because I’m not loving myself. I’m not valuing, me. I’m not treating myself kindly. My self talk, is all about how I’ve been shunned by humanity. Finding the love on the outside, starts from the inside first. Being able to recognize the love on the outside only happens when you’re familiar with the feel of it, on the inside. So, I think I’m gonna go take some Advil, and try that for a start. Focusing on where love is, instead of where it’s perceived as lacking, is the first step to better. On the plus side, I made some chicken and broccoli, with rice, and it smells delicious, so there’s that. 🙈🤷♀️🤣 #loveyourselffirst. ❤️
Appendices: laughter, as the old adage goes, is always the best medicine… even it’s at yourself, and it’s done with love. At least mine is… like my chicken and broccoli! 🍗🥦🥸😉❤️
Appendices 2: a lot of this stuff, you make up in your head, due to fear. My family is really cool, and kind. And I love them a lot. ❤️💪
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