#selfworth Tumblr posts

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    There are ways to get there

    If you care enough for the living

    Make a little space

    Make a better place - Micheal Jackson❤️

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  • Oops…


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  • I need to set myself free…


    Originally posted by zomaboma

    #free yourself #why do i feel caged #freedom#selfworth
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    “Loneliness is not a lack of company. Loneliness is a lack of PURPOSE.” ~Guillermo


    At some point in our life, most of the people feel lonely and it is obvious to see darkness in our life and feel no hope anywhere. I am one of them who was so lonely in her past and wanted to leave this world.

    I have talked to a few people about why did they feel lonely and how they come out of that and start living again.

    Why do we feel lonely?

    1️⃣ When we got rejections in the past and we start blaming ourselves and feeling guilty that we have done something wrong that why we stopped going out, because we are afraid to get rejections again and we think no one will accept us.

    2️⃣ When we don’t do what heart wants us to do aka what makes us happy and we start hating ourselves. It leads to anger, frustration, self-criticism, etc (It happens with me when I don’t do what makes me happy). We are afraid of other people’s judgment.

    3️⃣ When we feel unloved because no one taught us how to love ourselves. We are taught to love others. We don’t know how to ask for love. And we think no one is there to understand us. (One of my reasons not now, but in the past)

    4️⃣ When we don’t give ME time and give priority to others. We feel empaty inside.

    5️⃣ When we lost people we love. My elder sister lost her husband when I was in final year graduation. It was so hard for her to control her loneliness in the beginning. Today she is nurturing her children and inspiration for me in particular.

    6️⃣ When we got broke up with someone we love. We are not able to trust people again and want to be alone. We are afraid to love again.

    7️⃣ When we lack emotional support. Means when no one is there to listen to us without any judgment. In today world we can see parents around us. They don’t have a friendly relationship with their kids and it is difficult for their kids to be open to them.

    8️⃣ When we are lost means we don’t know what to do with our life.

    9️⃣ People were physically, mentally abused in their past and they don’t want to have same experience again.

    🔟 When we don’t trust people.

    What happens when we feel lonely?

    1️⃣ Depression - When we don’t share our feelings with someone. We go into depression.

    2️⃣ Boredom - We feel bored.

    3️⃣ Self-hatred. We start beating ourselves. We hurt ourselves as well as others.

    4️⃣ We get addicted to bad habits like overeating, drugs, drinking, smoking and what not.

    5️⃣ We get into a toxic relationship to get attention and love.

    6️⃣ Few people commit suicide when they can’t bear loneliness.

    How to overcome loneliness?

    Only one answer to this question - SELF-LOVE

    Maybe few of you think how?

    Self-love allows us to FORGIVE ourselves and our past and we accept the way we are. Once we forgive ourselves and accept the way we are. Our perspective about everything changes.

    It gives us the courage to make changes in our lives. Changes mean releasing all the limiting patterns we have about other people and life and these patterns don’t allow us to go out and start a conversation, making new friends, finding our hobbies, living our dreams.

    I used to feel unloved. I was kind of an introvert. I have a few friends. I didn’t like to talk to everyone. I never trusted people as I have learnt from my parents that don’t trust people. People are not good. Maybe they have had bad experiences in their lives and they don’t want us to experience the same.

    It is okay to not trust people when we are kid, but when we are adult we need to live in a society so we need to trust people. If we don’t trust, we can’t survive.

    I never share my feelings with anyone in my life. I have got a new friend when I started my first job. He respected me a lot. He was the first person in my life I felt so comfortable to share my feelings. I felt I don’t have to be someone else. He never judged me and he listened to me without any judgement. He always supported me and told one thing, “No one can define you.”

    We have stopped talking to each other because he has some personal issues.

    In 2016, when I started a self-love journey. I didn’t see changes in my life (maybe I need to do much forgiving work), but I found a few hobbies that I love taking photos, love reading books, love spending time with nature. My heart always tried to force me to take photos, but I never listen. Everytime My mind stopped me by saying, “This is a waste of time.” I was in depression. I didn’t know what to do with my life, but I knew within that I am here for a bigger purpose.

    In 2017, July I went to “Art of living centre” in Bangalore. There is a term called “Nadi Priksha”. Nadi Pariksha is the ancient ayurvedic technique of diagnosis through the pulse. It can accurately diagnose physical, mental and emotional imbalances as well as diseases. It is a non-invasive science that enables to reach the root cause of health issues and not just address the symptoms.

    I started crying in front of the doctor. She told me to started taking time to do what I love to do. Once I started photography. I really feel good. Today I love my own company as well as whenever I am with people. I don’t need anyone to make me happy or complete.

    Whenever I feel lonely, I know I need to change something. Means I am not aligned with myself. I take time to listen to my heart by praying and do what makes me happy.

    I would like to remind you that we are never alone. Most of the time, God wants us to take a step back when we are so busy in our daily lives and forget our true selves. He wants us discover our purpose we are here for.

    These days @corona is spreading all over the world and it is obvious to feel lonely who don’t feel comfortable without people. We need to be grateful for this time to figure out our purpose.

    If you like this post, feel free to share when those who really need to see this. Thanks so much for your time.

    If you have any thoughts about how to overcome loneliness. Feel free to share. Let’s share and learn.

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  • Day 53-56 of 100 days of productivity

    March 27th

    • Dulingo streak day 55

    March 28th

    • Dulingo streak day 56

    March 29th

    • Dulingo streak day 57

    March 30th

    • Dulingo streak day 58

    I’ve been in my house for three weeks now, and it feels like every day is melted into eachother. Stay safe and healthy everyone.

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  • They say you should be pretty

    They say you should be kind

    They say you shouldn’t trust a man

    They say that love is blind

    But maybe you are more than body

    And love has soul and wings

    You were made to prosper

    Like all created things

    You carry beauty in your heart

    Your mind is rich in thoughts

    You are a treasure, Beautiful,

    You are loved by the Lord.

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  • I went for a long walk yesterday and I had a good chat with myself. I might just splurge my thoughts on here, even if no one reads it. If you do, maybe we can learn from each other, sometimes I need to be taken down a peg lol. I hope I keep this up

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  • I’ve never been on a date. Not because I’m picky (though I can’t say I wouldn’t be), but no one ever asked me.

    Yet that doesn’t really bother me. I think I’m pretty and I know I’m not a difficult person. Maybe a little stuck in my own head at times and shy, but I’m nice. People generally don’t dislike me.

    It’s not me. It’s not men. It’s just circumstances. I know my worth and not being asked out isn’t getting me down yet. Besides, I have been asked to dance.

    #singleness#selfworth#contentment#christian girl #peggy carter gifs for the win #agent carter gif #i know my worth
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  • Perfection is inside us all!! We are all exactly how we are meant to be, don’t let anyone drag you down!!!!

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  • Day 3

    Idk what to say really I still struggle with checking the social accounts wondering how things are. I’ve done this in the past but it’s different now. At least I hope it is because it just seems to fit with everything I’ve been telling myself. The emotional and mental abuse I went through still exists and probably will for awhile but I just can’t help but wonder if she’s doing alright. Which first off let me be clear cause ik you’re think it. Yes I’m crazy and yes I know I shouldn’t care because it’s a condition she created to hold me in something so I wouldn’t leave. Which I realized today and I’m proud of myself for being aware enough to know what was happening. There were plenty of times I wanted to leave and was ready but those words that she always seemed to repeat haunted me and put me in an inescapable prison. I would often find myself in those moments wondering what would happen if I left. She said she had no friends but she would later claim talking to people about us. She claimed her home life was bad which it was for the most part but I can see now that most of her problems at home were because of her. The thing that haunted me the most and kept me shackled to her was the fear she would take her own life. That’s a heavy burden to put on someone and I hope no one ever does that to you. Let me be clear tho she never came out and said she would take her life, but when we first met she would often joke about how she thought she would never make it to see a certain age. Which wasn’t like 30 it was just a year or two from the time I met her. So it placed a heavy weight on my heart when she would always tell me that I don’t know where I’d be without out you or I wouldn’t be here without you. I could never take that risk of doing something where it would possibly lead her to take her own life.

    That’s just the kind of person I am. I will often put the concerns of others over what’s best for me or what I want. I hope through this healing process and our daily conversations I will become more vocal and express what’s important to me. I hope to act on those thoughts so that I can have a life with little regrets. Ik I will have regrets this week about not going and helping my sister but ik she is thinking about me and concerned. I have two sisters and can say I’ve never been close to one and the other I would do anything for. Through this process tho ik that eventhough I may not talk to one or get along with as much she love me all the same. They were both concerned for me and know that I was in a bad place. Their support is more than i could ever ask for and if you two ever read this…… I LOVE YOU STACY AND ABBY SO MUCH!!!!

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    ITS OFFICIALLY MY TIME 😭😭 Contract is signed for neurofeedback rental. By summer I’ll be BUYING not renting. Once I’ve taken the time I need to heal, I’ll be learning the neurofeedback program/coaching lessons and opening my very OWN business. After everything I’ve been through, FINALLY no one can take this away from me.

    At the rate the world is going, mental health is so important and has become a major issue to different degrees. I am BEYOND blessed to be able to have the opportunity to heal my mind and help others who are in need as well, I’m at a loss for words. Lord thank you 🙏🏽💜 This is going to change my life and the lives of others for the beautifully undeniable better, I won’t let you down.

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  • I love that everyone is out in pairs

    And then there is me on a walk with my neighborhood

    I felt like I was suffocating inside

    It was leaking through the cracks in my being

    Welling up in my tear ducts waiting to be released

    Pouring over inside of me

    Until I am suffocating on my own breathe

    I’m then reminded that I know how to be free

    Open the door to open your mind

    It’s as simple as stepping right outside

    Taking a breath

    In first

    Then out deeply

    Say good day to the mother of the ocean

    Reminding me the world is bigger than my apartment with each breath in

    And out deeply

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  • is it just me, or is it easier to forgive others,

    than yourself?

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  • I don’t know what is going on with me lately. I keep having these days where I keep thinking that I won’t be able to keep my friends. I know that sounds super possessive and weird, but I can’t help but feel that they are slipping away. This is the first time I am actually voicing that thought…feels strange. My friends and I are a super close group, we can go out and just talk until 3am (and not even stay on topic). I shouldn’t be feeling this way, but sometimes these thoughts just find a nasty way of creeping in and popping up like a whack-a-mole. I have definitely started to grow into myself, now that I am 21. Some things I am getting comfortable with…some stuff is starting to scare me. Anxiety: one of those things that is a bit scary. It all really started to creep up on me when I started my job in the phone industry; I just really needed a job and didn’t stop to think about all of the possible stress. I had been doing customer service for what I thought was…forever. I fooled myself thinking that I wouldn’t be going into a shark infested pool of sales consultants. After about 6 months, I wanted to be gone. I underestimated how upset people would be about a mistake on their phone bill; even if you explained how the billing works. There are not that many things that fluster me in this world, or so I thought. After 6 months of being there, ANXIETY crept up on me, and that bitch was not friendly. 

    The thought never crossed my mind that I could have anxious feelings, and that ANXIETY was reserved for those girls in HS that wore PJs to class and had a Hydroflask (before it became a VSCO thing). I know that sounds really stupid, but that is how I felt. You would rarely ever hear anything about Mental Health in a minority household. So I just thought I was painfully shy in school. Ever since I was little my teachers always said, “Oh, she is just really shy around the other kids.” Meanwhile, I was trying to kick the feeling I would always get when I knew I had to go to school in the morning. It was a mix of having butterflies all over my body & wanting to puke. Don’t even get me started on mornings that I had a presentation in front of my whole class! Those were the WORST. I worried about what the other kids would be whispering to each other. Not only, because I was short and chubby…but what could they be saying about my outfit? My mom used to dress me & tbh that is all you need to know. Even if I had the best presentation and I memorized what I was supposed to say, I couldn’t stop shaking. It was so bad…my knees were even buckling. All I could think was, “I wish I wasn’t so SHY.”

    Once I got older it wasn’t that bad anymore, but I got stuck wearing the same clothes & hairstyle…everyday. Semi-tackling one issue only made another pop up. I had friends in school, but they were only there as a constant reminder, “Why don’t you let your hair down? Didn’t you wear that yesterday?” Don’t get me wrong, they were great people, but they unknowingly made me feel more like an outsider. At a certain point, I felt that they were just placeholders to not be lonely. I knew they didn’t really make me feel COMFORTABLE with myself, because that’s not their job, but I couldn’t shake this feeling that they were going to drop me sooner or later. I was WORRIED. Eventually, we had some classes together and when it came to free seating, I was ALONE again. Loneliness, was accompanied by the, “We’re sorry” stares. These experiences just made me feel like I was worth leaving out, like I could fall and they would keep walking past. Thus, making me feel as SHY as I could ever be.

    The months that followed graduation, I got a job. When I got my first job all I could think was, “Don’t be shy.” Truth be told, I was super nervous that they weren’t going to like me. I was overweight, ugly, and a little too smart. To my surprise, I was met with the complete opposite. They made me feel so welcomed and I could be myself without fear of judgement. Now, I’m not saying that I found my lifelong friends that first day, but it felt like I could. I didn’t feel so SHY anymore, which was a huge relief. Although, there were some bad days where you would get customers who made you feel like shit & that SHY feeling would come crashing down all over again. 

    It never crossed my mind to examine these feelings that I equated with being SHY. To be honest, after 12 months in the phone industry, I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to figure out what was going on with me. Eventually, I went to go see a professional and that word popped up again: ANXIETY. This time it was delivered gently. A huge sigh of relief followed, but then a chip landed right on my shoulder. Could I really have the “girl with a hydroflask” disorder? Not to sound super uneducated…but I didn’t think this would ever be something I would have to worry about. After finally getting an official name, I didn’t really want it. At that point, I would have accepted the SHYness of it all.

    PS: I know this got super deep and totally derailed from the first paragraph…in my opinion. Just thought it would be good to get some stuff off of my chest. Also, this felt like I finally introduced myself to Tumblr. lol

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  • it’s fear, isn’t it?

    that’s what stops you from leaving 

    accepting the love you think you deserve

    in fear of never being loved at all

    you endure

    not a word often associated with love

    yet that is the only one you know

    the only one you understand

    your view of love has been skewed and twisted

    watching on bitterly as others around you fall

    and you tell yourself it’s only a matter of time before they fight,

    and hate, and tear each other apart

    because to you, that’s all love is

    it’s destruction and pain and hurt

    and it’s addicting

    you want it so badly; you need it

    you don’t want to see yourself without it

    you can’t bear to think of the possibility 

    the chance, that the lie you’ve been told it true:

    you aren’t loved, and you cannot be loved

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  • so many nights i thought about ending my life

    how easy it would be

    going over countless options

    never following through with promises made to myself

    i didn’t want help

    i needed help

    i got help


    (km 2/5/2019)

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