🌹 Barbara Bouchet
🌹 Barbara Bouchet
I think it's absolutely fair to admit it's weird when people try to pigeon hole every picture of bedsheets as some kind of aesthetic, but here in my personal space I would actually like to scream into the void about trying to figure out and/or build the aesthetic as a fat person.
This is a sub-problem of the issue of availability of varied clothing for fat people, obviously, but I also feel like this is definitely, like... A problem of mental images? And imagery and design in general? Many styles and subcultures, when they are explored, are only explored through the example of thin people. I don't know how to explain, other than if you google 'goth' or 'vintage' or 'dark academia' or 'cottagecore' or 'manic pixie' or whatever, all of these is going to show thin people. And most of these are obsessed with thinness even if there has been a plus size community or a veneer of body positivity. Unless you add 'plus sized' and then you will find very little and will eventually land somewhere in rockabilly.
I mean that not only I am a roundcheeked person in a world obsessed with cheekbones, I'm also a person consisting of roundness in a world obsessed with geometric lines and angles and protruding bones.
I guess I'm saying that fatness really isn't romantisized which of course it isn't given the rampant fatphobia, but I find it a whole separate kind of pain and a personal challenge to like myself not only despite the weight or the size as numbers, but with the roundness it gives me, the intrinsic features that have been excluded from styles and aesthetics for decades.
I love the posts talking about soft tummies and chubby cheeks and such but honestly, they are not something that helps me that much. I've mentioned it before that it's super annoying when anyone says 'fat people are so soft like clouds like cherubs so cute so nice to cuddle' like they are talking about a fucking body pillow.
I want to be known for elegance and grace and I want to explore like noire femme fatale aesthetic which is all represented by stick thin rita hayworth types with only collarbones and ribcages and cigarettes and the only curve allowed is jessica rabbit kind of breasts. And some jokers bring up like dita von teese as an example of plus size or round face which is, you know, absurd. It's a thin woman with visible ribcage and cheekbones.
It's fucking frustrating. There are no examples, no role models, no aesthetic that celebrates the face that looks like mine. All round features. I hate smiling because it makes my face wider and rounder and eyes smaller. I mean I obviously have a long way to go when it comes to self acceptance but it's bloody hard to do when every style and aesthetic out there is celebrating every feature opposite of what I have and whenever the features I DO possess are mentioned it's always this 'friend shaped cute so soft like a cloud like pillow so nice, absolutely not elegant or graceful or ravishing or entrancing or glamorous or striking or bewitching, just cute'.
This is a very superficial issue and a very personal one but every day is an agony. My aesthetic is something sharp like daggers and knives, bittersweet like dark chocolate, elegant like violin or harpsichord, cool like eucalyptus, and the world still is only prepared to celebrate me if I embrace the 'cute chubby tummy pillow cloud my little pony funny candy floss poof and fluff' that I have on the outside it seems.
I don't know.
It's hard. I like my body, I genuinely got better at this. I'm a gorgeous human being. But the fact that there is nothing for me to get for my body to like how it's presented to the world is agony. The fact that I cannot change people's perception of me as cute chubby wannabe vaguely goth is pain. Don't even get me started on sexy. I have never been made feel sexy by other people in the first place but even in theory I'm not a fan of the whole mommy milkers side of things, like I want to feel and recognized as femme fatale sexy not huge fat mommy milkers sexy.
🌹 Madeline Smith
Es grüßt Heiko Stateczny 🇩🇪
🌹 Elizabeth Montgomery - Bewitched
🌹 Gene Tierney