I tell myself

            lies

That I then tell

Other People

Carefully cultivated

            misunderstanding

10/16/21

Washington politics every false rumor gained credibility

A remixed poem from:

Grisham, John. Theodore Boone:The Accused, Puffin Books, 2012. P.237, 102.

loving me must be so

fucking hard and i'm so

fucking sorry.

- unknown author

———————————-

<3

The moon smiled,

the sun twinkled,

but both were envious

of your stardust soul.

- unknown author

————————————-

Oh my fucking god, I've been so mentally and physically drained from school that it's literally exhausting. Anyway, here's another post, sorry for not posting yesterday I was busy, but I hope everything is fine with guys and that you have a wonderful (rest of your) day!

10/15/21

Friday putter another dreary day of classes

A remixed poem from:

Grisham, John. Theodore Boone:The Accused, Puffin Books, 2012. P.174, 49.

Deep Sinking Feeling

The wheels are going around and around

But I’m going nowhere bound

Going through the days

In a crazy haze

Just want to sleep and be left alone

It’s even difficult to pick up the phone

Suicide is getting so great

That there are nights that I can vision my fate

From belt around the throat to a gun to the head

Seeing hair, gray matter, blood, scalp, and envision myself dead

In my eyes it’s normal and everyday

Just act like you’re fine and play

The part of the normal functioning person

It can’t get any worse than

These detailed visions and almost uncontrollable urges

But I’m always wrong and it’s torturous

Just being told that I should “Suck it up”, “Don’t cry”, “Hold everything in”

This coming from my mom’s husband

So many feelings I can’t get out and explain

So many memories filled with pain

I just want to break out this ninth circle of Hell

I fell

And now I live in the brief comfort of my room

Unable to move

Caged like some sort of wild animal

In my own family household

that sort of cradling we do

of the things we love

and i remember the date

of your first parade

(because you told me)

and i see,

the mystery in your face

when we went to the stars that night,

when i blink

-sun trap

10/14/21

glass repairman the storm door watching with curiosity

Grisham, John. Theodore Boone:The Accused, Puffin Books, 2012. P.59, 260.

🎁

My anxious head worrying me of the fate of loved ones

Those events I dread, never knowing when they come

Missing those brief moments of true life they breathed into you once

My heart breaks just imagining those days as if they were present

I only want the gifts of the present, not the consequences

It's only my imagination that fuels my fear of never seeing them again

But my fear fuels me to love what is present, turning my head away from the end

Charging ahead for my loved ones, so if I ever become the center of one of these events

They too can cry for me the same way I cried for them.

In the present, appreciating every moment, imagining within

Even if it's too late, it'll never be too late for your present

Beso Mundo

Te besaré en la sombra, sin que mi cuerpo toque tu cuerpo.

(Correré las tinieblas, que no entre ni el olvido del cielo).

Que en la nada absoluta de todo, sólo exista, nuevo mundo, mi beso…

-Juan Ramón Jiménez

I will not let this moment end

will not let the horror take me

from you; not when we're on the mend

the terrors I will face, but now please, let me be

I have loved and burned and braved

I have wanted you

Wanted you for eternity

alone is now

where I live

got nothing else

left to give

There is a temple.

Inside me.

A temple.

I want to share.

It is filled with magic.

And love.

But also with.

A lock on the door.

The lock is there.

So only you can enter.

The magic.

Is for you to feel.

And the love.

The love.

Is in the heart of the temple.

Are you coming?

You told me.

I was nothing.

You stole.

My heart and soul.

But.

There was more.

Than you.

There was me.

And I belonged.

Not to you.

But to the earth.

And the sky.

Like the birds.

The clouds.

And the sea.

I am everything.

I am free.

10/13/21

he was known to exaggerate poker elbows

Grisham, John. Theodore Boone:The Accused, Puffin Books, 2012. P. 38, 39.

Untitled 147

In my daily walk Ten minutes out from my door A dog in circles

View On WordPress

spark

A spark was lit Nothing more than ember But taken root A fire burning bright A soul forever alight

I met him for the first time today

After months of being captivated

Just by his voice

He was wearing a white tee

And faded jeans

I had to hold myself back

From running my fingers through

His messy hair

It was difficult for me

To maintain eye contact

So I stared at his shoes instead

As he told me about his love for playing guitar