Btw, if y’all haven’t read the Silmarillion, yeah it’s a bit dense and way too biblical in its language, but man oh man is there some great stuff in there.
Like that time Beren the mortal, who got sent on a death quest just for the chance to get to marry Luthien the literally half-demigod-angel elf maid, walked up into his future father-in-law’s court and said “Oh, I got your stupid rock in my hand.” and then proceeds to hold up one (1) empty hand and one bloody stump where the hand got bitten off and goes “TADA!”
Or when an escaped prisoner told Turin “whenever life goes wrong for me I change my name and run off to the woods” Turambar that his father, Hurin, got cursed that his family would have The Worst Time, and Turin goes, and I quote, “That I do believe.”
See also that time Turin accidentally killed his boyfriend and straight up dissociated for 2 weeks and I know it should be sad but I just CAN’T with this boy
The prettiest girl in all Middle Earth, the above mentioned half-elf half-demigod-angel Luthien, grabs Sauron by his ear and steals his house after making sure he knows that if he runs home to Daddy he’s toast, so he runs off to the woods to sulk.
The Goodest Good Boy in all eternity, Huan, who will make you want to go hug a dog and cry for several hours.
Morgoth, aka literal satan, goes outside once to step on a tiny puny elf and has such a bad time he literally never leaves his house again.
Eöl, the Original Emo.
Dwarves with fire-proof battle masks (why didn’t we get this in LotR and the Hobbit???)
Dwarves killed literally the oldest man in Middle Earth in his own basement because he was being racist and called them short
And did I mention Beren and Luthien? I don’t care who you are, that will move you. To quote the man himself, “Among the tales of sorrow and of ruin that come down to us from the darkness of those days there are yet some in which amid weeping there is joy and under the shadow of death light that endures.” And man oh man if ever there was a time for a story of love so powerful it transcended hell twice and death and fate and destiny, it would be now.
Also Galadriel’s husband Celeborn was, at one point, named Teleporno so do with that what you will.