No but my favourite season two moment has to be when Vanya reunites with her family after Ben saves her at the FBI building and they get to Sissy’s farm where she’s ready to strike them down with all the rage and resolve of a woman who already participated in the murder of her husband and frankly doesn’t have anything else to lose and Vanya goes “whatever you’ve heard about us, it isn’t true. i didn’t know who i was then but i do now. i’ve found my family” it makes me cry every single time
Ok but genuinely do the siblings know about what happened in the FBI building, sure klaus Alison and Diego were there but they never actually saw the electric chair. For all we know they probably think they just pissed her off.
remember when people on tumblr tried to convince everyone that Lila was just as evil as Leonard actually and that liking her and Diego together was like morally reprehensible. because I remember that.
#wow lila sure is a fun and interesting character #i cant wait to have nuanced discussions on her character and her relationship with diego #i am sure no one would downplay the abuse she suffered #especially when it parallels the Hargreaves so well #🤡 #and it was so obviously just poorly disguised misogyny #like they have no issue with stanning five who has done far worse than her out of his volition #or they said they just thought diego x lila was rushed #which is really funny considering they all had no problem with sissy and vanya and klaus and dave #both of which were far more rushed than they were #the umbrella academy #tua#lila pitts #lila x diego #dielila#diego hargreeves#tua lila
unpopular opinion and might get hate for it but saying vanya is bisexual rather than lesbian because of her relationship with Leonard is a big erasure of how the majority of lesbians have relationships with men because they mistake platonic feelings for romantic ones. Also it's kind of erasure of Vanya's trauma and how many people who had troubled childhood and relationships in the past can get easily attached to someone who's simply kind to them.
if in the future she happens to have another romantic and sexual relationship with a man then yes, she is bisexual. but so far the only actual and meaningful relationship she had with someone was sissy.
(please understand that by AU, I mean they share an incredibly small amount of things in common with the original source material which I barely remember BUT the “story” takes place in the setting of the film) (not to be misleading or anything :p)
(BEWARE: abuse, loss, suicidal ideation, grief, murder, other stuff, etc.)
(If you can handle watching Umbrella Academy, this will be fine for you.)
(seriously though i know i always say this but basically the only thing this story has in common with mamma mia is that it takes place on that island. do not read this for mamma mia's plot; you will be incredibly disappointed.)
(Sophie) Ben was born on the island, surrounded by magic from day one. Known to be kind and good, he can grow plants at wills, flowers often sprouting from his skin, which he picks and offers to Klaus, who always smiles and kisses him. Ben has tentacles in his chest that ruined his health when he was younger, often confining him to bed for days, and Klaus would always make a point to visit him, another sick child who struggled with substance abuse and passed-down mental and physical problems since he was five years old. Klaus would wander around Ben’s room dancing, singing, and telling stories to entertain him, often cuddling him whenever he got to tired to continue. The two have been partners in everything ever since they met, soulmates both in choice and fate, with red string rings tied around their left ring fingers ever since their seventh birthday, never to be taken off. Always enough for each other, Klaus eventually chooses to stay behind on the island with Ben rather than run off with the boy he loves when they’re fifteen, as Ben can never leave the island, infected by a sickness that turns his veins to ash the farther he travels from its shores, which would eventually kill him. Ben’s guilt is harsh and real, as he sees Klaus’ grief for Diego in his eyes every single day they have together from that day on. He often escapes away to see Jill, a sweet mermaid who lives off the cliffs. The day Ben finally succumbs to his illnesses, too weak to drag himself to shore after saving Klaus from being crushed by a wrecking ship, Jill takes his soul and imbues it into a pearl, giving the gem to Klaus, who wears it on a chain around his neck for the rest of his days. The church is full at his funeral, but Ben stands by Klaus’ side still, speaking to him often, their bond too strong to be broken by death. They wander together every day, confined to the island, until one day the gods finally take pity on him and he is reborn as an angel, returning to the earth to take Klaus by the waist and whirl him up into the air, laughing and spinning in the sunlight as they kiss, their one life finally complete.
(Sky) Diego grew up in New York with his mother Grace, who adopted him at a young age after finding him in an alleyway. He’s always found her alluring and beautiful, almost hypnotic in a way, and when he’s fifteen he finally finds out why, travelling to the island with her on vacation. There, he learns she is a light fae, accepted by the island immediately as one of its own. She leaves him to his own devices mostly, allowing him plenty of time to fall about as deep in love with Klaus as anybody can get, the two of them spending endless days together in the summer sun. When Grace is ready to leave, faint from all the magic around her, Diego wants to take Klaus with him, but his lover refuses, refusing to leave his best friend’s side. And so Diego is torn from him, spending the next fifteen years thinking about the boy he left behind, now surely a man. Soon after returning home, however, Grace dies in a horrible house fire, leaving Diego alone with Klaus’ magic love branded on his bones. He soon learns his parentage is magical as well, his grief for Grace causing his dark fae powers to awake, wavy black horns and big black wings splitting from his back as he screams and cries. Desperate to escape his beloved mother’s memory, Diego leaves his army training and schooling behind to travel the world, hoping to head back to Klaus. But alas, he cannot find the island, dizzy with his new power, and is preyed upon by a siren named Lila. However, he’s saved by a pirate named Eudora, and the three soon become good friends, sailing the high seas on Eudora’s ship every day they can. Eudora has never heard of Klaus’ island, and Diego’s descriptions are not very helpful, but still they sail on, Diego determined to find the man he loves and stay with him, this time. His magic alive and unabashed, Diego is a dangerous creature, but what he lacks in control he far more than makes up in gentleness, caring for Eudora and Lila even when they leave him for each other. Then, one day, Diego sees a spot in the distance, and his heart sings in the ocean air, prompting him to steal the wheel from Eudora and steer right up on the shore. Seeing him from high up in a tree, Klaus bounds down through the rocky fauna, scraping himself all over just so he can jump into Diego’s arms and kiss him again. Diego refuses to leave him again, insisting to Klaus he’ll be fine even if he has to leave behind Lila and Eudora, but Klaus refuses to let him give up his family. Instead, he finally agrees to come with him, leaving with Diego at Ben’s urging to finally see the world he’s so longed for. Before they go, however, Diego gets down on one knee. He gets out not a single word before Klaus screams “YES!” so loudly that all of the birds are startled off the island and don’t come back for three weeks.
(Donna) Allison was born half-siren, though she of course didn’t find that out until she came to the island after college on a whim. There she stayed and met three men in a year, eventually having Claire as a result, her daughter a spitfire who’s always barefoot and wearing flowers somewhere. Though she once had dreams for something greater, Allison has become accustomed to the island and its small pleasures, content with her best friends Klaus and Vanya, both of whom have helped her raise Claise. She has a risky relationship with magic despite being the queen of the island, as its dark and persuasive nature is easily abused and has led her to broken friendships many times in the past. She tries not to use it, but Natalie, a nymph who Allison loves and marries, helps her learn to control it, encouraging her to open up and helping her temper her rages. Natalie is essential to Allison’s happiness, so even after she falls for Ray and Luther again, Allison keeps her, enjoying two husbands and a wife, and a sweet friend in Patrick, who she slept with out of grief, no romance involved whatsoever. A hard-working and kickass woman, she takes no shit from her friends nor her foes, eventually sending both Klaus and Vanya off into the world without her, finally confident enough in herself to manage on her own. (What a queen.)
(Tanya) Klaus was born on the island, and is its most elusive and mysterious resident. He’s peculiar even just for his looks, not to mention his behaviors - he’s covered in odd runes in languages none of the other mages speak; his skin sparkles and glows different colors in the rain and sun; his eyes burn bright gold when he uses magic, which is always; he has great black wings with sharp horns at their bends just like Diego; he has wavy black horns growing out of his head and cracked and achy from all his self-abuse; he dresses himself in auras and gowns made of the nature around him, usually still alive, the leaves, wind, clouds, butterflies, flowers, and feathers all nuzzling into him like an old friend. The only consistency to his appearance is the pearl on a chain around his necklace, a reminder to all the island of his deepest love, even if he’s slept with half the island as it is. (He keeps tripping to sex pollen and “forgetting” to wash off before heading into town.) No one really knows what kind of creature he is, because his parentage is a mystery and his magic is atypically ruinous in its beauty. (They eventually discover that he is the hybrid child of a dark fae and a light fairy, which, let’s be honest, makes complete and total sense.) Still, despite his alluring appearance, he is by far the most tragic character of the island, having suffered blow after blow to the point of suicide many a time, only to be restored by the waters and washed up on shore, most likely as a gift by Dave, the pirate Klaus fell in love with a few years ago only to lose to a stray cannonball. He now haunts the ocean, keeping Klaus alive even when he breaks all his bones by leaping off the highest cliff onto the rocks. Klaus steals alcohol from the wrecked ships off the coast and sleeps high up in the trees; he snorts fairy dust too, when he can find it. He’s learned how to mix and mess with it enough so he can find the best hit for longest, creating different colors and tastes and effects. He suffers from psychic and prophetic visions, often in his sleep, leading him to be very anxious, depressed, and paranoid, often getting only a few scant hours of sleep a night. Once, he had a nightmare so bad he woke already in the midst of a panic attack, having summoned every ghost who had ever drowned within a mile of the island to the shore, wary to wait there and guard him til morning. He covers all his pain with flirting and humor, and very few have ever seen past the facade, Allison and Vanya being two of them, who take care of him and his deteriorating mental state every day. Diego helped too, before he left, leaving Klaus even more devastated than before. But what really broke him was Ben’s death, the love of his life lost to him forever, and soon Klaus succumbed completely to his anguish and left the island with only Ben’s pearl around his neck, walking on water until he reached a place he was sure nobody could save him. He let himself sink, falling beneath the waves, but he woke up in bed all the same, Ben’s ghost expelling from his body and leaving his heart still beating in his chest, his breath stolen.
(Rosie) Vanya grew up on the island, but left when she turned seven, taken away by her parents. She was friends with Klaus and Allison then, and retains her friendship with them now, when she returns at age twenty-three, fresh-off a bad hand in the deal of life. She had married an abusive man named Leonard and run from him into the arms of a housewife named Sissy, who she soon fell in love with. Unfortunately, their affair ended in tragedy, with Sissy and her son Harlan being killed by Sissy’s husband Carl in a horrific murder-suicide. Paralyzed with grief, Vanya returned to the island in search of Klaus and Allison, and lives with them now in relative peace, spending her days writing in her little sunlit room. She’s quiet and mousy and studies Greek mythology, which she tells Klaus with great excitement, her eyes lighting up. He tells her he’s the personal favorite of Dionysus, Apollo, Aphrodite, Hermes, and Hades and Persephone, which she laughs at until she realizes he’s serious. She speaks to them through him, fascinated with their stories, and writes songs about them which she plays out on her balcony, the notes of her sweet violin carried for miles by her tame magic, weak compared to that of Klaus and Allison’s and yet brimming with potential. Nature bends to the will of her melodies, the trees reaching for her balcony whenever she plays, so much so that she one day creates a dome of branches, for she lives at the top of the island and they simply could not get close enough. Eventually, though, she chooses to move back to the city and try her hand at a normal life, in need of a change and some peace. After all - she can always come back home, right?
(Sam) Ray is an activist and a poet who came to the island almost a decade ago in search of inspiration. He and Allison fell for each other immediately, drawn to each other’s equal minds and hearts. (She’s always sort of hoped he was Claire’s father.) He very nearly gave up everything to stay there with her, but he was young and still had dreams to travel the world, and so he left her behind with a sad apology, promising to return to her one day. (She’s always taken his promise to heart, and thank fucking god she did, because it finally came true.) After Ray left, he made his way everywhere he could, eventually settling in London and meeting Luther, who he quickly fell in love with. The two of them were married after a year, though their relationship baffles nearly everyone they meet, as Ray is an intelligent, artistic soul who enjoys museums and old poetry books and watering his plants and gardening in the sunlight and Luther is a stubborn, blustering old movie fan who prefers to write analytical pieces about the transformations of media and its affect on society over the years in his little hovel of a mancave, but hey, they make it work. They don’t know the other knows Allison until one day Ray expresses his wish to visit his old friend and from his stories and Luther’s sparse memory they’re able to piece together that they’re speaking about the same woman. Rather than be worried, they laugh about it, and when they arrive on the island, Ray kisses Allison without hesitation as soon as she’s close enough, smiling against her mouth. She soon kisses Luther too, the three of them reunited as they always should’ve been, and slowly, she introduces them to her world. Though Ray has no magic in his bones, he loves the island and it loves him right back, offering him a lift on the wind whenever he wishes it, the branches bending down to kiss him with their leaves, the rain parting around him when it storms. Ray gets along quite well with Natalie, as they both enjoy poetry and tea, and he absolutely adores Claire, who engages him with fairytales she’s come up with and new theories she has regarding the world. Ray loves Klaus despite his eccentricities, and Klaus will spend hours with Ray’s arm wrapped around his waist, talking loudly in his ear as Ray smiles and tries not to spill his drink on Klaus’ shirt when he laughs. Vanya is quite fond of him too, though she’s far more reserved in her love, and Diego and Ben barely interact with him, though they clearly hold some sort of affection for him since he’s made Allison so happy. Even Five doesn’t mind him. In the end, Ray realizes that while travelling the world has made him a better man, it is staying here with his family that will make him a happy one.
(Harry) Patrick is a businessman, the kind who always wears a suit and holds a cup of whiskey constantly after five o’clock. He’s tired and bored and defeated, only brought to life when he goes boating on the weekends, donning a stupid captain’s hat and everything. He tried his hand at acting when he was younger, which is how he met Allison, with her coy smile and tattered dress. They had a brief fling before she disappeared, and though he was never really in love with her, their paths too different despite their attraction for one another, he still makes the time to visit her on the island when the ten year mark hits, having finally found her after years of searching. He cannot stay very long, as his refusal to believe in magic makes the island frustrated enough to make him miserable as well as it can, but for Allison it makes an exception, allowing Patrick to stay long enough for her wedding to Ray and Luther. He still keeps in touch with her, retaining a good relationship with Claire despite the oceans between them, and Allison’s the first one he calls when he meets the love of his life, a purple and yellow-haired nonbinary summer child named Joy with whom he adopts a shitton of kids and opens up a charity to help the homeless, finally happy and fulfilled putting on Shakespeare plays as fundraisers in the park. (Here’s the truth, kids - you don’t need magic to live a magical life.)
(Bill) Luther grew up on the island, his magic presenting itself in the gift of speaking to animals. (Which is nice since they’re better friends with him than most humans are, which is sad but only if you think about it too hard!) He was childhood friends with Klaus, Vanya, and Ben, though his closeness to them was always rivaled with his absolute adoration of Allison, who adored him right back until he left with his father, a demanding and unforgiving man named Reginald who the island finally managed to reject with a magical disease that damn near killed the man before he managed to escape, dragging Luther with him. Luther misses Ben, who always gave him a safe space to cry; he misses Vanya, who always held his hand when he was scared; and he misses Klaus, who always helped him handle the birds he was so much bigger and stronger than. (Birds (mostly sparrows) and butterflies (mostly monarchs) like to nest in Klaus’ hair for some reason.) But most of all, Luther misses Allison, the only soul he ever felt truly understood him. But love cannot always win, and so Luther returned to the mainland with his father, living under his harsh and strict rule for over a decade before leaving to return to Allison for a few days, though he was soon dragged back with a call from his fiance, a pompous girl named Stacey who Reginald had forced him into marrying. Bowing his hand, Luther made it all the way to the altar before going fuck that (as we all must one day) and sprinting out the church doors all the way to the nearest park, where he bought a hot dog, collapsed on a bench surrounded by pigeons, turned to the man next to him and fell in love with his husband. He returns to the island with Ray a few years later, the both of them looking for Allison, and are married to her within the year, Luther finally back home in the arms of his family. Though he bickers constantly with Diego, who he hadn’t been at the island to meet at the time, their fighting always ceases whenever Klaus spins into the room, as he has this way of softening Diego that no one else can ever really understand (but maybe they don’t need to). Luther, meanwhile, speaks to Pogo, a magical creature who habitates the nearest small islands (the kind with only palm tree in the cartoons) and a dear friend. He teaches Claire how to speak to animals and becomes a librarian, because he hated his accounting job back in the city. But most of all, he lingers in the kitchen making pancakes as he waits for Ray and Allison to come down in rumpled pajamas, where he’ll dance with them until the smoke alarm goes off and they all tumble to the floor in laughter, Claire watching them from the stairs with a smile and a camera.
Five is born from a flower, growing in the Handler’s garden, so she becomes his mother. She’s abusive as fuck to him, and despite his immense power as a dark fae, his horns and wings strong and black beautiful, he just cannot escape her. Brilliant with magic and weaponry, he’s a formidable warrior, trained under Allison’s own hand (and Diego’s too, once he returns). By thirteen, he’s been sneaking out to see Klaus for years, his real mother since Klaus was the one who grew the flower Five sprouted from with his wish for a piece of Diego to stay with him forever. They’re a family, the two of them, however fucked up. But Klaus can never really tear him from the Handler’s clutches, try as he might, and so Five is always running for him, Klaus’ arms open, a barrier of the Handler’s magic sharp and painful between them. Five has other friends around the island - Vanya and Allison of course, Hazel and Agnes (the island baker and psychic respectively), Cha-Cha (his tormentor turned secret trainer), Dolores (his voodoo doll he made himself from the earth that loves him so), and Lila (his best friend and personal bodyguard, self-appointed). He sometimes takes refuge in the pirate ships beneath the sea, his magic powerful enough to keep him shielded from the water as he spends hours with Ben and Diego, who can hold his breath forever. He and Diego often watch the sunset, sunrise, or moon together on the cliff Klaus has jumped off so many times, bonded together by Klaus’ love for them and some sort of magical blood fused by that bond. Eventually Lila decks the Handler off the cliff, furious beyond belief at Five’s bloody bruises, and Five shivers in Klaus’ arms, knowing that he’s lost a warden and not a mother. With his real mother and father, he leaves the island on a pirate ship, his wings strong and spread behind him, a happy smile on his face as he soars above the clouds into the sun, finally free.
(please understand that by AU, I mean they share an incredibly small amount of things in common with the original source material which I barely remember BUT the “story” takes place in the setting of the film) (not to be misleading or anything :p)
(BEWARE: abuse, murder, war, violence, death, forbidden love (on more than one account), surprise surprise everybody's sad, yeah head's up this is way sadder than the movie is sorry, okay enjoy i guess, bye, etc.)
(If you can handle watching Umbrella Academy, this will be fine for you.)
(Maria) Allison grew up alongside Ray and Luther, the three of them an inseparable team known for their mischief and ferocity. Allison was always the balance between the two, carrying both Luther’s bravery and Ray’s wit as she led them into battle against imaginary friends and foes, living every day with a delighted laugh. Though she had a sister, Vanya, who she was very close to at one point, Vanya perished in a fire when they were all seven, leaving Allison with a hole in her heart and a crushing case of pyrophobia. Following the incident, Allison became even rowdier and soon completely uncontrollable, terrifying the town with her strength and wit, as well as her newfound imaginary friends, though she assured everyone she met that she was simply deeply religious. After all, she too was caught in the fire that killed her sister, and that night she met La Muerte and Xibalba as they came for Vanya’s soul, smiling at her through the flames. Now, she prays to them nearly every day, for safety and for love, but her perceived insanity eventually lands her in a convent to be made into a good Christian girl, her father Reginald hoping that she could eventually become a good wife to Luther one day. (Allison, naturally, rolled her eyes at such a stupid notion. She’ll be the troublesome wife of anyone she damn well pleases.) At the Catholic school, however, Allison only becomes more of a rebel, learning how to wield a sword as well as a pen. She becomes a fearsome warrior and knowledgeable woman, breaking the rules to fall in love with a girl named Natalie at the school, as well as to challenge the virtues of the nunrey’s priest, Patrick. Eventually Patrick grows tired of her shenanigans and sends Allison back home, where she continues to write to Natalie and fight back against the oppressive systems around her. Back home, she begins to fall for both of the boys she once knew, but hates how they fight over her, as if she’s some prize to be won. But when Natalie dies of pneumonia, Allison stashes all of her letters in her dresser and accepts Luther’s stuttered proposal out of grief, the fight snuffed out of her like the flame from a candle.
(Monolo) Ray grew up alongside Sissy, his foster sister, in the town’s youth hostel. She was Vanya’s best friend until her death, and three years later succumbed to smallpox, leaving Ray quiet and withdrawn without her. (Luckily, her and Vanya’s bullies, Leonard and Carl, died in a carriage accident, getting what they deserved.) Sissy and Vanya visit on every Day of the Dead though, and it brings Ray and Allison closer together, the two of them becoming a force against the world, and Ray falls in love with her easily from there. She is his light in the dark, and when she goes out, everything in Ray’s life starts to unravel. His foster brother Dave is sent off to war, becoming deeply religious as he develops an intimate relationship with the god of sin. But Dave is sent home in a coffin, and Ray receives his remains. Though not a particularly religious man, Ray buries his brother beneath the marigolds as per tradition and is visited by Klaus personally, who tells him that he hopes to never see Dave again because if he did, it would mean he had been forgotten. Understanding the threat for what it is, Ray accepts Klaus’ favor despite his disagreement with his values, believing in peace and love instead of war and hate. A brilliant negotiator, Ray becomes known for his gentle temperament and soft music, often playing the guitar deep into the sunset. Homeless and wandering, Luther is the only constant left in his life, and as time moves on, so too does Ray from Allison, eventually letting her go when she returns, realizing slowly that she is no longer the person haunting his dreams.
(Joaquin) Luther grew up with Pogo, his maybe-father. He inherited his gentle nature from their time together, passing it on to everyone he meets. Though good friends with Vanya from a young age, he was unable to save her from the fire, persuading Ray and Allison to stay back as well when they wanted to run back in for her. That night he was visited by La Muerte, who chastised him for not doing all he could to save such a little girl. A child himself, Luther resented this angry god, choosing to leave behind acceptable religion for the wayward path of worshipping Xibalba. Losing Allison only pushed him further away from La Muerte’s kind morals, and eventually he simply gave into Xibalba’s allure completely, his faith being one of the driving factors behind his and Ray’s conflict. Adopted by Reginald after Allison’s departure, he trained to become one of the greatest warriors in all of history, Xibalba’s unwavering favor winning him countless battles. But while his heroism earns him mansions and money, Ray’s heart remains like stone to him, rebelling against violence and preferring peace, which Luther cannot keep. When the town goes to war with the bandits, only a sacrifice can keep them alive, and Luther tries to take his chance. Instead, however, Allison pushes him out of the way with a kiss, shoving him stumbling back into Ray’s tired arms. Devastated at the loss of the woman he’s spent his entire life loving, Luther drops to his knees and offers up his soul to Xibalba and La Muerte, telling them to use it to rebuild the burned bridge between their lands. Alas, Xibalba refuses, unwilling to kill such a loyal servant, but La Muerte gives Luther his favor, finally, telling him that he shall see Allison again, do not despair. In mourning, Ray and Luther live on, but come their first visit from Allison on the Day of the Dead, they are married in a quiet midnight ceremony, Allison’s marigolds raining over them.
(The Sword Twins) Five grew up long ago, trapped in a cold and dark mansion with no one but the abusive Handler for company. She kept him in dresses, refusing to accept him as a boy, and he spent most of his prisoner days with Dolores, a statue in the Handler’s garden. Eventually, the Handler grows bored of having such a defiant servant and tries to kill Five, but she underestimates all of the impulses she’s trained into him for thirteen years, leaving her with an axe through her head and Five a free man. Still, he stays within the mansion’s walls for forty-five years, too afraid to brave the world outside, Dolores his only company. On his forty-fifth birthday, Xibalba and La Muerte come for him with an offer of family and freedom. Insane and drunk, Five agrees, and his new parents restore him to his thirteenth body and let him be, Dolores kept in the Land of the Remembered just in case Five should ever need her again. But he seems happy now, flitting between earth and the lands, Lila wrapped around his shoulders with sass and snark on his lips. With a devilish grin, he kills rotten souls for his mother and saves sweet ones for his father, the most brilliant warrior there’s ever been following the loosest morals there ever were too. Fascinated by the world and his power over it, Five is an enigma without end, the adopted child of gods and, of course, a little shit.
(Xibalba) Klaus rules the Land of Forgotten, and he fucking hates it. He knows he’s there because he’s only ever loved the dead, and there’s no one to remember him, but fuck, he loved somebody alive once. Diego. Good fucking lord, he loved Diego. Their story went something like this: Klaus was a thief and a murderer, a drug addict and a mad hatter. Diego was the country’s decorated hero, a vigilante warrior who had damn near won wars all by himself. Though they met when Diego was hired to save a town from Klaus’ treachery, he instead fell in love with the bright young soul, and Klaus left with Diego’s heart as his only bounty. But it quickly became enough, and the two went on the run together, wild and free and in love. They kept their romance a secret by battling one another almost every day, but still they spent every night tangled around each other, their laughter loud and their eyes alight. But unfortunately, all good things must come to an end, and true love is no exception. One night, dancing across the rooftops under the moon, Klaus is shot mid-laugh, choking as he topples from the roof. Diego screams his name, diving to catch him in his arms, and they sit there trembling, tears in their eyes as the men of the village look on confusedly, watching as the monster that had terrorized them for months was cradled in the arms of their guardian angel. Klaus touched Diego’s cheek, smiling at his eyes, and Diego managed to choke out only his name before Klaus went limp in his arms. Diego fell apart into grief, and without thought slaughtered the entire village of people he had sworn to protect, burning all of their photographs and bodies so they could not be remembered, blinded in his rage. He was captured without a fight by rangers from the next town over, and spent a year in prison, mad in his mourning. He would not speak or look at anyone, simply existing as a body with no soul inside. After that year, his trial finally came, and he was hung on a crowded morning, staring at the sun with his first and last words in a year and forever: I’ll see you soon, mi amor. He reawakened on a bridge made of marigolds, between the lands, but only had a moment to focus on that before he caught sight of Klaus, head thrown back in laughter, draped in purple and white and blue and gold and looking as beautiful as he did the day Diego lost him. Beaming, Diego ran for him, the two lovers reunited in a heart-beating kiss in the middle of the bridge, only to feel the marigolds falling to the wind beneath them. They tried to hold on, but the air was too strong, and Klaus could only watch as warm, beautiful Diego was whisked away from him once more, into the Land of the Remembered as Klaus sunk into the Land of the Forgotten. Cursed to be La Muerte and Xibalba now that the old gods had perished, their pure souls were kept in halves, the two men unable to meet or touch on any day beyond the Day of the Dead. Devastated at the loss of his lover for a second time, Klaus delved back into sin, the demons of his life too much to handle without ambrosia and apples from Eden. His ghosts, who used to follow him when he was one of the living too, were beside him always, and he only sank deeper into himself as time went on. Angry at Klaus for letting himself be ruined, Diego snipes and bites at Klaus any chance he gets, leaving the true loves torn apart by morality, or rather, lack thereof. Klaus continues to spread a drop of his decimated soul into every pair of lovers he can find, bitter at the unfairness of his unhappy ending and determined to keep others from it as well. Though Five tries to push them back together, Klaus and Diego remain apart in both body and mind, as though their hearts still beat as one, their love is, forever, dead.
(La Muerte) Diego grew up with his mother Grace in a small little town, a deadpan and angry soul. He spent most of his days alone, praying to La Muerte and training under Grace’s arm to become a brilliant warrior. His knives and bullets were said to move however he wished, as if by magic, and as he grew, his eyes began to twinkle and his nature became gentler and more trusting. On his eighteenth birthday his mother confessed that she herself was La Muerte, Xibalba being a bitter old man named Reginald, and advised him to enjoy life while he could, reasoning that both she and Reginald were not long for this world and that their thrones would both fall to the purest souls soon. Sure enough, her human body soon passed away, but he could still feel her soul in the world, and kept her rosary with him at all times, travelling the country in hopes of spreading her kindness and joy. (Unfortunately, Reginald held onto his human body for as long as he could, for centuries, unable to let himself die even though his power had been long since cleansed from him.) Diego lived by a strict moral code, refusing to bend his ideals for anybody… that is, until Klaus came along, to whom he always used to say, I love you too much, with a fond smile, as if it was a bad thing. But sure enough, it turned out to be, as the lovers lost each other and themselves in the process. Now La Muerte himself, Diego abides by the rules of life and death and watches over the mortals his once beloved so childishly fucks with, miserable in his own kingdom of endless joy. His son Five makes the days better, often bringing him new reaped souls as gifts with their blood still on his teeth (Diego just pats his head and sighs; he’s very cute when he’s being murderous, as we all know), and he still prays to Grace, though he knows she is long gone from the world. Ironically enough for a god who relies on them, Diego has an unadulterated hatred of marigolds, refusing to keep any within his palace walls, the only place in the entire Land of the Remembered where marigolds cannot be found. He spends most of his days wandering aimlessly, conversing quietly with Lila and Eudora, who he grants their human forms temporarily to visit him. Though his family continues to beg for his reunion with Klaus, Diego remains alone, the two of them bickering and snarking all throughout their one day a year together, too angry to see past their tragedy to their blessings. Diego only agrees to the stupid wager in the first place because he sees the same earnest, pure love in Ray’s eyes for Allison and Luther as he himself to hold for Klaus. But the wager is called off when Allison dies and Ray and Luther marry, leaving Diego without reason to talk to Klaus again. It’s not until the Day of the Dead seven years after the whole disaster that Klaus finally risks taking his hand again. Blankly, sadly, Diego asks him, Why would you risk your immortality for this? as he knows that the gods of the two worlds cannot touch without the risk of throwing the entire world off-balance. Klaus shrugs. I love you too much, he answers, and Diego sobs, looking at him with glittering eyes as Klaus grins, tugging him in for a kiss and tangling their souls together for the first time in millennia, their hearts once again beating beneath their skeletal skin.
(The Candlemaker) Ben was born to - well, nobody knows. His only family is Klaus, who stands as his soulmate, the other half of him, and Ben had always seemed content with that, at least when he was alive. The purest soul there ever was, Ben fell to his death during a heist with Klaus, earning him an immortal role in the afterlife, from which he watched Klaus beat back his resulting fear of heights with Diego’s help, the two of them more in love than any humans they’d ever known. Ben read the Book of Life over and over again, hoping to find some sort of loophole, any sort of loophole, to get him back to earth to help his soulmate. He knew the story of Grace and Reginald, and it was a bloody, maddening, and tragic one, something Ben would never wish on his worst enemy, let alone his favorite person in the entire world. Knowing from handwritten letters from Grace that Klaus and Diego were destined to become the next Xibalba and La Muerte, the two of whom are doomed to be apart for all eternity, Ben tried more and more desperately to reach Klaus, trying to save him from such a horrific fate. Instead, Klaus fell earlier than expected, and Ben was left with both his and Diego’s black candles all burnt out, though they were once the brightest blazes anyone had ever seen. Helpless on the sidelines as Klaus and Diego broke apart slowly, Ben busied himself by harboring the newly deceased and helping them cross over, eventually falling in love with Jill, a mortal who he would often see when crossing between the worlds. She tried to kill herself to be with him, like the fools in love we all are, but humans cannot be with immortals, and so her candle remains half-lit, as she is half-alive and half-dead, guarding the doors to the afterlife without ever being allowed to enter them herself. Ben found Five, and nudged Klaus and Diego towards him, hating cruel humans more than anything in the world and doing everything he could to spite them. Only when Klaus and Diego allow themselves to love again does Ben finally move on, Jill’s soul harbored on to the heavens. Bursting into marigolds, Ben’s soul stretches across the ravine between the lands, acting as the bridge connecting Klaus and Diego’s hearts forevermore. (And they love him, they love him, they love him; my god, do they love him.)
(Dove) Eudora grew up in wartimes, a pirate on the high seas in a red sash with half her hair hacked off, her eyes smudged with kohl. Though she pillaged and plundered, she was a kind soul, and her goodness won her Diego’s constant favor. In return, she prayed to La Muerte every day, her only consistency the beaded rosary around her neck proclaiming him her master. With brilliant swordsmanship and a sharp tongue, Eudora’s reign as a pirate queen seemed as if it would never end, until suddenly it did - when she met Lila, docked in Mexico one day centuries ago. They fell fast, and they fell hard, but alas, their love story ended in tragedy much like Klaus and Diego’s, with their ship being blown to bits by French cannonballs. Badly wounded, Eudora passed out while treading water and fell to the sea, but Diego collected her soul with compassion, making her his second-in-command as a sign of respect for her eternal devotion. She now sits on his shoulder as a wrinkled and wisened dove, her beauty lost in the end of her life. She knows Diego only keeps her around because he pities her, because she reminds him of himself, but that’s not Eudora’s concern. She spends her days travelling back and forth between the lands, often meeting Lila on the broken bridge, and tells Diego of Klaus’ state of affairs, helping the two lovers communicate even as they are eternally apart. A judge of souls, Eudora reigns by Diego’s side, no longer a queen but close enough, I suppose.
(Snake) Lila became an orphan of the plague at barely four, and was raised within a convent, eventually becoming a nun herself despite her contempt for so-called god. She slowly came to worship Xibalba, delving into a life of sin under her sisters’ noses and eventually harboring a demon within her skin, standing as Xibalba’s most faithful servant. So of course it was only fate that she meet and fall in love with La Muerte’s own favorite, the lovely Eudora, who Lila followed to the ends of the earth on a pirate ship, the sun setting behind them. In deep purple robes and with glowing red eyes, Lila ruled the seas by her lover’s side, only to lose her to the raging waves. Grief-stricken and furious beyond all manner and reason, Lila takes the ghost of Five, her best friend, with her when she travels back to her convent, burning the church to the ground with herself inside, her body melting like tar. She awakens in the Land of the Forgotten, a snake around Xibalba’s shoulders, but she can truly have no regrets, remaining Klaus’ loyal friend just as Eudora remains Deigo’s, even if this means that they can never truly be together, together, ever again. (Such is the fate of ill-advised lovers.)
#tua #the umbrella academy #the book of life #the hargreeves & friends #kliego#eudorla #klaus &x ben #vanya x sissy #five &x dolores #ray x luther #allison x natalie #i promise after this i'm back on my polyamorous bullshit #it just felt right for this one that they be apart #also for reference natalie is natalie portman because reasons #don't ask #it's a crack ship i started taking way too seriously and now shove into every fucking thing i possibly can #diego & eudora & lila #klaus & lila because let's be honest they'd be chaotic best friends #five & lila because they would be too #this is sad #i'm sorry #well i'm not but whatever #have a nice day y'all #goodbye.
(please understand that by AU, I mean they share an incredibly small amount of things in common with the original source material which I barely remember BUT the “story” takes place in the setting of the film) (not to be misleading or anything :p)
(BEWARE: abuse, murder, separation, the bigotry that can be expected in a small medieval town with jealousy problems, murder, sort of genocide?, violence, a bit of gore, Reginald being Reginald, the Handler being the Handler, ya know, magical mpreg if that bothers anyone (it sort of bothers me imma be honest with you), look i don't know i like dark and ominous shit alright???, etc.)
(If you can handle watching Umbrella Academy, this will be fine for you.)
(Baker) Ray is the most respected man in the village, despite only being a baker. He learned everything he knows from the original baker, Agnes, who died a couple years back. It’s said she became a fairy godmother, but Ray doesn’t believe in that crap - magic is such a crock. (Spoiler alert: it’s true.) The only magic he knows is kindness - he gives away free beds to the homeless children, and lets them stay for as long as they need, but they keep disappearing. Sometimes he lets Klaus stay over too, on those nights when his father has been particularly terrible to him, and he’ll let Diego in through the back door, barely listening to his excuses about Luther keeping Reginald distracted before collapsing back into bed beside his beloved wife, Allison. While they survive fine on their income and the free gifts they receive from the villagers, all too grateful to truly express for his kindness, what they really want is a child - and they just can’t seem to have one. Claire arrives eventually, after all the mess, but Ray almost doesn’t get to see his baby girl grow up - the wolf who had been taking the village’s children nearly guts him when Ray tries to save them. Almost.
(Baker’s Wife) Allison is always challenging people to battles of wit, ones she always inevitably wins. She hates the sexism in her town, and is determined to destroy it, confident she could be queen if only her blood allowed it. When she was younger, she was thought of as a bitch whore for sleeping around, and for constantly getting into bar fights that she always won. Everyone was shocked when Ray fell in love with her, the kingdom’s most eligible bachelor suddenly promised to the most promiscuous girl in town. But they were married, and while Allison’s rebellious nature soon earned her the mark of “witch”, Ray would let no one harm her. She became bored with their life though, as much as she loved him, and longed for a child or some other sort of adventure, anything to break up the monotony. Though skeptical of the Woods, she eventually enters them with Ray by her side to complete the ritual the Handler asked of them. There, she finds her family - Klaus and Vanya, Five and Ben, Diego and Luther. Luther, who she falls in love with, though she refuses to act on it until he saves Ray in front of her, earning her kisses and her heart. After the world settles again, Allison is hailed as a hero and earns herself a knighthood and a place in the royal household. Ray and Luther move with her, becoming good friends through their shared wife and eventually falling in love themselves, making the three of them the happiest couple in all the land, and their daughter the happiest child of all.
(Witch) The Handler was born with magic in her fingertips, and her twin brother Reginald too. Their apathy terrified their parents, and as they grew it only worsened, with their fights desecrating entire fields of their family’s crops as they tried to kill each other over the simplest things. Finally, one of their battles has catastrophic consequences, the two of them murdering their parents for trying to stand between them and their bodies aging twenty years on the spot as punishment, ten years for each life taken. Furious still but resigned to their magic’s limits, the siblings went their separate ways, with the Handler taking the Woods and Reginald taking the kingdoms. The Handler built herself a castle of vines and a beautiful garden, cursing two passing hunters for eternal servants - Hazel, now a garden gnome, and Cha-Cha, now a tree. They travel with her as she rides her faithful steed, a loyal armored unicorn with golden eyes that turn her enemies to stone with fear. When the Handler finished burying all those who knew her true name, the only one knowing it now being Reginald, she began bolstering her reputation as a fearsome witch, kidnapping Lila from her family when she was only a child, her brother Ray too young to remember it. Using Lila’s magic, she manages to create a spell that will allow her to reclaim her youth - the catch is, every ingredient can only come from one of seven people, none of whom she knows. So she finds one of them after twenty-nine years and makes a deal: Allison gets her what she needs, and the Handler will grant her wish for a child. For the spell, she needs: Ape’s Blood, an Innocent Blade, an Enchantress’ Skin, a Tear of True Grief, an Eye from the Future, a Dead Man’s Heart, and a Singing String. Though Allison brings her Luther’s blood, Diego’s unused knife, her own lip peels, Klaus’ tears, Five’s stolen eye, Ben’s heart, and Vanya’s bow string, the spell does not work, throwing the Handler into a blind rage. But she never gets to learn why the spell failed, as in her final battle with Reginald, they lock eyes to take each other in and pause just long enough for Five to appear from Nowhere and stab his two swords straight through their chests. And when the Handler dies, all of her magic is undone, her barren curse as well… Claire comes into the world less than a year later, and the witch had nothing to do with it.
(Little Red Riding Hood) Vanya was thrown to the wolves when she was only a few days old, but instead of devouring her, they raised her as one of their own. As she grew, the wolves began to follow her instead of the other way around, hailing her as their guardian. Though she could hardly speak, her violin could control them like an army, forcing every hunter in the Woods to her will. Vanya’s famous cloak of red is stitched together by magic, made only of the blood and skin of everyone whose life she’s taken. She carries two jagged knives and paints her face with ash, a picture of terror to all who meet her, though very few ever live to tell the tale. The only person she continually visits is Sissy, a wood nymph cursed to be the wife of a beast. Vanya steals away to see the beauty as often as she can, even helping raise her son, a half-beast half-nymph hybrid named Harlan. Desperate to save them, Vanya eventually makes a deal with Luther, who had accidentally killed Pogo, one of the Woods’ creatures. After he pleads with her to stop their violent fight, he offers her his help in exchange for her mercy so he can find and save his brothers. After Vanya’s agreement, Luther disappears, but Vanya spends days in that spot afterwards, playing her violin until Allison comes along, who Vanya mutes with her bow, slitting her throat out of fear. Realizing what she’s done, Vanya does her best to patch her up with her weak magic, and offers up one of her violin strings as repent, claiming it’s magic. Allison takes it, beyond grateful, and after everything, when the Woods is settled once again, Vanya has a family to call home, though she remains protector of the Woods and slays Carl as her last act of violence, finally taking her princess into her arms and kissing her to seal their happy ending.
(Jack) Ben was born a merman, but what he really wanted was wings. Wings he can fly with, wings he can travel the world with, wings he can hold Klaus with. Klaus, who had been sneaking off to the well to visit Ben for years, who would come to him from the ocean, wished those wings into existence for him, Agnes granting them with a smile. They spent years together, partners in all things, and fell as deep into platonic love as you can get. But one day, Ben flew too high, and found the castle of the giants. Having been carrying Klaus in his arms, they were caught together, and the giants held them in a cage for what felt like weeks, Klaus starting to waste away. Desperate to save him, Ben made a deal with the giants to give them his wings and all the magic they contained, if they let Klaus go. The giants ripped Ben’s wings from him unceremoniously and dropped him and Klaus to the earth, Ben holding a malnourished Klaus in his arms as they fell. Ben took the brunt of the impact, and bled out as a mess of shattered bones, Klaus asleep on his chest as Ben sang him a lullaby. When Klaus awoke, he was devastated, and kissed Ben into the afterlife, their true love keeping Ben’s spirit in the world as a ghost. With Klaus’ love keeping him “alive”, Ben travelled the world as his partner slept, teaching Vanya kindness and speech, offering Luther vulnerability, healing Allison’s voice, holding Five when the monsters came, and helping Diego become the man Klaus needs him to be. His heart, kept in a box by Klaus as a memory, is used in the spell, but does not work, to Ben’s overwhelming relief. But with his heart destroyed, Ben cannot stay on earth, Klaus’ magic fading with every minute. Finally, he’s forced to say goodbye, Klaus begging him not to go - but at the last minute, some god takes pity on him, and Ben gasps as he feels wings sprout from his back once again, this time large and white and endless, feathers soft enough to cradle Klaus in forever. Klaus cries out in joy, drawn into Ben’s arms for a desperate kiss, and Ben laughs, an angel and his love intertwined in the morning sunlight forevermore.
(Cinderella) Klaus grew up as one of Reginald and Grace’s three wards, the other two being Luther and Diego. While Grace was kind and loving, allowing all three of the boys to play and explore wherever they wanted, Reginald was cruel and apathetic, training the boys as soldiers from a very young age. When he found out Klaus had no talent for sparring and instead preferred dresses to swords, he shunned him from their family, forcing him into servitude the very day Grace succumbed to sickness. (Oh please, it was totally poison.) The boys, only seven, could not even begin to think of disobeying their terrifying “father”, and so Klaus melted into the background, though Luther and Diego still did everything they could to be his friend, even sneaking him out on whatever nights they could. As they grew up, Klaus and Diego fell in love, and when they were seventeen, Klaus fell pregnant with Diego’s child, though he never told him. Instead he hid away from Diego in the Woods with Ben, or used his magic to mask his body. When the baby was born, Klaus finally told Diego, and they named their daughter Aidy. Desperate to protect her and determined to keep her, they hid her away in a cave in the woods, Klaus trusting Ben to keep her safe during the day. At night, Klaus and Diego would steal away to be with her while Luther covered for them, mesmerized by her uniqueness. As she grew, Aidy sprouted black horns and blacker wings, a beautiful faerie child of Klaus and Diego’s magic. But when she was five, they lost her to a strange witch, one that had somehow managed to slip past Ben’s fierce protection. Devastated from their loss, Klaus and Diego’s relationship began to fall apart. Klaus hoped to rekindle their love at the ball, the only chance they’d ever have to dance together, but instead he caught the eye of Prince Dave in his golden French-style gown, a hanging back and lace and jewels everywhere, a butterfly in a sea of caterpillars. When Dave asked Klaus to marry him, Klaus chose to say yes despite his heart still belonging to Diego, believing it for the best. Their tearful goodbye happened in the Woods by the cave where they’d made a home with their daughter nearly eight years ago, and with it Klaus left his old life and loves behind for good, becoming Dave’s princess at the price of Diego’s broken heart. But when Dave sacrifices his life for Klaus soon after their wedding (Klaus got kidnapped and Dave was the ransom, it’s a whole thing), Klaus finally lets his magic loose, staging a coup of the government as Dave asked of him in his letter goodbye, and slays giants with the sharp heels of his shoes. Though his golden gown is in shreds and his skin is marred with dirt and blood, he’s still the most beautiful thing Diego’s ever seen, so when Klaus comes sprinting into his arms in the middle of the battle and kisses him like he’s worth a million stars, well. Diego’s never letting go again. (And neither is Klaus.)
(Rapunzel) Lila has never known a world outside of the Woods. As the Handler’s prisoner daughter, she stays locked away in a tower in the Handler’s domain. Despite the Handler having sapped all of her magic from her when she was only a baby, Lila is still a formidable fighter, and a brainwashed one at that. She’s killed plenty of people in the Handler’s name, not knowing better, and is fierce enough to have killed plenty of giants in her time, bringing their gold back to her “mother”. She kills wolves for fun, on her own, and wears their furs as capes, which she’s battled Vanya plenty over. Her only friend is Five - he flies up to her every chance he gets, helping her cut her hair and improve her fighting skills. At first, she would attack him until he left, until she realized that he’d keep coming back until she let him in, because he isn’t scared of her. And then, when she’s twenty-nine, Lila falls for Prince Eudora, who comes to visit her whenever she can. (Sometimes Lila wonders if Five sent her. That’s the only explanation she can come up with as to why they never come on the same night.) Eventually, Lila chooses to escape the tower to find Eudora, leaving in the dead of night when the Handler’s all drugged up on fairy dust. Running through the Woods she meets Diego and the two come to blows, nearly killing each other before Diego realizes she’s also looking for Eudora. (They’ve been best friends ever since.) She aids him in fighting the giants, Reginald, and the Handler as war wages across the land, and afterwards, stands as his Maid of Honor at his wedding to Klaus, Eudora by her side. Klaus helps her dress for her first ball, where she dances with Eudora all night long, and soon enough becomes a spy of the kingdom alongside the knight Eudora, by Diego’s side always. But her most treasured connection is the one she shares with her brother, Ray - the moment he recognizes her as his long-lost sister, he tugs her into his arms with all the gentleness she’s never known and never lets go again.
(Rapunzel’s Prince) Eudora was born into royalty, and hated it immediately. Despite being a girl, she insisted on being called Prince from a very young age, and demanded to be trained as a knight no matter how much her mother pleaded with her to take an interest in fashion and art. When she was sixteen, she ran away from home to explore the world by ship and met Diego on one of her pirating adventures, having docked by the market he often ran away to with Klaus when he could. The two became fast friends, quickly becoming close enough to keep in touch through letters for years even as the distance between them deepened and deepened. After a decade of travelling, Eudora decides to take a break, and comes home to land, immediately making her way into the Woods. The animals love her, and she often sings to them, trusting them to protect her when she sleeps. In return, they lead her to Lila, who Eudora quickly falls madly in love with. They spend hours together, Eudora eventually helping Lila take trips up and down from the tower so she could explore without being caught by the Handler. But eventually she found out, and though Eudora escaped her clutches the first night, the second she was blinded by Cha-Cha’s tree spirit, branches scratching her eyes so horrifically she could not even begin to hope to see. As she lays there bleeding, she hears the wind pick up, and falls unconscious from the pain just as gentle hands touch her, lifting her from the ground. When she awakens, she is in a warm cave with a well just a few feet away, clearly abandoned and uncared for. She can hear it creaking and bubbling. She is nursed back to health by Five, who does not speak to her except out of necessity, his chest bare and his scars laid barren, his great black wings flapping angrily every time she asks him something personal. After a particularly curious question about his horns, Five turns to her with glowing gold eyes and snarls at her to drop it. She does. But even after her eyes are completely healed, by both his magic and his medicine, and she leaves without a goodbye, she does not forget him. And when the lonely boy appears once again, so clearly the product of Klaus and Diego’s love now that he stands between them, Eudora knows the only way she can thank him for all he’s done for her: You can’t let that kiss be just a heat-of-the-moment thing, she tells Diego when it’s all over. I’ve seen how happy he makes you. And that child, he needs you. Both of you. And as she watches Five, in the arms of Klaus and Eudora’s beloved best friend, Eudora can’t find it in herself to regret it, turning to Lila with a smile and kissing her just because.
(Stepmother) Reginald hates his wards, but, well, such is life. He can’t exactly get rid of them. He didn’t used to - he used to love them, back when he had what he felt must be love for Grace, but then she died and all he could see when he looked at his three “children” was her. So he tried to abuse her warmth out of them, but Klaus could never stop being himself in the worst way possible. He’s angry at her for leaving, and he takes it out on their wards, beating Klaus with his cane when Luther and Diego aren’t home and working those two to the bone until they’re the best warriors in the land. Even when Diego tries to kill him by slitting his throat in his sleep, Reginald is ready, a paranoid old bastard who beats Diego with a broom until he can’t walk, crying too hard to breathe while Klaus screams at Reginald to stop and Luther fumes, holding Klaus back to protect him from redirecting Reginald’s fury. Reginald wears an eyepatch over one eye, not because he has to, just because he thinks it makes him scarier. (Yeah, he’s that kind of asshole.) Over his other eye he wears a monocle that allows him to glimpse the past, present, and future, knowing so many secrets about so many people that no one has ever dared to try and arrest him for all his crimes. In the end, he has to die for them, and by the most unexpected hand - the one secret he never knew, the one person he never scared, the one child he never hurt: Aidan. Klaus and Diego’s beloved, wretched, faerie son. Ugh. Prick.
Luther mostly works around the farm, doing the heavy work while Diego takes care of Klaus. It’s the one thing he and Diego can agree on: Klaus’ safety is worth any sacrifice of theirs. Luther winds up in the Woods looking for Klaus, who he knows has gone batshit since his split from Diego. (It’s not like Klaus was actually made to be a princess. That was just a silly nickname Luther and Diego used to call him when they were younger. It shouldn’t have any real weight to it; it never has before. God, Klaus, why’d you marry this Dave guy again?) That’s when he meets Allison, and suddenly believes in love at first sight. But she won’t tell him her name, insistent on finding her husband, so he offers her a travel companion. After the whole mess is over, Luther’s just happy to have his family back, coaxing Vanya out into society with gentle words and terrible humor. Don’t be such a sourwolf, he says, and she laughs and lets him dance with her until Ray and Allison come back to claim him once again, Claire running around their feet until Luther lifts her up onto his shoulders. Thank you, Klaus tells him at his and Diego’s wedding, saving his second dance for Luther, and Luther shrugs. Anytime, Luther says, though Klaus could mean literally anything, and then Klaus beams at him and Luther catches himself thinking that he could die happy today, if Klaus’ smile was the last sight he saw. After all - family is everything. Or, at least, it is to Luther. (Oh shut up Diego you were crying earlier during Allison’s speech I saw it -)
Diego is a mystery to most - a kind, gentle warrior who often spends his days in the market, watching Klaus dance and chasing after thieves. He buys food for the orphans and braids flowers into Klaus’ hair, the two of them the picture of love to everyone there. They seem to have so many secrets between them, so many intimate rituals - especially when they started coming to market with a young child, so clearly theirs despite her extra appendages. So imagine the kingdom’s surprise when Diego instead stands as Klaus’ best man at his wedding to Prince Dave, his face blank and eyes sorrowful, except for the short and bittersweet three minutes they dance together, both of them smiling more in that small moment than they had the entire rest of the night. But after that, the two are never seen together. Before that, though, they were never seen apart. Klaus introduced Diego to Ben, showing him the well where they met near the cave where they raised their child. Diego grieved Grace only when Klaus was there to hold him, warbling his nightmares away. Their magic entangled, the two were secret shifters, roaming the Woods as wolves in Vanya’s pack and outside of it, Diego black and Klaus gold. Sometimes Luther, his grey fur shaggy, would join them, but his and Diego’s bickering would annoy Klaus to the point of shouting, even though Luther and Diego love each other just as fiercely and as much as they love the rest of their family, they just can’t stand each other sometimes. (Well, most of the time. Their disagreements are largely why they could never succeed in killing Reginald, though they both tried multiple times, both together and apart.) Diego’s gentle nature makes him a trusted friend to many, despite his penchant and talent for blades, having one on him at all times. He’s Lila and Eudora’s best friend, Klaus’ lover, and Five’s father. That last one’s important, even if Diego hasn’t been lucky enough to be around for most of his son’s life. But make no mistake, that has no effect whatsoever on how mercilessly he will maim and murder you if you even so much as look at somebody he loves wrong. Don’t fuck with Diego’s family - it’s the only thing you’ll ever get him and Luther to team up on.
(Wolf) Leonard is a bloodthirsty shifter, doing shady business with those down on their luck ever since being banished from the pack for being too violent, nearly tearing out Vanya’s throat once for bringing him the wrong kind of bird for dinner. A vengeful rogue, he dabbles in black magic, trying to steal others’ borne gifts because he doesn’t have any of his own. (He’s never been successful.) (And you never will be, you absolute dick.) He’s been kidnapping children for years, trying to use their raw magic to his advantage, but Ray saves them when he stumbles across them in the Woods, ushering them all out of Leonard’s lair. Leonard tries to kill him, but Ray gets away due only to Klaus’ willingness to be a distraction, letting Leonard capture him so Ray and the children can get away, Luther and Allison taking care of them. (Luther patches them all up, surprisingly good at first aid after so many years of taking care of Klaus and Diego after Reginald’s worse-off nights.) Leonard keeps Klaus for days, more as a toy for his frustration than anything else, but Vanya comes for him, fulfilling her promise to Luther as she slits Leonard’s throat once and for all, never again allowing such a monster to run free in her Woods.
Five was born Aidy, a girl with dark faerie wings and sharp black horns, to loving parents Klaus and Diego. He tells himself this in the well’s mirror every morning, just to help himself remember. The Handler took him when he was five, hence his namesake, and he only had Lila for company until he escaped the Handler’s hold, though he still returns to visit her as often as he can, holding her as a dear friend. He makes his home in the cave where his parents first raised him, but as soon as he brings Eudora there (for Lila and for Lila only), he knows the place is compromised. So he leaves it behind, masking it with magic, and leaves for Nowhere, a haunted section of the Woods where no one ever goes because it’s said time is nothing but blue flashes there, so you can spend what feels like an hour there but is actually centuries. For Five, it’s the opposite - his nights are years long, but when he leaves, it’s only been a couple days. He spends forty-five years in Nowhere, honing his time-and-space-travelling powers with spells, practice, and experiments, his eyes glowing golden whenever he lingers too long in his memories of his parents. Because of his terrifying appearance, powers, and brilliance (both in battle and in booksmarts), Five is known all across the land as Maleficent, meaning a supernatural destructive force. He steals Leonard’s eye from the future and keeps it, holding it close as a reminder of why he even helps people in the first place, and volunteers it without question to Allison when she asks, though from her rundown of ingredients he knows the ritual won’t work. (Five knows about Ben. And Ben’s heart hasn’t been in his chest in a long, long time; Ben’s heart is named Klaus. Ben’s heart can’t be killed. Not on Five’s watch.) Five is the only person in the whole wide Woods who isn’t afraid of the Handler, staring her down until the end - and in the end, he’s reunited with his parents, catching their eyes across the smoking and bloody battlefield of a war they’ve just won. At first, there is only silence, and then - Aidan, Klaus says, no judgement whatsoever in his voice for his long-lost daughter now his son, and Five breaks into tears as he soars straight into his arms, Diego wrapping around them like it hasn’t been eight years, like it hasn’t been forever since they’ve known each other. I missed you, Five confesses, and his parents kiss his head and stroke his hair, smiling. We know, little one, they say, and say still when Allison is crowned queen and they stand behind him in the crowd. We missed you too. They smile at him. Aidan smiles back. We are so, so proud of you, our love.
#tua #the umbrella academy #into the woods #lila and five are best friends fucking fight me #anyway #the hargreeves & friends #kliego #klaus &x ben #klaus and diego are five's parents because kenny's mom has spoken #vanya x sissy #ralluther#eudorla #hazel & cha cha #agnes is out living her best life #i don't know where dolores is and i'm sorry #as for the rest of it #i'm not sorry at all #have a nice day y'all #bye >:)
MISS PEREGRINE'S HOME FOR PECULIAR CHILDREN TUA AU
(please understand that by AU, I mean they share an incredibly small amount of things in common with the original source material which I barely remember BUT the “story” takes place in the setting of the film) (not to be misleading or anything :p)
(BEWARE: abuse, murder, violence, mystery, death, war, predatory behavior, mentions of abortion, general spookiness, this is based entirely on the movie cause I haven't had time to read the books yet but I will, Tim Burton is a god, respect him, etc.)
(If you can handle watching Umbrella Academy, this will be fine for you.)
(Emma Bloom - Air Girl) Sissy came to the sanctuary when she was sixteen, after a pregnancy scare with her boyfriend Carl. Carl, a secret Wight, tried to steal Sissy’s eyes when he found out she was a Peculiar who could control air and who floated without cement shoes to keep her tied to the ground. Coming from 1940s America, Sissy’s father had taught her how to shoot a gun, and she killed Carl before escaping into the time loop. The moment Sissy entered the time loop, on her seventeenth birthday, her pregnancy was terminated and she could finally breathe. Close with Ray and Dave, the three consider themselves a trio, and all work together to take care of the other children and help Grace with the housework. But unlike Ray and Dave, Sissy has no interest in exploring the wider world - she’d rather stay in the time loop forever, terrified to leave it should she meet another Carl. In the end, Vanya stays with her in the mostly empty house, the two of them aging together until Grace can come back to recreate their 1963 Dallas time loop home.
(Jacob Portman - Asa Butterfield) Five was captured by the Handler before coming to the loop, forced to spend years with her before winning his way out through careful deals and negotiation. Able to travel through time and dimensions, making loops wherever he damn well pleases, Five has lived alone for the majority of his incredibly long life, honing his skills to become one of the deadliest warriors in all of history. He’s killed thousands of Wights and Hollowgasts, but eventually laid down his hunt when his body turned thirteen, as his female anatomy was beginning to show. He took refuge in the 1963 time loop from 2019 America, desperate to keep his body from changing, and swore to protect its inhabitants with all of the ferocity and skills he’d learned over the years. Now, he’s come to consider them his family, though six of the children more than most. Unable to save Ben, his rage against the timeline and Wights was reborn, and as one of the only children whose memory is intact, he left with Diego after the whole mess went down looking for monsters, swearing to himself that he would kill every single one and still fix the timeline so everyone survives. It’s an impossible promise - and he intends to keep it.
(Enoch O’Connor - Sid From Toy Story 2.0) Klaus came from 1920s Ireland at seventeen, armed with the ability to raise and speak with the dead - and the gift of being able to see the invisible Hollowgasts. Having found the time loop completely by accident, stumbling along it while in deep conversation with a ghost, he was unaware of his fellow Peculiars and of their societies, making him often out-of-the-loop (ha) when it comes to social etiquette. But he’s known to be kind and aloof, and helps take care of the others when they’re sick, injured, or scared, especially Eudora when she has nightmares. He often wears dresses and skirts and puts on a weak front despite being a rather badass fighter, ensuring all of his enemies underestimate him. He learned those skills in self-defense to protect from his horrifically abusive father Reginald, though he pretends he doesn’t remember his parents just like everyone else. However, he does bring back the ghosts of the other children’s families to visit them, even if the children don’t remember who these people are. (Though he once brought back Abraham Lincoln as a birthday gift for Five, who cried. It was hilarious. Eudora still has pictures, unbeknownst to Five, who burned every single photo he could find.) Klaus is especially protective and caring of six particular children, all for different reasons, calling them his siblings even if none of them are actually related to him - well, except Five, but that’s in some odd, distant, and convoluted way that neither of them are particularly interested in figuring out right now. Unfortunately, Klaus’ connection to death and his selflessness means he meets his end rather early, cutting his own heart out of himself and using his last act, helped along by Ben’s possession, to bring Diego back to life with it before collapsing to the ground, finally joining the ghosts around him.
(Olive Abroholos Elephanta - Fire Girl) Diego is a born warrior from 1870s Mexico, with fire in his hands and blades and bullets that obey his every move. While careful with his powers, his deep empathetic connections to the people around him often makes him reckless, with his honed skills unable to be restrained by his rage and grief. He considers himself his fellow children’s protector - at seventeen, he’s one of the oldest, and has forged deep personal connections with most of the children at Grace’s home. (Though Diego, of course, remains her favorite.) Five and he take care of each other, deeply respectful of each other’s fighting skills, and while Diego bickers with Luther constantly, he does come to love him like a brother and is devastated to lose him. He had brief relationships with both Eudora and Lila, but was nothing but accepting of them when they fell in love with each other, remaining their best friend and biggest supporter. He’s unable to contain himself upon losing Eudora, all at once sad and angry at her for not telling him that she had foreseen her own death. He himself dies to save Grace, only to be brought back to life by Klaus, the boy he’s been in love with forever, the only person he’s ever considered leaving the loop with, his soulmate - “Not my boyfriend, Eudora.” “Yeah. Sure.” - his life. Klaus smiles at him, then collapses into Diego’s newly undead arms, Klaus’ heart beating in his chest forevermore. Unable to bear the pain of losing him, Diego goes to kill himself when Five stops him, telling him the truth: Diego if you kill yourself, his sacrifice is for nothing, he died for nothing. You need to live, Diego, all he ever wanted was for you to live… So Diego does, travelling the world with Five and hunting Wights and Hollowgasts, his pain thumping in his chest beside Klaus’ love for him, forever embalmed in Diego’s bones. Though Five often takes Diego to different time periods, including days when Klaus was alive, he never lets Diego speak to his favorite ghost, only stare at him from afar - two souls, forever apart, connected now only by the heart they share and the dusty memories of happier days.
(Hugh - Bee Boy) Ben was born with the Monster in his chest - and a couple thousand bees, too. Living in 1900s America, he fell in love with a local girl named Jill, but she was allergic to bees. When their first kiss killed her, Ben ran, that guilt beating in his chest without pause or remorse. The last of his family had perished from sickness a few days before Jill, and when Klaus found him and took him home to 1963, he chose to forget them, unable to take the pain and regret. Meeting Klaus solidified a connection that had festered across centuries and continents, their soulbond strong. They found solace in their shared loneliness, both terrified of their powers and the things they’ve seen and done. Their bond became literally unbreakable, one of the only known soulbonds in history, and kept Ben around far longer than he should’ve been, even after he died. Neither can truly find peace until the other does, neither can truly die until the other does, so Ben stays by Klaus’ side even after his death at the Monster’s tentacles, ripped apart from the inside at its panic when Ben’s eyes were taken from him. When he awoke as a ghost, his first act was to talk Klaus down from the roof, where he had been preparing to jump to join Ben, who had died at fourteen. When Klaus dies at seventeen, Ben is right there with him, and they pass on together, their torn soul stitched back together once again for eternity.
(Horace - Seer) Eudora came from 1770s America, blinded by the war’s sparks and taunted by dreams of future deaths. Prophetic, she lives with the guilt of everyone she wasn’t able to save, including her brother Beaman who died beside her on Bunker Hill. She came in her revolutionary cross-dress uniform, still going by both she and he pronouns, and chose to remember the war she helped win but nothing else about her old life, including her beloved brother, who she sometimes still misses in that way you miss something you can’t remember. Diego, her new brother, brings her every picture he can find, and sometimes she still sees Beaman wandering around the house when she’s really tired, even though she can never quite figure out who he is. Sometimes she still sleeps in her old uniform, unable to let go of the past she comes from. Diego comforts her, and Lila loves her, and the three of them band together against all else, bonded by their fear of the memories that haunt them. As a kind, gentle, and endlessly brave and selfless soldier, she doesn’t hesitate a moment to save Klaus from Hazel and Cha-Cha’s clutches, despite knowing she’ll die doing so. Her last wish is for him to live a good life with Diego, her most dearly beloved - unfortunately, dreams, even when Eudora’s, don’t always come true.
(Bronwyn Bruntley - Lady Hulk) Luther travelled here from 1770s Britain, having saved Eudora on the battlefield once before returning to England after the war’s end; she remembers him still. A gentle giant with the strength of ten men and a shapeshifter to boot, he’s an intimidating presence with enough social awkwardness and trust issues to exhaust even the most patient therapist. While originally very hostile, often caught trying to restrain the children whose powers he was afraid of (*cough cough* Vanya), he soon became comfortable in the home and now spends most of his days cooking and backing to avoid stressful social situations. Sometimes using she/her pronouns, he hangs out with Allison often, as she’s kind to him and helps explain the things he doesn’t understand and try new things, such as frilly pink aprons, that he may not have dared to even want before. While he often fights with Diego, the one thing they can agree on is that anyone who lays a hand on their siblings is a dead person walking. Unfortunately, it isn’t long before Luther is dead himself - mistaken for an ymbryne in dove form, he is captured by Reginald and forced to suffer at the hands of his experiments without hope for rescue. When his siblings finally come, Luther lays his short life down to save Allison by trying to claw out Reginald’s eyes and earning himself a mangled neck. He is buried at eighteen as a dove in the backyard of their 1963 home, along with many of his brothers and sisters. A meaningless death too, and one of many to come - Allison succumbed to Reginald only a few minutes later, and was buried beside him before the day was up.
(Victor Bruntley - Regular Hulk) Dave, also born with super strength, came to 1963 from 1968 America, only a few years back in time. Luckily, staying at the home means he will never meet anyone from his past. At sixteen, he’s an incredibly talented empath, able to read the emotions of just about anybody, except Wights of course. At first, he and Klaus fell in love, and spent hours every day together, but after one of Klaus’ encounters with Diego, he left Dave for him, though to this day no one quite knows what happened or why. A few days later, due to his distracted and depressed state, Dave was caught off-guard by a Hollowgast and his eyes were taken, though he was left alive. Klaus gave him glass eyes and some eyepatches from his collection, then helped the now-dull Dave out of the time loop for a normal life, his memories erased just before he left. Dave now lives as a blind “veteran” in a home with his wife, who he doesn’t love, and his son, who he most certainly does. Sometimes, when Dave is alone and it’s dark, he thinks he sees this skinny tattooed kid watching him, like a ghost junkie or a lost lover - but that’s crazy. After all - Dave’s never met that guy in his life.
(Millard Nullings - The Invisible Boy) Vanya is invisible. No, seriously, she’s invisible. Like, actually invisible. In 1690s Russia, this isn’t exactly a bad thing - but she’s looking for a home. At seventeen she finds the 1963 time loop, and, finally, a family of her own. Terrified of Leonard and his fellow monsters, her peculiarity of using sound as energy often causes her to harm her fellow children during her panic attacks, but she does all she can to keep them safe, at first isolating herself within history books and eventually learning to control her powers with the help of her siblings. She is the longest and oldest resident of the house, not really understanding modern day customs or traditions such as the lack of sexism and transphobia shown within the house, and often finds it jarring. This puts her at odds with her fellow children, who have difficulty connecting with her due to her different experiences and personality. But they love her anyway - Five plays board games with her (and treats everything like a super important strategist game even if it’s, like, Candyland) and Klaus uses her as a mannequin for his newest and craziest outfits (whenever Diego helps him he gets distracted). Allison takes her on walks and finds her new books to read, and Luther teaches her how to garden, and Ben, when he was alive, would tell her all about the animals that surrounded them in the woods. Only identifiable by her penchant to dress like a newspaper boy, Vanya is a secret and an enigma, one whose code-breakers are lost and scattered around the globe after the Wights are done with them. Forever changed by the loss of her family, Vanya returns home to 1963, and lives out the rest of her days with Sissy in the house, never to leave again.
(Claire Densmore - Quirrell’s Voldemort But Just For Eating) Lila came from 1520s India, with by far the most badass backstory to boot. With a second monster mouth at the back of her head and the ability to borrow others’ peculiarities when close to them, she is a force to be reckoned with. Growing up genderfluid, she experimented with fashion and had multiple men and boys assault her or try to trap her into marriage, and she gravely injured every single one. Her parents tried to have her exorcised, but the terrifying girl didn’t respond to any of their treatments, only growing more and more powerful by the day. After she killed a sadhu for spilling her blood during one such exorcistic ritual, the entire community began to worship her as a god, fearing her wrath should they disobey her. Bored by this, Lila left at seventeen to hunt down peculiars like her, but when she heard her parents had been killed, raced back to India borrowing the super speed of a fellow peculiar named Pietro. The Handler was their murderer, and took Lila for her powers only to find a hissing, unruly serpent in her hands, as Lila was close enough to the time loop to borrow Luther’s peculiarity. Desperate, Lila took her chance and ran, eventually hiding at the base of a cliff to nurse her wounds, still bleeding and in tears. Diego found her and took her home immediately, and to this day remains the only person allowed to touch her, as she even rejects Eudora. Lila passes most of her days by cooking and baking, sparring with Five, watching superhero movies, or hanging out with Klaus - they get along surprisingly well. Lila will kill animals in the yard and Klaus will bring them back to life much to her delight, along with her enormous college of stuffed animals (from all over the world and timeline). (Night of the Living Teddy Bears. *shivers* Gah.) She tries hard not to borrow her family’s powers, as she fears they can only hurt her - she once tried to borrow Eudora’s dreams to give her some relief, only to foresee both Eudora and Diego’s deaths, locking herself in her room for weeks afterwards in tears. Though she does everything she can to keep them safe, both visions eventually come true, and though Diego returns to her by the power of Klaus’ love, she can no longer bear to sit still with the loss of the woman she loves, travelling the world and hunting down Wights and Hollowgasts, refusing to pause for rest until every single one is bloody and dead beneath her feet.
(Thomas and Joseph Odwell - Medusa Twins) Allison wandered here from 1590s America, shrouded in raggedy blankets and hoods to protect those surrounding her from her ability to turn people to stone with a single glance. Her mother and father had suffered that very unfortunate fate - they had taken one look into their beautiful newborn baby girl’s eyes and turned the color of ash. Allison wandered around the world for awhile, even spending a good chunk of time with Shakespeare, whose muse she became. But when he ran off with his lover Marlowe and never returned, she decided it was time to go, though she still scoffs when she reads about his death in history books. (Both he and Marlowe were peculiar. There’s very little chance they’re dead.) When she came to the loop at seventeen, she immediately bonded with the other children, partially due to her mischievous pranks that she pulled off with the help of her ability to bend reality with her rumors. She’s very protective of her siblings, but struggles to keep them safe because while she doesn’t ever want to abuse her powers, they very rarely listen to her when it’s needed. To quell her frustration she often spends her days in the company of Luther, whose slow and awkward nature helps Allison feel more at ease, and Ray, who calls her beautiful despite having never seen her and indulges her in the kind of blasphemous conversation she could never have with a local man. Klaus designs clothes for her, often bringing her beautiful gowns of paper and thick fabrics with hoods and lace screens for her face. Allison is trapped in her loneliness, but Klaus has made an effort to change that, bringing to life an entire locked garden of statues around whom she can show her face and dance with. Unfortunately, Allison’s body eventually shatters along with her dashed dreams of ever becoming a normal girl, as she tried to kill Reginald by lifting her veil only to have him lift a mirror at the last second, turning her own deadly eyes against her and watching her crash to the floor, nothing more than broken marble.
(Fiona Frauenfeld - Earth Girl) Ray came with Sissy from 1940s America, only eighteen when he entered the loop. Able to manipulate nature to his will, he is considered the kindest of the children, taking care of all the others with his extensive medical knowledge and herbal healing. (He helps Klaus pick out the most non-addictive and calming drugs he can find - mostly weed.) He often cares for the animals too, but never blames the others for hurting them, knowing he’s living in a home filled with unstable individuals blessed with dangerous powers they often don’t know what to do with. The most tactile child, Fay often holds, kisses, and touches the other children, rocking them back to sleep after nightmares and holding their hands when they’re afraid. Ray never kills people, and never would have if not for Reginald, who he ended to put a stop to all of the violence and massacre, yet still cried over when the day was done and buried in an unmarked grave. He lives with the guilt of his lost siblings’ lives on his shoulders every day, and now moves constantly in search of forgiveness and retribution, trying to save whoever he can with his humanitarian kindness and his peculiar abilities. Diego’s looking for him, he knows, trying to bring him home, but Ray has no intention of going back to 1963 - home became a meaningless place the moment his family left it.
(Miss Alma Peregrine - Bird Nanny) Grace is an ymbryne, her age and origin unknown. A dove, she cares for peace above war and shields her wards from everything that may harm them, including their own memories. Upon their arrival at her home, she gives every child the choice to forget their families and pasts, and most of them eventually choose to do so. She keeps every memory she’s ever taken in a collection of books, kept in a secret library beneath the house that no one will ever find (courtesy of the last Peculiar of her old house, who hid the library just before he died; a lovely bloke by the name of Sam Winchester). Her own memory is like a steel trap, Grace is unforgiving of those who have tried to harm her children, including her once-husband-to-be Reginald, who she left after finding out about his wicked experiments on peculiar children. After he destroys the nest she has built for her beloved wards, Grace digs his body back up from its grave and claws out his eyes, burning the body and then the eyes and flying around the globe seven times, dropping a little bit on every continent, just to be sure he will never rise again. Now, she searches for her remaining children, desperate to bring them back home to her.
(Barron - Evil But Samuel L. Jackson So I Like Him Anyway) Reginald was born a shapeshifting Peculiar, but rather than use his gifts for good, he became greedy and cruel, starting with petty theft and eventually building to murder. Fascinated with immortality and the science of human and Peculiar anatomy, he stole the identities of innocent people to experiment more easily, turning their names into the feared monikers of serial killers and sending many mentally ill innocents to death row without remorse. (Yes, he is the Zodiac Killer.) After his greatest experiment (using ymbrynes, in this case one named Pogo, to gain immortality) failed and rendered him a Hollowgast, he sought the cure in Peculiar children, and made himself a Wight after consuming enough of their souls, stored in their eyes. With his normal-enough appearance and hijacking of the Peculiar Five’s powers, he travelled all over the world and timeline, becoming an adoptive and abusive parent to Luther, Diego, Allison, Klaus, Five, Ben, and Vanya all at some point in time. He taught them everything they know about killing, and forced them to kill for him often in the name of their “training”, toying with their minds until they either managed to get away or he became bored. Despite the fact that most of them don’t remember him (save Five, Klaus, and Diego), and none of them remember the crimes they committed at his urging (Five does. He’s very good at keeping it quiet, though), they still sometimes see blood on their hands when they blink, too tired to even speak. Reginald met Grace afterward, and nearly married her, but when she didn’t understand his brilliant experiments, she called him a monster and left him, but not before attempting to kill him by clawing out his eyes. She managed to steal one before he could escape, leaving him with half a soul and therefore more depraved than ever, somehow. He lives on, killing and torturing and stealing, until somebody finally stops him, but that’s a long time away… My god. What a horrible, horrible man.
(Dr. Golan - Barron In Disguise) The Handler was born a shapeshifter like Reginald, but while his kills were planned and methodical, hers were fuelled by a psychopathic rage without rhyme or reason even before she became a Hollowgast or Wight. Lila escaped her by biting out her eye, infecting her with venom in the process and melting half her face. Then Five, her mortal enemy and only match, nearly destroyed the rest of her body by grappling with her through so many dimensions so fast that her skin turned green and grey and mottled, her features skewed and tainted. When she met Reginald, they were both one-eyed freaks, and though they fought viciously they made a deal to keep each other alive by melding their half-souls to make a whole one. Reginald’s experimental nature brought him to stitch up their true body parts together, making them into some sort of Frankenstein-esque monster. When she finds out about Klaus and his powers, she sends Hazel and Cha-Cha (her lovely little minions) after him, hoping he can bring back her original body. Instead, she invites the wrath of Five for the last time, and dies still morbidly attached to Reginald, her soul carved out by Lila before her ruined body finally succumbs to itself at Ray’s out-of-mercy hands.
(Miss Avocet - Bird Lady But Judy Dench) Agnes is a chickadee ymbryne of another loop, one whose location is unknown. She lives in a gingerbread house, sustained by her peculiarity of being able to make food out of anything, and spends her days baking and taking care of her wards. Five visits her often, as she was the first loop he ever stayed in for longer than a week, but when Reginald’s experiments began, Agnes’ lot was one of the first to go. She died by Cha-Cha’s merciful hands, facing down a bloody scalpel and a blinding yellow light.
Hazel & Cha-Cha are Hollowgasts, once Peculiars, whose ages and origins are unknown. Hazel, gifted with the control of water, and Cha-Cha, gifted with the control of ice, are the Handler’s most favored minions, and do her bidding without question, even killing Agnes and her children despite she and Hazel once having a loving marriage. Unfortunately, they badly underestimated their captive Klaus, who though they succeed in kidnapping, cannot control, as he easily turns them against each other and, as soon as Hazel’s body is lifeless at Cha-Cha’s feet, conjures Ben and his cursed tentacles to rip Cha-Cha’s head clean off her shoulders, a sick smile on his face the whole goddamn time. (No regrets.)
Leonard was born with the ability to smell people’s fears in 1980s Poland, and used that power to prey on Vanya and her wondrous eyes long before Reginald and his Hollowgasts came into play. Though beaten nearly to death by Vanya when he came at her through his loop of 2019 New York, he survived long enough for a sweet elderly couple to find him. They nursed him back to health, and he paid back their kindness by brutally murdering them in their own home once he had the strength, fleeing the scene without bothering to clean up his mess. On the run for souls again, he came across Reginald soon enough, and the two struck up a deal. Leonard became a Hollowgast as the cost of his thirst for immortality, and died by Vanya’s hand without ever retaining his original form, her music shredding him piece by piece until there was nothing left but ash.
Elliot is the human who’s been trying to photograph the Peculiars for years. He’s found thousands of time loops, met millions of ymbrynes, but no one will speak to him. Many have tried to make him forget. He has no home, no family, no money to speak of - he has only his camera, and the great burning, flaming need for knowledge beyond any kind of his control.
BEWARE: abuse, murder, violence, murder, supernatural things, i don't wanna spoil the rest so go in blind i guess, i made this whole thing up myself and i'm so fucking proud of it, please enjoy, love y'all :), <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3, etc.
(If you can handle watching Umbrella Academy, this will be fine for you.)
(this hits different if you listen to "Hotel California" by the Eagles, "Fear Of The Water" by SYML, "All Eyes On Me" by Bo Burnham, "Blood // Water" by grandson, and basically anything by Lana Del Rey while you read it)
(1692 - Salem Witch Trials) Vanya lived in the House first, it having been built by herself and her fellow settlers as they formed their colony. She and her husband, Leonard, were barren, which made Leonard abusive towards her. As a member of the council, he often was away during the day, and Vanya worked as a nanny for the pastor Carl’s family, taking care of their son Harlan while his wife Sissy ran the household. She and Sissy fell in love, and Vanya nearly revealed her magic to her, but then the trials began and she knew it would only mean death. The hysteria seemed to be dying down, with fewer and fewer women being accused every day. But then Leonard found out about his wife’s affair with Sissy and accused Harlan, who despite being a child had shown incredibly odd mannerisms and episodes due to his (at the time unknown) condition. Desperate to save him at any cost, Vanya took the blame for his symptoms, using her magic to shield him from any future persecution. She was found guilty, having already been an outcast amongst the people of the village, and while Sissy fought for her, Vanya forced her to repent, arguing that her words would only get both of them killed. Vanya kept her eyes on Sissy’s the whole way up to the gallows, up until they pulled the floor from beneath her feet. I love you, she mouthed as they released the lever, and smiled. As she died, her magic burst forth like lightning and promptly killed Leonard and everyone else who had sentenced her, except the judge who found her guilty, who was instead left weakened to the point of being bedridden. Vanya was the last “witch” tried, and the last one killed. Her house, upon her death, promptly disappeared from Salem without a trace, never to return. (Now, Vanya wanders its rooms, unable to let go of the guilt she feels of leaving Sissy and Harlan with such an angry, unstable man.)
(1776 - Revolutionary War) Luther came to America looking for new opportunities, and found them in the British military. When the war began, he felt caught on the wrong side of it - he believed in what he read about in those pamphlets by the Sons of Liberty Pogo would give him from his cornerstore. But Luther was British-born with no connections and nothing but his uniform to wear, so he could hold no conversation with a Yankee long enough to earn a position as a Patriot spy. Despite his marriage to an American-born woman named Stacey, no rebel wanted him, and so he went to war for the wrong side, writing letters home to Stacey that she never opened, because she left him for her French lover without giving him a second thought. While his strength and size made him fearsome to many, anyone who spent two seconds with him came to understand that he had a gentle nature and would obey if given strict orders, so he never made general and he never was a hero. He and his legion found the House on the outskirts of Boston, hiding there from the rebels’ guerrilla warfare - they were shot down without mercy from soldiers in the trees, and Luther bled out in the doorway listening to the groans of his dying enemies and the drunken, victorious cheers of his friends. The House had up and left before his body was even cold, blood still staining its floorboards. (Now, he haunts its ribcage for fear and regret, missing all the freedom he could’ve won and crying over the men he shot in the name of the wrong ideals.)
(1865 - Civil War) Allison was a slave on the plantation of Patrick, and he often sought her unwilling company, taking advantage of her until she had a daughter named Claire with him (who he of course never claimed). Patrick’s wife hated her for it, and often punished both Claire and Allison for her husband’s adultery, despite it being in no way their fault or responsibility. But Allison’s bright and fiery nature had already set her at odds with the woman, as she often spoke out against societal norms and even god himself, arguing about plot holes and contradictions in the bible to visiting priests and masters, earning her the moniker “devil woman” (which she of course wore as a badge of honor). She was gifted with herbs, and could fight, heal, and poison incredibly well, terrifying those who knew her. She could talk anybody into anything, almost like magic, and walked like somebody free no matter how many people tried to beat her down. She became good friends with Patrick’s sister, Natalie. Despite Natalie’s marriage to a man named Jamison and their sons Mattias and Alessandro, she and Allison fell in love, and those feelings remained even though they never had the chance to be together. Allison’s own husband, Ray, was a pastor amongst the slaves, but he was taken from her when Patrick sold him to another master in hopes of keeping Allison for himself. Furious, Allison began refusing him, and ran away the day she heard news of Ray’s death, the man she loved hung for inciting a rebellion. She took Claire with her, and would’ve run forever, but then Allison noticed people chasing them. Desperate to give Claire a better life, she sent her running in a different direction, and drew the hunters her way. She hid inside the House, a Quaker’s in the middle of Gettysburg’s woods as a station of the Underground Railroad. The kind man there said she could stay, and denied the hunters when they came looking. But they didn’t listen, hellbent on catching the famed devil woman, and they locked both her and the Quaker inside, burning them and the House to the ground. (She only found out after her death that Natalie had fallen ill and passed away, supposedly of complications surrounding her miscarriage. But the truth of it, Allison knows, is that Natalie’s heart broke the day Allison left the world, because Allison’s broke just the same.) (Now, Allison stays in the House waiting for Claire, whose fate she never learned. She just needs her baby girl to come home to her, then she can leave. Her baby girl, and then peace. Peace, at last.)
(1880 - Dorothea Dix) Diego was a patient in a mental institution, first because of the supposed danger he posed to people (they released him when they found out that he just looked scary and hadn’t ever actually hurt anybody) and then because he was discovered to be attracted to men. His wife, Eudora, was a nurse at the instution, and stayed with him even after he was admitted, though they separated when she fell in love with Lila, a fellow patient locked up for her serial killing (they still don’t know how many victims she had) and psychopathic tendencies. She spent most of her days in a straight jacket, and was Diego’s best friend - Eudora was admitted when her love for Lila was discovered, and held Lila’s hand every time she was freed of the straight jacket for a few hours, though Lila was often in extreme pain from the discomfort it took to remain in that position for hours. Diego was fiercely protective of both of them, on top of being quite insane himself - he was prone to violent outbursts and often made up mad hallucinations and stories that were actually true recollections of his life (not that they knew that), and often made conversation with a schizophrenic patient on the same floor. He could control anything he liked, so they could never bind or trap or do surgery on him, for fear of being torn apart by their own scalpels. They couldn’t even shoot him, because bullets didn’t touch him. So they left him in the care of Grace, the only nurse he’d listen to. When Lila and Eudora were killed, by electroshock convulsive therapy and a lobotomy respectively, Grace was the one who helped Diego escape out the window, from which he ran like hell. They chased him through Saxonville until he disappeared, turning up a few months later in the House. They tracked him down and managed to shoot him in the back as he tried to run, but he just removed the bullets by sheer will and lunged for them. Though many fell in the scuffle, those left managed to subdue him, tying him up and hanging him from the House’s ceiling. From there, they tried to shoot him again; he only redirected the bullets through his condemnors’ heads. He struggled and struggled in his binds for hours before finally succumbing to asphyxiation. (Now, he hides in the House in fear of his doctors and persecutors, malevolent from his rage about Lila and Eudora’s deaths, for which he still seeks a vengeance he can never have.)
(1918 - World War I) Five grew up an orphan before being adopted by an abusive father when he was eight. While he’d always had odd abilities, like the power to travel through time and space, he kept them hidden from everyone but his governess, Agnes. When the war began, his father signed him up as a fourteen-year-old even though Five’s thirteenth birthday had barely passed. Five, terrified, went off to war with only his pistol, Dolores, for company. He was trained rigorously out of any emotions by his general, and went to battle injured multiple times. His final battle came on an empty field that stretched for miles in Europe, with nowhere but the House to hide; staggering alone, the last of his legion, Five managed to make his way into the House, at least five bullet wounds on his person. Panicked and dying, he couldn’t use his powers, instead seeking comfort from a burned skeleton in the corner, calling her Agnes desperately and asking for help. After ten minutes of agonizing pain, Five used the last of his strength to lift Dolores and put a bullet in his own brain. (Now, he’s been wandering for forty-five years, unable to register that the war is over. He can’t move on from all the horrors he saw and committed, constantly running, constantly hiding, and constantly afraid.)
(1944 - World War II) Ben was a farm kid, living in the House in Kansas with his third generation family. They’d moved there after the Great Depression, his father still struggling to find work, and Ben spent most of his lonely days either with his sort-of-almost girlfriend Jill or his best friend. He often found himself shunned as an outcast for his incredibly progressive beliefs: interracial and queer marriage, women’s and POC rights, free healthcare, he believed in it all. To occupy his lonely hours, he often read books about the ocean and medicine, as he was born with an octopus-like monster in his chest for no fathomable or explainable reason. The Great Depression hit his family especially hard in part because they had paid for so many experimental treatments for him, hoping to fix both Ben’s monster and all of the medical problems it caused within him, feeding off his organs and blood. The treatments and the monster rendered him so frail and weak that even the most innocuous things would break or infect him, so he began to isolate himself inside, dropping out of his school. Only his best friend came to visit him. When the war began, his best friend began babbling about going to fight if only to find a good man to please him, but Ben found no amusement in the news, instead worrying about the new internment camps the American government had begun opening, stuffing them to the brim with little regard for their captives’ true ethnicities. All too soon, Ben’s fears came true, and the army came for them: they were dragged from the House without dignity, and Ben struggled so much he managed to break free from the soldier’s arms, dropping to the ground. He landed wrong and broke his arm, crying out, and then his head hit the ground twice as hard, killing him instantly. (Now, he haunts the House waiting for his best friend to come home to him, their souls incomplete without each other.)
(Every Time) Reginald was Klaus’ murderer. A vessel for an evil spirit, it murdered him as a child for no discernible reason, and afterwards buried the boy off of sacred land so he could not properly move on to the afterlife. Furious, the Native community that the child belonged to spent weeks trying to torture Reginald into telling them where the child was so they could bring him peace, but Reginald always refused. After a year of silence, unable force anything out of it, the Natives performed a ritual to rob the spirit of its body, though they still called it Reginald in the legends told of it after, remembering the greedy and cruel man who had summoned it for hope of fortune. They then trapped it in the trees surrounding a clearing, unaware that they were the very same trees where Reginald had buried the child Klaus, and so their spirits were forever entwined, unable to escape one another. Now, the House is infested with both of them, though Klaus is able to leave each lifetime because of his body, a privilege that Reginald will never again be able to have, trapped for eternity within the House’s walls. Matched in evil to Klaus’ good, it is malevolent and raging, forever straining against the walls it is caged within. Starving, it craves human souls to feed off of, like Klaus’, which was the brightest soul it ever bore witness to. Since then, it’s been torturing and preparing to kill every other soul it meets who comes close, meaning the other six:
Vanya, the witch it had judged and sentenced to death. Reginald had perished of a heart attack a week after Vanya’s death.
Luther, the soldier under its command. Reginald had been shot in the head by the men of Alexander Hamilton’s unit a day after Luther’s death.
Allison, the slave it had overseered. Reginald had been trampled to death by a horse three days after Allison’s passing.
Diego, the patient it watched over as warden. Reginald had been strapped into the electric chair and killed by Grace two days after Diego’s murder.
Five, the child it adopted for manipulative purposes. Reginald had been strangled by Agnes five days after Five’s death.
Ben, the child it killed on the steps of his own home. Reginald had drowned at sea, dragged beneath the waves by an unidentified serpent of a million tentacles, six days after Ben’s death.
And Klaus. The child it had killed as a full spirit, hungry for power and high off its newest vessel. Reginald had weakened to the point of near humanity, allowing the Natives to subdue it, four days after Klaus’ death.
It wants their spirits, their glorious, beautiful spirits, and it won’t stop until they give up refusing and give in. Klaus, knowing this suddenly, realizes that every single lifetime has been building up to this moment: he must destroy the House once and for all, or Reginald shall reign forevermore.
(1963 - Modern Times) Klaus is alive. (For now…) He used to live in New York with his lover Dave, but when Dave got AIDS, he became so weak they could barely go out anymore. They did once, to Stonewall Inn, and were attacked in the alleyway next to the bar trying to walk home. Too sick to defend them, Dave fell to the bigots’ blows, and Klaus ran for his life, leaving Dave to die. Klaus found out the next morning from the newspaper that Dave had died of the assault, and carries that guilt with him every day. Desperate to escape his grief, Klaus started a cult based in his unexplainable and disprovable psychic powers, earning the press’ fascination. There, he went crazy on drugs and alcohol and yet still remained kind, known to be bright and funny and gentle no matter what life threw at him. His eyes always twinkled and he was always grinning: the way one follower put it, Life has done nothing but defeat him and still he smiles and greets it with open arms. His whole life, Klaus had dreamed of the same six people, people he’s sure he’s never met and yet who he knows as well as himself. When one of them tells him to come home to them, Klaus becomes spooked, and abandons his cult to themselves, leading them to scatter and commit horrifying atrocities all across the country in ill-fated attempts to lure their “saviour” back to them. The federal government now got involved, sending top CIA agents Hazel and Cha-Cha after Klaus to bring him in to help them control the situation. Terrified, Klaus stole a car and booked it out of New York, finally stopping for the night in the middle of the woods. He set his car on fire and conjures up a strong army of ghosts to protect him as he wanders through the forest looking for shelter. Eventually he finds the House, sitting inconspicuously beneath the moon, and walks towards it, feeling an odd sort of pull between him and it. The moment he touches the door knob, he’s assaulted by the legend of it, the legend of himself: a baby of a Native American tribe, murdered before one and buried off sacred land, his soul tying itself to the trees surrounding his unmarked grave. Those trees were hacked down and stacked into a house, a house he’s been tied to ever since, and the House whose other dwellers all tied themselves to it by sealing their deaths there, whether they died directly within it or not. Walking inside, he sees all at once his six dreams in front of him, all staring, and as he meets each of their eyes, remembers them all and every single life he’s ever lived, trapped with this demonic house:
Vanya, his fellow witch and the woman who offered him somewhere to sleep despite him being the village crazy man. Klaus had burned before her, condemned for cursing the entire council for their witch hunts and conjuring up the whole fucking graveyard to haunt them.
Luther, his friend when he played the part of a Revolutionary spy, earning information from Luther’s lips with a few well-placed smiles and wink-accompanied words. Klaus had been hung when he was found out, in front of Luther, who upon the British soldiers’ realization that Klaus’ neck had not broken enough to kill him quickly, ordered Luther to shoot him until he was dead. Luther, shaking, met Klaus’ eyes, who nodded and smiled. Luther closes his eyes and pulled the trigger four times.
Allison, his friend who he conversed with hastily in the kitchens whenever he’d come by for business with Patrick, always a bright spirit who would make inappropriate jokes at Patrick’s expense that made Allison laugh. Klaus had been lynched by an angry crowd upon climbing up on top of the bar and loudly and drunkenly announcing his intention to join the Union cause, dragged to his death by the same furious maggots who would one day drag Allison to hers.
Diego, his lover who he met in the asylum, marked schizophrenic himself for his conversations with the ghosts. Klaus had been trouble, challenging the warden nearly every day. Any time they tried to “treat” him, he’d summon ghosts from all around and scare everybody to the point of submission, spending all his days with Diego when he could. One day, Klaus had broken into the doctors’ medicine stash and taken nearly it all before dumping the rest out the window, then following it from three stories up and shattering into blood and dust.
Five, his fellow soldier who he sang lullabies to when it was late at night and Five was too terrified to sleep, needing Klaus to hold him and card his fingers through his hair. Klaus had been devastated to leave his “little one” alone, but would’ve been even more devastated if Five hadn’t made it home from war. So when Five had accidentally stepped on a landmine, quickly in tears once he realized what it meant, Klaus overtook the pressure for him and kissed him on the forehead goodbye, telling Five to run. Though at first the kid refused to leave him, Klaus eventually managed to convince him, and Five left to find the rest of their legion. But he kept looking back, so Klaus waited until he was out of sight to close his eyes and lift his foot.
Ben, his first love, so to speak. They had been best friends, the two of them, and teetering on the edge of something more - you kids these days might call it queerplatonic partners. Klaus had watched him die, held back by American soldiers as he screamed and screamed for them to let Ben go, let him go, let him go go go GO! When Ben had fallen, Klaus had gone apeshit, releasing a savage cry of despair and raising nearly a thousand ghosts at once, charging at the soldiers in his rage. Panicked, they all shot him at once, and he convulsed beneath their bullets even after he’d died, stock-full of them to the point of bein’ half lead.
Klaus lives with them for a few months, trying to save them from their unfinished business, but it’s no use. Everything they are is rooted in past mistakes, and he can do nothing more to help them than he can to help himself. Realizing his spirit is tied to the House, and therefore tied to his original murderer, Klaus completes a ritual to cleanse the House of all its spirits, both benevolent and malevolent, all forty-three that Reginald ever stole, as the sirens close in. The ghosts, his ghosts, go careening back into the afterlife at full speed, and Klaus crumples onto the pentagram, spent.
His body is found within the hour. His cause of death is marked unknown. The truth is never told.
(Don’t worry. They like it that way.)
In 2019, the world ends. Forty-three children rise.
Vanya and Sissy // Carol and Maria (The Umbrella Academy and Captain Marvel)
Gosh, I don't know how to start this post because there is so much I want to say that I have mixed up ideas in my head but I will try to give it a clear context and not get too long.
Well, I'm going to start with the obvious and say that I loved The Umbrella Academy. I cried like a cupcake with various scenes from the series and with basically all the characters, although obviously I have my favorite:
From the character's backstory, to because he's bisexual and in general, everything that has to do with Vanya I like. I also loved Allison's story with Luther and Allison's story with Ray and also the story between Klaus and Dave.
But what I come to is talking about Vanya and Sissy. Or rather, as the story between Vanya and Sissy is almost a mirror of the story of Carol and Maria in Captain Marvel, because I'll be honest, The Umbrella Academy gave what Marvel / Disney were very cowardly to do and that was to have a lesbian superhero. Because yes, I know that Marvel has LGBT characters but they are not the main ones and that is something that the franchise should still have, because there is not a full representation there, but we are talking about fucking Disney so I will not get my hopes up.
But back to the heart of the matter. I even laugh at the similarities between the characters, because Vanya arrives at Sissy's house with no memory of her and she welcomes her as one more member. Vanya and Sissy end up raising Harlen during the absence of Carl's misogynist, homophobic, and xenophobic. And they, in addition to being friends, also fall in love.
And Vanya, she is a super hero. She the most feared and powerful of the six siblings in Ben's absence apart from Five.
I mean, what are we talking about folks!
They cannot tell me that these references are mere chance because I do not believe it. In fact, the story of Vanya and Sissy has come to confirm to me that Maria and Carol's relationship is the same but that it is not seen directly on the screen for the reasons I explained earlier.
Disney fucking cowardly shit.
The funniest thing of all is that Vanya's character and the rest of the siblings were born on the same day, same month, and same year as the actress who plays Captain Marvel in the Avengers franchise, Brie Larson.