[ PART ONE ]
𓆙a two-part series of a story centered around a group of students in jyp university who’ve found themselves in a miserable situation where they’re always one second away from demise as they face off against death every day.
genre: extreme angst, horror, apocalypse au (kinda like sweet home), tragedy
word count: ~7k
warnings: rated 18+ (no smut, just disturbing imagery), mentions of death, suicide, extreme violence, self-harm, depression, mental health, and other categories of such. body horror/gore, blood (lots of it), weapons (guns and knives). triggering content.
part two. | about page. | ehaloj.
suggested listen. (part one)
everything looks so bleak.
when you close your eyes at night in fear of the day to come, is it even a life worth living?
if you’re already numb at the prospect of death, should you even delay your own demise?
you look at the calendar long abandoned, people had given up on the concept of time. it doesn’t exist anymore. streaks of counting lines adorn each day as it’s now only used as a reminder to respect those that had passed on to the afterlife.
sometimes you wish you did too. the people around you wish they did too.
but you’re all still together—that’s the only reason why you still cling onto a sliver of non-existent hope. you couldn’t think of any way out of this.
the windows that were boarded up with wood prevent you from knowing what time of day it is, but that never really mattered, everything is pointless. you sleep when you’re tired, you eat when you’re hungry, time is no longer of the essence.
you look around the room, if you focus real hard, you could see the faint imagery of the student council room back when it was in its former glory. but it’s been so long that you barely even remember what it had looked like before it became everyone’s makeshift sanctuary.
the desks were used as barriers for the doors, tables used as separators, and curtains as dividers. everyone was able to maximize the space of the room to accommodate everyone and their necessities—one corner for the tiny kitchen, one corner for a workshop, and the floor was a dining table in the morning and then a bed at night. sure, it’s no five star hotel, but in this day and age, it was a luxury, a privilege. you were lucky enough that the office had their own bathroom, you couldn’t imagine having to go do your business in front of eleven other people, or watch them take care of their own, but if it came down to it, everyone would admittedly rather do that than to risk having to go outside to use the bathroom whenever you need it.
but even with so many people, twelve including you, the space wasn’t cramped, it had enough leeway for everyone to do what they wanted, though with limited privacy. it was simply the air—stale, musty, and intensely suffocating—that made you feel claustrophobic. it doesn’t help with peoples’ state of mind. you never truly realized how important sunlight and fresh air is until you’re deprived of it.
“how long has it been? they should be back by now..” felix was the first one to voice everyone’s worried thoughts, the question filled the air with a thick sense of fear that everyone thought they were already immune to. but the thought of your friends dying has never been easy no matter how many times you’ve seen it happen.
nobody dared answer felix because nobody dared to think of the answer—but somebody had to.
“they could be on their way back.” you voiced through a forced and meek tone, as if it physically pained you to say such words. the phrasing was already filled with uncertainty so of course it only made sense to match it with a fearful tone too, right? just to hammer in the fact that you truly had no confidence in your words whatsoever.
you’ve long given up trying to muster fake optimism, it doesn’t matter, everyone knows there’s no point, but you all still pretend to care out of respect—chan would kill you himself if you say something like “they’re probably dead.”
“maybe i should try to look for them.” seungmin piped up, nobody even blinked an eye. everyone was used to seungmin always suggesting to put himself in front of the line of fire, it’s almost as if he wanted to just die, but no matter what, chan was always the one to stop him from stepping out the door. it was a death sentence to do so, but that’s probably what kim seungmin wanted from the start.
“yeah, why don’t you?”—now that’s new. the deep nasally voice succeeded in catching your attention, as well as others’, not expecting such a statement to come from the youngest.
“jeongin, what are you saying?” jisung had a tentative smile on his face, unsure on how to react to jeongin’s sudden inquiry, everyone else looked at him in a mixed feeling of piqued curiosity and fearful worry.
“it’s been approximately six hours and thirty four minutes since yuna, ryujin, and changbin went out on a supply run, their usual time takes them half that amount, we’re running low on food and necessities, it’s about time someone checks up on them or else we’ll—”
a sudden banging stopped the youngest’s reasoning speech, everyone’s heads turned into the source of sound, finding chan who slammed his hand on the table to get him to stop talking. he glared sharply on the ground, only because he didn’t want to train those eyes onto the youngest, he didn’t want to start a fight. “they’re fine. they’re going to be fine. they’re going to be back here soon, they have to be.” the president said in a low growl, the conversation was over, no arguments are left to be presented. if chan says something, it is final, any disputes will lead to everyone’s mental stability spiraling down the drain.
everyone’s used to this method now, it became an unspoken rule. once chan speaks up, nobody else is allowed to do so anymore, for everyone’s sake.
you remember the first time conflict reached its highest potential, back in the early days when everyone was still confused, scared, and unsure of how the laws of the new world works, when everyone was stripped of their basic necessities, of their freedom, when the land had been overtaken by ghastly creatures you call “ghouls” preying on the flesh of the weak. you had succumbed into nothing but cattle hiding behind thin walls, hoping that someday the world would just once again blow up into dust and take everyone with it, quick and painlessly.
during that time, everyone was arguing on what to do, nobody could agree on a plan, emotions were high, feelings were vulnerable, tears fell, and blood was spilled through self-inflicted pain, taking any means necessary to get away from this hellhole. your mind still couldn’t erase the image of han jisung in the bathroom almost—
the sound of patterned knocking stopped you from diving deep into your most traumatizing thoughts, deep and scarring, you almost thanked the distraction if not for the bad wind that it had brought with it. three knocks, two knocks, three knocks.
jisung undid the barricades of the door, a soft creaking noise sounded as he slid it open, letting yuna step inside, everyone breathed a sigh of relief, until they realized that she was carrying supplies of three people, but the other two didn’t come in.
she closed the door, her figure tired and slumped, her eyes lifeless as felix assisted her with the supplies. through blood-streaked clothes and tear-stained eyes, the traumatized young girl still tried her best to provide for the group, it was evident with the way she fished out bottles of medicine from her mouth, making use of every possible space to carry the most amount of items.
“w-where’s ryujin? and changbin?” yeji asked softly from the corner, you’ve always thought her eyes had a natural glare, an intimidating look that made everyone around her feel small, but now those same eyes looked like a kitten’s, afraid, fragile, and weak. she was always quiet, always fitted herself into small spaces to make her presence unknown, she rarely spoke up to the point that you forgot she was here until the moment she questioned yuna right now. though unnerving, her ability to effortlessly hide herself and make herself disappear is a useful feat for this ever so dangerous new state of the world.
the youngest girl just stared back at her, expression drained, she wanted to cry but there were no more liquids left on her body, “what do you think? we all came out together and i’m the only one who came back? where else could they be?” the words were harsh, so so harsh and painful, even more painful because of the way she said it—her voice was just as soft, if not more, drained and could no longer even muster a sardonic tone. but even though her tone was nowhere near mean or insulting, it was enough to make yeji break down in the corner, only to be hushed and comforted by felix—it used to be hyunjin’s job, but even he gave up on trying to get his sister back on her own feet.
the implication of yuna’s lone arrival, the sound of yeji’s sobs, and the scratching sound of seungmin drawing two lines on the calendar—two more deaths—and then there were ten. it was enough to send everybody on another spiral.
“this could be enough for two weeks, maybe stretch it out to a month if we cut down on the use— whose turn is it for the next supply run? hyunjin, yeji, and y/n?” jeongin said in a straight tone, keeping his rationale above all else—he was never one to lose his head, though he felt awfully close to it earlier when he realized that yuna’s group had been late. it felt disturbing, for the youngest to be so cold and numb to the tragedy around him but it’s exactly what the group needed right now—a voice of reason to remind us that we’re here to survive. a reminder to not lose ourselves in the grieving period, because first your friends die, next thing you know you’re almost dying of starvation and dehydration because you’ve spent all this time crying until two weeks had unknowingly passed without you standing up from the weeping corner.
hyunjin cleared his throat, “y-yeah, it is.” he said, trying to process the sudden bad news, you can see him clench and unclench his own fists, trying to keep himself in the moment, he always did that—reminding himself that this is real, he’s still alive, while most of his friends aren’t. everyone had their own way of waking themselves up from this nightmare.
yeji often sang to herself.
jeongin and seungmin would go over plans.
jisung paced around the room.
yuna always burned the old student council files for warmth, or perhaps to feel liberation from the days of the past that’s never coming back.
felix busied himself by checking on other people’s wellbeing.
you always observe the door, fearful of whatever it may bring—death or news of death, it’s only ever between the two.
minho traced the tip of his knife on his palm, strong enough to feel the prick but never enough to draw blood.
while chan always stared out the window—or simply just at the boarded-up windows, probably wondering when we’ll be able to remove those covers and actually see the outside, or wondering if there’ll even be a time when we’ll look at the outside and things will be normal. perhaps never.
you’d look around the room and you could almost see the image of ryujin and changbin playing cards to busy themselves, often making worthless bets, sometimes changbin even forcing jisung to come play with them just to ease the mind of the younger. despite the fear in their own bones, they still somehow managed to keep a steady flow of carefree banter—exactly what everyone needed—and now, both of them were gone.
but you had to keep going, all in all, you guys kept an effective strategy, dividing the assignments with each other while also doing your fair share of equal contribution—like the supply run cycle.
minho, seungmin, and felix.
yuna, ryujin, and changbin.
chan, jisung, and jeongin.
yeji, hyunjin, and you.
every team was optimized to its fullest, but now we were down one team, and it was probably time to cycle it again or add yuna to a new one. but seungmin and jeongin were both adamant into their one rule— only ever move in groups of threes, it was the safest number of people that they agreed upon on their calculation.
“i think it’s about time we do the thing.” minho piped up after a long while of being silent.
felix’s head snapped up in surprise, taken aback by the bold comment, “are you sure? we just lost two people, i don’t think we can afford to be risky—”
“that’s exactly why we should take the risk, are we gonna let ourselves be cooped up here forever? we lose people either way, might as well try and shoot for the stars.” minho rebutted.
everyone looked at seungmin and jeongin, they’ve always been the brains of the operation—running the maths of the probability of survival, even if the result yielded a 0.0001% chance, we had to go for it no matter what, seungmin and jeongin’s plans kept us alive for this long, we all trusted them. we could either die trying or wait for time to take us all, we always chose the former.
chan used to be the voice of reason, the heart and the brains, the string that held us all together—but that string has long snapped, no more gears turning behind his lifeless eyes. he tries his best, we know he does. keeping us in a straight line whenever conflict would arise, just like how he did earlier. but those moments were few and far in between now, and we always worry about the time when he’d truly snap, so you were the one in charge of keeping an eye on him. he listened to you in a way that he doesn’t to anyone else—perhaps it’s because you didn’t have history with him, when you had first met, you were new and he’s never had to look after you like some responsibility. ah, how time passed, the first day in school—you waved the depressing thoughts away from your head, no use feeling nostalgic.
jeongin and seungmin laid out their own blueprints, they’ve rarely ever saw eye to eye, always thinking that one has the better plan than the other—that resulted in two teams doing each plan, though it was some sort of prideful competition between the both of them, it turned into a useful asset for us because you can never have too many plans for survival. if one failed, there was always another to catch our back. it works perfectly, but for this time, you weren’t sure if it would.
seungmin started, his papers strewn about the floor and a pencil in hand, “alright, we’ve been able to secure half of our hallway, but that’s only up until the chemistry lab and the janitor’s closet. if minho wants to push our luck, we can maybe get up until here to here—our hallway, hallway D, to hallway F—that way we can have access to the fourth floor bathrooms which will give us hopefully a new water source and the—”
“no no no,” jeongin cut him off, “if we extend to hallway F, we’re gonna back ourselves into a corner, i think we should go up towards hallway B.” everyone huddled up around their plans. sometimes watching them fight over their tactics was your only source of entertainment, it was marvelous watching how their brains work, it also inspired a sense of hope into everyone, seeing them work with such passion. though sometimes, they fight too much that it just becomes a headache to witness, that it’s been half a day with them talking over each other and you end up not being able to do anything productive.
“are you kidding? you’ll be putting us right into the mouth of the danger zone, the main stairwell will be littered with ghouls especially since the elevator is an annoying source of noise. if we extend to hallway F, we can be nearer to the fire exit staircase which is much safer.”
this continued for a few more minutes, with seungmin always wanting to play it safe while jeongin went for the more optimized, yet riskier, strategies.
“why don’t we go through the pros and cons?” felix asked, making everyone nod. the two decided to present each of their ideas, with none having the right to give rebuttals until after they finish talking.
“plan D to F, like i was saying before jeongin rudely interrupted— we get a bathroom, the back staircase, we would have lesser windows which is objectively safer, but the most important thing?” he moved his hand, encircling an office-looking room in his blueprint, “the chairman’s office is also there.”
“why do we need the chairman’s office?” jisung asked.
seungmin pulled another piece of paper, “this is a prestigious school, the chairman’s office probably has the most important and valuable things inside. maybe a gun, working landlines, or even a radio—”
“so you want us to risk it for something you’re unsure of?” minho commented.
seungmin just sighed, massaging his temples, “look, it’s not something i’m unsure of— think about it, when things started going down to shit, we immediately locked ourselves in here, i’ve been inside that office once before when things were…. normal, and it was big, i have no doubts that there’s some valuable items in there. if not, then the chairman’s golf clubs are still a good compromise for weapons.”
“what if somebody else had looted that place? we wouldn’t know otherwise.” it was then hyunjin’s turn to question.
“if somebody had made it all the way to the fourth floor, you don’t think that they wouldn’t’ve been able to drop by our spot?” seungmin answered. touche, but still, jeongin shook his head, still feeling that there were a lot of holes to seungmin’s plan.
it was then jeongin’s turn to showcase his own idea.
“if we go from where we are right now, hallway D to B, we’d have access to the teacher’s lounge, we get extra space plus it has it’s own bathroom. we can use the sound of the elevator dings to monitor if there’s any enemies nearby, it’s better than sitting like clueless ducks and knowing too late. sure, being near the main stairwell is risky but as long as we secure that opening, we’d be able to have direct access to the most important thing—the rooftop.”
that piqued everyone’s interest. the rooftop.
everyone knew the benefits of being able to secure that spot. we get to have a good vantage point, we’d get to feel the sun, and maybe we’d be able to test our luck with growing our own produce. the rooftop was the main point of jeongin’s plan, his ultimate trump card.
seungmin looked at the ground, biting his lip in frustration as he sighed, it was dangerous, but even he can’t argue that jeongin’s plan was the better one.
jisung looked between the two, wary of speaking up but wanting to get this over with, “well? i guess we’re going with jeongi—”
“i’m going with my plan.” seungmin cut him off, glaring straight at the floor.
“w-what do you mean?” felix asked.
“it means you can do whatever the hell jeongin wants and i’m doing what i want.”
hyunjin grabbed seungmin by the shoulder, forcing the younger to look him straight in the eyes—a competition between who can pierce the other one the strongest with their own resolutes , “is this another one of your suicide runs? we know you’re smart and capable and you always manage to come back alive but we just lost two people—two strong people—we can’t afford you being reckless right now.” he hissed but seungmin seemed determined.
“i still think it’s worth a shot.” seungmin’s eyes were calm but serious, it’s the sign of someone who’ve thought things through. does he think he can make it out alive? not one hundred percent, but he’s ran the simulation over and over in his head to think that perhaps he has a good chance.
you gently grabbed seungmin’s hand, shaky and tired, “maybe i should go with—”
“no.” he snapped, brushing off your comforting hand, “i have a better shot of succeeding if i go alone.”
“that’s because you think you’re going to die.” minho pointed, making seungmin glare at him.
“if we do it all in unison our chances of success might go higher.” seungmin reasoned, “on the day of the next supply run, y/n, hyunjin, and yeji will be taking the back staircase, i’ll go with them until we have to split ways. minho and chan can do jeongin’s plan with him. that way, our options are spread, noise will be our biggest issue but if there’s a lot of us there, we have a higher chance of fighting.”
everyone thought about it, their eyebrows furrowed, hyunjin was the first to speak, “but that sounds like a—” he cut himself off with the realization.
a last stand.
seungmin was suggesting a hail mary.
“actually. that doesn’t sound like a bad idea.” jeongin backed, making seungmin nod at him in acknowledgement.
with a plan backed up by both of them, it meant we have no other choice but to go with it, no matter the hidden implications—no matter how dangerous, no matter how deadly. if the two brains of the team gave it a thumbs up, then it's going to be set in motion.
everyone felt it. this was it.
we’d either all die or we’d succeed. the chances are… unknown.
but everyone’s tired of being cooped up in one room, tired of waiting for the next death. it was time to throw all caution to the wind and face dangers head on— because maybe, just maybe, it might just be worth it.
“chan, what do you think?” you asked, turning around to face him as he sat on the table, eyes trained to the windows once again before slowly turning his gaze towards you.
“i’ll do anything you need me to do.” he simply said. that’s what he always did, never really having any strong opinions of his own. but as long as you need someone to do something, if you tell him to do that, he’ll do it with the best of his abilities.
everyone sighed before going to their respective groups. you had at least two weeks before you have to execute the plan, everyone wanted to go through the specifics. minho pulled jeongin towards chan so they can talk in detail about the process, seungmin went to his own corner, already assembling whatever weapon he can use.
meanwhile you went straight to your group, “are we going to the cafeteria?” you asked as you approached them but hyunjin shook his head.
“yuna said they’ve already stripped that place bare, that it’s only ghouls left inside… that’s where changbin and ryujin…” he swallowed the lump in his throat, not finding the strength to continue the sentence, you squeezed his hand as a sign of support, making him give you a small smile.
“there used to be another group cooped up in the music room, maybe we can check if there’s anything left to salvage there, if not, yuna suggested the school’s convenience store, ten times riskier but there’s much more certainty that we’d be able to get something.”
his words incited a chill that ran down your spine, you’ve never ventured that far out before, and even though you’ve already accepted the prospect of death, the thought of having to go outside still fills your nerves with immense fear. the furthest you’ve gone on a supply run was in the nurse’s office at the second wing, but even then, you never had to step outside of the school building.
“maybe we should do it at night, it’s easier to stealth and camouflage ourselves in case things get rough, we should also bring a few rations on the way, in hindsight, it’s not really that far but if ever we run into trouble and in need to bunker down somewhere, it’s safe to have some food and water with us.” hyunjin pointed, “seungmin’s probably gonna take a few rations for himself, while the stairway crew won’t really be too far from base so i doubt they will. either way, this is the first time we’d be expending resources for travel so d-day might come sooner than we think, it’s best to prepare early.” yeji nodded along, although she’s always kept to herself, the twins made a good team, you were a first-hand witness to how well they work well together. they were in sync and had a good grasp of each other’s movements without having to verbalize it.
plus, yeji was the group’s best shot. you can tell that she feared going outside, more than anyone else in the group, always hiding away in the corner farthest from the door, but you’ve seen her use a slingshot with amazing accuracy. a mundane skill in the old days but now has proven time and time again to be a saving grace. in need to make a distracting noise from meters away to lure a ghoul out of your way? yeji can shatter a glass bottle with a small pebble even in the dark.
meanwhile, although you weren’t as confident in your physical abilities in comparison to your fellow partners, the twins, you pride yourself in your ability to discern the risks in a certain situation no matter the pressure. the hwangs were both headstrong and always felt like they can keep going no matter what, it was always up to you to keep them grounded and tell them that backing away is just a good strategy as charging, they trusted your instinct—if you tell them that it’s dangerous, then they’ll hold their ground.
the next few days were spent mourning the loss of ryujin and changbin all the while preparing for the big event. blades were sharpened, resources were split, nervous breaths were exhaled. you could hear everyone’s quiet mutterings of a desperate prayer directed towards a God that has turned its back to the dying world.
everyone was asleep, but you couldn’t even close your eyes without seeing the faces of ryujin and changbin in your consciousness—what their faces looked like in their final moments. did they suffer? were they determined to keep living? or did they just give up and let death take their final breath. no matter what, you had hoped that they’ll be able to rest in peace knowing that yuna was able to come back alive and well—as much as she can be.
you stood up from your spot on the ground, back then, the cold wooden floor used to wake you up with back aches and body sores, but you’ve been so used to it that you found comfort in it’s hardness. you opted to get some water, only to see chan not having budged from his spot on the table.
“can’t sleep?” you asked, hoping to get something out from him.
he just shrugged, continuing to look at the boarded up windows, a sliver of shining light spilling from the small cracks between the planks. “it’s the first time in a while we’ve slept at night time. i could never sleep at night.” he said, making you nod. you’ve always been familiar with chan’s insomnia, though it’s ironic to think that even the dastardly condition from his past long gone still followed him till this day, you’d think that the world would give him a break.
“you need to rest,” you commented, he just shook his head.
“i’m used to it.”
you sighed. things were different now. he couldn’t just try and survive from two hours of sleep especially when the state of his physical welfare would be responsible for his life. he’s facing death, not just a day of paperwork. but chan was adamant, besides, even when things had started going to shit, it’s not like he’d had more sleep than he was able to have before. it was his norm, it kept him going simply because it was innate in his body to do so, it kept him grounded to continue the same routine.
“why are you always staring at the windows?” you asked.
for the first time in a while, he looked at you, albeit a bit confused until he realized your question. he pointed straight towards his line of sight, and you inhaled sharply at the realization. he wasn’t staring at the windows, he was staring at the things on it—pictures of the past tacked onto the wooden boards. pictures of us smiling, having fun together—halloween, christmas, new year’s, valentines.
a picture of jeongin and jisung’s pranks, seungmin’s utterly endearing design choices, felix’s cooking, changbin making music, the girls smiling, chan looking at home in his office desk, minho with his cats, hyunjin dancing, and also a picture of you with—you shook your head. there was a reason that you forgot these pictures were here. it was all too painful to look at, the memories cutting your heart up into smaller pieces, you can almost hear it shattering into dust. but chan stared at the pictures 24/7. it was no wonder why he always looked so broken, but no matter what, he never took his eyes off of it—it was his motivator, the reason why he still keeps on living. why he hated the thought of his friends giving up, he may not have had the same essence of leadership he had back then, at least he still carried a sliver of hope to keep them going—or perhaps it was toxic positivity.
“you never really met the vice president huh,” chan spoke up, looking at one of the older pictures of the student council officers, you saw a tall, pretty girl with a commanding presence and a beautiful smile amongst them. the picture made you feel nostalgic even though it was probably taken long before you even transferred. “if she was here right now, she’d probably keep shouting at us for being so depressing.”
“that’s so me though.” you laughed a bit, making chan crack a small smile. although you never had the energy for it anymore, you remember always schooling seungmin, jeongin, and minho whenever they ran their mouths with harsh honesty, talking about how easy it is for them to all just die in a snap, but now, you were at a point that you believe those words with your whole being.
there were no more conversations shared between the two of you, just comforting silence that assured you’d always have each other's back no matter what. after passing time, you felt yourself being called back to sleep so even though it was useless, you told chan to get some sleep before going back to it yourself. he’d try to heed your words and nap for a while but there’s just too many terrors preventing him from getting a peaceful night.
the next day was just as tense, with everyone counting down the hours till d-day, the closer it got, the heavier everyone’s shoulders slumped, the shorter everyone slept.
“i wish i could be of help,” yuna quipped, watching everyone prepare.
“you’ve already done so much, you deserve the rest.” you said, comforting her as she sat in the corner, making felix join the gloomy girl immediately.
“yeah, and you’ve just done the last supply run, we take turns, remember?” the freckled boy said softly, making yuna nod with a sigh, “jisung and i will be here with you so why don’t we clean up the place for a bit once they're gone? make it spotless and comfortable for when they get back?”
it felt like a harmless comment but it pierced right through everyone's heart—when they get back—none of you were certain that you even would.
“we got cornered,” yuna started, piquing everyone’s attention. although nobody moved from their spot or made an effort to look at her as she spoke, you could tell that everyone’s ears were on her, all too heartbroken to listen to the story but knowing that it’s necessary to hear it out. “there were only a few things left in the cafeteria but there was some stuff littered around the floor—the resources of some other group that… d-didn’t make it. we should’ve known that was a sign, we should’ve just backed up, but we didn’t want to waste the good find so we went straight for it.”
she cleared her throat, trying to blink away the tears, trying to rid herself of the painful memory by voicing it out into the world, hoping it would dissipate just like her own voice, “we got jumped, suddenly there were five of them all around, we grabbed as much as we could and booked it but we got chased so we hid in the nearest janitor’s closet. they were just outside, we were trapped. changbin knew we couldn’t stay there forever—that you guys were counting on us—so he gave his stuff to me and ryujin and told us to run when he told us to—ryujin didn’t like that so she gave me everything and stayed beside changbin. i-i couldn’t—i wish i didn’t—” her tears had betrayed her, her voice choking from her sobs as felix and jisung consoled her.
it wasn’t her fault, yet she blamed herself.
she came back with bags full of resources, yet she felt useless.
this world made you feel small no matter what you did. you take ten steps forward and it’ll make sure to push you fifteen steps back.
hearing the story gave the much needed push for everyone’s spirits, we were all doing this for a reason, we can’t let the sacrifices of our friends be diminished in vain.
everyone went back to their own tasks, the memory shared by yuna now lingering in their own minds, probably trying to envision the same scene that loops again and again in yuna’s brain. you needed a refresher. with a huff, you went straight to the small council bathroom, not realizing that somebody else had occupied it before you, “s-sorry—” you looked away as felix had his shirt off, but before you could walk away, the glimpse of the scene was enough to make you walk back in, an inkling suspicion plaguing your head as you found his sudden reaction quite dubious.
“it’s okay i was—y/n?!” he looked at you with a shocked expression as you walked back in once more, and again, his hand was quick to cover something on his side with his shirt in hand. you immediately pried the cover away, only for him to wince as you land your eyes upon a huge gash.
back in their supply run, they had arrived with a bloody felix in tow, he looked so hurt that it made everyone’s heart crack. apparently minho had become too reckless, charging head first into a ghoul thinking he could take it, it only took a few seconds for him to realize the mistake he had made, and before seungmin and minho knew it, felix was already right in front of him, shielding him from a strong attack that had left a horrible cut on his side. felix was willing to sacrifice himself for them, much to minho’s dismay, so they gave it all they got to make sure that they got out of there alive—thanks to seungmin’s quick thinking, they were able to sneak away.
we were able to treat felix’s wounds, and in a few days, he was standing right back up with an assuring smile on his face. but now you stare at the same wound, and somehow it was worse than before. you look at his face, pale and drained, you thought that the pressure was just getting to him, thinking that maybe the reason for his demeanor was coming from something else—not this.
he was always sweating so bad, you thought it was just because of the humid weather.
you scolded yourself for not noticing how he was now much more wary when giving hugs. how he always tried to hide a wince whenever he looked away. you felt bad for not noticing sooner that he’s been suffering alone.
you didn’t even notice you were crying until felix wiped a tear from your face, “shh, i’m okay.”
you shook your head, it was obvious that he’s not. you pried your eyes away from the gash and into his eyes, he still held the same warmth that he shared with everyone but it was slowly diminishing, like a sun slowly dying out. it reminded you of when the world started going to shit, how the sun didn’t seem to glow as bright anymore—you didn’t want to see the same thing happening to felix.
“please, y/n, i don’t want them to think i’m weak..” he pleaded softly, not allowing you to go back outside and tell everyone—but you both knew that you had to. felix has been pushing himself extra hard because of his injury, because he didn’t want to be a liability. “seungmin already put me out of the plans..”
he felt useless, he truly did, but you knew that he was just as strong as everyone else, but if he put his pride on the line and refused to be treated, then he’ll be better off dead. “no. i’m not gonna have you die just because of a lingering cut.” you hardened, exiting the bathroom with a shamed felix behind you.
as you called for the others, they immediately went to inspect felix’s wound, minho looking extremely guilty knowing that it was his fault that the younger boy had been in pain for so long.
“this is not good,” jeongin said, inspecting the cut, “i didn’t think it was this deep at first but we’re gonna have to stitch this.”
everyone inhaled sharply, feeling for felix, though the freckled boy wasn’t as bothered, he was already in so much pain, what’s a few needles going to do?
“the problem is, we don’t have the supplies for that.” jeongin continued.
“then we’re gonna have to push d-day quicker.” everyone’s heads snapped to seungmin. you were all still hoping to build yourselves up till the day comes but now, you all just had to do it, even if you felt scared or ill-prepared, felix’s life was now on a timer, you had to make it.
seeing everyone’s reaction, felix spoke up, “you don’t have to do that, i can wait—”
“no you can’t.” jeongin said, bandaging his wound, “the cut is getting worse, if it gets infected then you’d be dead in an instant. the only reason why you’re able to endure this is because your body is already giving up, you’re on your last leg. it’s like how people are at peace when they’re dead, because they can’t feel anything anymore.”
felix averted his eyes from everyone, not wanting to soak in the looks of pity and worry.
minho clenched his jaw determinedly, “we’ve prepared enough, no need to stretch this out any longer.”
“we’ll go tomorrow immediately.” chan finalized—and that was that.
>> PART TWO (FINAL)
mastertag: @geniejunn @leagreenly @90s-belladonna @fuzzylard @loveliebri @chimmybaek7 @todorokiskitten @lilacdreams-00 @starrylino @ninjaleeknow @trials--error