haven’t inked traditionally in a while, trying to get back into it
Osiris god of the underworld
Maxence Danet Fauvel 💋💨
Art trade with ThunderHorse from ToyHouse
I’ve always had issues with anxiety. It held me back for years, to the point where I got sick frequently. It got a lot better, and I’ve been doing well & been happy. However, lately I haven’t been feeling myself. I’m not sure when it started, but a while before I realized I felt this way I started smoking weed for the first time. Since the first time smoking I’ve smoked almost every night going on 2 months through a dab pen and an occasional joint. After a few weeks of smoking, my grandpa passed away. I’ve never had a death in my family before and even though his wasn’t unexpected, I was in shock. I had a hard time accepting he was gone. I didn’t cry. I just kind of shut it out. A few days later I started having cold symptoms. It escalated into a severe migraine that lasted almost a week, consistent that didn’t stop. I was scared I had something wrong with me. I got a shot and it eased away, but I still felt very down and lifeless. It’s now been a month later and it’s only gotten worse. The way I look at my life is different; it’s almost like I feel out of my body. I feel like I’m watching my life and not living it. My headache is still there faintly. I’ve still been smoking - because it’s such a habit. I had a horrible panic attack a few weeks ago smoking. I felt like I was hearing voices and hallucinating. I looked up how I felt and the symptoms of derealization matched so well I started freaking out. I was almost confused on what was even going on around me. I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore. It feels like I’m in a dream, not reality. Just wondering if it’s the smoking, the stress from my grandpa, or if my anxiety has finally reached it’s peak and I’m going through a psychotic break?
It sounds like there’s been a lot going on. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been having to deal with all of that.
It’s good that you managed to identify that smoking weed might have been a trigger for not feeling yourself. Identifying the trigger is often the first step! A second step would be to figure out how you could go back to feeling yourself. Would for example stopping smoking be of help there? Is that an option to try, or do you feel like that isn’t an option right now? There’s no right or wrong answer, I’m just curious as to what is doable for you!
Losing someone you love is honestly so tough. It comes as a shock, even when you’re expecting it to happen. I’ve lost a few people and each time it’s been different in dealing with it. That’s how grief works; it’s unique and raw. Some people cry, some people don’t cry. There’s no right way to respond and there’s definitely no wrong way to respond.
Sometimes when we’re under a lot of emotional distress, this turns into physical symptoms. This could be why you got a cold and migraine after losing your grandfather, and why you’ve still been having faint headaches. You can treat those symptoms like you would physical illness, but that might not help completely. It’s better to work on healing from the emotional baggage.
And the question is- how do you heal after losing someone? Unfortunately there is not one answer. Everyone heals differently from grief. But there are some things you could try out. These things can be small. For example, I like putting up a picture. My best friend passed away nine years ago, and I’ve had a picture of her up ever since, both in my own house as well as in my room at my parent’s house. That way, wherever I am, she’s there with me. And if I want, I can sit with her, talk to her. I’ve also written a countless amount of letters. I always found it really hard that I couldn’t share things about my life with her anymore, so instead I’d write them down in a letter addressed to her. That way it felt a little bit like I was sharing it with her, even though it isn’t entirely the same. We have a page on grief that you might want to look through. There’s some helpful tips that I hope give you a starting point on your healing process.
I can imagine that you freaked out when you noticed that you were dealing with symptoms of derealisation. That must have been scary for you! Derealisation is a form of dissociation where you feel like the world around you isn’t real. This can range in intenseness, from feeling like you’re living in a dream to questioning everything you see. Derealisation, and other forms of dissociation, can happen for a variety of reasons. They can be caused by stress, they can be a trauma response, they can be from anxiety. It’s hard for me to pinpoint what could be causing it for you, since as you already say, there could be a few contributors. It might also not be one thing but more a combination of factors.
When dealing with dissociation, grounding techniques can be very helpful. They can help to bring you back to reality, to feel less like you’re living in a dream. We have a page with grounding techniques. I’d urge you to try out different ones, so that you can find out which ones work for you. Since everyone is different, different techniques work for different people. My personal favourite is the following one, as it really requires you to use all your senses:
Describe five things you can see;
Describe four things you can hear;
Describe three things you can feel;
Describe two things you can smell;
Describe one thing you can taste.
You don’t have to deal with this all by yourself. Is there anyone you can reach out to about what’s been going on? A friend, family member, other trusted adult? You can also consider reaching out for professional help. I think that could be very beneficial for you. You can visit your GP / local doctor and explain to them briefly what’s been going on. They can then arrange a referral for you to a therapist, psychiatrist, counsellor, or other mental health professional. You can read more about getting help here. I hope this answer was helpful though!
Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard. Love Pauline
Packed and ready. Inside is some tea to keep the glass clean. Also for the taste.
So magical ✨
Positive routines are what help us grow individually as a person. They also help other people. When we get into a positive routine we start to feel great about ourselves. We don’t feel that sense of oh God, where am I going in life? One thing that I am definitely going to touch on is having negative habits and how to stop them.
Negative habits can be anything such as throwing your clothes on your floor when you finish your laundry, all the way to smoking and vaping, to even having negative thoughts. Negative thoughts can be related to negative habits in the fact that we form those negative thoughts into the repetition of always having negative thoughts. The repetition then turns into habit. I believe it takes 90 days to develop a habit and to break it. Don’t quote me on that though.
Negative habits can alter our routines in the sense of making us decline in our growth and improvement. We end up taking two steps backwards while trying to take steps forward when we focus on these bad habits. One of my goals is to clean my room every day and right now I have a pile of clean clothes on the floor which I need to get done today. That brings me back to my most recent post time management. One of the things of having a positive routine is to manage your time wisely.
When we manage our time wisely, more things can get done and therefore more positive habits and positive routines can come hand in hand. The thing about breaking routines is it is difficult! And it’s going to be difficult because you’re used to doing the same thing over and over again. But trust me your life will be so much better without those negative habits.
When it comes to being a fully functioning adult, you have to be able to get yourself into a positive routine. That means going to work, getting your chores done, getting your goals done, etc. I’m not telling you what you need to make in your routine, that is a personal decision you and your friends, family, significant others will decide on. In the end it has to work out for you. You’re not going to create a routine that you’re not gonna be able to stick to, so keep it simple and keep it flowing smoothly. Remember time management!