It kinda feels like nobody is talking about how Zoom is essentially the only video call platform that allows you to hide your own video while still sharing it. Which is so important, bc video calls are already hyper anxiety inducing, and seeing yourself all the time only makes it worse. And sure you can turn your video off, but sometimes that’s not an option and sometimes I like to show my face to other ppl bc it’s a nice thing and talking to a wall of nothing is super scary as well.
I just emailed my English teacher and said I’m falling behind and need support and he was totally kind and said I don’t need to worry. now I’m crying. because i get so deathly afraid of being rejected or ignored or judged that I forget there are kind people in the world who are understanding and want to help me succeed. the feeling of having to reach out for help, feeling afraid, then having your fear be invalidated is such a huge relief. so today I am proud of myself for facing my fear and seeing it pay off. 🌻
When you’re walking in front of someone do you get anxious an start walking faster? Because you don’t want them to be like “Ugh… This person is so slow.” Or maybe walk shower because you don’t wanna make it seem like you’re trying to get away. Even though sometimes your are, because… Anxiety.
A tremendous deal of communication among humans is expressed without words. Better understand these, and you will better understand people.
At whom are their feet pointing? Most of the time, this is where their interest truly lie when in a conversation. Who are they really focusing on? Who do they respect?
In many regards, they eyes are more communicative than the mouth. are they shocked? Are they interested? People smile with their eyes when they mean it. The mouth can do anything. See through disingenuous people.
Stop talking. Do they keep talking? Are they uncomfortable? Do they lose interest? This shines a light on many facades.
What are their arms doing? Are they expressive and outward? Are their fingers relaxed? Maybe they’re crossing their arms uncomfortably, or fidgeting?
When I need to make an impression, I keep these things in mind, not just for understanding them, but nudging them to see me as more confident. Arms loose, expressive, and outward. Eye contact with relaxed eyes. Steady breathing. Let them talk first.
How do you feel about eye contact? Not so much giving it, but receiving it?
Most of my life, I was too scared to look people in the eye, but my therapist encouraged me to do it. So I started making eye contact, but I wouldn’t break it. I’d just stare into someone’s eyes the whole conversation. I thought this was what I was supposed to do, but apparently holding eye contact too long is creepy? Or means I find someone sexy?
This guy I watch said that 5 seconds of eye contact without breaking is really creepy and people in the comments agreed. As someone who’s new to eye contact - I have no idea what to do. I can assure everyone that I’m not attracted to anyone.
I also do certain things people find creepy, but they aren’t to me. I’m just extremely awkward and not good at socializing.
why cant everyone in the world be nice and kind and soft 😭 i really feel like i’m too sensitive to be alive. when someone isn’t super nice and soft to me i immediately assume they hate me, there’s something wrong with me and that i might as well stop existing.
WHY am i like this. i have never had therapy, i’m barely keeping up this facade. straight A*s, perfect rep, good friend. it’s all going down the drain like my fucking mental health. my heart feels like a bird with a broken wing, like it’s barely holding on. i’m on the verge of collapsing emotionally. and i still fucking smile and grin to everyone because more than anything, i cannot admit that i’m breaking apart.
i’m so sensitive i think i might die in the real world. i’m 17, i haven’t seen it yet. i don’t think i will be able to handle it.
my dad says he was so harsh to me growing up because “that’s the way the world works, i’m doing you a favor.” no, dad. you made me so, bitterly, extremely, devastatingly terrified of failure that i cannot even accept anything less than praise. i’m destroying myself by overthinking. when does it get better. when does this pain stop.
You may have heard this story before but, Wayne is what we call a Phantasm (a sapient illusion). He was created by Sunflower in response to a need. That need, a debate in our 10th grade English class. We were assigned a topic, and a stance, and we were tasked with writing a research paper supporting it, having a debate with our classmates (one on our side, two opposed), and, creating a character for said debate to give sort of a personalized perspective on the topic.
The topic was the death penalty. Stance, against. Character, Geoffrey Wayne, a United States senator. I’m not really sure we had an opinion ourselves on the matter, hadn’t really though about it, but we found the research we did pretty much solidified our own personal stance. Now, the long story short here is, we crushed the debate. I don’t think there was an argument we couldn’t out maneuver. Our teacher was surprised by this, given how far a departure this “character” was from the norm for us. I think we got a 98% on the project all things told, again somewhat of a surprise, since English was decidedly our worst subject all throughout our compulsory education experience.
Perhaps also worth mentioning, we had to dress up for the debate, and that sort of marked the start of a change in our personal style, more professional if you will. No more “BOSS” clothing, heh, a story for another time. Still had medium length hair, usually worn either in cornrows or a bunch of small plaits, but we’d eventually cut that to be more in line with what we felt was a “professional” look. Wayne just sort of stuck around after that.
Outside of school, about a year after he showed up on the scene, we got hired for a job in Sales, eventually got promoted to Marketing and did that for a few years. We were surprisingly good at it (the best even, when it came to sales numbers). We couldn’t keep that up though, peopling takes a lot of energy, and despite our ability to grin and bear it, we still had chronic anxiety and what not going on. Our performance never faltered, as far as our employer was aware, but we were struggling to keep up the illusion (eyyy, metaphor payoff).
It was about that time that SOLO started taking over things, we were out of high school and no longer doing sales, so we weren’t interacting with people much. When we needed him though, Wayne would step up to the plate. Handling meetings, interviews, presentations and what not. He’d stay in that role until about 2008, when the financial crisis hit. There was a renewed(?) interest in politics, debate, business, marketing, and all those sorts of things. We quit our job, started working freelance, started University, started traveling, started having relationships with people…
That last bit, that was something else. Won’t get into the details of it here, but Wayne would occasionally try to help with interpersonal communication and, well sometimes he’s just too much. Turns out he’s a hopeless romantic, and it really shows in his writing (and that’s how a lot of it happened, online).
Wayne is still around, still doing his thing, fulfilling a role while at the same time carving out an identity of his own.