recently i’ve been confronting the fact that my lack of social and romantic life is not because i’m “too busy” with school and work, but rather that i’m prioritizing school and work, and that actually for most people it’s more important for them to be with humans and to have relationships than it is to sit at a desk all day.
i am in fact the person who says i “can’t make it” to family reunions not because i CAN’T make it but because i would rather stay at home answering emails. and if i do end up going to social events, i will often sequester myself off to the side answering emails on my phone the entire time.
and i do not know how to NOT be this person. and i just assumed everyone feels this way, which is why we’re all so stressed out, but actually it’s very much not the way everyone lives their lives. and it's maybe weird that it’s so much more of a priority for me to be 100% on top of what i’m obligated to do rather than to foster meaningful relationships with people. hm -.-’
and NO i’m not putting this under a read more. i have to say this out loud. anyway . i’m gonna go drink my laxatives and work on a biology final BYE