So i told her how I’m feeling tonight.
Basically that post partum depression never went away and it’s just kinda evolved into… A weird depression detachment from my family and my sence of belonging.
I told her I feel out of place and like a horrible human being cause more times than not i just don’t wanna be home w my kid. And that i thought that at some point it all would go away but it never did so im Just here.
I didn’t told her how I’ve been struggling not to bite myself on the last few hrs. And i didn’t told her I don’t want to come home either cause now she knows too much and I don’t know how to deal with that…
But with i did told her was just silence and eventually she just opted for hanging up, Wich is allowed.. but i feel rejected. I don’t know what I was expecting to get out of telling her.
I’ve never told anyone about how I feel about my son. Mainly cause i was scared i would be push away, i mean what kind of mom doesn’t wanna see their kid? Her mom wasn’t a good mom… So…
I don’t know what I was expecting tbh.