“How tragic that the bottom of bottles treat me better than you ever have…”

-LCD (insomniacs dreams)

I wonder what would be of us if you, my love, have confessed years back. 고등학교 때부터 반했어. Would we last as long as we’ve been friends?

- with a decade of friendship, i wonder how you kept it cool (snippets, July 2020)

I still have the void of your retreat

Stalking the echoes of our goodbye

And it isn’t the way we disappeared

But in the kindness you left me to die

.

I need the type of hug that says:

“I’m here for you. I understand your pain.”

“Let me tell you a little story about love, one day I met you and that was it.. I’ve been in love ever since.”

Some love stories are over an hour long, not this one.. BAM!! I fell in love in 2 seconds - eUë

I can pretend I could swallow my sadness

Like this wasn’t exactly the way

Of drowning it deeper,

Of pushing it right through

Another thousand of trapdoors

Biting down to my essence

And poisoning it

I wanna heal sitting in the pouring rain

Pretending it could wash me clean

I’m at the beach coughing out sand;

Drinking my own salt water tears

That soak my body drier

My skin aches

From the way I lug myself over sharp stones

Which I once so admired and loved

The ocean turns red;

I think if I’m alone, just me and the sea

It’s okay to make another confession

My heart is racing like it’s beat was more

Than the fountain of a heavy stone

With darkened water that not a person dared to drink,

I can’t think

Of not abandoning myself right here, right now

(But I won’t)

Lay down on the pavement til I become cement

It’s almost a funny way for this poem to end

Not lost in traffic but lost

Inside the street itself

I’ll be okay but right now I don’t feel

Like being the flower that breaks through.

“lend your lungs to me”,

I wink,

with the promise of swapping them for my own.

lend your lungs to me,

and while your chest is swung open on its hinges

I’ll climb inside your ribcage and make my home there.

nice and snug in the empty space,

I’ll cuddle up close to your heart for warmth

while you stand, a lung in each hand

too out of breath to run after me.

oh darling, lend your lungs to me

and I’ll consume you from the inside out

like flame put to gas,

until all that’s left of your corpse 

is cinders

                   and your heart,

                                               my trophy.

I feel that my love has the same vastness of the sea without the fear of drowning. There’s nothing wrong with loving those around you gently.

Worthless or Priceless?

Just imagine that you are lost in the ocean ,and as far as you can see there is featureless and void water scape. It’s growing darker and deeper and you are shivering in the boat ,the icy touch of the howling winds, makes your spirit tremble! You keep on floundering aimlessly, under the starless stretch of deep blue sky,feeling dejected and lonely.

And all of a sudden a beam of dazzling white shines across your face. You see it coming from a distant source and the flame in your spirit is rekindled! Then you steer your boat with all your might towards this giant lighthouse. Your soul finds solace and comfort on the idea of being preserved from the dreadful sea monsters and you are exultant , overjoyed and ecstatic.

This is what happens in life . Sometimes you might feel depressed and victimized , insecure and hostile or even cynical and humiliated. You are strayed from your path and find yourself struggling and choked due to the overwhelming emotions you have been holding inside for so long.This is the time you will need a  lighthouse to guide you when you are lost.

And this lighthouse is nothing but your faith and strength . Make your spirit so resilient that it shields you from every demon , comforts you in times of despair and enlighten you when you seek it . Ending a life is never an option ! A timid person with an insubstantial character tries to escape a problem by committing suicide. By ending their life, people disregard the Divine, they submit timidly and refuse to have faith , thus defying the laws of nature .

Many people around us have suicidal thoughts, but the ones who overcome them are glorious ! You are blessed with the gift of human life, so make use of it , prove your worth. Sit for a while and ruminate on the essence of life, and question yourself whether it is so worthless that you can throw it away or is it so priceless that you are ready to face every obstacle head on ?

- Himanshi Srivastava

Each day have been gray

What was once a fast life

now appears to be in slow-mo

All my life I chased time

as if I was losing it

and maybe I do

Always on-the-go, always out

for staying still even for a night

I find myself drowning

in my own failures,

disappointments,

and heartbreaks

Now without anything to

numb my mind with,

I fear of my own demons

and if I will even come out the same

- Stayed at home, isolated (rejected contest entry, May 2020)

I had such a shitty night

Last night

But hauling myself out of bed

Sleepy and afraid

And crawling into yours

Was the best decision

I’ve ever made.

tha state of tha world is so depressing

Reaching the end of the path

I’m finally safe, in your arms

Paradise

In front of my eyes

Miracles happen

No pain or cries

Paint of peace in the sky

I want to have something to look forward to everyday when I wake up. Not just holidays. Not just the weekends. Not just my life in 5 years. I am desperate to know what wanting to wake up feels like.

-ka

On Feb 11th,when he bought me really pretty flowers,I was unsure if his love was true.Even when he bought me many extravagant things,even when he always asked me out for dates first,even when he said “I love you”,I was still unsure.Because,maybe because,I too had believed such words and actions once.I,too,was left heartbroken then.But today,after a really long day,when he looked at me with his weary face and sleep seeking eyes and said,“Tell me about your day”,I suddenly felt sure.The last day when he waited to pick me up,himself covered in sweat,I felt sure.The other day,when he came running to me and nagged, “Is it that hard to keep an umbrella?” I smiled slightly.And,as I watched him leave,his back wet and hands bare,I knew it then~I had fallen in love again.

// When did you know this? :) //

Tesadüflere ihtiyaç var, plansız ve zamansız gelen güzelliklere…

It hurts like a million paper cuts on my chest.

—drowninginmyth0ughts