This deep, inky, void engulfing me.
Drowning me.
I suffocate, breathless
Deep inhales and exhales
Hoping for light atleast behind lids
In midst of inky engulfing darkness.
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“you’ve remained soft when you’ve been given every reason not to. exercised patience when you’ve had the right to demand more. loved when the ones you loved weren’t deserving of your warmth. you’ve forgotten about you too often and maybe it’s time to channel that energy back home.”
— iambrillyant
98I don’t need to sell my soul, he’s already in me. I pray on my knees and ask for a wish. He grants me what I ask for but it comes with a price, my life. I was heartbroken, I felt vulnerable and needed to regain my inner strength. The demon in me was awakening while the angel in me was trying to resist, It was too late now as the wish was already granted. I looked in the mirror at my face and smirked. My lucky number has been six. I could recall Lucy has been with me, since I was six years old. I have held pain, resentment, and a grudge during all this time because what I went through, I seen it all with my parents shouting and physically hurting each other. I became traumatized as a little boy. I was a promising young student but as my parents tensions got worst, my grades started to plummet. I didn’t want to do homework anymore. I just wanted to play video games all day, it was my only escape from the things happening at home. I don’t have any issues with my parents now. I have a good relationship bit I wish they knew how much I struggle with depression and anxiety now as a twenty- five year old adult. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t brought to this world. I don’t see my purpose on earth. I always feel lost, I’m always alone. I have mental breakdowns at times. I feel like a failure in life, I see my friends doing better than me and I’m behind like always. Am I ever going to get my life together ? or am I goin to keep going with the flow of life, until I end up being a drifter.
1رات یوں دل میں تری کھوئی ہوئی یاد آئی
جیسے ویرانے میں چپکے سے بہار آ جائے
جیسے صحراؤں میں ہولے سے چلے باد نسیم
جیسے بیمار کو بے وجہ قرار آ جائے
Last night your lost memory visited my heart
as spring visits the wilderness quietly,
as the breeze echoes the silence of her footfalls
in the desert,
as peace slowly, softly descends on one’s sickness.
- Faiz Ahmad Faiz.
2green eyes
your green eyes, make me feel some type of way.
i want to let go and stay all day with you.
your green eyes, make me feel some type of way.
i might as well just say what’s been on my mind,
but your green eyes
kind of make me shy.
i wish i could see the world from your point of view;
from those green eyes.
would you want to see through mine too?
from my green eyes?
we’ve both got green eyes, but your green eyes
make me feel some type of way.
- Kathryn Sommer
y’all i’m falling HARD so uh yeah i’ll be writing aloT
4
The Truth
Awakened by the rising light of sun,
which shine demands prominence,
and lingers in the crevices
of my eyes glistening reflection.
Blinded at first by Yah’s design.
The morning dew enshrouded
the vast expansion,
not missing an inch of his faction,
relaying only a fraction of
Yah’s omnipotent presence.
I can feel his essence,
coursing through my veins,
stimulating questions to form in my brain,
truly he deserves our praise to his name,
fore his grace makes even
my shadows luminescent,
adds girth to something once effervescent.
His words rebukes,
the worldly evolution of understanding.
His words evokes underlying deterence,
and ignites the urge for our people,
to release their ignorance.
His power is daily placed on display,
as the trees sway,
as the skies release floods of cries,
as the clouds let out streams of fire,
as the earth trembles
echoing the deafening frequency
of the drummer boy’s cymbals,
the remaining ringing is a symbol,
of how his wrath can cripple.
How could you not fear the almighty,
when wonders as such,
man couldn’t possibly touch?
Man, a fragile being,
summoned from the clay of the ground,
whose voices even raised in multitude,
the heavens would never hear a sound.
Woman, a fragile being,
cut from the cloth,
of the man’s monolith,
who are shackled by a curse,
that the original mother’s,
actions ensured her daughters to endorse.
Her disobedience permits,
no form of lenience,
forever her sole role,
is to aid the man’s brigade,
for he is blessed to hear Yah’s interest,
from the source of Yah’s spirit,
listen daughters and your virtue,
can never be contested.
Once these beings can learn,
to share the respect for Yah,
by accepting the fear his energy,
tends to adhere, humbly of course,
their hearts must remain sincere.
The knowledge of the chosen children’s history,
will biblically appear clear.
Genesis will explain your existence,
while Revelations will predict the salvation,
your forefathers were gifted.
The melanin that pierces your skin,
and can not be rinsed clean,
defines your lineage,
not only your image.
Redirect your spirits,
to accept your place in the limelight,
you are the true israelites.
Relearn the laws,
and Yah will forgive your flaws,
if you repent from it all.
Answer his becon and call,
for this evil worldly empire is about to fall.
Stand tall in the truth’s belief,
so your soul may enter,
the kingdom and recieve relief,
and the children you conceive,
will never be deceived,
because as they cleave,
you’ll teach the only truth to believe.
The devil’s blasphemy,
their innocent mind will never perceive.
Remain in the truth,
and the soul of your legacy,
will never see captivity.
- JDF
3
The Phase of Nothingness
Observations: Nobuo Sekine and other Mono-ha tension that results from the moment of encounter between objects and how this can artists were interested in exploring the profoundly alter one’s perception.
This sculpture to me could represent a physical representation of what anxiety and depression can look like. It can represent someone’s struggles or their fear of opening to love. At first glance you notice a chunk of cloth being choked by one rope. As you shift from close to wide view, you begin to notice the stone being held afloat by the rope clenching to the white cloth. You begin to wonder why such an open wide white canvas is being restricted at the center. Personally, I instantly thought of self-sabotage.
Anyone who sees this artwork, will instantly think of what ever they are currently facing in their lives. Whether we chose to believe that we are the only one going through a struggle, we seize to realize that just as Nobuo intended, there are many perceptions of this piece of artwork. This piece made me feel as though a stick flew in my eye.
As hard as this year has been on everyone, this year made me experience things forcefully rather than willingly. I was forced to learn how to become self-sufficient, rely on my determination and self-discipline. The beginning of this year started with a heart shattering break up. One that I knew would change me forever.
Through this, I was in the middle of a transition from active duty military to civilian life. I chose to distract my broken heart with the responsibilities that would lead me in the right direction to becoming successful in my transition. It became a habit to distract or find ways to ignore emotion. Stress began to be the only thing I allowed.
A memory flashed in my head the second I look at this artwork, I was crying hysterically in my friend’s room as I found out unfaithful news. I left that state and began telling myself Id never allow myself to feel like that again. Fast forward 10 months, a man approaches me as I am admiring couples twirl each other around on the dancefloor to “Blue ain’t your color” by Keith Urban. Within that split second, I realized I was saying yes and being twirled alongside with everyone else. That night I catch myself driving home, wondering if he was thinking of me too. I never speak to him again because like the rope, I am living in fear of opening up to anyone. Convinced I will never allow anyone to take advantage of my worth and disvalue me, the suffocating cloth.
Self-sabotage is hanging at the end of the rope, choking the cloth tighter and tighter. My white canvas is left untouched and un-seen by the passerby. That is unless I allow them to sit long enough to really see passed the noticeable. Who will choose to pursue my white canvas despite the ice queen tendencies I use as a shield? The choking cloth represents the heart aches, disappointments, failed promises and broken trust.
My rope will forever be held by the black stone until the day someone strong, willing and determined enough to see passed the intimidating choke hold. With words of reassurance, force, fulfilled promises, dedication, the stone will lift high enough to loosen the rope just enough to slide a finger under and pull.
Will I mentally be ready to lift the stone weighing down my desires to love and be loved? My life is at a standstill of nothingness because I am in a battle of self-sabotage and protection. At what point do I see which one is hurting me and genuine people who mean well? Self-sabotage is pushing good people away because it is too good to be true. Is it self-sabotage to WANT the stone sealing off those fears? So many questions, yet I stare at the artwork thinking it will give me the answers to the questions it left me with. If this is how deep I saw this artwork, I would really want to know the many different perceptions of this piece others have taken.
Allison Mallory Fisher: Introduction to Art
1
My God it’s hard
To worry
About the yellow-green
Bruises, so mean
The IVs leave in my arms
And I pray to gods
Who don’t yet exist
For a sickness my mother’s kiss
Could ward off harm from
But the red death held sway
Over us all and
Masques hold our breath
As our minds run
My God it’s hard
To breathe
Lungs like honeycomb and
So much cloying honey
And I pray to gods
I refused to believe in
To save me just this
One time
From a sickness my mother
Can’t see, as no visitors are
Allowed within a dime of the doors
But the red death held
Sway over me and
My death could soon be yours.
22I know I’m a reckless case;
A hopeless phrase
Beyond my words;
Are the shadows of swords
That did want to fight;
Seemingly out of fright
I crave unnecessarily;
I hope reluctantly
Here I am now
Bruised but brazen
That’s how I glow0A faded butterfly wing in the dirt
Such fragile things were not meant to last
Hypocrisy in every one of those words
Everyday I’m more sure I’m a mimick
Mine are an illusion, just real enough to die
Their explanations always fall short
How can I be the original? It’s false
Butterflies just another loose end
Weaving it’s way around us in time
Surely he’s clever enough to realize too
I don’t know how yet, it’s still impossible
As everything once seemed
7The blow of instrumental wind
A lover’s sigh upon my neck
Come hither into tumbling fire
Boulders ashy, logs bedecked
With rosy flow of well-fed flame
Dancing wayward in the storm
God in feathers, bird by name
Rising thither, talons warm.
Tears from whence the sky was birthed,
Simmered dusty dwelling eyes
Night’s cold silhouette perverts
Our witness to its stellar rise.
Waning moon of scythe-like bone
White-hot curved placenta ash
Warm bodies making moans their home
As we forget the future, past.11I found you
Looking so blue ,
I took you
To show you the truth ,
I opened my heart
To help you ,
Never did I think ,
You would rip
Out my soul
And make me beg,
from underneath
You.
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