I don’t need to sell my soul, he’s already in me. I pray on my knees and ask for a wish. He grants me what I ask for but it comes with a price, my life. I was heartbroken, I felt vulnerable and needed to regain my inner strength. The demon in me was awakening while the angel in me was trying to resist, It was too late now as the wish was already granted. I looked in the mirror at my face and smirked. My lucky number has been six. I could recall Lucy has been with me, since I was six years old. I have held pain, resentment, and a grudge during all this time because what I went through, I seen it all with my parents shouting and physically hurting each other. I became traumatized as a little boy. I was a promising young student but as my parents tensions got worst, my grades started to plummet. I didn’t want to do homework anymore. I just wanted to play video games all day, it was my only escape from the things happening at home. I don’t have any issues with my parents now. I have a good relationship bit I wish they knew how much I struggle with depression and anxiety now as a twenty- five year old adult. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t brought to this world. I don’t see my purpose on earth. I always feel lost, I’m always alone. I have mental breakdowns at times. I feel like a failure in life, I see my friends doing better than me and I’m behind like always. Am I ever going to get my life together ? or am I goin to keep going with the flow of life, until I end up being a drifter.
It’s so hard to move on…. I think we live in such a fast paced world with fast food and fast cars and everything is go go go all the time… People seem to think you’re just going to take a couple of days then move on…. And man I wish feelings were like that it, but they’re not, well at least mine aren’t … I know I have made the right choice by cutting loose my mentally and emotionally abusive partner… But that doesn’t mean I just turned my feelings off like a tap…. I am hurting… My heart hurts…. By brain hurts… My libido is crying out… I’m lonely yet want no company at the same time … I go to work and am in a place where I have to help fix people, mend the broken, care for the physically and mentally sick and broken…. And I feel more broken than them…no one wants to continue hearing about your sadness … They say there there and you’ll be okay…. But you can see the eye roll nearly happening and the urge they have to say come-on move on we don’t want to hear more about your drama…. I feel like there has been a death and really that’s what it is …. I am mourning… I don’t know when this stage will end… For now I will suck it up when I’m out then cry in the darkness where it is now my safe place…..
13. All the books and movies and songs that portray love as this beautiful, happy thing are lies. Love is brutal and cruel and painful, and you don’t always get a happy ending. Romance stories give off the impression that as long as two people are in love nothing can stand between them and that is the biggest lie in the whole wide world. Being in love isn’t always enough. It doesn’t guarantee a happy ending. In most cases the only thing being in love guarantees is a broken heart.
And no one knew what caused it, but everyone remembers the silence. You see, in the city there was always some type of noise somewhere. If not the trains squalling to a halt at there next station then the cars honking at each other to get the others to move out of the way. If not the cars, then the ambience of small talk and phone calls and missed appointments and busy street life.
That is, if it’s not overpowered by the sound of gun shots that can always be heard in the distance. Small screams and cries for help that have gotten a little to common place to sit comfortably. For better, or for worse the city was always moving, living, breathing, alive and the noise.. the noise is what validated that fact for everyone.
Until one day, well into the night.. everything stopped.
The music from the clubs came to a halt, the trains paused at the station only to find that they could no longer continue. The cars on the rode all seemed to die down at the same time for no reason at all. And for once, there were no screams filling the air, no cries for help, no desperate victims looking around for a savior. Instead, there was only silence.
Complete.
Utter.
Quiet.
And no one knew what to do, no one dared speak for fear of breaking it. For some it had been so long since they were actually able to hear themselves think inside their own minds. Others pulled out the phones to record the event, others began to smile, remembering a time when the noise wasn’t constantly overpowering all the other senses we were meant to experience.
The silence was heavy for some, so heavy that the guns they held in the waistline began to pull them to the ground. Some just dropped them altogether.
The silence was deafening, as if nothing else around them mattered except for that moment. The meetings were forgotten, the heists were set aside and in that moment there was nothing but them.
But it didn’t last more than a minute.
All to soon the car horns began to blast away again. The halted trains find new power in their systems. Cell phone calls that ended randomly picked back up the calls that had been dropped. And life as always continued in the city, leaving the quiet to be lost once again. And no one knew exactly what caused it, but everyone remembers the silence.
- And some say that if you close your eyes long enough, you can remember what it was like before we became numb everything around us. We can remember that sometimes we need to get away from the noise to remember who we really are… Maybe, just maybe there was something that the silence was trying to teach everyone in the city, or maybe it was just distracting them from whatever they had to do next.
We’ll dance till the sun sets and the stars rises along with the moon. We’ll laugh along the beats as darkness falls making the vibrant sky spiritless. And as we lay on the grass contemplating those meteors and asteroids which look so small, I’ll acquire every answer related to my queries that I had within me for so long.
