You look so plastic, I can only unsee
Pale face, so starved, for acceptance and relief
Have you found angels in torment?
Or gained back feelings via injuries
A try equals survival
But can I survive these multiple aching realities?
Pour my human soul with dignity
But have I been in all honesty?
Perhaps, I soaked it all up inside
Created a terrified kid
Slowly driven to insanity
Cats play with their prey
Birds perch out of reach
She watches her shadow
As the cold earth calls out
Claws, talons, and darkness embrace
I find it very nice that we as humans have a range of love languages,, like doing something someone finds endearing is so much more powerful than just “I love you”. And it’s not even always romantic,, we just use our love languages on our friends, pets, family and thatse so cool
Love, to me
is wanting to run away with him for a while,
when every moment of the day feels like its crashing over.
It makes me want to snuggle and hide for a fraction maybe,
and most of all it’s about how ferociously we run towards someone we love
And as much as I want it, I let it be,
because everything that’s really mine, will always be.
And there’s absolutely no rush or need
for me to hold it firm in my hands or tie it down to my heart.
- trustonlystars | Jannie F.
we were young,
we staged our sadness in an image;
we both can’t hear
not until five years later,
graduated and hoped for flying colors to flash our eyes outside the school premises
I prayed for a job and ended up wishing to leave;
while you accepted an unfair salary with a smile stretched so fake; we could bounce
I felt lost,
You were disappointed
We tried to be smooth all the way down twenties
But we’re running on rocks.
How life should have stayed simple
if we’re not thinking so hard…
yet we are
and it’s not staged anymore.
-A. L(untitled)
Angel 🖤🌚🖤
I’ve been busy with Tumblr lately! I guess it’s time to leave instagram, though? 🤔
LOL 😂
Anyway, this week has been quite rough , exciting and disappointing yet here I am, still thankful ‘coz I’m still alive, btches! (if u know what I mean 🙄)
F*ck all the plans that didn’t work out and f*ck myself because I kept on relying and believing that things will turn out the way I wanted it.
Yeah. Just f*ck myself. F*ck my attitude. F*ck me.
More switch coming soon because I’m old 👵
Diaries are dangerous items. They carry with them the fallacious promise that people can be read, when they can‘t - all these words they point to cannot be reduced to their literal sense, one cannot even adequaletely interpret them in the light of circumstancial evidence. Life is a dance of light and shadow, a quest for truth, endless striving, a love letter, a back-and forth, and sometimes growth…
an itch, a phantom touch
that bellowed in her mind,
of all the things she wanted to say,
things that had to be said.
an urge to be right, be understood
and sometimes even hurt.
but as she lay awake, another day unanswered,
she knew there was no point to overshare with a stranger now.
such was the diaspora between her and her mind.
Standing at the garden gates,
I look for your trace.
I know that you won’t come around,
But I do it just for our sake.
I feel like I betrayed you,
I don’t know why I feel this way?
You’re not even mine now,
What’s the use of feeling the pain?
I wish you just said the words,
That I could never say.
But now there’s nothing left.
Just the piercing voice that it was just a mistake.
A cup of noodles in the evening, wearing my favorite old green shirt. A shirt I had since my junior years that was filled with memories of the old days I still live by as if it just happened yesterday. The day my tone-deaf friend sang to one of my favorite songs, Adore U. Now I tell you, indeed her voice sounded funny yet she sang as if there was no one in the room. How sweet, how free. Indeed, this is how we live. The notes may be difficult to reach but the warmth in my heart lives on like this warm soup fills me. The strong flavors of the soup stayed like the past did yet for sure, I will look back to this cold evening. When I am slouching my back without a care to the world; the sound I make as I eat this cup of noodles; and the warmth I felt as I reminisce that soft memory. How sweet, how free. Indeed, this is how I live.
November 29, 2020.
NO ME DEJES CAER
Dórame el espacio
con tu presencia,
Cubre mi entorno
con tu amo,
Mantener mi equilibrio
Con tus brazos,
No me dejes caer,
por favor…
Toma mi cuerpo con ternura
Acúname sin temor,
Cántame despacio en mi oído
Para así dormir con tu calor.
Siente despacio mi latido
Ese, que brota de mi corazón,
El que marca su lenguaje
Diciéndote;
No me dejes caer,
corazón…
Toñi Lopera Herreros
Para siir-poesia
What will the cult say?
You know sis, I just won a Nobel!! Guess what?! I had to proove it. Had to take my Medal and certificate And do a show and tell; To those lousy, old folks Living underground still.
Times have changed, But not them! Technology cannot reach The dark place they live. Feminist, or rainbows Will fade at the hot glare! That’s when I realised, It’s nothing personal. Against, they will stand At anything; at their will!
KK
The Unfulfilled
You feel the cool breeze
and you wish
won’t it take my pain along
and vanish somewhere…
You feel the soothing drizzle to
and you wish
won’t it show me real happiness
and fall to the ground…
You see the birds
and you wish
won’t they take the loneliness in me
and fly away…
You see the dawn
and you wish
won’t it be a new beginning for me
and burn all the past…
I came through my mother
but I realise now I was never wholly or truly cut
from the strands of hers or my father’s cloth
Nor have I been profoundly impacted
or comforted by the empty promises
and teachings of their gods
I was molded and shaped by things dire & dark
affected by their ruthless pursuit of this heart -
still too fragile but further hardened
in each instance its walls are torn down
its essence repeatedly ripped apart
I am alone in my sentience,
stifled wishes cling too tightly ‘round the base of my throat
too many of my truths have fallen flat
and the ones unspoken rest
angry but dormant
coating the length of my tongue
I am the sole member of a non existent community -
this town
her narrow views such contrast to her open space
has simultaneously filled and perpetually broken and depleted me
I sometimes wonder if I could
should force myself to love men
if I could learn to live with and enjoy their company so at least one part of me would remain unbroken
so unlike my body
consistent -
with the narrowness of this county,
her values and depictions of what it is that constitutes normalcy
Bile rises intermittently and still sometimes
coats the stifled wishes clung to my throat at night
when I recall two varieties of men
doused in the excuses of their drunkenness & a sense of entitlement
who chose not to care
where they placed their hands
I am small and fragile intermittently and still sometimes
the stifled, stifling wishes release their hold and demons taunt me with lies
The truths on your tongue were sleeping then, too.
Sentience and gentleness and lawfulness didn’t matter
they didn’t help or save you
It’s over, unimportant,
why does it bother you?
There are worse things men could’ve done & can do
You didn’t say yes but you didn’t say no
you reek of anxiety & indecision and no woman desires such mismatched, aching, misfit bones;
these intermittent downfalls are yours and your fault alone
I came through my mother
never wholly or truly cut from hers or my father’s cloths
I’m a time bomb perpetually ticking,
my heart pounds and beats like the hands of a slow moving,
& nearly dead clock
& I’m all too certain the tears behind my eyes will never decide whether to fall or dry
the blood and love carried to the depths of my heart will lie -
thicken & rot
I love my mother
but I wish I could’ve been cut more from her cloth
Existing & spun from strands so entirely different
this broken body and her intermittent
fragmented memories
misunderstood, stifled, stifling wishes & thoughts
see the agony too deep and too much
I don’t know if I was too much..
If it wasn’t enough..
Would my words
Have swayed you differently?
Could they hold
The meaning you gave to me?
If I found the words
To tell you everything,
You saved me
But I couldn’t save you..
Like the seasons,
I change -
often swiftly,
without need to explain,
for the shifting colors,
and angles,
of my temperament,
all hold,
and carry beauty,
in their veins.
Hope and promise coursed through these veins as you knew them.
Optimism laced the love I gave
lust & desire coated my skin before you ever had a chance,
to feel it burn with the heat of sin bled through skilful lips or masterful hands
I saw light within your hollowed eyes,
through cracks in harvested heart.
The skeletons that filled the corners of your closet,
disguising themselves,
gaunt, angular,
but clung to shelves like art.
They too baited, switched,
changed faces,
phalanges clung to me
Wrapped around my throat,
lost in that same darkness of their closet,
my ability to breathe
Sexton speaks of nights alone married to the bed,
but is it ever marriage with part of you living, lying dead?
Sex is no longer my encounter & I do not beat her like a bell,
but there is longing for only one of fairer sex to know this body & the tears that fall from her in wells.
See such hidden treasure in marred, malfunctioned body & parted virgin thighs
Nearly thirty years of hidden truths stolen from a throat
on the tails of affection,
trailing long forgotten child’s cries
Sex is no longer my encounter,
I do not beat her like a bell;
I am not one with down of mattress, cotton sheets,
nor whole and sure in and of myself.
Sexton speaks of nights alone married to the bed,
but I toss and turn amongst my own against the dark and whitewashed walls
remembering those skeletons,
my optimism,
guilelessness, their gall
I wonder if worthlessness forever pervades and permeates
or if only one of fairer sex shall come to know a jaded soul,
provoke & sate such yearnings of her temperament in full
No matter where I am,
I always look for you..
But I know
You’re really gone
And I’ll never hear your voice again,
Or get to tell you
How I really felt..
People usually think that us loners are sad people. Well…sometimes we might be, but don’t assume that just because we enjoy being alone more than being with a lot of people, we must be miserable and that we need to change that. There are times when being with others is fun, but there are also times that I prefer my own company more than that of strangers.
