Heartbreaker daw ako?

Heartbreaker daw ako??! Kasalanan ko bang mag mahal ng isa pero Sobra Sampu ang umasa?🤭

I lost my hat in the wind today,

But I’m learning to let go,

I guess I’ll let it float away,

Like the letter I wrote but never arrived,

What’s 1am without snow?

And the guy who’s never seen it,

I tell him it’s sad,

Not how it used to be, but nothing really is,

Maybe it was always this sad or maybe I’m too old, too drunk or too in love with her,

Either way I’m learning to let go,

I hope someone finds my hat,

When people ask what happened I’ll tell them,

In a letter that will never arrive.

- Mack.

Te siento, aunque no estes a mi lado

Te siento, aunque no me hayas elegido

Te siento, aunque nuestro amor no sea una realidad

Te siento, cuando te veo en mis sueños

Te siento, cuando te miro a los ojos.

- 𝑒𝑝𝑖𝑟𝑔.

I’ve reached my threshold of pain

It just goes on and on

Why did this have to happen today

My blanket of comfort is gone

Debilitated, I can’t function or think

I tried to say goodbye yesterday

Eyes look in my direction

But there’s no arms for me to run to

I can’t save the world

Or even find a way to save myself

I have to live with the scrutiny

And a lack of understanding

I want to run and hide my face

The aftermath of a decision

It takes courage to throw it away

So many dream about release

But sometimes it hurts more to heal

And my soul cannot rest peacefully

I don’t know if I have the strength

It’s hard enough to fail once

Dripping Quill

Pierre Bamin — Unsplash

I write with ink from my dripping quill,

My thoughts and mind will come alive

And then my dreams begin to spill;

A letter meant for you!

©️2017, Jac Harmony All Rights Reserved

* Oh, a handwritten letter… nobody writes those anymore @midnight-psalmist! Wouldn’t it be amazing to recieve a carefully crafted, inked, letter? Thank you for the submission!

The best part of my day is when I get to come home to your arms. When you wrap me in your warm embrace and you kiss my forehead I feel so loved that my heart overflows with joy. It’s in moments like these that I know I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

-ohhloverlover

Free yourself from the burden of a past you cannot change.

n.j.

These nights are getting darker it seems,

as I’m drifting slowly into the void that exists,

hoping I’d find the solace I need somewhere,

and yet the clutches of this chaotic mind doesn’t leave,

into the storms I go with no cover to protect,

eventually gonna wither away perhaps,

with no trace left behind.

- DG

Left you in the dark
wondering where I had gone.
I was never there.

A CULMINATED REFLECTION AND RANT ON TIME AND INTIMACY

DISCLAIMER: LONG READ

What I crave is intimacy.

A deep knowing of myself amidst someone else.

Utter emotional and mental safety.

True personal freedom and relaxation with another.

That elusive haven that is so rarely cultivated.

Rare in its difficulty to establish.

Mutual connections need to be constructed.

Reciprocating and complimenting personages have to come together to form a bond that is forged through time.

Time. The most valuable commodity.

It accentuates and emphasizes its own existence in the midst of relationships: how much has been invested?

Intimacy in relationships can evolve into cherished bonds, either through the creation of many threads in time, knitting together to form a strong strand. Or, a sturdy rope forged through a singular moment or season that surpasses years of transparency with another.

These relationships are embodied in friends, family, and loved ones.

And what do you do, when it feels like all those ropes, those intimate relationships that offer security, strength, calm, reassurance, healing, and freedom are broken, or no longer accessible in a way that is deeply satisfying to the soul?

Connections can be maintained. Relationships can evolve and change over time, still maintaining their internal integrity.

But, nothing can quite eclipse the connection and intimacy experienced in the physical presence of another.

This is what I crave,

and it is deafening.

I feel it scratching from the inside every day.

Yearning to be fed.

Screeching to be nurtured.

I have been learning to fill this craving spiritually.

To lean into a God who knows me better than I know myself. Who loves me more than anyone could love or accept me. Who is truly, a solid rock on which I stand.

And I know He made me to be in relationship.

Some days, I just want to forget my need.

The inner aching of my core.

The prolonged loneliness accentuated by the loss of intimacy in a relationship that is still dear to my heart, and will be forever.

It is this loss that perpetuates the hunger pangs within me.

The relationship isn’t lost, but the intimacy is.

So in an effort to alleviate my craving, I distract myself, in more ways than one.

Most of the time it’s through hobbies, like making music and writing. Or consuming media like tv shows, books, and movies.

Yet these chosen forms of distraction only last for so long before I am again faced with my current state of isolation.

So in a fit of exhaustion, I numb it away.

An old habit I have long been trying to kick.

I go through cycles of the usual suspects of vices.

But something about my investment into spiritual intimacy has made these vices less palatable as time passes. Mostly because the investment of my most precious commodity is being thrown away and wasted with not just a lack of returns, but an emotional deficit.

So I have plugged into a church nearby where I have experienced a strong fellowship that has welcomed me with open arms.

But alas, the ever valued entity of time is cruel. It goes at its own pace, a pace at which I have yet to become accustomed to.

Upon reflection, time is gone in an instant.

Seasons, relationships, and memories fly by in a flash.

In the present, it crawls along at a depressing pace that warps in the midst of one’s mind.

What has only been four months seems like a lifetime, and I scream for a reprieve!

I am impatient. I don’t want to wait for the maturity required for a real relationship built on intimacy and emotional transparency.

And this is how I know that this season is purposeful, and necessary. It is a space in which I desperately need to grow.

I crave relational intimacy so deeply that I am blinded, and I don’t want to be led astray in the midst of my vulnerability.

It is in this madness that I know I need not just one, but multiple close relationships. I would be content with just one, but to develop a reliance on a single person for this need of intimacy is dangerous.

It is in this vulnerability that I am constantly aware of my desire to rush. To leap into anything that will alleviate this need for intimacy.

I am so fully aware of this desire, this need, that it can become consuming if not staved off.

It is in this reflection that I continue to move forward, albeit with a clearer mind, toward finding, and growing in authentic intimacy in relationship with others, and choosing to invest my time in places where it is most treasured.

It’s quiet here.

In this space between one moment and

the next when all of life has put

you down and you have a breath to breath on

your own.

There are no loud noises or people’s voices,

things to do or places to be.

There is nothing but emptiness

in this moment.

An emptiness that draws into the void all

the bad vapors of the day.

As they slide past your heart they will leave

soot marks from the endless possibilities of

what your life could be, but then the moment

shall leave you empty again and you shall

stop your whimpering.

I still flinch at the sight of your name on my screen.

There’s nothing I can do to get rid of it. I’ve cut you off, blocked you, burnt all your things. However, I can’t erase you. You still exist, albeit as a shadow. A comment on a friends post that I can’t see. A tagged name without a link to a profile. A memory of someone who doesn’t really exist anymore. I sometimes wonder who you’ve grown to become. I don’t know you at all; I sometimes worry I never did.

her fingertips trail frost across my collarbone

my soft lips clash with her icy blue mouth

she breaks me and replaces warmth with cold: her love is incapacitating and intoxicating all at once

Mondays are the worst

I’ll have one more cigarette

Then it’s back to hell

I’m starting to enjoy moments again. The little things. The good people. The anxiety and the calm that comes after it when I remind myself it’s all okay really.

The world has crashed around me before and I felt so heavy everyday. It rotted my insides away until the outside was unrecognizable.

I got help. I got lots of help. I tried so hard to get better that one day I started actually believing and accepting what they tell you in therapy.. in spiritual guidance.. in ted talks and in music.

Breathe. Let go. Give yourself peace. It’s in the past, it’s not happening right now. It wasn’t your fault. Care about yourself. Forgive yourself and protect your energy. You are precious. You are the one. I gotchu.