Suffering happens when our illusions make contact with reality.
Suffering is good. It seems a curse but is a blessing. It’s the alchemy of transformation - the catalyst that brings change.
It has a purifying effect. It’s the fire that burns all bullshit and reveals what’s real.
Communication is your gold link. It’s the heart of any marathon. The understanding of space can only be channelled through direct energy and people who emit such radiance. Do not settle for mediocrity, you deserve orgasms off words too 🌹
It was in the morning when you decided to leave.
Mouth full of candy,
Ragged doll in hand.
Clothes still freshly ironed
Like a schoolgirl on her first day.
The light is hazy on the yellow brick road.
Easy to dream of a path so paved
That it shines like a mirror,
Runs like flowing water,
And you, floating on your back,
Eyes on the dissolving clouds,
Melt into the trickling currents that carry you away
To a place where choices don’t exist anymore,
Where every pawn becomes a queen.
To the precipice of a cliff so close to the sky
That the air burns your skin and then your soul
Like a thousand suns sailing through your blood.
The chart has been laid, it’s time for you to plot your course, and traverse the uncharted territories of life. No one knows what lies ahead, but you have yourself, you own and take full control of the helm.
44 Self-Care Activities That Will Actually Help Make Your Life Better
— Brianna Wiest
Take care of yourself, here are 40+ self-care activities to treat yourself to your best life.
1. Get a extra large garbage bag and get rid of everything that you don’t use, that doesn’t fit, triggers painful memories, or that you bought in hopes that it would make you a different person.
2. Unfollow anyone who makes you feel anything less than inspired, empowered and happy to be who you are.
3. Stop arranging and posing photos and just take snaps of things as they’re happening. If your life isn’t interesting enough to do that, your life is the problem, not your Instagram feed.
4. Make a spreadsheet and manually write out everything you spend each week. Nothing will make you more self-aware of your spending habits, or help to hold you accountable.
5. Make an appointment for the doctor that gives you the most anxiety. Show up for it.
6. Download podcasts that interest you to listen to every time you commuting or driving in your car.
7. Delete the phone numbers and text threads of people who you don’t recognize, haven’t spoken to in years, always have to text first, or really shouldn’t communicate with again. It will be cathartic.
8. Stop digitally checking in with friends you had falling outs with, exes, and anyone else who isn’t an active part of your life. They’re only going to keep going on without you.
9. Improve things in small increments. Try to drink a half cup of water today. Go to the gym and walk on the treadmill for 10 minutes, if that’s all you can do. Go to sleep 15 minutes earlier than normal. Slowly adjust to new norms, and build momentum.
10. Go to a bookstore or library and pick out a copy of something that interests you. Stop trying to read to look smart or keep up with what’s happening in the literary world. Read what captures your interest. That’s what will make you better.
11. If you need to take some time off to be by yourself and get your life together, do it and don’t bully yourself over it. Social circles require people to stay the same to remain in them, that’s why solitude changes your life so much.
12. If you need to leave the city you live in because you need a new start, strategically plan a move that will improve your circumstances, don’t bankrupt yourself by trying to move as fast as possible without solid plans in place.
13. If you need to leave the job you are in because it’s eroding your wellbeing, clean up your résumé, start taking on side projects, and figure out your new path before leaving abruptly and having to scramble to do whatever will pay next month’s rent.
14. The next time someone is blatantly or passively rude to you, politely acknowledge it. Tell them that what they said was hurtful, and that you didn’t appreciate it. If you don’t learn to speak up for yourself in an effective way, moments like those will grate at you for years.
15. Wash your linens, wipe down the surfaces in your space, make yourself dinner and eat it at home. Make being there as pleasant of an experience as possible.
16. Do the dishes as you dirty them.
17. Plan something, even if it is a weekend beach getaway that you’re taking for yourself, make something to look forward to.
18. Each night, pack your breakfast and lunch, lay out your outfit, and have your bag, phone and water bottle all ready to go. This will make mornings go much more smoothly.
19. The next time you tell someone that you miss them, make concrete plans to see each other and put them in your calendar. Do what you say more than you say what you’ll do.
20. Don’t say what you hate about your life, wish you had, or want to be. Talk about what you want, what you’re creating, and who you are.
21. Use SPF, have safe sex, and open a savings account.
22. Stop trying to be everything. You don’t need to cook like a chef, perform like a CEO, have the most robust and interesting friend group imaginable, take photos like a blogger and workout like a triathlete. Pick one or two things that you are good at and enjoy and do your very best to work on those each day.
23. Embrace being ordinary. So much anxiety comes from the idea that to be average = to be bad, when in fact, all of us – with rare exception – are just average, and there’s nothing wrong with that. A world that insists the only people who are successful and worthwhile are the ones at the very top is sick.
24. Adopt the mantra: “I am willing to see this change.” Being willing to see something differently is the first step that most people don’t even get to. Be willing to be different. Be willing to grow.
25. Be mindful of who you vent to. Assume that what you tell one person is what you’ve told the world.
26. Make more time for people. Call your sister every time you go food shopping. Tell your mom you love her more than you think is necessary. You aren’t as alone as you think you are.
27. When an uncomfortable feeling comes up, name it, take responsibility for it, and then take action in the face of it.
28. Read the stories of people who were in similar situations to what you are in, and study how they found their way out.
29. Stop thinking of dating as a game that you only win when you’re the best, prettiest and smartest around. Start thinking of it as a best friendship you earn when you are your most whole and genuine self.
30. Build a professional website or online portfolio.
31. Figure out a way to monetize your favorite hobby.
32. Write a worry list. Every time something is bothering you, write it down instead of mulling it over. It will help you let it go for the moment, and at the end of the day or week, review the list to see whether or not anything on there was something you should give your energy to.
33. Write a wish list. Every time you have the urge to spend money, book a trip, or even buy another random thing from Amazon, add it to your wish list. At the end of the week or month, pick a few things off of it. It will save you tons of money and help build delayed gratification.
34. Pick a few healthy, inexpensive foods and teach yourself how to prepare them well.
35. Go out of your way to help someone else. Volunteer, protest, or advocate for another person’s wellbeing. Doing so will help build your sense of purpose and confidence.
36. Have a plan of action for when you feel overwhelmed by your emotions. It might be going for a walk, taking a drive, taking a nap, calling a friend, and so on. Instead of sinking and feeling helpless, return to your list.
37. Learn the invaluable art of knowing when to keep your mouth shut. When someone says something with the intention of aggravating you, not responding doesn’t make you complicit, it makes you powerful.
38. Work on being a little more humble. Instead of trying to convince yourself that you are the best, most and greatest, change your self-talk to remind yourself that you’re worthy, trying and capable.
39. Make an energy chart of your day. Instead of trying to manage your hours, manage your energy. Decide what to do when you have the most, and decide how to respond when you have very little.
40. Stop engaging in arguments (both online and in person) in which the other person just wants to be right, not understanding.
41. Stop engaging in arguments in your head, especially if the situation is made up, or if it happened a very long time ago.
42. Try a new food, a different type of movie, or shuffle a playlist in a genre you don’t normally listen to.
43. Read articles that help you move on. Like this one, about getting over a relationship.
44. Stop expecting life to always be good. Instead of trying to manically make yourself happy all the time, try accepting that you are going to have bad days when tough things happen, grief when loss occurs, and mixed feelings when you’re unsure. This isn’t because you’re broken, it’s because you’re functioning the way you’re supposed to be.
Love in the Winter
Is precious with each moment.
As intimate as the beloved,
Pure as snow,
And delicacy is it’s beauty.
Blessed is love in the winter
Sappho on the Radio
They’re playing Sappho,
Frankie crooning over
Through the old radio,
And you sit over there
On the maroon sofa
Reading their old letters
Bound into a hardcover,
And up you stare at me
As I’m staring at you
And I can understand
Those words she wrote in them,
Those letters you now read -
Yes, I’m quite scared to use
Those so much stronger words;
But then you look at me,
Sparkles lighting your eyes
Your face crinkled with smiles,
And I feel reassured
That you do know the depth
Of my feelings for you
And now, now you rise up,
A hand held out for me
To grab and then we go,
‘Round the room we sway with
Happiness on our lips,
As dear Frankie croons
Sappho on radio.
Shreya S.
I am born from a girl with mythic eye’s/ I caught secret blue flowers/ I woke with a ache/ Wild honey lemon wine/ I thought I was born from a casket tune/ Monkeys with key’s/ Night’s of glorious phantoms/ A horse with tint of pink/ I danced with devil’s in wild red heel’s/ sunshine burningly broken Neon crosses/Old dreaming sparks/ faerie’s in my ribcages/Gold lamb’s/Desired warmth/ raw canyons/secret souls/ garland/magic/ all these things are my fury/ vessels that hold moon powders/languages of white petals/
Soulmates….
When I threw all my mornings to the sun
Stay
I’ve only ever
Tried to be something I’m not
And I’m too tired
To carry on the act.
So here comes
The sad aching girl
And I think
She’s here to stay.
why does it feel like I’m losing everything around me
my friends and family
I’m losing my patience, my motivation
my joy, my hope and my happiness
my goals, my dreams and reality
I’m losing everything that is important to me
I’m losing my love, my faith and my mind
I’m losing my will to live, to breathe, to move
I’m losing my will to try, and try and try
I’m losing things I never thought I could lose
I’m losing sight of what’s wrong and right
I’m losing my identity and I’m losing myself
lately it feels like I’ve just been losing and losing and losing and finding myself stuck in one place
and then I remembered that I also have lost my will to fight

Mean Bean, 19′s ‘celly,’ named for his obvious combination of traits, gave this really annoying guffaw whenever 19 started his workout routine. It was only at first, then normalization set-in and Mean Bean would go back to ‘reading’ a playboy magazine or working on another shank. Mean Bean’s Shanks R’ Us storefront was open for business after the lights went out - ‘fishing’ them from cell-to-cell with thin threads attached to the plastic-whittled shanks. Great shanks by the way. Happy customers literally wired him some money in return.
We expose ourselves so much on a daily basis without being aware of it. A lot can be known about you by the kind of songs you like, by the lyrics that speak to you, by the artist you love because that shows what songs made you feel they were written exclusively for you. A lot can be known by your favourite book because obviously you found solace in it because it felt like home. I can understand what comforts you and what can set you off instantly just by knowing that. A lot can be known by the way you speak about your dreams or your job, if you’re really happy and passionate about it or if you’re just pushing through like the rest of us. A lot can be known about you by observing the way you are with the people you meet for the first time or when you’re forced to speak with someone who has hurt you in the past.
We run away from any kind of vulnerability, trying so hard to not show all our cards at once but really for someone who really wants to know you, it’s not that hard at all. You just have to see and each human is actually an open book.
Where once there was a heart,
Now there is a sword.
Where once there was a wing,
Now there is a cut.
Because I had to fall somehow,
Damned by my sins.
For the ones I couldn’t protect.
For the ones I couldn’t keep.
But falling led me to you,
So would a curse still apply?
Of course, it would apply,
Because I cannot be with you.
I still long for your touch,
I still long for your kiss.
But we’ll never be together,
For I have sinned.
As an only child
I enjoyed a quiet night,
When the refrigerator hummed
And the hobbled expressway
Gobbled car and truck tires alike.
But now that I am a father,
A quiet night is more precious
Because it is an indication
That the sleeping baby constellation
Is visible, its glitter scored
Now and then
By the shooting star
Of a decapitated sneeze.
Something that you don’t hear often:
I’m glad I never had the chance to tell you I loved you.
this is for you, whoever and wherever you are.
i can’t wait to know you. i know you’re on your way to me, and i hope you don’t take a second longer.
i hope you’re okay with my past. please be patient with me, others who’ve had my heart have not been as gentle.
by the time i meet you, i hope my emotional baggage is lighter. but if it isn’t, i hope you can help me carry some of it.
i’ve been praying for you for a long time. i know you’ll be worth it in the end, but sometimes i forget that and become impatient.
i hope i get to meet you soon.
Somebody asked me one day,
“Why do you write about your pain?”
And I couldn’t answer them,
I couldn’t answer the unspoken
‘Why is there hate in you for you?’
For how do you tell someone
'No, I do love myself nowadays,
This is just my healing process -
And yes I know, love heals all wounds
And I have enough for all my hurts -
But there’s no healing without hurting,
There’s no cure with a past
Unstained by the shadow of pain.’
How do I say this without shyness ?
How do I tell them, that my bones,
They were cracked and broken so long ago,
They need to be re-broken, reset to heal.
Never has there been a wound
That’s stitched without piercing the skin.
I had shot a bullet at myself, in dark days,
And it’s still inside of me, beside my self love.
Do I not need to cut open my body,
Dig around inside of myself, to remove it?
How do you explain all of this
Without flinching from the pity in their eyes?
So I stayed quiet and now I write,
My pen spilling black blood on the pages
As I reopen badly healed wounds,
So that this time around at least,
There’ll only be soft scars left behind.
Shreya S.
