The purple pacifier vanished
One week ago. I found it today
While rocking the baby: deserted
Like a dead man’s sombrero
That was blown by a western wind
Against a stubby leg
Of the gray changing table, blended
As gray and purple tend to do,
Sticking its tongue out at me
This whole time
Like I’m the one
Who won the duel.
Let me live, I said
To the waters below. But
They did not hear me.
I fell forwards
And hands caught me. They were not
Mine. I didn’t mind.
Right now I am here.
Will I be here tomorrow?
I don’t know yet. But,
What I do know is
People care now. I care now.
I will be okay.
I won’t leave this time
Or the next. I won’t.
I would like to be fearless again,
I would like to be myself again.
The person who didn’t fear scary roller coasters,
The person who would scream without a care,
The person who wasn’t afraid to tell people she loved them,
The person who did all of that for the purpose of feeling happy,
But now i’m even scared to try sour candy.
-ally
An old fable ripples into a dream
Muddled together into this story
I decide to let it play out, no control
Pupil-less gold shines under silver hair
The decorative being of life we’ve created
Dragonflies play in the still twilight
The sun of nightmares sings behind him
Its undead halo streaming through the void
The gold is draining from this fairytale
Crying into the darkening pond
A deity shedding its skin into the eyeless
Blackbirds perch on new horns, watching
The water shattering from beneath me
Inverted, falling reflex scares me awake
Concerned hold tightening around me
I’ve knocked something off the table I know
No more dreams, no more abstract nonsense
The smell of you
Lingers in my bedsheets
Like black clouds
After a storm.
I roll around
Hoping you’d be there by my side
But I was alone
In this bed
That suddenly feels so big.
Earlier you kisses me
Until I was lost for breath
But now
I’m all curled up
Wondering why the nights feel so long
Without you by my side.
12. Someone once told me that sleep is for the weak and I think he was joking but he had a point. Sleep is for the weak. Sleep is a solace for those who’re not strong enough to deal with life nonstop. Sleep is for those who need a regular escape from being alive.
I heard when he was yelling for me
Crying in ways I’d never seen, the
Pain so clear on his face, I thought he
Died already. But he looked up, he
Had a fire in his eyes, one I saw
Long ago. Lawless wilds make for new men.
-SL
I lifted my chin with the abandon of a lost child
And let my gaze fall upon the golden face of God
Oh, how my heart simmered and boiled over
With sticky, scalding tears dragging down
When God could not bare to meet my eyes
My rage was white hot and desperate
My soul heaved and erupted and turned inside out
How could you? How could you?
I suppose there are questions no one can answer
God turned his back to me
Shame licking his heels like hell flame
I understood then
To create is not always to mend
I understood then
Why Lucifer severed his kin
Sino?
by strykalitsia
tw // blood , gore , rape , suicide , death
Fear not the children roaming in the streets,
Their small, dirty fingers pressing on the pristine windows of your Ford Ranger FX4,
Begging for a 1-peso coin that might not even fill their stomachs,
Their eyes coated with the indifference that a bright future will never come.
Fear not the man wasting away on a run-down factory somewhere in Bacolod,
Waiting for the day he stops living from paycheck to paycheck.
His fridge is empty and the bills are piling high,
So he closes his eyes, smiles, and jumps.
Fear not the woman who’s a student activist,
Whose throat becomes hoarse from demanding to end Indigenous killings.
One day she witnessed a soldier dragging a B'laan by the hair to the barracks.
She runs to the nearest police station.
By dusk, she is found floating in the river with her tongue cut and her eyes gouged out.
Fear not the old trycicle driver who asks for 10-pesos more than the normal fare.
He only wants to help her sick daughter dying of cancer.
You shout and refuse to pay for what you think is justice.
The next day, his family has reserved a lot in the cemetary.
Instead, fear the policemen stomping away on the cold concretes of the night,
Armed with a weathered gun half-tucked in their belts,
Making their rounds across the barrio as if they’re dedicated to duty,
And waiting for the next teenage girl to come out of the safety of her home,
To drag her under horrors of the night.
Fear the politicians with promises of “helping” the poor,
They eat up all your support and flush it down the toilet after.
I heard they buy their smiles from the plastic surgeon down the street.
They will never help you, don’t count on that.
They count gold instead of responsibilities.
Fear the judge, the jury, and the lawyer of the courtroom,
You never know if their justice is tainted with the whisper of gold.
You plead for your innocence, knowing the guards planted the gun and the sachet of powder under your blanket.
But your Christian lawyer will plead you guilty as if he’s never heard of God.
Fear the rich who preach their sin-free lifestyle like they’re the descended angels of social media.
The know the wine that they’re drinking comes from a winery that enslaves their grape farmers.
But they post about it and say, “How delicious! I’ll buy another bottle.”
Their son also rapes and murders women like they’re mere toys, but his parents say,
“Who would be interested in that?”
Who do we fear? Who don’t we fear?
Everything becomes crystal clear,
When you ask their thoughts and hear,
“With power comes great responsibility”.
What do they focus on: the power or the responsibility?
—
To read more of my poems, short stories, and prompts, you can visit my blog on Wordpress at:
I am no longer
searching for my
other half, and
through you, I’ve
realized that I
am completely whole
all the time, that
it just takes a
lot of time for me
to know that I’m
just undergoing
through a lot of
different phases.
Semjase 6: 58 / 02-27-21
Of all the
beautiful things
happened to me,
you were the most
beautiful.
Semjase 6: 54 / 02-27-21
My friend asks me “what makes you happy?”
I stare at her blankly,
Because if I spoke I wouldn’t hear myself over the noise in my head.
The noise caused by the search for an answer,
And so my friend flails her arms,
Rolls her eyes,
Then laughs.
“ Of course nothing,” she moans in a stupid tone.
I laugh with her because she is right.
And it’s funny how she thinks it’s a joke.
My friend asks me “what makes you happy?”
I stare at her blankly,
Because if I spoke I wouldn’t hear myself over the noise in my head.
The noise caused by the search for an answer,
And so my friend flails her arms,
Rolls her eyes,
Then laughs.
“ Of course nothing,” she moans in a stupid tone.
I laugh with her because she is right.
And it’s funny how she thinks it’s a joke.
