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Hi, I need help.
I want to be able to speak this at a funeral thing, and I have no idea how to speak non-rhyming poetry.
So could someone, like, record themselves reading it? Sound only is fine, but please. Help?
(Sound of Silence, by Rev. Raymond John Baughan)
you and i never really kissed for the first time.
we made out with our eyes
green and brown intertwine
and we wouldn’t know what the hell is going on
because when we tried to speak
we spoke in tongues
characters only we know the history to
and when this happiness leaves for work
i will sink myself into dog years
say that every 24 hours is 24 days
and i will wait
and am going to wait
and am waiting
and will always wait
for however long it will take us
to meet ourselves partly
and smile together
A better angle and sound, I think.
I wish they knew how scared I am that I’m not going to graduate.
I wish they knew that I can’t go back home because what is supposed to be my home is hell for me.
I wish they knew that the reason why I participate so much is because I’m glad for this third, fourth, fifth chance and that even if I seem like a suck up, but it’s because my education is not guaranteed and I’ve had to fight to hold on to it.
I wish they knew that up until last week, I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to meet my basic needs and was worried about being homeless or not having any food.
I wish they knew I lost twenty-five pounds last semester because I had no choice but to walk everywhere and had no food: there’s a difference between losing weight because you’re trying to and losing weight unintentionally and at a dangerous pace.
I wish they knew that when they talk about being able to spend money and ask their parents for help, it makes me envious.
I wish they knew that the reason why I participate in class is because I’m happy to be there - although I’m looking forward to graduating, I’m lucky to be registered at all.
I wish they knew that I’m confident when it comes to school but a complete wreck to everything else because my confidence, innocence, and hope was almost destroyed and I’ve had to work hard to get it back.
I wish they knew the reason why I try so hard and study so much is because my education is my future.
My professors, classmates, and coaches may not understand. However, I’m working on trying not to be “too much” but at this point, I need to work as hard as I can to make sure that I can get into grad school and be someone I’m proud of.
I just wish they knew.
This letter…was never supposed to be written at all, but the day has come.This letter goes to someone I’ve gone through so much when the last couple of years and it breaks my heart to write this…
I miss him. I still miss him. I will always miss him. The day has finally come and it has finally hit me after a few weeks. I can honestly say February is the month I hate. The month has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. Anxiety. Depression. Heartbreak. Just anything that comes after a break up. Weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but I feel even emptier than ever before. I feel numb. I don’t know how I feel. Somehow I thought I was free, but what I really am is lost. He was everything to me. He was my other half. I still can’t believe it. I accepted him for who he was and who he is. Faults and all. I thought we were that duo who can break down every obstacle that came our way. We were, but unfortunately, it had to come to an end. Our love came out of nowhere. It was never planned. The love that seemed to come so easy it didn’t seem possible. It made us think if we were ready for love, or if love was ready for us.
He was my lover. He was my best friend. He was someone I thought I could call my future husband, but that wasn’t the case. Through thick and thin, I absolutely thought he was the one for me. I told him when I was in high school, I prayed to God for a guy who was 5′9/5′10 who knows and plays basketball, who can sing, who can dance…and if possible, be in the military. There’s a lot more to it, but I asked Him to give the guy of my dreams. It was him. I found him. I was shocked that I actually found someone that checked my boxes. I was so happy….I still am. I’m happy that he is still in my life, but it just saddens me that I can no longer call him mine.
I want to share the moment I started to fall in love with him. It was on the day of his deliveries when he used to work for EA. I don’t fully remember everything…there were only key points I remember, so bear with me. Anyways, what I remember was we were driving from Selma and he put his hand on my thigh. I felt a surge of energy go through my body starting from his hand. It felt weird. I started to blush. I started to get nervous. I tensed up…that’s the reason why I looked out the window most of the time. Then we came up to the house for his last delivery…when he started to walk to the front door, I started to collect myself and my feelings I had during the time to a halt. It made my heart skip a beat. It was weird but I liked it…from that point on, I told him that I was an open book. I let him in…the rest is history.
It is depressing to no longer have what we had. Daily texts. Daily “I love yous”. Daily good mornings/nights”. Just daily everything. Everything we experienced. Everything we went through…out the window. I don’t know when I will get over him because he was the greatest love that can honestly say, but someday, I have to accept it and move on. As of now, I have to feel my tears run down my face and my heart break into millions of pieces. We both have different ways of coping, but from what I can see, he seems to be happier and doing very well. I’m glad.
For what it is worth, I realize that I put him through unnecessary feelings/emotions/stress while we were together. I hope he can forgive me for doing that to him. If he is reading this, I forgive you for everything that you put me through. But I hope you understand where it was coming from. I didn’t want to change you, that was never my intention.
Anyways, there is no day or time that I don’t think of him. Every morning I started with him. Every night I ended with him. Two most important times of our relationship that I looked forward to because we were in a LDR. I never knew when I would hear from him, which made me sick to my stomach. I may have been annoying sometimes, but it was just because I fell deeply in love with him…and it sucks because I still am. No matter how much pain he put me through, my love for him has and will never change. I stuck by his side because I knew he had the potential to become a better version of himself, in hopes for the both of us. He had the mentality and the drive. I knew he could do it. He made that much of an impact on my life and heart that he set the bar so high. I thought I found the one but the amount of time that God gave me with him right now was apparently enough. I wished it lasted forever.
A message to him: I just want to say thank you for everything. You loved me when no one else did. You accepted me for who I was, baggage and all. You cared for me. You motivated me. You inspired me. You held me. I’m so thankful to have met a great guy like you…and it hurts to say this, but any girl would be lucky to have you. I’m glad I did. I just wish you were still mine…I wish the best for you. I love you, good bye.
they say the eyes are the windows to the soul. you get to see and feel the thoughts running through their heads. but with you, i didn’t have to look into your eyes. i already knew. the way your hands caressed me. the way your words sounded like a song. your kiss tasting sweet like honey. everything felt right. safe. the sound of a murmured “i love you” under your breath sent tingles down my spine. your naked, bare skin touching mine. it felt so warm. your heart beating the same tempo as mine. things seemed so perfect. but all great things have to come to an end. i enjoyed your company. i hope you did too. but i just hope you know how much i love you.
“The devil played his music and I sat front row and listened to his symphony” - Clayton Jennings
It was never worth it
My poetry speaks Valium.
Jahman Hill - “Cash Me Ousside”
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Review: “The Doctor Will Fix It” by Bunkong Tuon
Neiel Israel - “When a Black Man Walks” (NPS 2014)
I used to believe that I needed a man to make me feel whole
That I needed someone to fill the gap in my chest
the parts of my body that were left empty
But now I’m convinced that the fire burning inside of me has always been there
Afraid of being too much
because that is all I have ever been
I will no longer believe that I need to get permission
To embrace all of the woman that I am
I will no longer feel ashamed of the curves, hips and breasts that are made up of me
Or the way my voice stands out above yours
Because the men that have placed bruises on my skin
and on my heart
Weren’t sorry that they put them there
You weren’t sorry when you told me I was too much
I hope you tasted those words the same way they felt
You left them stinging
with or without the intention of annihilating
every part of me that’s left
But I am all the armor I will ever need
so please don’t shield me from your words
because I will never apologize for the scars that make up my bones
I have fought for my life in more ways than one
I will never again back down
I do not owe an apology for the way the scar tissue protects my body
I am not sorry that I have a voice that needs to be heard
i will never again feel like I owe my life to another person
who had a hand in drowning me
I am a woman
I was born a fighter
with a fire in my throat
and I will always be one