#sticks speaks Tumblr posts

  • liminalzone
    08.05.2021 - 1 minute ago
    #traumacore #sometimes it seems like i spent my whole life waiting for you. spent all those years twisting into shapes i couldnt hold so you could #finally break me. i dont think you'll ever know that. good. #him#her#sticks speaks#le traumas
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  • liminalzone
    08.05.2021 - 21 minutes ago

    mama I'm sorry, mama I'm so sorry

    #traumacore #oh l*ttle *ne dont you know its supposed to hurt? #the actual story this is about is not that big of a thing its just. a good example for this and my first thought for places that would have #liminal space style pictures on google. oooo i should get an apologies tag thats a Whole Thing. overlaps a lot with #the above tag but not 100%. anyway yeah. dont worry about the actual incident its more like. the general type of thoughts from things #Like That. hmmm what to tag #le traumas #for the thinking i think this type of thinking must be trauma based but that incident was representative but not the source #sticks speaks#mama #sure why not #say it a thousand times and it wont ever be enough
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  • liminalzone
    08.05.2021 - 55 minutes ago

    go find someone else who can handle your bullshit okay I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I layed my heart in your teeth and you bit down I layed my heart at your feet and you left it bleeding there and I've sewed it back in so tight you can't have it again I can't give it to you again but oh gd I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you oh I love you I'm so sorry I don't like you anymore I love you I love you I love you.

    #you were my training wheels #sticks speaks
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  • liminalzone
    08.05.2021 - 1 hour ago

    gd I'll never be perfect. I'll never be perfect and beautiful and I'll never be loved by everyone I will always be flawed and broken and there will always be people who hate me for how I act I will always hurt people people are not perfect I will never be perfect I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing I am nothing if I am not perfect and I will never be perfect so I am nothing I am nothing I am flawed and bleeding and everyone around me will be hurt because i can never be perfect never be even close to enough i am breaking everything I might as well be radioactive dont let me in I dont know how to leave i dont know how to be I am flawed i am flawed and bleeding raw and wrong and infected I am nothing i am imperfect i am unsafe i will hurt everyone. i must be perfect

    #protagonist disorder#sticks speaks #more of a coherent code here but still mostly just vibes.
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  • liminalzone
    08.05.2021 - 2 hours ago

    I was right today isn't a pretty boy day :(

    #sticks speaks #not an ugly boy day either. just not pretty #pretty average looking. a little weird in the general proportions but like. average. which is chill #protagonist disorder
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  • liminalzone
    08.05.2021 - 9 hours ago

    roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roachroachroachroachroachroachroachroachroachroachroachroachroachroachroachroach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach roach

    #hmm. typing by hand has very diff vibes to just spamming the suggestion as soon as it appears #hope Tumblr posts this doesn't make me split it into more paragraphs #also not vibing with sticks anymore so i think im gonna change my name here to roach and maybe even like. my pronouns to she/he for the #trauma vibes. not sure. #sticks speaks #uhhh what even. what tag is this. what Is this #home#uhhh #ig ill tag it #oh l*ttle *ne dont you know its supposed to hurt? #cos im in that Headspace. hmmm. idk. roachroachroachroach moments
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  • liminalzone
    08.05.2021 - 9 hours ago

    thinking about how sad I am that I won't actually get taken away. gd I want to be taken away. I want to be taken away but in like 4 months I'm not the state's responsibility anymore and oh my gddddd my mum would be like. unspeakably sad. HORRIFIC brain things happening. oh gd can't we please just go back to thinking about how suffering = right to live, okay? I wanna think about how I pay for my right to exist with pain and if things get too good its my job to make sure they get bad again so I am still allowed to exist. it's got to be Equal. Fair.

    I need to suffer as bad as anyone else and I will Never be able to create a cycle of self-abuse that will be even close to enough pain to make me allowed to find academia this easy but I can try. oh thank fuck. this is much better to think about. rationalise it it's okay it's okay but I can't stay here because it's My Fault but not Just impacting me it's my fault+ hurting others!!!!!!! which is not a permitted form of suffering well it's permitted but bcus it's your fault and you're sometimes trying to not then!!!!!! it doesn't make you allowed!!! gd my logic is falling apart.

    all I know is the house doesn't count okay home not not not not the house doesn't count the state of the house doesn't count for your dues towards living. that doesn't count and you should 1: be more bothered 2: be less weird about it it's just kind of nightmarish gd you're such a fucking liar what the fuck is wrong with you exaggerating becomes a lie at some point and that point is the point where you call the house nightmarish just because you've had a couple nightmares about it doesn't mean shit 3: do nothing but fix it until you throw up and then take 15 minutes to enjoy that then go back to fixing it fix everything but I can't I can't get rid of things AAAAAAAAAAA

    what the fuck are you on about it's not that bad it's Untidy we need all this we can't get rid of it we might need it yes yes yes yes I understand yes I understand yes I understand yes I feel this too I. I. I. I. I am worse than her. I'm awful!!!! oh my gd. horrific. she is. AAAAAAAA. I hate her I l*ve her I can't. I can be angry but this is normal reasonable DO YOU THINK I DONT KNOW? DO YOU THINK IM NOT AS EMBARRASSED AS YOU? don't you fucking dare make comparisons like feeling dirty means anything she is IN PAIN and you're going to make her ASK YOU for help!?!!??!?! PATHETIC USELESS USELESS!!!! YOU SHOULD BE A CARER GD YOU'RE NOTHING!!!!!!! NOTHING!!!!! YOU SHOULD BE A FUCKING FULL TIME CARER!!!!! WHY DO YOU THINK THIS IS OKAY????? USELESS FUCKING KID. nothing will ever be enough and you will NEVER ESCAPE you have the best sister in the world yes I do how are you going to get electricity? don't you dare fucking leave if I'm stuck here so am I. she has to. I'm nothing!!!!!! I AM NOTHING HERE I AM NOTHING I NEED TO BE EVERYTHING oh wouldn't it be lovely to be everything? wouldn't you like that? wouldn't you like that wouldn't you love feeling so important? hollow greedy nothing. don't you want to be the centre of everything? don't you love being depended on? being the source of all the good in someone's life? convincing yourself you are the centre of gravity the reason the reason?

    holy shit you're the worst person thing (people would care more care less do something to fix it) to ever live oh my fucking gd????? well the price of that is getting dirty filthy gd I'm never ever going to feel clean it's. gd. please. not this. no I deserve it. feel it under your skin around your bones. see how good you're getting at taking it? good. good. take it lying down. good little doll. the price of being everything is being everything you have to do everything you can do that can't you? why wouldn't you be able to? pathetic. stop this shut UP stop saying that. why wouldn't you be able to do this? what is wrong with you? kids three times younger than you do this. you can be Will. you can be Will. You can be Will. You Need To Be Will. and she won't ask but you are VILE for needing wanting to be asked you are VILE. morally reprehensible!!!!

    I bet today is a not-pretty day huh. no pretty boy today only broken vessel. vessel. you should. he wouldn't. it would be so normal that was never the part that hurt. he wouldn't. red hair and glasses would, maybe. who would hurt me who can I find who would fill me up with an appropriate level of suffering to make me allowed to live? who would. who.

    consumed by what loves me. someday the spiral will consume me and I will love it because I will have to. someday. someplace even further than this place. fucking hell. okay let's. go back to bed. don't you dare do that before. don't you Dare. you don't need it. you know what you deserve and it Is Not That.

    #home#him#the thing#le traumas#sticks speaks#mama#protagonist disorder #oh l*ttle *ne dont you know its supposed to hurt? #tw self loathing #self loathing tw #tw self hatred #self hatred tw #wrote this in one big chunk but tumblr hated it so had to add breaks. imagine its one big paragraph #colours and text effects added partly for Reasons partly just aesthetic. no coherent code really
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  • liminalzone
    08.05.2021 - 10 hours ago

    I really am just like *isn't even finished highschool* "if I couldn't handle the workload of someone training to be a medical doctor who also does ballet and knits and plays a big instrument at profession level then I am an academic failure, a fraud, a pathetic excuse for a waste of potential," like WHAT the fuck IS that.

    #when i got 100 on an end of unit social studies test i was like. deep sigh thats alright but i didnt study till i was crying so it wasnt #really earned and i could totally do better. if i worked myself to bleeding and crying then i could probably be doing my highers this year #and i could be playing harp wayyyyyyyyy better. but no im like 'im tired i dont want to do it' and then i dont do it #and then i get a 70 and everyone is like oh thats good! and im like you have no idea how much i dont deserve this but #that's not a nice way to talk to ppl so i shouldnt do that. i should take the compliment and suffer later where they wont be bothered #gd. u have no idea how much of a failure I'd be if i were anywhere else. im glad it works like this for us here. but not for me #i desere the american grading system where 70 is a c. i deserve that. i am so unbelievably lazy like i cant even express #how much of a failure and waste of potential i am. i could do so much and instead im like. im tired im going to sleep. im tired im going to #lie down. im tired im going to walk a few miles. like i deserve anything but work work work till im getting 100s everywhere and maybe it'd #kill me but thats what wastes of potential deserve. either make it or die trying. either make it or die trying. #and either way everyone will hate me bcus no one likes prodigies and no one likes lazy people!! i have two choices and they're both #despicable!!!!! which is what i deserve. maybe when academia breaks me i'll have earned calling myself human #oh wow that was a lot. im quite sleeby so dont like take this too literally? im. fine <3 good even <3 #sticks speaks #this is a whole complex of its own maybe i shld get a tag for the. this complex #oh l*ttle *ne dont you know its supposed to hurt? #tw school
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  • toothlesshat
    07.05.2021 - 21 hours ago

    Man I really, really liked the LA BB murder cases but I absolutely can’t get over how Naomi handcuffed Beyond AFTER HE WAS ON FIRE?? Like I know we needed that big reveal but holy shit she JUST extinguished him, she wasn’t even confident he’d survive to face conviction because he was THAT burned and shE PUT METAL HANDCUFFS ON HIS WRIST?? NAOMI???

    #emmie speaks#death note #I cringed so bad when I read that #it still sticks in my mind #like he wasn’t going anywhere girl #we get the point
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  • liminalzone
    07.05.2021 - 1 day ago

    HERE is the suffering. see brain? see? I had my happy time now you get to scream at me and I will take it like a good little doll, and then we will have more happy time, then go back to hell. see? this is working out so well. work with me here. schedule it in.

    #sticks speaks #I'm honestly good #oh l*ttle *ne dont you know its supposed to hurt?
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  • liminalzone
    07.05.2021 - 1 day ago

    okay so apparently !!! writing smut while listening to necromanin' dancin' by bear ghost on a walk in the woods Is a recipe to find bones!!

    #found a jaw and a joint of some kind #sticks speaks
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  • liminalzone
    07.05.2021 - 1 day ago

    gotta pay my dues in suffering before I can enjoy anything, of course

    #writing something. having a ball. my brain keeps getting mad at me for enjoying it without caring much about the final product #shush. im having fun. if i cant do this i cant study later my friend. let me have this and we'll do the suffering later okay? #sticks speaks #my feet hurt and so do my ears cause my earphones are bad!! thats suffering enough alright? alright? can we just chill #pwetty please #ill pay for this okay i promise brain. ill owe you for this. I'll pay you back for the good chemicals #oh l*ttle *ne dont you know its supposed to hurt?
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  • liminalzone
    07.05.2021 - 1 day ago

    scream I'm so late I'm walking home at school time. SCREAM. I'm going to be PERCEIVED.

    #sticks speaks #fear and dread #points NOT well adjusted. #just makes me cooler obvs. but still. Terror. #plus im doing maybe the most morally dubious thing ive ever done
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  • liminalzone
    06.05.2021 - 1 day ago

    oh my GD I love meeting new people!??!??? :D!!!! people are!!!! so cool!!!! and fun!!!!! and I just met a Super epic person and just. yeeeee :) learning about people is awesome and just. people are So cool. I think sometimes that I don't like people but then like. I talk to specific people and it's amazing. v v v v happy.

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  • freshlysqueezedmox
    05.05.2021 - 2 days ago

    all the people who tell me i shouldn’t cut my hair/i look better with long hair should spend one day running errands in 60+ degree weather with the sun out and humidity— then maybe they can talk to me about not wanting me to cut it

    #this is what hell feels like i’m certain #it’s the worst feeling #it just sticks to you and you fight it and it’s gross #summer speaks again
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  • cappurrccino
    05.05.2021 - 2 days ago

    from conversations with atom, i honestly think my dream job would be “person on the university’s payroll whose entire job is to barge into physics meetings at random, diogenes style, and loudly announce some nonsensical bullshit to keep them on their toes and trigger eureka moments while they’re arguing with me about how the universe can’t possibly be shaped like a spiteful cone jelly”

    #//juri speaks #i could even operate in two different modes #''throw mental spaghetti at the physicists and see what sticks'' or ''the why game but Worse''
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  • liminalzone
    05.05.2021 - 3 days ago

    resist the urge to explain. resist it. leave it. we do not have time or space or energy for this conversation. leave it. drink your coffee and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and go. get ready drink and go. go go go go go. leave it. leave her. it's okay. it'll be okay so long as she doesn't. doesn't doesn't try and figure a way to help that is so insistent on me only experiencing 100% literally real reality

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  • liminalzone
    05.05.2021 - 3 days ago

    "you wouldn't survive a day in my head" oh so that's where that thing comes from. anyway do u really mean that my dude. how about a couple years later? maybe it would be restful to take a day in a whole mess of new issues for you. I imagine I'd find your mind very cathartic. you don't deserve the shit your parents put in your head but I do. maybe I could rewire some things while I'm in there and you would stop making fun of people to make yourself feel better.

    #okay this is the most batshit post ive made yet #you were my training wheels #sticks speaks #oh l*ttle *ne dont you know its supposed to hurt?
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  • liminalzone
    05.05.2021 - 3 days ago

    watching my symptoms rapidly and definitively worsen at an appropriate age for This Thing to develop: haha I'm in danger dot jpeg

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  • liminalzone
    05.05.2021 - 3 days ago

    emotions at an intensity that is not painful. please. please. you're nothing.

    #@ my brain #sticks speaks
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