Recovery /Sarcasm

Every Morning when I came Home from that Hellhole

I tried to get some sleep with morning birdsong clocking me upside the Head

Yet the Motherfuckers are Silent when You Roll In, I’m not surprised

I’ve got my Ass to the Smooth Concrete on my Porch, and of course

The first dregs of Shivering Autumn are Hinting on my nose

My legs propped up with the meat of my calf across my opposing Knee

I had my Gaze on the glistening Grass as the Sun hid behind the Resolute Oaks

I smoothly raise my eyes and raise to my toes- and my boots are on the porch

Caked in Mud from my Walk Last Night Still- So I am Soaked

Straight to the Bone as I make the trek across the yard in my black socks

Out of habit, and as Animalistic as the Purr that Rumbles through my Chest

I pull you in over my top palette even from that Distance

And I’m so pleased when I don’t taste the tang of Blood in the Air

I’m counting my steps, already having plotted the course of the Morning

I had a guess you were coming in, yesterday upon waking

Call it an Educated Guess, and I’m a Recovering Alcoholic

So I have to plan what I’m going to say or I’ll say something that Will

Have you Thinking again for another couple of Weeks and Geeze

I never Claimed to be a Good Person, Now did I?

I’ve done enough Things I Regret not to Add to the List if I can help it

Beneath the Roiling Lavender Glim I duck beneath a dripping Silver Maple

And when I Smile, it is Stilted and Sick, a tentative Slender willow of a Thing

It doesn’t reach my eyes and hardly ever does, and you Notice That

Because of-Fucking-course you Do, Take Lock and Stock down the Barrel

“Howvya Been?” - “Oh it’s Been” - and Oh, has it been, It has Been- Hasn’t it?

You’ve already got the Blue Collars half-hanging off Round Shoulders

You never did Starch Yours, I remember- I did because of Course I Did

I eye the patches with an indescribable something in my eyes

Wave over my shoulder, and turn towards the house- dipping momentarily

To pick up my boots and drag them just inside the door, I’ve taken Stock Too

I’m trained with those little banged-up rifles we lean out the Towers With

Just as well as you are, even though it has been Months since I Died

Took myself off of the Life Support, and still the last dregs of My Shift

Run through my Veins even as my Heart Fails me Now

I’m just the Caffeine polluting the System, That’s all I ever was Really

And hardly have I ever been anything More than the summation of That

Did You notice I died when I left? No one Came to the Funeral

I didn’t even go, What a Fucking Dweeb, I’m too cool to Pallbear my own Casket

I stopped missing me a long time ago, I’ve been Waiting for Something to Stop

I don’t even know what it is and I’m half-hoping

That while you’re Drunk on My Couch that You’ll Magically

Tell me all the secrets in the world even though I’m the one Helping You Out

Thankfully I’m already several down by the time I remember Why you are Here

So that the swallow that rolls down my parched Throat seems Natural

“I need to take a Piss- Now Dontcha Look at My Literary Porn, be-because

If you do I won’t be held responsible for You

Having to Reposition How you Think About Me and a-all that Shit.”

And then I stumble down the Hallway to take a leak, Head Already Spinning

I Remember to Wash my hands Thankfully, and dry them off on my Pants Legs

And you’re just Beaming and it Reaches your Eyes and I just think-

‘There’s my Best Friend,

He’s a Good Person because that smile

Still manages to reach up and wrinkle the corners of his eyes

Even though he Still Works There.’

Then I die a little more inside, and I didn’t even know it was Possible

I’ve sank to so many lows that there isn’t a Borehole or a Trench

In any ocean that can hold a sooty candle to the depths of Depravity that

We’ve already talked about in those Low Mornings beneath the Birdsong

And still you sit on my couch and you match me drink per drink and I shiver

Because I don’t think I ever figured friends out and it isn’t possible for me to

And I’m Terrified of making you another Mistake or Two somehow

Because I scarcely know how to not Fuck Up, Just that I keep Doing It

And also my fucking Socks are still wet and you never said Shit... Thanks Bro

Still, I draw breath, ever Passing among the Living somehow, and I squint-

“You didn’t read That Shit did you?”

I could barely walk let alone Read or Anything Right Now,

But I’m a Recovering Alcoholic and I’m Speaking in Cursive

And you aren’t Recovering and Your Voice is Ever-Clear

You’re just an Alcoholic so of course you Aren’t Drunk

And you are Positively Beaming-

"You did, didn’t you?”

It's a big hairy deal to love with your whole heart!

What my Coffee says to me September 17 - drink YOUR life in - big hairy deals include; keeping your intention focused on loving thoughts, words and actions. Be the love you want to see in the world. Be mindful of what you think, what you say and what do. xoxo Jennifer R. Cook @catsinthebagdesignposts loves rooting around and creating illustrations with positive messages for your mental health. 

I want to have a picnic date where we play that giant chess game. I’m not good at chess and I barely know how to play but I still want to do this

Jaden- Cool Tape Vol 3: Day Tripper's Edition

I swear if my manager doesn’t talk to me tomorrow it’s oVER FOR HIM

In reality I’ll just end up texting him to walk me out so I can talk if he doesn’t approach me first

I need some free therapy

Why do my eyes burn after I cry???

I mean, I have my contacts in but even when I don’t they still burn???

(post higu sotsu ep 13)

also what a waste to not show us satoko injecting herself.

with ep 10 it would’ve paired well to show that internal conflict to let us, the audience, see more of that struggle in what she’s doing.

in how the feelings that morphed her over the centuries (the manipulation, the ‘no one matters until we reach my perfect world’ vs the feelings she still carries deep down, to not do this and hurt those she loves and cares for. to see her injecting herself to make her do this horrible, horrible thing that despite everything else that’s happen, she could only do after injection.

the implications of it all yknow. the grief, the pain, it really could have heightened this part of the narrative...

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I gasped, finally surfacing from the water. “Is everyone...is everyone alright?” I asked.

Jasper poked his head out of the water, panting just as much from the struggle. “Yeah...I--*hack* *hack* I’m good too. Yeah.” He looked around. “Where’s Mellie?”

“Mellie? Where’s—Mellie? Mellie???” I called out in a panic. No sign of her. “Mellie!”

“Mellie!” Jas called out and went back in the water. Bubbles floated up to the surface from where he dived in. If Mellie didn’t...couldn’t make it...no, no. I couldn’t let myself think the worst. Not like this. If anyone could make it, it’s Mellie.

Jasper resurfaced, shaking his matted hair and splashing some on me. “No sign of her,” he said.

“Damn it, she couldn’t have gone that far!” I cried. “Mellie!” I dived back down and looked around the murky waters. Mellie, where are you? I tried to communicate telepathically. Mellie and I had this sisterly bond where we could communicate with each other using our minds, even through long distances.

The wolf sniffs through the crisp, winter air. It was time. Time for the Hunt.

The pups were yipping together eagerly, wanting to watch. Someday, it would be their turn. But for now, the wolf had a Hunt to host. The wolf nuzzled his pups affectionately—be good and stay with your mother—and walked up to the front.

“Greetings, Pack of the Shadows!” announced Teo, and his fellow wolves all called out in response. “Let the Hunt begin!”

He scans the area, his whiskers twitching. He sniffed the air in high alert. Tonight, the cat knew, tonight we strike.

He looks at the cat next to him, his Right Hand, his trusty ally. Said cat nodded. Basil, the leader, then looked at the others in his clan. Now, they were all so hungry, so tired, so horribly wronged, but tonight was a night for hope. The time to take back what was rightfully theirs.

For the Clan, affirmed Basil. We fight back tonight.

Alan Ramirez sighed and rubbed his forehead. There was just too much work to be done, marking all these papers. He wondered if he’d be able to get them done in time. You’re the one who assigned them such a lengthy project, his mind chastised him. Bugger off, he told himself, taking out his red pen to mark the first paper, belonging to Marlene McWright. A bright student of his. Lately she’d been a little quiet. Not as loud and vivacious as before. She was usually the spunky, cheeky one. But now she was declining in her schoolwork. Alan wondered if it had something to do with the current mystery that some of his students were trying to work out. Was Marlene part of it, too? She had been pretty pensive, lately. Kids, he thought. Always up for an adventure.

“Savanna...you okay?”

The freckled brunette turned around suddenly. “No! I’m not!” tears were streaming down her face. “I’m not okay, Jake, can’t you see that? I’ve tried so hard, done everything I could, yet...” she buried her face in her shaking knuckles and wept silently, prompting Jacob to reach out and wrap his long, bony arms around her. “It’s not fair,” she whimpered. “I did everything I could, and it’s still my fault.”

“Shh, shh,” Jacob ran his hand over the silky threads of her hair. “It’s not your fault, Savanna.”

“But everyone will blame it on me!” she cried. “All because I said yes to that stupid project. All because I kept thinking it would work out. I was so...so stupid.” Her shoulders shook with heavy sobs, and Jacob could feel his shirt getting wet. Not that he cared. This was Savanna Ern. And she needed him.

I know I'm a couple episodes behind, but Doc and Ren's travel from the big dig server to Hermitcraft got me thinking in a major way... there's a LOT to unpack there if you want to overanalyze some fine details (which I usually do!)

Doc seemed certain that they needed to go through the Void. He asked Ren to go with the plan on trust alone, and he himself jumped in there with no hesitation whatsoever. However, after they respawned, he seemed almost confused that it worked and didn't even know how it worked. He brushed it off, saying something like "best to not think about it," and moved on.

Tried to move on, that is. His connection glitched out moments later, confusing him even more and concerning Ren. Ren brought up the possibility that the Void had messed with their minds a little, and Doc enthusiastically agreed that they shouldn't use that method of travel again. The way he said it was almost toned as though it was a thing he'd thought all along: you shouldn't travel through the Void, of course not, that's just common sense.

And yet, he did do it, just a few minutes earlier. Strange.

Here's my theory: I think the Void caused an issue with Ren and Doc's cybernetics. When Doc jumped in there, there was some glitch or mechanic that he was exploiting that he knew would get them from point A to point B, but he didn't predict that it would play havoc with them in the way it did. He just went for it, in typical cocky Doc fashion, and in typical fashion it worked! ...Just with a few minor (major) unforeseen drawbacks. I think it shorted out Doc moreso than Ren because Ren's construction is a bit more... unconventional. He probably has a lot more physical wiring rather than the wireless signal and more delicate electronics that Doc's cybernetics probably use, since Doc has had years to perfect his and Ren was quite literally reconstructed in a van. I think that made Doc more vulnerable to whatever ambient energy there is in the Deep Void (the void between worlds).

Doc now has a gap in his memory. He doesn't know what glitch he used to get back to Hermitcraft, and he doesn't know how he learned it. Who knows what else he might have lost? Even more worryingly, his connection as a player to the server seems to be frazzled. Maybe whatever part that helps the game to recognize him as a player rather than a mob was damaged, and the world is now confused about his existence at a fundamental level...

Maybe the effects will fade. Maybe they'll get worse. Maybe the mysterious entities that keep giving out books and coordinates have something to do with it. Maybe the memory alteration was intentional, and the Void was simply an excuse, a convenient way to make Doc believe it was an accident.

Maybe there's someone else steering the plot. Making small course corrections, making sure Doc and Ren don't get too close to the answer too soon.

Or at all.

Either way, they should probably both stay away from the Void for now.

Professor Macaron: “Phoenix, how many people saw you with this?”

Phoenix: “No one. Taking shi- stuff from under the boss’ nose is a good way to get shot.”

Professor Macaron: “But are you sure? Not one person saw you in the entire trip from there to here. Not at the airport, a bus stop, a hotel?”

Phoenix: “Geez, now you’re scaring me…”

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Lyra: “Because if it’s from the Farfalla, that means we could find it. The fact that a piece of the sail- and a Moúro artifact that couldn’t have just floated in- were found on El Malasada means that it’s close. We could find the whole Parallax collection!”

Professor Macaron: “And that line of thinking is exactly what I’m worried about. Lyra, most of that knowledge was manuscripts. Manuscripts don’t do well at the bottom of the ocean.”

Lyra: “Still…”

Professor Macaron: “I understand your excitement. To be honest, I share it. But I wish I was only excited.”

Octopus 16. September 2021 Work in progress. Dramatic situation. #sketchadayapp #octopus #dramaticsituations #watercolor #watercolour #watercolourpainting #watercolourillustration #watercolorillustration #watercolorpainting #trapped #storytelling #eviloctopus #eviloctopusman #captured #struggle (at Molde, Norway) https://www.instagram.com/p/CT8HIYuMrv_/?utm_medium=tumblr

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Lyra: “I mean, obviously we’d have to do some testing to know for sure for sure, but it has to be off the Farfalla. I mean, why else would be it be there?”

Professor Macaron: “Let’s… not get ahead of ourselves here. There is a process these things have to go through-“

Phoenix: “Come on, Prof. We both know this is the real deal.”

Professor Macaron: “Well you’re both awfully excited.”