im a shit person im sorry :((
im a shit person im sorry :((
You’re too kind... I worry I don’t deserve it. But I’ll do my best to be worthy of your love. ❤️
baby i love you and i always hesitate because all my anxiety is trying to convince me you don’t love me back
You really just asked me what happened? YOU. YOU FUCKING HAPPENED. I was in love with you. You broke my heart and moved on and I am still in love with you two years later. I *completely humiliated* when we were there and you didn't even care. You didn't fucking notice. You didn't care enough to tell me you were with someone else and now you're happy and settled with her and I'm not even close to anything like that and it hurts. It hurts so much, you have no idea. And I can't tell you because I don't want to hurt you. I want you back so much. Please.
I almost called you last night. Shit hit the fan and I almost made some really bad decisions. I wanted to call you. But I didn't, clearly. That would have been even worse because lord knows you wouldn't have picked up.
i feel bad whenever I see you type “lmao” when talking to me bc you only ever use it when ur not like super content w whatever’s going on in the conversation
If you miss me so much you can contact me. I promise I won't send you away, I promise. I'm just scared to make the first move in case I read it wrong.
I'm sure you're still gorgeous as ever. We were good for each other (when we were good for each other).
You made my body sing.
oh i love you so much. i have to put it somewhere
i dreamed of you the other night. i told you. but i couldn’t quite figure out how you felt about it. were you surprised? annoyed? i haven’t stopped thinking about it since i woke up. i know dreams are nothing but random synapses firing to keep the brain active. i know the answer to the same question i’ve asked so many times before. but stupid, stupid hope keeps nagging: “maybe this time, the outcome will be different.” yeah right. business partners and nothing more.
Don’t pretend. It hurts more if you do.
how i wish that we weren't so far apart. that circumstances weren't how they are. i'd be holding you in my arms and smiling like i was the moon and you hung the stars. i certainly dream of it and i hope you do as well.
dad, seriously, stop talking about my life choices in that tone. stop acting like my studies of choice won't get me a ~real job~, when i already know i'm reasonably good at it and definitely could. i know you're just worried, and u want me to succeed, and u don't get it bc ur not a theatre person and are more maths-inclined or whatever, but god. it's so annoying. maybe i'd talk to you about college more if you weren't so weird about it.
I thought I was over you in that way, but these last few days I've been inundated with thoughts about kissing you...
You make me feel like shit, mom. You make it seem like a joke but it's not? And the fact that you think it's funny that you make me feel like falling asleep for a couple days. Or forever. Is honestly so toxic and scary? It's all so much and you have turned everyone in the family against me. I have no one. You make me feel trapped and alone. Fuck you.
tw: drugs I’ve been wondering, does the weed make you feel better than the touch of my lips? I hope the drugs are worth it to you.
i dreamt about you last night and i dreamt about finally sending the apology to you. i need to send it so badly i need to apologize to you directly but i’m so scared,, it’s been almost a year since we last talked, and i don’t want to disturb you or make you uncomfortable by reaching out but i need to give you closure so badly hhhhhh
i really FUCKING liked you bro. and we're still friends. thats fine. i still wanna hang out with you again. but it wont be the SAME. i wanted to take you to the gallery and get sushi and i wanted to lie on my bed with you and show you all my music and put on my cool disco light. we can still do all those things but it wont be the same and ill feel weird. whatever man this is just the way it happened. i havent felt like this in a long time.
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