Dear, My Boyz | Dear, Younghoon
What happens when letters you wrote in the past about your old feelings were sent out?
What’s going to happen when old feelings resurface?
Word count;; 1.1k
Genre;; fluff, angst.
Warnings;; some *semi* deep talk about loving yourself and being yourself.
Taglist;; @deobis-moon @geminirules @yuta-senpai @mingyuwus @jaxminskale @yourjaylaks @xxluckydreamsxx @taemin-jaemin @stealanity @zvae @chaoticdreaminisode @haruphoria @sunfics @m1ng-how @studioreader @lilyujin
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Networks;; @k-dinernet @k-library @ficscafe @deobiwritersnet @tbznetwork @ultkpopnetwork @kpclub
A/N;; hi thereeeee
So I did some plot defining and made everything into a solid plan and found out I need at least 48 chapters to get to where I want the series to ends I was like “well I better start writing them soon” so here I am :))
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Dear Kim Younghoon, The most popular student in Deodi High,
I honestly have no clue how to start off this letter since there are just so many emotions that are brewing in me right now that I just don’t know what to write down.
I feel like I could write for hours about everything I’m feeling right now, but at the same time- I can’t. I feel like I can’t find the perfect words to describe my feelings right now, and I feel like even if I did, I won’t know how to write a perfect letter anyways.
I know that I won’t ever send this out anyways (because this is embarrassing), but I still want this letter to feel…right? Is that even the right word? I don’t even know. I want this letter too feel like it’s real, like it’s one that I’m going to have in my hand, and I’m going to hand it to you in person, that’s what I want this letter to be like.
I guess I better stop rambling and start talking about what I’m really writing this letter for.
I like you, Kim Younghoon. I like you maybe a lot, maybe just a bit, but it doesn’t matter, because in the end I still like you either way.
You know, I feel like at this point, I really should start to feel more natural(?) at writing these letters (yes, letters there were more before you, sorry.) but I’m not. This still feels so fresh to me, so new and so..unfamiliar.
Anyways, back to what I was talking about earlier,
I like you, Younghoon, like one, but it’s going to turn into a liked later- well I hope it will.
I’m not sure if you even remember who I am considering you’ve got basically the entire population of girls in our school begging for your attention, but, I’m y/n. Heo Y/n.
I dunno if that name rings a bell in your head or not, so I guess it’s probably better if I just moved on huh?
I always kinda knew who you were even before we met, I mean, who wouldn’t at our school? You were literally the most popular person in school. But I think I really got to know that one day in October of 2014, where you had to model for our school’s magazine(again) and I was there as a replacement photographer since the one they had called in sick that day. My brother (Hyunjoon, er- Hwall if that’s what you remember him by) was the one who recommended me to help out there.
It was that day that I really got to know you under the calm, cold face you always had on whenever I saw you in the hallway. It was funny really, how I was so scared of you when you walked into the club room with your face cold and emotionless.
But then it all changes when you started to talk. Your voice was so soft spoken, and so polite, as if you were talking to the teachers or something. It was then that I thought ‘oh what a nice person, he’s such a nice cute guy’ but then it changed again when you started to pose in front of the camera. It was as if you had a switch on you, and it felt like you changed into a completely new person again.
You were so charismatic, so cool, and so handsome with your confidence overflowing all over your body. You were a natural under the camera and lightning, as if you have been doing this ever since you were born, and honestly, I won’t even be surprised if you told me you have been doing this since birth, that’s how good you were.
I could still remember the small, yet deep conversation we had when we took a small break. Like how when you told me that the ‘you’ under the camera wasn’t really the ‘you’ that you are. You told me that the person under the camera was only someone that you wished to be, that he was a shadow, a font you put on in front of others so that you can ‘fit in’.
I could still remember how deep your words hit me then. It was- it is something that I know that I’ll never forget. You made me open my eyes as to how hard I have been trying to satisfy the people around me, and how much I was losing myself while doing so. You made me realize that the person I ‘was’ was someone that was made up by lies that people around me- and that included myself too.
You told me about your dreams for the future and you were so kind to me, giving me advice I never knew I needed all the while you encouraged me to do whatever I wanted to. You didn’t try to word your words so that you can hint at what I should do, you were transparent, completely truthful to your words.
And maybe that’s when I started to have this thing called feelings bloom in my heart. Maybe it was the way you smiled at me when our break was over, or maybe it was the way you stood up first and offered your hand to help me up.
Maybe it was even the way you changed so quickly when the camera was pointed at you. Or maybe it was when you said you wanted to walk me home, even though I lived in the opposite way you did because you were worried that I, a teenage girl, would walk home alone in the dark night of Seoul by herself. Or maybe it was a mixture of everything I mentioned just now and more.
I really can’t tell you exactly when I started to like you, and I don’t think I can do that for anyone at all. Feelings are something that changes over time- like how I started to like [redacted] really fast out of nowhere and then it slowly died down when I started to like [redacted n.2] and how that died down when I started to like you.
I’d be lying to myself if I said that I wasn’t scared of my feelings, because I am. I’m scared of liking you and [redacted] and anyone at all, because I never know when my feelings would die out. I’m scared, but it was you who taught me to just be myself so that’s why I’m here again, on this same desk, using the same pen, writing another letter, this time to you.
So thank you Younghoon.
For teaching me to love and be myself, and for letting me like you, even if it’s going to be for a short time only.
Signed, Heo Y/N.
@ junjungsunwoo, all rights reserved.