“….As for the matter of the unfortunate Mr. Hammerhock… The body was discovered just a short while ago?”
“Then it’s out of your jurisdiction, captain.”
“The Day Watch can deal with it.”
“But we’ve never bothered with that hours-of-daylight jurisdiction stuff!”
“Nevertheless, in the current circumstances I shall instruct Captain Quirke to take over the investigation, if it turns out that one is necessary.”
If one is necessary. If people don’t end up with half their chest gone by accident. Meteorite strike, perhaps, thought Vimes.
He took a deep breath and leaned on the Patrician’s desk.
“Mayonnaise Quirke couldn’t find his arse with an atlas! And he’s got no idea about how to talk to dwarfs! He calls them gritsuckers! My men found the body! It’s my jurisdiction!”
The Patrician glanced at Vimes’ hands. Vimes removed them from the desk as if it had suddenly grown red-hot.
-Men at Arms, Terry Pratchett
Crowley: When i become a spy i’m gonna be agent c
Crowley: tell everyone i’m spy-c
Sure, it is not an actual item found in a real life shop, but it is a bit relevant, don’t you think?
(The Light Fantastic by Terry Pratchett)
“I know the category is ‘Red for Filth,’ Crowley, but you can’t expect me to wear all this makeup AND red pleather. I have STANDARDS.”
Somebody said ‘Aziraphale as Trixie Mattel,’ and after I managed to recover from that complete mindfuck, THIS cursed mental image would not leave my brain. I make my apologies to God, and no one else. Well…maybe to Trixie herself. But definitely not to Michael Sheen.
And if that weren’t enough to secure my place in hell, obviously I had to scribble out a quick companion piece, which for some reason is ENORMOUS
Crowley: *saves Aziraphale from the Nazis*
Crowley: I am smooth. A real player. Water slides off of me like a duck.
Crowley when Aziraphale won’t give him holy water because he’s afraid he’ll kill himself:
November 16: Go big or go home
In Monstrous Regiment, the ins-and-outs, also known as the Cheesemongers, are named after a folk song. While several real songs bear similarities to it, none quite match in the details so I had a go at writing it myself.
On a monday morning in the month of may,
And all uncaught from my post I did stray,
When I spied a fair maiden alone on the road,
And courteously offered to lighten her load.
She travelled to market for to sell her wares,
And said that alas she had nothing to spare,
“But if you don’t betray me young fellow-me-lad,
I’ll give plenty reason to think yourself glad.”
And so did I carry her milk and her cheese,
While I watched her gold hair flying free in the breeze,
She said “oh my business shan’t take me all day,
Until then we’ve plenty of free time to play”
As we approached the town her garter did fall,
The beautiful maiden not flustered at all,
She said “I’ll lay down here beneath this oak tree,
As you’ve been so kind please fasten it for me.”
As she lay there so sweetly and fair in the grass,
I snatched up her wares and I ran away fast,
Though her skin wore only the shade of the trees,
I thought to myself “In and out, grab the cheese!”
And back at the camp my mates were not impressed,
They told me I ought to have taken her dress,
But I meet pretty maidens as oft as I please,
And I made a profit from selling the cheese.
Well and now for something completely different. :-)
Yes my friends this is great A’Tuin the old and venerable turtle that carries a disc shaped world we all love so much.
My best friend got a 3d printer and immediately started to print all the stuff he always wanted. As he can’t paint and I love to, he gave me two of those discworlds. One was, and still is, for him, the other one was supposed to be a commission for a friend of his. Well after I finished them both, this friend decided that he did not want to pay for his commission and thus I have one spare now.
Anyway I am still thinking about what to do with the second one. Most likely I will give it to my mother as a christmas present.
Also this was my first real field-test for water gel. Seems to have worked well so far. Just takes a lot of time to dry.
Update: @kfoxthegreat: absolutely you may share this on the discworld subreddit. :-)