I want a movie kind of love story….
* Heath Ledger serenading me in front of the world.
* Ryan Gosling hanging from the top of a Ferris wheel trying to get my attention.
* Shane West bringing me a new pink sweater.
* Leonardo DiCaprio ready to commit suicide with me.
* Ryan Reynolds making every holiday more special with sex.
* Justin Timberlake taking me to California to meet his family as his friend.
* Jason Segel forgetting that dumb bitch Sarah Marshall
* Jay Baruchel thinking I’m a “10”
* Bradley Cooper writing me a letter saying that he was trying to match my crazy.
* Matthew Perry finally seeing the signs.
* Matthew McConaughey willing to forgive my original writer’s agenda.
* Ewan McGregor sharing his poetry with me while pretending to be a Duke.
* Penn Badgley helping me explain my slutty story.
* John Corbett dealing with my mental insanity.
* Bill Hader watching me try to apologize with some huge choreography routine.
* Adam Sandler reminding me every day that he’s in love with me, despite my severe memory loss.
* Keir Gilchrist falling for a girl he just met in a mental institution.
* Noah Reid singing Always Be My Baby as part of our wedding vows.
* Jason Batemen high jacking my sperm diner pregnancy.
* Chris Noth traveling to Paris to make me come back to New York.
* Johnny Depp caring for my children after I’m dead.
* Joaquin phoenix telling me everything he’s to afraid to admit to actual human beings.
* Idris Elba saving me from death after an unfortunate plane crash.
* Jim Carrey desperate to keep my memory alive in his head.
* Jared Gilman writing me a love letter that gives the details of his plan to run away.
* Jason Lewis shaving his signature mane to make me feel better about having cancer.
* Michael Vartan meeting me on a baseball field to give me a kiss.
* Joseph Gordon Levitt singing Wrecking Ball with Miley Cyrus.
* BJ Novak purposefully giving his child an allergic reaction.
* Danny Elfman coming to his senses after failing at taking over Christmas.
* Jonah Hill desperate to get me alcohol.
* Gérard Butler leaving me letters after he dies an untimely death.