Its so cold, heres some spring inspiration to warm you up
i want to recover so bad
i don’t want to feel this way forever
i’m scared of who i am
i’m so out of control
give me the strength
My moms prob the reason why I have poor eating habits.
What she cooks looks bad and is bad for me
She made shepherds pie with leftover mashed potatoes, turkey, peas and carrots from LAST WEEK THANKSGIVING (I wanted to throw up).
I saw her put fucking SLICES OF BUTTER (100 cal per tablespoon ladies and gentlemen) all over the old ass mashed potatoes and chuck the casserole dish of hell into the oven. The oil from the butter just sat there after it was done cooking
She served me. I hate that but didn’t want to make a scene.
I was able to secretly throw away the potatoes and muscle through everything else
Anyone else have parents who cook things that make you panic?
98 and feeling ok. Still got a bit to go.
I feel so disgusting I’ve eaten out with a friend like four times this week and I’ve been too scared to weigh myself but I KNOW I’ve gained weight and it’s just ugh.
I might have to stop hanging out with this guy if all we do is go eat bc today he bought me a huge ice cream and dinner at taco bell and I tried to purge but it was too late for the ice cream (I could tell bc it came up curdled 😬sorry TMI) and I didn’t get all of it out bc I knew if I was gone for too long he’d get suspicious again :/
if I wasn’t such a little miss priss about getting puke and snot on my hand or face I would have had it all out in two minutes or less flat but I was also in a public bathroom so 🤷 not really a way to clean up if I made a huge mess
anyways I feel disgusting and I don’t think I can eat tomorrow bc just… ew. Not that I wanna fast but to be honest eating just feels grosser and grosser and tbh nowadays I don’t like to eat very much anymore
honestly I’ve gotten to the point where I still have the urge to eat when I’m really hungry but for the most part I don’t want to eat anymore. even when I’m really hungry I fight with myself over it and wind up not eating most of the time. to be honest I’ve never had such a decrease in appetite before and idk if it’s from stress or frequently purging but it’s actually kinda welcome.
anyways tmi and rant over 🤷 I’ll just have to eat out less is all. I mean also eat less in general but yknow especially fast food 😬
I logged off this account and tried to put away those thoughts that were obsessed with numbers and how I looked and food food food.
It worked at first. But as time went on the thoughts kept creeping back in, how many calories do you think is in this, what’s the portion size for this, how many tiles on the bathroom floor separate my feet until my thighs don’t touch.
So I caved and weighed myself.
And now I’m back.
I wish that you wanted me.
Pst it’s Friday and on the calendar I said I was gonna go by it said either 400 or 500 max I can’t remember, and for some reason I just fasted all day :|
Yo, i feel real lonely and want some friends to talk to, please like/reblog/comment if you wanna be buds
Also my discord is JakeEatsDirt#8904 if you wanna add me there
i hate when people comment on my body. even “compliments” like I have big boobs, nice thighs or a huge ass. all of this screams “fat” at me. please please please stop.. its breaking me
honestly doing these barre workouts lift my mood insanely once I’m done and my body is looking better, I think I started around 2 weeks ago. If I keep at it I can’t imagine what the results will be in a couple months. I’m turning 20 in less than four months and I want to be in really good fucking shape, and I wanna have a pretty decent diet and be happy. I’m ready to take on my twenties lol
Today vs 27 october
Slowly getting thinner again after my pregnancy.. doesn’t eat so much anymore
Yeah I absolutely crushed it today.
I made myself breakfast at home - found out the academic fest was actually providing Dunkin’ so I naturally had a donut and a half and a few munchkins 🙊
Lunch consisted of two small plates of trying different things and a THIRD plate with four different desserts, all of which I ate
Yes, I ate way more today than I usually do. Yes, I are more sugar and “junk” than I would on any given day. BUT - it doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean I will suddenly gain a million pounds. It doesn’t mean I’m fat or that I’m worthless. It doesn’t mean anyone is going to love me less. If anything, I was commended for my ability to eat as much as I did! I used to refer to myself as a “tank”. I always loved to eat and make sure I ate enough. Today I felt like a “tank” - I cleared my plate and went for more and that’s okay!
I’m happy. I’m proud of myself. I shared my accomplishment with my mom, who is also proud of me 💛 if I can do it, so can you.
Don’t let food be the end all be all. It’s too long a life to live to make something vital the enemy.
I had breakfast this morning and some coffee. I was standing and about to pay for ice cream when I got light headed and couldn’t stand. That has never happened to me so I started crying. I wanna be skinny, but I don’t want to hurt like this anymore.
Food log— Dec. 6, 2019
Lunch @ 2:30:
— 1 string cheese (50)
— 3 crackers (67)
Dinner @ 7:15 pm:
— 3 servings potatoes O’Brien (180)
— 2 large eggs (143)
— 7/8 serving veggie chips (114)
— 1 serving popcorners spicy queso chip things (120)
Total: 673 cal
My boyfriend calls me beautiful but how can I believe him when my head is screaming that I’m a fat cow. Wish I could just accept his compliments but it’s so hard 😔