i wanna adopt a kitten :((
i wanna adopt a kitten :((
Are you looking for ways to help prevent panic attacks?
Mindfulness has been a hot topic in the world of wellbeing and mental healthcare for a while. Many therapists state that it has powerful properties. Despite that, its adoption into many different spheres of knowledge has led to some cynicism surrounding the concept.
The concept of mindfulness is likely appealing to those who deal with mental health struggles in their everyday life as is. For people who have to deal with regular panic attacks, the idea that something can help keep them grounded, calm, and adaptable is an enticing one. So, can mindfulness help you prevent panic attacks?
1. What Is Mindfulness?
You’ve likely heard the phrase “mindfulness meditation” a lot, but mindfulness does not have to involve the act of meditation. Of course, the meditation aspect can be helpful. But that dilutes the concept of mindfulness and doesn’t quite do it justice.
The American Psychological Association defines mindfulness as a form of awareness of existence and experiences, sans judgment or suppression. It involves being present in the current moment and being aware of your feelings, actions, the world around you, and what you’re experiencing. Essentially, mindfulness isn’t a trait. Instead, it’s a state, and it’s a skill to build it in the first place.
This seems fairly generic, but you have to consider this. How many times do you retain full awareness of the world around you?
In reality, most people are too busy with their everyday lives that they don’t pay attention to their senses or savor things. They don’t hear the specific tune of the birds or taste every layer of flavor in their lunch. Nor do they take the time to admire the texture of everyday objects or acknowledge their fleeting thoughts.
Of course, mindfulness isn’t necessarily about spending a lot of time observing. It means being a welcome and open observer that does not judge what they feel, think, sense, or experience. This positive concept is one of the more commonly accepted views of mindfulness on the whole.
2. How Do Professionals Rely on Mindfulness to Help Prevent Panic Attacks?
If mindfulness is truly a workable concept, then it surely must be used by those who work in the mental health field. As it turns out, mindfulness-based methods have been used by therapists, psychologists, and similar healthcare workers for a long time. So it’s far from a modern-day faux-spiritualist fluke. As you can see:
Empirical studies into the concept of mindfulness have been conducted for a long time and found it to be scientifically valid. A simple search of any medical journal related to psychology will quickly bring up many of them!
Mindfulness has an operational definition, meaning it, as a construct, has been given a scientific definition that involves testable and measurable methods of determining, describing, and observing mindfulness. This means that it is a technical and scientific construct, as opposed to a mere cry for positive thinking by non-professionals.
Mindfulness has been discovered to have many, many scientifically-proven benefits that aren’t limited merely to anxiety, panic attacks, or even mental health in general. Once again, a wealth of studies relating to the many, many ways that mindfulness improves your life are available in countless journals. And the results speak for themselves!
There are common mindfulness treatments used by professionals to treat their patients. For one, mindfulness-based stress reduction is a very common technique used for the management of anxiety, stress, and panic disorders, following studies promoting its benefits. There is also mindfulness-based cognitive therapy, which is a form of cognitive therapy used in the treatment of mental disorders with the aid of positive mindfulness.
The bottom line is this: mindfulness works, and it works so well that professionals stand by it!
3. How Can Mindfulness Prevent Panic Attacks?
So, you now know what mindfulness is and that it is beneficial for you from a medical standpoint. But does it help with panic attacks? It likely doesn’t surprise you that the answer to this question is a definite yes! Here are some ways that it does so:
· It Reduces Anxiety
Although anxiety attacks and panic attacks aren’t exactly the same. Indeed, the fact remains that many panic attacks come from heightened states of anxiety. Studies indicate that the use of mindfulness can help with the reduction of anxiety symptoms, both in everyday anxieties and in conditions like social anxiety disorder.
· It Helps With Stress Management
Stress can send a lot of parts of your body into overdrive, including your fight-vs-flight response. And since a panic attack is typically a result of those fight-or-flight impulses, it makes sense that reducing stress can help with the management of panic attacks. Mindfulness helps to reduce stress by allowing the mind to properly process different thoughts in productive ways, according to research.
· It Reduces Reactivity
Reactivity refers to the natural reaction of your body and your emotions to situations around you. As is likely obvious, higher reactivity increases the emotive risk of a panic attack as it makes you respond more strongly to difficult circumstances. Mindfulness, specifically mindfulness meditation, allows you to be less emotionally reactive, promoting improved task focus and better positive thinking, even in the presence of less-than-ideal circumstances.
· It Helps You Better Use Your Strengths
Panic attacks often occur due to a feeling of loss of control. When you feel more capable, you are more likely to employ positive thinking and believe in your ability to escape negative situations. But in order to notice and work on your strengths, to begin with, you need to know what they are and hone in on them with focus. Mindfulness brings your attention to areas of strength and promotes them, according to research, allowing you to achieve better results and better confidence in daily life.
· It Improves Resilience
Resilience is the ability of the human mind and body to recover from negative events, trauma, and change. It’s basically how well you can adapt to new things or bounce back from bad ones. The part of the brain that is most responsible for this function is called the anterior cingulate cortex, which helps the brain to learn from mistakes, regulate the self, and manage emotion. Mindfulness can help to strengthen the anterior cingulate cortex, promoting its positive function and helping you to manage stressors in more productive ways, so you don’t experience panic attacks as easily.
4. Can Mindfulness Make Panic Attacks Worse?
For the most part, mindfulness is a very positive thing. But that doesn’t mean that it can’t have its downsides. Even the best things in life may come with a few drawbacks, and nothing is foolproof. In addition, an excess of anything – even the healthiest things – is inherently harmful, and that’s the concept employed when mindfulness becomes a hindrance more than a help. This may happen when:
· You Begin Avoiding Complex Thinking
When you’re confronted with tasks that are difficult or complex, an over-reliance on mindfulness can cause you to withdraw into yourself and enter a mindful state. This can be detrimental to your ability to do work and get things done.
· You Discard Good Thoughts Too
Mindfulness often involves observing thoughts, acknowledging them, and letting go of those that don’t serve you. Unfortunately, in some cases, people may begin to discard positive thoughts along with the negative, which happens most commonly when writing and physical manifestation are used as tools for mindfulness.
· You Start Forming False Memories
Mindfulness can make people a little more spaced-out, which may lead to derealization and difficulty in monitoring reality. This is because mindfulness involves the act of openly accepting, watching, and moving away from any thoughts they have or that are given to them. This can make you form false memories more easily, according to studies.
· You Start Experiencing Negative Symptoms
Not all forms of treatment work for everyone, and the same goes for mindfulness. If the act of mindfulness results in hallucinations, derealization, depersonalization, or other negative symptoms, it’s safe to say that it’s not the most positive option for someone to use.
5. Tips For Practicing Mindfulness For Panic Attacks
So, you know now that mindfulness is a great way to prevent and manage panic attacks. But how can you put that into practice? Here are some tips for doing so:
· Let The Thoughts Flow
The goal of mindfulness is to view your thoughts and emotions without judgment. Over time, you will become used to this, but at first, it will take a little bit of effort. Each thought that pops into your head should be observed carefully, and then your reactions to that thought noted. Finally, once you’ve watched the thought enough, you can ask yourself – is this thought logical or rational? Does it hold water? If it doesn’t, you can discard it. But if it does, you can keep it. If it does but is very negative, you can approach it from a different angle.
· Tune Into Your Senses
Pay attention to what your senses are experiencing! What can you see? How do the colors look, and do you notice any interesting design elements? What can you hear, and can you pinpoint what each sound is connected to? And what are you touching and what are their textures? What are you smelling, if anything? Eat something small and quick and savor every bite, paying attention to the flavor. When you start learning to listen to your senses, you’ll be more grounded in reality and everyday life, helping to fight panic attacks.
· Express Your Emotions
When you need to process feelings and have trouble doing so, seek to express those emotions in positive ways. The easiest way to do this is by journaling. But you can also use art, exercise, or other means to let your feelings fly. Whatever you choose to do, remember that the goal is to express everything clearly and plainly without judging yourself for it. It’s okay if what you use or make feels a little embarrassing at first. You’ll be able to look back at these feelings later and reflect on them. So focus on getting them out there first!
Final Thoughts On Some Ways Mindfulness Helps You Prevent Panic Attacks
Mindfulness is a great tool for mental health, including for issues such as anxiety, panic, and other similar problems. Still, if you are struggling with regular panic attacks, it is a good idea to speak to a mental health professional to seek proper treatment so you can better manage them.
The post 5 Questions About How Mindfulness Helps Prevent Panic Attacks appeared first on Power of Positivity: Positive Thinking & Attitude.
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had such a big day planned to stay head empty...head’s never been more full
Think about all that the Lord has done for you. Think about all of the situations He’s gotten you out of. Think about where you were before and look at yourself now.
You’re a work in progress, don’t be so hard on yourself. You can only get better from here. Just be patient and in due time you’ll see, but just for now
REFLECT on your growth.
Oh my goddddddddddd since I have faceb- 🤢 for school purposes pls, I remembered this one guy in my class from ages ago and now I’m scrolling through his friends list and they’re all my classmates from before I’m 😭
⇸ Prologue II ღ coming soon pairing: sano 'mikey' manjiro x fem!reader wc: 3.4k summary: Takemichi returns to the present following the Toman v. Valhalla fight warning: manga spoilers ch 74, descriptions of blood, guns, character death, [if i missed something please let me know] notes: a series i've been planning for awhile. this is leading up to the main chapters so after i release prologue II, the first chapter will be posted.
‘I came back to 2017. To the rental shop.’ Takemichi glanced around him, noticing the same part-time job he familiarized himself with. Soft footsteps approached him and pulled his shaky gaze. ‘The manager… Everything looks the same.’
She bowed and then politely smiled at him, “Sorry to keep you waiting.” Her tone was noticeably different, much lighter than what he remembered.
“It appears that we don’t have what you’re looking for at this location.” Her formalities even changed.
“Huh?!” Takemichi drew his brows and caught a look at his wrist. ‘What is this watch? And this expensive-looking bag…’ He felt himself sweating and finally glanced up at the security mirror, The hell is this haircut!?’
“Sir?” The manager had been talking the whole time though Takemichi heard none of it.
“Huh? Uh, i-it’s okay, then!” He nervously spouted, taking a few shuttering steps backwards before leaving the store in complete confusion. The sliding glass doors shut behind him as he began walking away.
“Took you long enough, Takemichi.” Those words made him stop. “You sure love this rental shop, don’t ya?” He looked to see a man with long hair, round glasses, and a scar just above his left eye.
‘Who is this?’ He questioned himself.
“Let’s go.” The guy stated casually and walked over to a black car. “You gonna get in?” The guy asked, his eye rising in irritation.
Takemichi went along with it, getting in the car and bouncing his leg nervously. ‘I ended up getting in but…’ “Um… Where exactly are we going?” He asked the one sitting next to him, feeling sweat drip.
“Huh? The hell are you talking about? We’re going to your place.”
“My place?” He was surprised, “Uh, but my apartment isn't this way.”
“This was on your orders.” The guy snapped, “Right, Koji?” He asked the driver who then quickly affirmed.
‘My orders? What the hell are they talking about? My orders? To scary guys like these? I have no idea what’s going on!’ Takemichi tried to call Naoto but soon realized that his number wasn’t in his phone.
“Oi Takemichi.” The guy opened the door once it stopped, “What’re you spacing out for? We’re here.” He stepped out.
“Right.” He followed, worried about not being able to call the one person that might have the answer.
“Good day, Sir!” A line of men shouted, bowing towards Takemichi that nearly frightened him to death. He squealed while bringing his leg up in defense. ‘What the what?!’
“Took you long enough, Takemichi.” A tall guy with shaved hair spoke. Next to him stood another man, long blonde hair to his shoulders with a noticeable tattoo peeking out from his shirt on his chest.
“How long are you gonna keep us waiting?” Said man added.
“Yamagishi! You need to keep him in line!” The first guy yelled out to the one that sat with Takemichi in the car.
‘Yamagishi! Makoto and… Takuya?’ Takemichi finally recognized those from Mizo Mid. They began walking inside the high-rise, Takuya stopping to look back at him.
“Number 2’s been waiting a while, Boss.” He called out before walking once more. Takemichi quickly followed them, soon crowding an elevator and clicking the highest floor.
‘I’m actually a winner in the future?!’ Takemichi questioned once the elevators opened to an extravagant hallway. Paintings and expensive looking vases lined the hall on one side while floor-to-ceiling windows lined the other. ‘Did I climb my way to the top?!’
“Sir! Thank you for having us!” More men bowed upon Takemichi’s arrival.
‘This is… my place?’
“Answer your damn phone,” A sultry voice began, “Takemitchy.”
“Chifuyu?!” He called out, soon jogging over to him. He noticed his appearance change; no longer with blonde hair but black, though the undercut remained. “Thank goodness, Chifuyu! I had no idea what was going on!”
“Huh? The hell are you talking about?” His eyes focused on Takemichi’s frantic state, “The upper echelon’s having a meeting. And she’ll be there soon so we should get going.”
“Eh? Upper echelon meeting?” Takemichi’s eyes followed Chifuyu as he slowly began walking, “Who? Upper echelon of what?”
“Come on, partner! Who do you think we’re talking about?” He turned to his profile, “You’re Tokyo Manji Gang’s top exec, Hanagaki Takemichi!” Takemichi was shocked at Chifuyu’s words, not registering it completely. “I got your suit. You should change and then we’ll head over to the restaurant.”
“Oh! Right.” He quickly followed Chifuyu and found a room that was most likely his bedroom.
“I’ll wait outside.”
“Uh, wait, you said she.” Takemichi turned towards his friend. “Who’s she?”
“Huh?” His eyes widened, “You’re acting weird today…” Chifuyu began walking away once more, “Hurry up before we’re late.” He shut the door.
At the restaurant, Takemichi couldn’t stop wondering whom this she Chifuyu spoke of and why he acted so surprised. They walked further in, being escorted by another man in a suit.
“Man, the mapo is spicy!” Someone whined, “There’s way too much pepper in it!”
“Hey, where the hell’s my fried rice?!” Another person shouted.
“Sir.” The host pulled a chair out for Takemichi. Once he sat he soon realized that a few others surrounding him were familiar faces and some were brand new. ‘Pah-Chin, Yasuhiro, Nahoya, Peh-Yan.’ Though three of them he couldn’t put a name to. Chifuyu mentioned they were from an old group called the black dragons but that was about it.
“Where the hell is Mikey, anyways?” Pah asked.
“Like he’d bother to see your ass,” One of the newer guys responded, “Mikey this, Mikey that… You old timers always whine about Mikey whenever something comes up. Clingy little bitches.”
Pah slammed his chair to the side, walking over to stand behind the man with dark hair and a design shaved into his short buzz cut. “Let’s take this outside, Shiba!” He shouted.
“You guys exhaust me.” Another person shouted, “What is this, a playground?” He questioned, bringing Takemichi’s attention towards him.
“Besides,” Hanma began again, “Our meeting can’t start until Baji shows up… “ The room got silent at his words, causing Takemichi’s interest to skyrocket.
‘Baji!?’ His mouth dropped, thoughts climbing at record speed as his frustration grew. ‘Baji is alive?! But!?’
“Baji won’t be coming today, unfortunately.” Another voice entered the room, “Something came up.”
Chair legs scraped in unison, “Good day, Sir!” Everyone stood up to bow towards the said person, leaving Takemichi the only one sitting.
‘Kisaki?!’ He finally peered towards the new guy.
“No need to be so formal, guys.” He smiled and caused everyone to rise up.
“It’s rare for you to show up to an upper echelon meeting, Kisaki.” Pah added.
“I have something to take care of.” He talked with a host before walking towards Takemichi, “Takemichi, Chifuyu… Could I have some of your time?”
He stood up, facing Kisaki, “Uh, Sure.”
Kisaki took them both to a new place, one he had recently built. It seemed to be of high-end, a good place for anyone to escape to. Once they sat down in the restaurant, Kisaki began.
“We’ve known each other for quite a while now.”
“Uh, right.” Takemichi agreed, posture stiff under the gaze of the man before him.
“I never thought everyone from back then would still be together today.” There was a pause and Kisaki smiled, “Are you surprised to hear me say that?”
“Takemichi, Chifuyu,” Kisaki looked off to the side, his eyes narrowing in thought, “What do you think about me?” He slid his piercing gaze over, “You hate me, don’t you?” He sat up straight in his chair, staring out the window this time, “It was right around this time twelve years ago that Baji Keisuke died.” Chifuyu’s eyes focused harshly on Kisaki, “It was all my fault. I’m the one who planned the Bloody Halloween.”
‘I don’t understand what’s going on… The execs were just talking about Baji. Yeah I know that he planned that. Of course I know that. But why would you say it yourself? And why are there two different Baji’s all of a sudden?!’ Takemichi wondered, his eyes shaking.
“I used Hanma to sweet talk Hanemiya and formed the organization called Valhalla.” Kisaki began pouring out drinks of bourbon, “And then, I had them clash with Toman.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because I wanted power. I wanted something that would get me praise. If I had stopped the fight, everyone would bow down to me. I was desperate.” Kisaki placed his forehead in his hand, tilting it downward, “I didn’t think he was going to die.” He stood up quickly, bowing before the two. “I’m serious, Chifuyu. I’m sorry. I’ve wanted to apologize all this time. After twelve years, I finally understand. It’s my friends that are important.”
“So you regret what happened back then?” Takemichi questioned, watching Kisaki rise up and smile.
“Not a single day goes by that I forget it.” He responded, fixing his glasses. “You can continue to hate me, but at least have a drink with me today.” They agreed, grabbing a glass and circling the table, drinks held up. “Let’s toast, to Baji Keisuke.”
Takemichi and Chifuyu drank the liquor, feeling a rough burn go down their throats. “Um… You got any beer?” Takemichi flushed while asking. “I just can’t get used to the expensive stuff.”
“Come on, now, we can’t have a Toman exec talking like that.” Kisaki chided.
“Right.” He shakily took another drink, coughing when he felt that tingly sensation once more. Kisaki laughed while Chifuyu smiled at him.
“Don’t force yourself.” He said with a soft tone towards his partner.
Once they finished their drinks, Kisaki stood facing the window, scanning the buildings alight in the darkness of the night. “Can I say just one more thing?” He grabbed their attention, “When I said I didn’t think Baji Keisuke would die earlier… Yeah, that was a lie.”
This shocked both of them, “Eh?”
Kisaki turned around, “I used Kazutora to kill him. And now, I’m about to finish what I started.” The two men passed out, feeling woozy no doubt to whatever Kisaki laced their drinks with. Both of them were tied to chairs when they awoke.
“Takemitchy.” Chifuyu gasped out, his face bloody and obviously beaten.
“Chifuyu?! What the hell happened to you?!”
“Looks like you had a good nap, Hanagaki.”
“Matsuno Chifuyu… You sure are one annoying guy.” Kisaki began rolling up his sleeves. “You couldn’t forget something that happened twelve years ago, and kept trying to bite. Trying to get revenge for Baji Keisuke? Of course, I had thought she might have something to do with this… but she’s too far gone with the criminal world, she just doesn’t care anymore.” Kisaki punched Chifuyu, “Together you and Hanagaki are our Judas!”
“Kisaki! Stop it!” Takemichi shouted. Kisaki continued his actions, punching and kicking Chifuyu.
“Seriously, you sure did tell the cops some stupid-ass shit.” Punch, kick, knee; the blood began oozing out faster with each slam.” Kisaki began walking over to Takemichi to elicit the same punishment.
“You’re wrong!” Chifuyu shouted, his teeth clenching together tightly, “The police acted on their own! My only goal was to run you out of Toman.”
Kisaki sighed at this, “How long are you gonna chase after his shadow? You petty little shit.”
“Toman’s rotten right now” Chifuyu began, his wheezing slightly louder from the pain, “And I want to change that. You’re right. I’m Judas. Takemitchy has nothing to do with it!”
‘Chifuyu… Don’t tell me that twelve years later, you were still trying to avenge Baji all alone!’
Kisaki grabbed a gun from one of his underlings that were now in the room, “I’m the one who gets to decide if he has anything to do with this or not.” He filled the chamber with a click, “Say Hanagaki. Why are you acting like you’ve got no idea what’s going on?”
Kisaki fired off a bullet into his leg, the piercing sound of a gunshot ringing throughout the place. Takemichi’s scream rattled through his chest as he watched the blood puddle underneath him.
“I told you Takemitchy has nothing to do with this!” Chifuyu yelled, “He doesn’t know anything!”
“Oh shut up.” Kisaki fixed his hair, “You two are partners, aren’t ya?”
“My Leg! It hurts!” Takemichi forced through his whines. Tears cascading down his cheeks quickly.
“You’re crazy.” Chifuyu glared, feeling the hot barrel of the gun against his forehead.
“Well… any last words?” Kisaki asked, finger tense against the trigger.
“Takemitchy…” Though he was too caught up in the pain he felt, Chifuyu yelled louder, “Takemichi!” This finally got the guys attention. “Listen, Takemitchy. These are my last words. A lot’s happened these past twelve years. Mikey disappeared and Draken’s been executed. And then she… rose to the higher ranks and soon became Toman’s Number 2 -- Before we knew it, we got involved in some messed-up shit. We made a lot of mistakes, but… But deep down, we haven’t changed!” He shouted the last bit of his words, hair shadowing his eyes, “Baji’s feelings… And Toman… They’re in your hands, partner.” Chifuyu smiled kindly towards Takemichi.
His head snapped back; the gunshot slinging his body towards the ground and landing with a loud thud; lifeless amongst the pooling blood that drained from his head.
“Chifuyu!” Takemichi screamed out, eyes blurring at the amount of tears he shed.
“How’s it feel to have the fate of Toman rest in your hands?” Kisaki asked, his face unchanged from his smug expression. He held his gun up once more, barrel just centimeters away from Takemichi’s forehead, “Don’t worry. You’ll be following him soon enough.” Kisaki seemed unsatisfied with his reaction, grunting in disapproval. He lifted the guys head with the barrel, “What are you?! Is that all you’ve got?! Huh?!” Kisaki’s finger tensed once more on the trigger, “That’s too bad… See ya, My Hero.”
A gunshot resounded throughout the restaurant but the place was pitch black. The lights going out seemed to be no coincidence when the underlings began freaking out.
“I’m gonna carry you.” Someone whispered into Takemichi’s ear, “Keep quiet.” He couldn’t quite make out whom it was, the pain was becoming overwhelming for him. He felt his eyes become heavy before he lost his grip on reality.
He woke up on the ground underneath an overpass. Confusion set in as he slowly began to remember what happened. “Ow!” He grabbed his leg. ‘That’s right, I blacked out from the pain.’
“I gave you some first aid.” That same voice from earlier spoke. They stood some feet away, back to Takemichi. Their long black hair cascaded in the wind.
“Baji?” Takemichi uttered in awe. ‘Is this who everyone was talking about? But… Kisaki said…’ The man slowly turned around, blonde strands of hair framing the stranger's face. “Kazutora?” A jingle was heard from said man’s earring. ‘Oh yeah, twelve years have passed… So he got released.’
“It’s been a long time…” He spoke then knocked a giant fist against Takemichi’s face, sending him sprawling out.
“Kazutora?” Another punch, then a kick, a knee to the stomach, and another kick to his side. Each impact hurt more than the next. He stopped, standing off to the side.
“Recently, I saw some guys beating a woman on the street just like this.” Kazutora began over Takemichi’s pants, “When I jumped in to stop them… The guys beating her were members of Toman.” This caused the injured man’s eyes to widen. “When did Toman become a woman-beating organization?” His words were threatening, “I don’t give a shit about you.” He turned away, “I wanted… To save Chifuyu.”
He explained how Chifuyu was the one to meet him when he got released. Setting a goal to bring Toman back to how it use to be. “He fought alone for all those years. And you,” He glared at Takemichi, “What the hell were you even doing?!”
‘I see now. In this timeline, I ended up so bad that Chifuyu couldn’t rely on me.’
“Toman got bigger and went all wrong. Still, you jumped to serve Kisaki like one of his maids.” Kazutora explained. “The only hope was Draken but he ended up on death row. Nobody knows where Mikey went. And then…” He trailed off, his next words going quieter, “I should have never sent that letter.”
Takemichi’s eyes widened. ‘Letter?’
“Hey Takemichi.” Kazutora spoke before he even had time to ask about her, “Where… Is Toman going?” He questioned, “A long time ago, Mikey said he’d create a new age of delinquents, right? Just like he said, Toman became a huge gang; drugs, prostitution, illegal casinos and underground money lending. Toman committed every crime imaginable to grow so large.” Kazutora’s voice grew strained, frustrated, “But this… Is this the new age Mikey wanted to create!? Is this the Toman Baji wanted to protect?!”
‘Yeah, this is all wrong.’
“The Toman I loved wasn’t like this at all!” Takemichi’s tears made an appearance, “It was always shining.”
Kazutora smiled at this, “Yeah. Let's take our Toman back.”
“Kazutora, my memory’s fuzzy, so I might ask you some weird stuff.” Takemichi spoke up a few minutes after they were in a car. Kazutora was driving though Takemichi didn’t know where. “Why did Toman end up this way?”
Kazutora hesitated at the question, his eyes focused on the road, “It was Mikey.” This caused Takemichi to gasp. “Mikey has completely changed. Toman Changed… Because Mikey changed.”
“That can’t be.” He muttered, “Someone else must’ve been behind it! Wasn’t Kisaki pulling the strings?!”
Kazutora’s eyes grew heavy as he thought about something, “You’re not entirely wrong. While Kisaki was holding you captive, Pah-Chin and Peh-Yan were killed. Someone ordered it. Mitsuya went missing several months ago. Someone’s purging the old members of Toman. If it’s Mikey, then he doesn’t even trust his friends anymore. He’s not a delinquent anymore. Mikey’s gone completely evil.”
Takemichi gulped. ‘If Mikey really is killing old members of Toman…’
“I’m the one who made him change. First with Baji’s death.” Kazutora’s brows furrowed, “And then sending that letter off. If she never came into the picture, I wonder if things might have been different.”
‘There she is again!’
“What letter?” Takemichi finally asked, eyes full of determination. If he can figure out who this girl is then maybe, just maybe he can go back and prevent her from ruining what Toman is today.
Kazutora sighed at this, pausing for a long period of time. “It doesn’t matter now. Mikey is a real dangerous guy, okay? I want to talk to him face-to-face. Tell him he’s gotta get away from those guys… from her…”
“Who?” Takemichi insisted.
“Kisaki’s violence… Money from the black dragons… Her revenge against Toman.”
“If nothing is done about those three things then Mikey will never regain himself.” Kazutora’s voice lowered, “Help me out, Takemichi. This time, I want to help Mikey. I wanna save Manjiro Sano.” Takemichi felt his heart thump against his chest, his eyes narrowed, gleaming with a newfound determination.
“Mikey’s left arm, the ex-Black Dragons.” Kazutora began, “My connection with them goes way back.”
“The ex-Black Dragons are based on the 11th generation. They’re the biker gang I fought before Toman Formed. They do shakedowns and murders, anything for money. The vast amount of wealth they produced was one of the things that sent Mikey off the deep end.” Kazutora explained, pausing only to catch another long-winded breath. “I was able to find their hidden bank account thanks to my connections. I’ll cut off the cash flow and put an end to it all.” He glanced at Takemichi, noticing his solemn expression. “The one who was supposed to handle Kisaki, Mikey’s right arm, was Chifuyu. He was killed, because he backed Kisaki into a corner.”
“Huh?!” Takemichi exclaimed, mouth dropping, “How the hell did he corner a guy like Kisaki?”
“One day, a detective came to us, saying he was the younger brother of a woman Kisaki had killed.” Takemichi’s eyes widened.
‘Naoto!’ “Chifuyu and that detective were connected?”
“Yeah.” He answered simply, “Chifuyu found proof that Kisaki had given the order. He was one step away from getting Kisaki where he wanted him. He was so close, but it was Chifuyu’s fault that Kisaki got away.”
“For some reason, he kept that proof hidden until his dying moment.” Kazutora’s tone dipped, peering towards Takemichi.
“This girl… Her revenge you mentioned. What does she have to do with all of this?” He asked, desperate for an answer.
“The remaining piece… Mikey’s heart…” Kazutora focused back on the road. “Baji’s sister, Y/N.”
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Going strong!! I think I might fast even longer than 48 hours because I’m nowhere near breaking this fast. Thinking 60 hours, and an 8 hour eating window, then back to fasting.
i want i'm recording you quackity and pizza karen tommyinnit to duel
underappreciated bee best friend
🌌 & 🌒
1600 Words + 10 Drabbles = 1610 16.10.2021 HAPPY ALEX DAY~ | @theimpalpable / @jeoseungsaja
Strangely enough, friendship is the one thing Kaeden had never hoped for. Not so much because they thought themself unworthy, but because it seemed to lack necessity, at the time they’d first considered it, and in particular afterwards, once they’d moved away from all they were meant to be and companionship as a whole became one of those things they’d sneered at with the bittersweet knowledge of someone who knows when something is lost to them and never will return to be an option, be it in life or beyond, which... honestly, is kind of the same place for Kaeden, but whatever.
There was something to it, even as he walked the streets of cities full of people who might be willing to approach his personality, since most humans don’t have the log up their arse most reapers, that simply remained a foreign concept. One of those things that weren’t meant to be reached, that were for other beings to pursue.
Kaeden had never wanted to reach for the stars either, for example. Sure, they were beautiful. Yes, he had outstretched his hand at them, had watched them continue to sparkle between their pale digits, distant and untouchable and dead for aeons, reminding them of himself more than anything.
But he’d always known they weren’t his to grab.
So what is this now?
The bookstore is growing in familiarity, he’ll admit. Some corners he feels absolutely comfortable venturing into, it seems almost as though as the area, the dust settling in it every day, is accomodating a little, vacating some space for them to fit into as if it knew that Kaeden meant to stay for longer than even he was truly aware of.
He’d memorised some of the books that were never rented and most likely wouldn’t be sold any time soon. He knows the sections enough that if he wanted, he could return the ones left behind on the counter himself. The counter itself feels like a comfortable resting place, welcoming their elbows when he leaned against them and watched either the street outside or the brown tones inside come to life and move against the other.
The street too. He didn’t actually know where either end lead to, he has no idea what lies around any of the given corners, hell they can’t even claim with full confidence that they know what the store directly opposite this one is even called, what it even sells. That mostly because they just appear directly within the store’s walls, facilitated by the familiarity he was instilling in others as well, in particular in Wilder, it seems.
And that was the oddity about it, the absolute and complete lack of oddity. The way things settled into place almost seamlessly.
Even now, the very stench of death seems to drench him in its mist, not in a literal sense, but in the darkness of his clothes, the paleness of their skin, the strangeness attached to their being that they sometimes found in himself, whenever a mirror presented itself. Perhaps fueled by the knowledge that he is, in fact, very much death.
And yet, almost as natural as death itself was, he moves through and out an aisle, running his fingers around spines presented there, resting where the letters were imprinted to bump lightly, pleasant under the touch as they left a bigger impact than the rest, flat, although with their own charm.
Almost as natural as death itself, they round the corner and walk back to the counter, watching the boy be.
The boy exist, breathe, which is not something Kaeden can claim to be matching rather well. He looks a bit like a droplet of sun himself where he stands beneath the light coming in through whichever panel of glass it managed to get through, enough to illuminate floors, never enough to damage any of the older books.
Interested himself in the theories he can find, because Kaeden was quick to notice the many sparkles in Wilder’s eyes, all with their own rhyme and reason to them. The sparkle of kindness never fading out of the brown of them, the wrinkle around them, the easiness of his smile, the hesitance when it came to stomping his foot onto the ground whenever a customer was rude enough to make Kaeden’s hands twitch where they promised not to intervene so long as Wilder wouldn’t ask them to.
There’s passion in most of what Wilder touches because it almost appears as if he desires to give each thing that is laid to rest beneath his fingers the passion it deserves, the touch of life, the respect granted and necessarily taken for granted, because no being nor thing on this earth and beyond this realm of existence should be left without it.
He can’t remember Wilder openly expressing this, but how else could he consider, or properly interpret his very own presence in Wilder’s life?
They have terribly little to offer. Even the name they do is a name chosen off of what he doesn’t even remember, a name chosen as an afterthought to their own existence and that’s fine, that’s okay, it’s identity, and it’s not as though humans don’t choose their true names later in life either.
The problem is that Kaeden has no life to speak of either.
There is no space for anything but dust and the passing of souls under his fingertips. They can’t reach out and lift Wilder back onto his knees if he needs it, they can’t pat his shoulder or pull him in for hugs, one of the many ways he could so easily express what he struggles with vocally, that is forbidden to him for the very nature of his existence.
Wilder moves about the cosmos as one of its most brilliant elements and Kaeden belongs to the shadows because only there can something as untouchable truly exist, perhaps the mist could work as well, but it’s not quite a place one can easily regard the stars from.
Wilder sort of moves the universe as well, the way he moves and never slams into the existences of others, methodical in his own, desiring in his own, existing with the desire to continue to do so and the desire to make so that others around him are brushed only by the brightness of his stars, rather than the darkness stretching between them.
And he knows it to be there. In a way. Kaeden can’t claim to have seen demons swimming through that blackness, but they aren’t stupid, they’ve seen a few curled fingers here and there, mostly tension born from doubt, those hesitations between statements when Kaeden can’t do anything but continue offering him half-truths and truths that don’t even qualify as half of it.
He doesn’t fully understand, doesn’t fully know if perhaps, a part of Wilder misunderstands, sees the distance Kaeden is forced to take as a sign of his desire to do so, and all he can do is hope and pray to a deity he doesn’t trust believing i, that that won’t be a thought to ever latch onto Wilder’s mind.
But how is he supposed to know? How is he supposed to figure it out, if they never ask? How can Kaeden expect easiness out of Wilder, to become a support system to the wondrous space child with his arms dipped into stars reflected onto a lake’s water at all times, reading stories between them and through the passion carrying his studies, how can they truly be friends, if Kaeden is hardly but a ghost with a voice that rings for anybody to hear?
Hell, he can’t even be touched, which is about as ghost-like as it gets.
Yet Wilder can, Wilder is a real human being, Wilder is as real as the nebula bursting into the sea stretching out above them rather than at their feet, should their ventures ever take them to any given beach.
Wilder exists, and shouldn’t he sort of be allowed to do that, without the burden of wondering why Kaeden would rather smack him with a stick the length of his forearm, and has skidded past him so drastically at times, it’d be easy to think them being poisoned by the mere notion of accidentally brushing shoulders with the boy?
It’s really not the touch itself, no.
It’s the implications.
Their elbows rest on the counter, chin comfortably in the hands this position settles at the ready for his head to lazily rest upon, and watches.
At that station, Wilder had been a boy. Nothing more, nothing less. Upon closer inspection, and especially in retrospection, Wilder could hardly be lesser no matter the context considered. If Kaeden had to find good reasons for humanity to thrive is because people like Wilder exist. But back then, he’d just been. A bit jittery on his feet, what with being in a foreign country, sadly enough forced to bear witness to an accident Kaeden could see he instantly understood the fatal implications of those involved.
He’d been a boy. A smart boy. A bit naive, in a way, at least Kaeden had understood him as so, at first, misunderstanding unapologetic kindness, for the inability to recognise the menace of sharing existence with others, uncontrollable and usually riddled by less than ideal ideals. Either way, just a boy.
A small glowing light in the midst of the universe. The universe Kaeden was experiencing from a completely different angle and will do so for centuries to come most likely. Yet here he is.
Suddenly a friend.
The friend of a ghost.
I LOVE THEM!!😍😍😍
Commissioned crochet dolls of Finch, Reese and Bear. 😊
okay PAUSE. I need to pause from reading ch190 and clear my thoughts because I'm losing my mind over the writing. bai wuxiang is about to goad the people to stab xie lian a hundred times and all I can think about is how beautifully tragic book 4 was written
just. first with the robbery thing. watching xie lian come to terms with the reality that moral actions are constrained by the systems you operate in and informed by the circumstances you find yourself in. it hurts so bad knowing that he was once a powerful god beloved by the heavens, the darling of the world. and yet, whether he is god or in poverty, he doesn't exist in a vacuum and his actions of trying to do good or trying to steal or anything will always be judged, if not by the heavenly principles that govern the universe, then by the human systems built by society and the heavenly officials that survey them. and even more so because he was a god, a crown prince, a guoshi, a general... there's always a title to his name that colors these judgements. and so xie lian hardly gets the affordance he longs for: which is to be seen as a person, as someone who is as human as the rest of us, and someone who is just as flawed and imperfect and subject to the same systems and deserves as much compassion as one would afford an ordinary person who doesn't have to live up to saintly expectations.
I said all that because I’m still mad at the 33 officials lol they were so mean to him!! such bullies!!
and then after that, the one person who gives him just one (1) moment of comfort and the compassion he seeks is exactly the person who actively ruins his life. “So sad, so sad, Your Highness, look at yourself, look what they’ve done to you.” / “Through his gesture, Xie Lian actually felt a peculiar kind of loving compassion.”
AND THEN hhhhhh with the altar scene. the sheer imagery of the scene. tied to an altar of his former temple, a befallen god who wants to help the common people being offered as a sacrifice, everyone being pushed into a situation where "they don’t have a choice" just like how xie lian didn't have a choice but to rob and mu qing didn't have a choice but to leave. and the one to offer xie lian to the common people is the one who claims to understand exactly what xie lian is going through and also wants to guide him and I’m just
asdfghjkl mxtx what the fuck. what the fuck, how did your beautiful brain craft something like this /pos
I'm not processing much right now but just... the way everything is crafted and has built up is so beautifully tragic and heartbreaking I just kinda wanted to gush. okay. okay. I just had to get that out. anyway, okay, back to reading about some stabby times with xie lian.
“Woah woah, shut up for a second-”
Me looking up 68 position after a random kink generator gives me that: that’s a guaranteed way to fuck your neck up
Me: *minding my own business at work, watching TikTok and eating my dinner*
My fave night nurse: *sneaks up behind me* Hey, this new girl we're training on the other side is SUPER annoying, so I'm gonna go nap in [redacted]'s old room if you need me. If she asks, I'm in the bathroom, but if you need anything come get me. ✌🏻 Peace.
Me: *scared shitless but now snickering* Gotcha.
black veil brides lyric checklist:
hate as a noun/concept
various “yeahs” and “woahs”
hope Marshal knows he's never leaving my island