I get so discouraged.
So fucking discouraged.
I used to be skinny. I had a workout and exercise kick in 7th-8th grade. I don’t know if I actually lost weight because I didn’t change my horrible eating habits but I got lean and toned. No dark circles, no stretch marks, no dark spots around my mouth, no paleness. All clean lines and sharp angles. I was the skinny one in my friend group. Me. I was the skinny, pretty one. Granted, I wasn’t that pretty, but if I dressed a little better more of the time and learned how to do my hair, I could’ve been. And all that food I ate went to my height, and then when my growing slowed down biking to school and doing sports made up for that, but when quarantine hit, I stopped growing, stopped exercising, and kept. Eating. So. Much. Fucking. Eating.
Now, I’m hideous. While all my friends glowed up, I glowed down. Severely. I’m the fat one in my friend group. It fucking sucks. I hate it. Absolutely hate it. I’m the fat one, the lazy one, the least liked one, and the. ugliest one now. A quadruple threat.
I would give anything to get my body back from before. Tight boobs and skin, small nipples, tanned, neat eyebrows, no dark and puffy eyelids, no disgusting stretch marks that are all over my inner thighs and on my calves, no red bumps on my arms. And so much more.
Which is why I have to do this. I have to lose the weight, then build my ass so I don’t look like a fucking P shape, then get toned and fix everything else about myself.
All in 3 months before school is in person.
I’ve had months to do this. Months. And I still look absolutely horrible. But I’m going to do this. I’m going to do this because I want to and because I know I can.
And you can too.