synopsis: suna wants to confess to you, he really does. wants to finally get off his chest how much he wished you two were more than just ‘best friends’ for all these years. but what happens when a certain ex, sakusa kiyoomi, finds his way back into your life?
so, we’ve got both guys wanting to talk to y/n 👀
suna really just wants to get it off his chest, he doesn’t expect you you to feel the same way or for it to go anywhere (cries)
“You can lower your hips a smidge more -- don’t be afraid of looking dumb. It takes time to look this cool.” Kuroo flashed a cartoonish grin.
I swiftly stick out my tongue and nod, newfound determination setting in to get my receiving right. I felt a hunger to nail it despite just starting a volleyball journey 45 minutes ago.
Post-Olympics, there was a resurgence in interest in volleyball from the public and the FIVB was making good on this attention by allocating resources for a nationwide field day for children, and Kuroo had been picked to oversee one of the three planned events taking place in Tokyo. It had been an enormous undertaking, with a lot of on-the-job training and partnership development with school boards but this was clearly a job suited for a man who was still like a child with his excitement for a sport he picked up more than 10 years ago.
It was only a wonder I hadn’t followed him onto the court earlier; Kuroo had an act for getting people involved in something they had no previous interest in. So now he has me running simulations the week before the event for drills that he would manage.
“Gahhhh, shanked again.” I pulled at my ponytail. “Damnnit, I know those little shits will pick this up before I can.”
“Don’t get frustrated this early, I still need to have you run the serving drill and general bumping exercises, my little guinea pig.” He kissed me on the nose. “Maybe receiving is a little less fun, so we’ll have a bigger focus on spiking for sure. Kids and adults love the power trip of a vicious spike. These are good notes, let me jot this down.”
Kuroo flipped through his clipboard and swiftly detailed in his notes the results of the last hour. He looked over at me and saw the my unlidded disappointment. He walked back over to me and pressed my hand against both of his.
“You know there’s a learning curve to everything. There is hardly anything we can immediately master, but nothing we can’t gain with time, and you were doing pretty good for it being your first time,” he coos.
The pout on my face formed before I could help it. “Well, that’s the thing, isn’t it? I don’t have a lot of time to pick it up.”
“Yeah, work and life might get in the way, but we could practice together, ya know. I could help you--”
“Babe, that’s sweet but I also mean that I’m too old to pick up a sport.”
He lagged in forming a response, eyes staring into mine and absentmindedly blinking. “Are you secretly 80 years old? Cause you look great.”
“That’s not what I mean, you dummy. There’s just a point where people stop trying out things like that unless they’re already capable.”
The incredulous look on his face raised my insecurity. Kuroo looked at me like I was a complete idiot.
“Do you have arthritis? A broken bone? I won’t even ask if you’re paralyzed because the paraplegics team exists and they are capital D dynamic. You can’t do it right now but you might be able to someday. You’re older, baby, not dead.”
He started toward the net, already set up and ready for our transition. But instead of beckoning me over straight away, he did something curious. He started fiddling with the attachment points on the poles where the rope from the net was tied, sliding them down a considerable amount. I walked toward him, hands clasped behind my back, and hummed quizzically.
He didn’t look at me as he continued to adjust but he picked up where his mind had apparently left off. “We’re preparing to inspire a new generation of volleyball enthusiasts, but you brought up a point to me: we can’t forget to show other adults how much fun volleyball can be. Adults should still think that there is a world of possibilities out there because there are.” He finally turned back and anchored his gaze to mine, steady and calm and encouraging.
“We can lower the net. You’re not too big for that.”
A few instructions and tips were explained to me but the gist of it was something I understood for a couple of years now. Or at least I thought I did -- it took a couple of tries to find the synchrony between his movements and mine, and a dozen more attempts to hit with some consistency. But either my efforts paid off or a golden fluke was gifted to me, because I finally landed a solid and resounding spike across the net, and it left my hand stinging in the best way. I don’t know what I must have looked like, probably less archangel in midair battle pose and more escapee hen dashing from the chicken farm planning on making a pie out of me but the clear visual I saw of the other side for the nanosecond I caught air was cosmic.
I panted and swiped my forehead with the back of my hand. “I was duped. You and Kenma made that look so much easier than it really is.”
He looked at me tenderly, hand cupping my check. “That was really good.”
He gave me the same look he gave me the night I told him I was accepted into my graduate program after digging my heels against my own hope, out of fear of failure. The of course you could and did do it! gleam. The knowing look only someone who perceives you better than you do yourself can give you.
“That was a lot of fun.” I grin and wiggle my eyebrows. “Think I’ll make it on the roster for the next Olympics?”
Cue hyena cackle. “Baby, we’ve still got to get you taught in the basics of passing, serving, setting, blocking--” he quieted down and hummed, smile never leaving his face. “But, I think we can make a star player out of you someday.”
I kiss him approvingly and declare, “You’re going to bring so many kids into this sport, Tetsuro. You’ve got this.”
“If we can get your lazy ass to a local rec team, I think I’ll have accomplished the impossible.” I land a soft but firm headshot to the back of his head for the insult, but hum at the idea. That didn’t seem so terrible, joining something that would get me to leave the house beyond work. Meeting new people and possibly making friends. Connecting with Kuroo in the one space he’s always involved.
The ball rolled back to me, temptingly. Maybe, maybe I’ll get a decent pass down and not have it be a fluke. That might just be reason enough to keep trying.
HAIKYUU LEOS: Just dumping some thoughts. Don’t mind me.
My Haikyuu Leos are held near and dear. I've seen people say Oikawa should be a Leo (and he would be welcome) but I do love the actual Leos portrayed in the show.
They aren’t the main characters but they stand out nonetheless. They know exactly where they need to stand and how they're going to reach their goals.
It’s not about being popular at that moment, they may fool people into thinking they only need what's in front of them. If you think a Leo dreams that small then they have you fooled too. Big ambitions and cunning minds. Their emotions can get the best of them but they don’t let that stop them. Just another obstacle to conquer.
Ushi, Yaku, and Michimiya are some prime examples of Leos.
Ushijima - Aug 13:
He shows a side not often attributed to Leos but I think he embodies it pretty well. Grand, strong, prideful, blunt, he doesn’t really have time for your opinion or approval. That’s not why he’s here and if you need help with something try someone else first.
The “rivalry” between him and Oikawa is ACCURATE, the number of times I’ve had someone come after me because I tried to give them advice (could have been delivered better but I digress) and I am unoffended by their offense is just silly. Ushijima never said he thought Oikawa was bad, he just wanted the best with the best. Not realizing that he was asking for Oikawa’s submission.
Also, call out moment Leos are very prideful yet don't see THEIR pride as a negative. Hence the "Useless pride" line, our pride comes from doing what we deem is necessary. Quiet pride versus loud pride if you will. (I’d die for Oikawa by the way. Probably one of the best stories in the HQ world).
You could call him ambitious but he’d say he never considered a different option. Professional playing and the Olympics were an expectation, not a desire.
Yaku - Aug 8:
Proud, fierce, expressive, intense. Pretty much an embodiment of Leo. He’s kind of a wild card, doesn’t put up with crap.
He and I feel the exact same way about Lev (he's a little shit), I would get onto him too if it meant he was messing with my games. I mean Yaku went on to be in the Russian super league and was in the Olympics. There’s no way in hell a Leo would let someone else just jack around and not put their best foot forward. Some would call this mothering, I like to call it pushing them towards their full potential 😌
He and Kuroo didn't get along until they realized they had the same goal. Scorpio and Leo combinations will mess you up if they can land on the same terms.
Intimidating. Some spikers get too scared to go for it just because he's on the court. That my friends is called presence. He's dripping with it. While it may intimidate the opposing team it gives strength to his allies.
Actually really caring, wants his teammates to be well both on and off the court, and is really proud when they grow.
Michimiya - Aug 1:
like her so much. If Haikyuu was a shojo her and Daichi’s story would be amazing. Alas, she is a strong independent lady.
Some could say she’s just attracted to power (I mean that’s part of it because duh?) but also no one can say that Daichi isn’t just like the whole package? You'd have to be blind not to take a swing, we love a girl who knows what she wants.
Brave enough to give him a charm as good luck (subtle but memorable 😏 Leos know their audience)
She genuinely cares about him as a person. They bond as captains of their VBCs but she also knows he's the person she wants to learn from. It's a smart choice and I'd do the same thing. Daichi deserves the honor and respect of how hard he works to support his team and family. I don't think Michimiya misses that fact.
Side note: There's something about Capricorns that makes me want to pledge my undying loyalty. You guys are my boos.
Anywho, this is just my interpretation. I’m glad Leos weren’t represented by the stereotypical version of what people think we are.
synopsis: suna wants to confess to you, he really does. wants to finally get off his chest how much he wished you two were more than just ‘best friends’ for all these years. but what happens when a certain ex, sakusa kiyoomi, finds his way back into your life?
the last screenshot is from suna’s pov
for some reason he despises the duck song and no one knows why
he goes quiet whenever you say that he’s your “best friend” and that you love him (knowing you don’t mean it the way he does)
But then I read something cursed and all of a sudden I tense up when referring to that certain ship.
My relationship with OsaAka, which is sort of why I see as strangers from highschool to close/best friends who make food together post timeskip
I don’t mind the ship, I really don’t. It’s so cute and fluffy and the art is just top tier 😩
It’s just there was this one fanfic, this one concept that just basically tense me up. Feel free to write what you write I don’t discriminate (unless it fucks with certain values) but it just made me feel things I haven’t felt in months.
Which is sort of why I’m more inclined to strangers to best friends than strangers to lovers for OsAk. Please don’t hate me for this I just want to enjoy some rare pairs too!
In the meanwhile, I do have an idea for a BokuOsaAka Au but I can’t seem to draw today.
❀ Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7
Today’s the day, the day of your special cooking video!
So basically you just got your comeback, and in honor of your comeback’s theme, you have to make a special cooking video thanking the ones you love!
Your members are excitedly talking in the car with you on what they’re preparing for their loved ones.
Talking about the recipes they will make and laughing in general, you join in on the fun of course.
“Ah really?! I’ll cook yukgaejang today, I’m not sure if I bought the ingredients right though...”
“Ahh yukgaejang? Wahh your brother is really lucky Alex. I want one too~”
“Heh, I’ll try cooking one in our dorms the next time Seulgi, although I can’t guarantee our dorm will survive.”
You guys laughed at that. It was true, Alex is the member you don’t want in the kitchen, almost burned your last dorm before.
“Yah don’t remind us Alex! Our manager-nim were almost at our necks at that time. It was horrendous!”
“Yeah, so bad our phones where confiscated. I can’t call my mom : ( “
“I can’t even tune in to my favorite k-drama for months! I mean can you survive without seeing Lee Soohee?”
“Oh there you go again Daehwi, with your lovestruck expression. Have you remembered that you suddenly forgot how to function? When Lee Soohee walked by us?”
Now Daehwi was blushing while they were being hollered by the members, until they began asking you on what you’re about to cook.
“How ‘bout you y/n~ what are you going to cook?”
Looking at them with a smile you replied,
“Me? I’ll cook Agedashi tofu.”
“Ahh sounds good I bet, who you cooking for?”
You rolled your eyes at them, pushing their arm jokingly.
“Oh shut up, you already know!”
“Ahaha of course how could we forget! It’s for your athletic trainer boyfriend~”
“Don’t forget his annoying athletic friend coming here too out of jealousy.”
So it’s true, the one you invited as your special someone is none other than Iwaizumi Hajime (I guess Oikawa also counts?)!
You decided to invite him because you guys were dating way back in your trainee days, of course Iwaizumi Hajime always supports you along the way, always was there even if he was busy in college or work. He was always making sure he was there.
So he definitely deserves the appreciation for the video.
After telling him about the special video you guys have to make, he was reluctant at first, but he agreed. Plus your relationship is public anyways, so it’s fine.
The problem is it was suppose to be a private date between the two of you, but dear Lord did Iwaizumi regretted his decisions afterwards.
He decided to tell Oikawa about it, and he is not happy about it.
He complained to you lmao. Like full-time video call (He gotta show HOW disappointed he is).
“I seriously can’t believe I’m taking a break for this stupid call. Look, you even included y/n in your stupid shenanigans.”
“Really, Iwa-chan, are you picking something much more mundane than your best friend?! How could you do this too me~.”
“Do what exactly Oikawa?”
“You didn’t invited me y/n, ME! One of your number one supporters, did you forget that I, was there in your auditions??? Did you forget HUh?!”
Oh yeah Oikawa was also the one of your supporters while training. Albeit he was more louder than Iwaizumi too.
And since Oikawa was throwing a fit, out of pity―you just invited him too.
You have to remind him, not to brag about it on the internet though. Or Iwaizumi’s gonna teach him a lesson or two about rule breaking.
Anyways, you guys have reached your destination for filming―it was a restaurant your company has rented.
And there you decided to start filming while cooking.
Everyone was quiet while cooking their respective dishes, but you guys did converse from time to time.
And you were making sure that your boyfriends favorite meal is as good as your love for him (I’m pretty sure your love is the secret ingredient).
“Your agedashi tofu, looks so good y/n.”
“Thanks Yujin~yours looks good too!”
While finishing you guys begin filming separately in different rooms, with different tables.
“Gosh I’m so nervous.”
You said while pacing around the dining area.
The idea of your boyfriend visiting you was easy. But seeing him in person again? You’re panicking.
You heard the door open and immediately, sat down the table. Your excitement suddenly rising.
But much to your dismay it was Oikawa who got in first (hiding the disappointment on your face : >) .
You did welcomed him of course and you guys talked about life in general, also Iwaizumi’s biceps. You can talk about it all day.
While conversing with Oikawa, he did noticed how tensed and sweaty you are upon his arrival, if he were to tease you, it’s going to be about his desirable presence, petrifying you.
But knowing how you guys missed each other, Oikawa thinks otherwise.
“You know y/n, Iwa-chan’s kind of nervous to today. I called him earlier ago, and while on the call, I did notice that he has stuttering a lot, wordless even. I gotta be honest, it’s the first time I see him so nervous like that~, he looks like he has the urge to take a shit too.”
You laughed at the last part, holding your stomach while calming yourself down.
You managed to calm down a little bit much to Oikawa’s relief, so he decided that he will talk about the embarrassing things Iwaizumi has to offer <3 (Iwaizumi kept sneezing at that time).
So for a while or so, finally Iwaizumi came. He apologized, due to traffic.
“Ah I apologize for the wait, traffic caught up.”
“Pssh please excuses, excuses. Just be honest, you just took a dump out of fear Iwa-chan~”
“Oi may I remind you that you were just forced to be here Shittykawa? Or I’ll kick your ass back in Argentina, I’ll be glad to do it.”
“Iwa-chan, physics disagree, no wonder you failed science class!”
Cue you stopping their fight because you were filming for a special video.
In the end, the date was ruined, thanks to the lovely Oikawa <3. Iwaizumi was disheartened about it tho.
So you after filming, you decided to go on a date with Iwa-chan! (Oikawa wants to come too but your members have to drag him away from you guys).
And it was a HUGE relief that Oikawa was gone, now it was only you and him, and the beautiful scenery of Seoul,
You guys took a stroll on the beautiful parks of Seoul, the light was reflecting upon your face and your eyes, sparkling. Iwaizumi is softly smiling at you while gleaming at the beauty of your face.
While holding hands though you remembered that you have to tell him you appreciate him.
“A-ah I forgot to tell you something while filming Hajime, now I feel bad...”
“Ahh it’s okay thought, you don’t need to feel bad...I mean, it was my fault I was late in the filming and I can’t help it that Oikawa was-”
“No no, not THAT Hajime, it’s more than just the filming.”
For now Iwaizumi was confused, isn’t the purpose of him visiting was for the filming?
“Ah what is it then? You can tell me anything y/n, and I’ll make sure I’ll be there for you.”
“Ah that, well, I would like to say thank you Hajime, thank you for always being there for me, even if you’re a busy guy with your own dreams, you were reminding me of how supportive you are of my dreams too. So Hajime, I-I love you so much.”
Iwaizumi was....speechless, his heart was racing and his face was tinted red.
But even so, Iwaizumi gave you his best smile, and kissed you lovingly on the lips.
“Of course, I’m always going to make sure you’re supported y/n. I’ll be here for you, always and forever.”
Notes: Yukgaejang - A spicy beef soup, composed of shredded beef and vegtables, simmered for a long period of time. Mostly the soup is also of thick consistency.
Lee Soohee is a fictional actor / actress. I just made them up lol.
❀ Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 8
Kageyama today has a busy schedule.
Not only is he practicing for an upcoming games against the Black Jackals.
Now he has a new commercial endorsement?
He was chosen as the new ambassador for a brand of curry.
His reaction? He panicked.
To the point that his soul has ascended to the higher realms (the Adlers team thought he fainted due to exhaustion : < ).
Since he knows nothing about acting he decided to call you!
Which in fact is also a famous CF model in the whole kpop industry.
You were featured in a lot of commercials that is aired on televisions.
Your acting skills were so great, you were highly praised in the industry.
So stan y/n for a brighter future : >
After a second you picked up the phone, Kageyama responded:
“Ah Tobio how are you? Why’d you call? Have you eaten today?...Am I going to call the plumber again?”
Kageyama winced at that memory.
One time his sink was in ruins that he doesn’t know what to do so he called for help in his emergency contact, and it was you.
The confusion on the plumber’s face when he saw your contact number is priceless (He gotta take a double look from it).
Like a customer, in need from...Seoul???
“A-ah...no, you see um I need your guidance of some sort.”
Now that peaked your interest.
“Oh hohhh, and what is it Tobio? You know you can really on me for anything.”
The fact that you said that to him gives him the relief he needed.
“It’s about in relation to...umm...acting...”
“Mhm, and what about acting?”
“I-I was invited to be an endorser in a commercial...”
You gasped at the phone, praising him for his accomplishments.
“Tobio that’s really great news! I can’t believe that you’re chosen as a new ambassador for a commercial~ I’m looking forward for your work by then.”
“Thank you y/n, but I need help with my acting skills. And you’re the only one I could think of when it comes to this since your the best in acting...If you could give me tips on how to improve, that would help me alot. So please assist me!”
“...Oh kageyama, of course I’ll help you! Don’t you remember, that you can always rely on me?”
“Yes, yes I always do.”
You both smiled at that.
“Great! So I also have a commercial coming up this week, so what I mostly do is read the script a week before filming...”
And so Kageyama listened attentively while sharing your tips.
So much so he is practicing his acting skills with the Adlers.
In early in the morning, the team was warming up at the gym, when to say the least they saw Kageyama was already there. It was ordinary for them of course, but something was off...
They’re both mortified, shocked, and amused to say the least.
Because they saw him weirdly smiling at them at practice.
Hoshiumi is scarred for life.
“AHHH KAGEYMA, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!”
“Practicing my smiles. I wanted to look, as what y/n would say...dashing...”
“UGH, DEAR GOD, YOU LOOK LIKE MY SLEEP PARALYSIS DEMON!”
“I think there is nothing wrong with his smile. He looks “dashing” enough.”
“EASY FOR YOU TO SAY...YOU SMILE JUST LIKE HIM USHIJIMA!”
After a week of terrifying his teammates it was the day of filming!
Kageyama was making sure to remember what you said to him.
“Memorize the script, show your dashing smile, look...natural...huh?”
But while reading through the script. Man bumped into someone, and surprise, surprise...it was you! (what a plot twist, definitely not cliché).
You and him were like: (☞ ; ☉_☉)☞ ☜( º □ º ;☜)
“YOU’RE endorsing for a curry commercial?!”
“You too? Y/n?”
“So uh...wanna go out for dinner tonight?”
“...Yeah, sure as long at it’s with you...”
Cue you guys both blushing from your cheesiness.
At the set you guys where catching up with one another while filming.
And while talking you guys were trying to find a place for your date later.
“A-ahh how about this one?”
“Ah you okay with this one Kageyama?”
“If, if you’re okay with it?”
“I’m okay with it if you’re okay with it!”
While on set, you were always reassuring Kageyama on what to do, especially his acting and memorized lines.
He keeps nodding along of course.
And while filming, the director is now saying on what you are going to do.
Of course you being the pro here, handled everything effortlessly, and with grace. Plus, you look ethereal on camera too.
Now everyone, can see why you were the best.
Meanwhile, Kageyama was blushing like crazy, he forgot his lines sksksksk.
I mean how could he not? You look gorgeous 🙄✋.
So you guys did a lot of takes after that, and after FINALLY he did remembered his lines, the director said it was a wrap.
Excitedly you guys enjoyed your date while hiding from the press (the press ain’t gonna ruin your date on this one).
After the filming, your commercial was out with Kageyama. And boi oh boi was he teased.
The Adlers were pointing out how red his face was whenever looking at you.
Kageyama just wants to bury himself, six feet under tbh.
There you were eating curry so beautifully, while he looks straight up acting like a 2000s video game side character.
“Power curry is a service ace.”
Cue his awkward smile.
“BWAHAHAHA WHAT WAS THAT?! CAN’T SEE THE DAY YOU LOSE YOUR COMPOSURE OVER YOUR LOVER.”
“Kageyama that was an amazing smile, do it again.”
Hoshiumi wheezed at Ushijima’s remark
While Hirugami was calling the team to check out what he discovered.
“Hey now Kageyama’s trending on twitter!”
Indeed he did, because you were in it lol.
They were laughing at the fact that Kageyama’s face is as red as a tomato.
Man was a meme now, and some began shipping him with you lmaoo.
Also: Now Trending: Simpeyama.
Now people were making headlines about him as a meme lmaoo.
Even you were laughing.
Kageyama hates the fact that he was called as “Simpeyama”
But he didn’t deny it of course, you were gorgeous after all.
Notes: CF model: In South korea, CF model is a term called “Commercial Filming” model. It is where mostly idols, celebrities, or actors are given multiple endorsements in advertising.
Things were changing around us, and we didn’t know that even love changes.
In which you reminisce the time you spent with a certain blonde boy named Tsukishima Kei, and you begin to remember why it all went wrong.
part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4
part four word count: 3k
warnings/tags: allusions to sex, post-college au, coming-of-age, angst
To the person I never knew I needed (you):
Before anything else, I would like to thank you for still reading. I know that my letters are too long to be even called letters, and these pieces of paper shouldn’t mean anything to you, but you still gave it a chance.
Thank you for letting me pour my heart out.
And I think this is going to be my last letter. They told me that this is the last pill they will ever give me, so before it starts losing its effect, let me continue where I left off. And it might get a little choppy again, so I apologize in advance.
I lingered on our Canada what-if for months. The thought scared me more than living alone, because when you're alone, you only need to fend off for yourself. Building a family is a whole different thing. It means chipping a little bit of yourself to keep putting food on the table. It means that sometimes there are more bad days than good days, but the payoff is worth it.
It was something I wasn't prepared for, but Kei assured me that it was something that he would not take action on until we were both ready.
So I waited.
For more than a year, I waited.
Until October came and there was a Halloween party at his work. Whenever he went to company parties or post-game celebrations, I just let him do his own thing. I trusted him enough to know that he would never cheat on me because, like I told you, Kei is a nice guy. And he never did. He never cheated on me and there was never a moment in our relationship when I suspected a third party. Which is why writing about him hurts more.
Usually, when he’s out with his friends, he wouldn’t call or text me. Which was understandable, because if I were in his shoes, I wouldn’t have time to update him as well. So when he didn’t text me at all while he was out, I just let him be. That same Friday night, I tucked myself in bed while watching Bojack Horseman. It’s a bit of a heavy show, but I highly recommend it. Here, let me share you my favorite dialogue:
Character A: “I have loved you for 25 years and I never loved anyone better. That kind of love, you only get it when you’re young and stupid. I’m not gonna get it again. And when I tell my daughter the story of the great love of my life, I want it to have a happy ending.”
Character B: “Is it possible that you letting me go is the happy ending?”
Even to this day, this exchange stuck with me.
You see, when Saturday morning came, there was no text from Kei. I figured he might have had a little too much to drink, so I waited until afternoon. Still nothing. When evening came, I asked him if everything was alright. Kei replied with, “Let’s talk tomorrow at your place.” And I replied with, “Sure, see you tomorrow.”
I contemplated it for a bit, then I finally added a quick, “I love you, good night.”
Kei replied, “Good night.”
That Saturday night felt like torture. I started writing furiously in my journal about Kei, thinking about all the things he might have wanted to talk about. I had a hunch that kept pestering me but I kept ignoring it to the point that I never wrote it in my journal. I didn’t want to immortalize it. I didn’t want it to be real. I wanted Canada to be real, with our two little kids running around the hallways. But reality had other plans.
When the doorbell rang the next day, I pretended not to hear it. Then it rang again, but I still ignored it. On the third ring, I gave in, and finally opened the door. And there he was, standing on my doorway, eyes bloodshot.
I wanted to cup his face and ask him what was wrong, but I already knew why he looked like that. So I maintained a poker face instead and let him in.
“Where should I sit?” Kei asked.
I pointed to the lone chair at my desk, because there really was nowhere else to go in a hundred-square-foot micro studio apartment. The same apartment he checked. With me, for me. When he sat down, I sat on the bed. The same bed where he planted the idea of Canada. In me, for us.
Kei took a deep breath, and repeated the same seven words he uttered more than a year ago.
“I want to break up with you.”
There was a long silence between us, until I finally had the courage to ask, “Why?”
“I thought about it for a really long time, but I thought it would be best if we broke up.”
I asked again, “Why?”
“I want to keep doing things on my own. Like volleyball and work.”
“And you couldn’t do that with me around?”
I couldn’t remember if he answered that question, but I remember saying, “This really came out of nowhere, Kei,” because it did. I thought everything was good, that everything was perfectly fine. I thought we were okay, because it had been more than a year.
Kei cleared his throat. “I’ve been thinking about it for a long time.”
“A long time,” I repeated, each word piercing deeper in my heart. “And you never thought of talking to me about it?”
He didn’t answer.
“And since when did you start having these thoughts?”
“I told you, I’ve been thinking about it for a long time.”
“But since when,” I hissed. “We could have talked about it. We could have done something to fix it. But you never told me that something was wrong. I never sensed something was wrong. Should I have noticed something, Kei? Or did I do something wrong?”
“No, babe, it’s not your fault,” Kei tried as he leaned forward to try and calm me down.
I backed away from him and continued, “But back then, you told me that having me around wouldn’t hurt.”
“So did something change?”
Kei shook his head. He tried to smile, and it was the saddest smile I’ve ever seen on his face. “The thought of breaking up with you never went away.”
I slapped him. I thought the movies were overdoing it, but when I was in the same situation, it was the only thing I could do. The movies might have gotten first kisses wrong, but they certainly got the breakup scenes right.
“All this time, you wanted to break up with me?”
“I wasn’t entirely sure, which is why I never told you. I tried to make it work and gave it another chance. And I wasn’t lying about Canada either—”
“Can you stop talking about Canada?”
I buried my face into my hands. There was a throbbing pain on the left side of my head. I took a few deep breaths before asking, “And what made you sure this time?”
“I talked with some people during the Halloween party.”
“And they convinced you to break up with me?”
“No, they stopped me.”
I looked up at him, more confused than ever.
“They stopped me, but then I thought, if I have been thinking about it for a long time, then maybe I should just end it altogether. I thought it was getting unfair to you.”
“It had been unfair to me ever since you decided not to talk to me about it,” I snarled.
Kei didn’t answer me.
He stayed at my place for another hour. What happened in those sixty minutes was a blur, and I wish I could tell you in detail, but I really can’t remember. Even the actual breakup is hazy to me, and those bits and pieces of dialogue I wrote earlier were all I could recall from that day.
I told you in my first letter that I will try to paint a picture in your head, but I couldn’t do it this time around for this memory. I’m sorry.
And I wish I could talk about the nicer memories, like when he took me to an ice skating rink, or when we ate Chinese takeout in his car because it was raining hard and all restaurants were full, or when he met my parents and they loved him to death. But I couldn’t, because somewhere along those moments, Kei must have been thinking of how to break up with me. So I’m really sorry that I can only talk about the unpleasant ones.
And it didn’t stop there.
Five days after the breakup, Yamaguchi came over to my apartment. He brought two boxes of pizza and a tub of ice cream.
“I thought you’d be at Kei’s place instead,” I said as I instructed him to place the food on the rug while I stored the ice cream in the freezer.
“Hmm, he’ll talk about it when he wants to,” Yamaguchi assured me.
We both sat on the floor as I placed the laptop on my lap.
“Is there anything you’d like to watch?” I asked him.
“Oh! There’s this new anime film that came out. I heard it was produced by the same people responsible for Your Lie In April.”
I glared at him. “I thought you came over to cheer me up.”
Yamaguchi laughed. “I did, I did! But the trailer looked really cute. Here, let me look for it.”
I gave him my laptop. I opened the pizza box and grabbed a slice.
“Here!” Yamaguchi turned the laptop around so I could see the movie’s title. Words Bubble Up Like Soda Pop.
I nodded while chewing on my pizza. I gestured for him to place the laptop on the bed so we could watch. And it instantly became one of my comfort movies. You should watch it when you’re free. It’s a great palate cleanser after Bojack Horseman.
When the last scene of the film played, I started crying.
“Are you okay?” Yamaguchi asked as he caressed my back. “Is the movie too much for you?”
But I couldn’t answer him. I couldn’t tell him that it was more than about the movie. It was about me remembering our college orientation and trying to see what I could undo from there. It was about me recalling the first time I realized I was in love with Kei, and how I wished everything turned out like Words Bubble Up Like Soda Pop.
It took a lot of ice cream scoops and water to calm me down.
“Hey,” Yamaguchi said, tucking stray hairs behind my ear. “I want you to know that I’m your friend, too. I’m not going to pick sides because it’s really no one’s fault. Who knows, maybe you will work it out in the end.”
I nodded, and Yamaguchi hugged me. I felt better when he came over, but felt a pang of loneliness when he left. Although I appreciated his visit, there was a void that I needed to fill. So that night, I decided to go to a nearby club alone.
While I was lining up at the queue, someone called me. I looked up and saw Kuroo. “You were with Yamaguchi before, right?”
“Yeah, yeah, I remember you because you’re Tsukki’s girlfriend. Speaking of which, where is he?”
“I don’t know. Haven’t heard from him in a while.”
Kuroo gave me a long look before he invited me to join him and his colleagues from the Japanese Volleyball Association. He said that they were on a business trip at Miyagi and decided to have some fun that night.
For a moment, I forgot how bad I was at interacting with strangers, because they were a good crowd. Kuroo made sure I was always part of the conversation, but he knew when to divert attention from me. It was fun being with them, just business people finishing up on their drinks and getting wasted. It was amusing to watch.
After a few more shots, I excused myself and headed to the smoking area.
“Where are you going?” Kuroo said, following me.
“Just getting fresh air.”
“Right, get your fresh air in the smoking area.”
I stared at him for a bit then smiled. I lit up a stick and offered one to Kuroo, but he declined and went straight to the point.
“Did you and Tsukki, you know, break up?”
I looked up at the ceiling for a while before I answered him. “I guess. I mean we still talk. But he can see whoever he wants. I don’t know. Kei told me it’s up to me if I wanted to wait for him to come back.”
Kuroo hummed. “Would you?”
I puffed a smoke. I looked at Kuroo. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, baring his forearms. Some of the buttons on his dress shirt were unfastened, and I could see a little bit of his chest peeking out. I eyed him from head to toe.
Then I leaned closer and kissed him. I felt restraint from him at first, until I felt his hands crawling from my lower back up to my hair. When he pulled away, he said, “My hotel room's nearby.” So we hailed a cab and kept kissing in the car and in the elevator and in the hallways, until we arrived at his room.
The moment he locked the door, it was messy and loud. Not gentle at all, but full of urgency and something I never knew I liked. I didn’t know I liked danger until I met Kuroo. I was used to Kei and all his thoughtful kisses, but not Kuroo’s rash grips on me. But I still gave in. It was what I came out for that night, anyway.
The pillow talk was unexpectedly full of cuddles and kisses. But it wasn’t warm at all. It was alien to me but automatic for Kuroo. Nothing romantic, just two adults looking for something to pass the night. It almost tasted like tequila rose. Have you ever had one before? It’s sweet and milky smooth, nothing like cement. But it hits me harder, making me regret having too much of it. Highly deceptive.
The morning after, I scribbled my number on a memo pad, tiptoed out the door, and left Kuroo in his boxers. When I reached a pedestrian crossing, a familiar voice called out to me. I turned around and saw Kei.
Looking back on that moment again, I should have felt something. Like guilt. Or sadness. But the hole Kei left made me hollow and devoid of anything, and even Kuroo wasn’t able to fill that up.
“You’re being too obvious,” he told me.
“I don’t know what you mean.”
Kei raised his hand and placed a finger on my neck. “This is too red. You should put ice over this.”
I flicked his hand away. “Look at yourself first.”
Because when he called my name and I looked at him, it wasn’t his eyes I saw first. It was his collarbones, the same collarbones I woke up to just a week ago. And right there, right where I used to run my fingers on, were bite marks that weren’t mine.
When I got home, I turned on the shower and stared at the walls for a good half-hour. When I came back to my senses, I scrubbed my skin free of Kuroo and Kei.
For the next four weeks, I ignored Kei’s calls and texts. And during those weeks, I kept meeting up with Kuroo. It didn’t matter if I was in Miyagi and he was in Tokyo. We found a way to make it work, which was something I wish Kei and I did. But still, Kuroo and I didn’t end up together.
He said, “You look like you haven’t gotten over Tsukki yet.” And he was right.
So after a month of ignoring Kei, I finally texted him.
I think we shouldn’t talk anymore. We’re just trying to hold on to each other because it’s what we have known so far. Maybe letting go is what’s best for us.
And maybe Bojack Horseman got it right. Maybe letting each other go was our happy ending.
I never got a reply from Kei after that.
And I kept dating and having my heart broken.
The next time we met was at our college reunion eight years later. And I remember Kei standing, red cup in hand, glint radiating from his ring finger.
“That’s a nice ring you’ve got,” I told him.
I recall Kei smiling and telling me, “Yours looks good too.”
We shared a glance, knowing that we will forever orbit around each other, but will never collide into love.
That was the last time I saw him.
And I know what you’re thinking. It sounds like a common falling-out-of-love story. And it is. A lot of us get our hearts broken in the same way. And just like the others, I thought Kei and I were special, because we were so happy. But looking back, I realized that we were happy, just like the others.
There was nothing special about that.
But even though I met someone else, the pain still lingers. Which is maybe the reason why they told me to write about him to you.
And I don’t know where he is now, or how many children or grandchildren he has, but I hope he’s happy. Because I definitely felt a little happier now that I wrote it all down. Maybe relieved is the word.
I have been keeping this in my heart for a really long time, and I would get paralyzed just trying to think about it. So I guess I should thank you for not burning my letters. Thank you for reading all the way through and being there for me as I remember.
I hope you find peace within you as well.
(And if you see him around, can you tell him I would be more than happy to make him a cup of Vietnamese coffee latte?)
i’m sorry if i still write about you / fin
author’s note: if you’re reading this, thank you and i love you. thank you for giving this story a chance. and sorry i ended it this way but i just had to do it hah hah ha... because this fic is loosely based on Reese Lansangan’s Orbiting! (excuses) take a listen, it’s sooo so good!
if you enjoyed this, please consider reading goose-feather pillows for some akaashi angst goodness!
#haikyuu longfic #tsukishima kei x reader #kuroo tetsurou x reader #tsukishima x y/n #tsukishima kei x you #haikyuu!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x y/n #tsukishima x reader #haikyuu post timeskip #kuroo tetsurou #tsukishima kei x y/n #tsukishima angst #krystal.writes #tahonet #tht.sinta
Haikyuu random thoughts - Fukurodani & Itachiyama grads
- Bokuto & Akaashi
- Sakusa & Komori
Bokuto Kotarou (MSBY - Outside Hitter)
Bokuto is not a picky eater. He is one grateful man when you cook. Whenever you cook something delicious or you are trying new recipes (even through they are not always great) Bokuto will always leave his plate empty. First you though that he is doing this so your ego will not get hurt. Last thing he wants is to make you feel bad but later when he is still leaving his plates empty you can see that he actually enjoys your creation. Okay, it is sometimes not best but he will still eat it all because he appreciates you trying and making it for him. We all know that food makes a man happy. Bokuto truly loves food and especially meat because what else will keep his muscles growing? Was is sometimes challange for you? Yes. Did you ever said no to his ideas for a dinner? No, because you knew that this guys stomach will take anything. "How do you do this Y/N? It's delicious as always. Thank you so much baby."
Akaashi Keiji (Editor in a Shonen Jump Magazine)
Akaashi is such a romantic soul. At the beginning of your relationship, you though that his romantic side will slowly fade away but oh how much you were wrong. Even after getting married he never forgets to buy you flowers on Friday as an achievement for going through the whole week at work and making your house feel like home. That you are patient when it comes to his work and late night editing, having busy schedule. It pains you little bit when you hear your colleagues in work talk about their husbands and how they are not buying them gifts randomly and how one having receive flowers in a while. But on the other hand you realize how lucky you got long time ago and how you could have ended up like this. Sometimes Akaashi will also call you in work to inform you that no cooking tonight just take out food and resetting your mind and having time for yourselves. It may not always be financially the best but he never forgets to surprise you. Maybe it's not always the bouquet but even a one flower can show you that he still cares. "I know you said that your favorite flower is ..... but they didn't had them anymore so I bought you this one."
Sakusa Kiyoomi (MSBY - Outside Hitter)
Sakusa is cleaning freak and we all know that but he is also very observant and when he cleans he always takes a note of how much of your favorite tea/coffee you still have. He keeps an eye on how much there is left in container. He knows it is part of your routine to drink it and he will not let it runs out. He doesn't want you to go make it and realizing you don't have anything left so when you are running out he puts it on a shopping list. Only once he forgot and he may look cold to others but seeing you looking at empty container alarmed him and your pouty lips made him feel bad. He had one job. So since then he keeps an eye on your stock. He will not say it but whenever you thank him and kiss him for restocking your favorite tea/coffee he is happy and it makes him feel like he have achieved something special. Especially when your eyes lights up. "It was almost gone so I brought you a new pack. You don't need to thank me my germ."
Komori Motoya (EJP Raijin - Libero)
Komori wanted a pet for a long time. Especially dog (if you are alergic use your fav.) So after long time Komori whining you said yes to him and let me tell you it was a mistake. You knew Komori wanted a dog but his dog is like a baby to him. He will always bring it to vacation with him and he let it sleep on a couch between you two. So your time with Komori got cut down to half. Yeah it was cool to have some time for yourself for a while. So how did you end up having staring contest with a dog after you talk to him that you were in his heart first? Truly you don't even know. Komori laugh to himself when you talk to your pet. Yeah it was pain in the ass sometimes but you loved your dog too (dogs are personal vacuums when you cook or have leftovers) and it reminds you Komori when he is away. One of your favorite moment is when Komori started chasing Kiyoomi with his dog while Kiyoomi was running away from the fluffy monster full of germ. I was fun to see Sakusa using Atsumu as a shield from Komori and fluff monster. "Don't look at me like that I ain't Motoya to give you leftover meat. Go ask him."
a/n: Thank your for reading. I hope you enjoyed it. As I said in my last post: If you don’t think this would be them it’s okay. These come from my head. :)