#toxic traits Tumblr posts

  • whoa me?? Scared of my mom rn?? Hahaha nooo what makes u think that?? I mean it’s not like she’s mad rn and craving cigarettes and turning the entire apartment inside out for them hahaha nooo why would she be slamming stuff hahaha I’m okay 10/10 perfectly fine not scared at all

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  • It’s hard going through life with these toxic traits. I just want to rid of them, yet when I challenge myself to rid of them, I can’t. Why do I feel naked without them? I don’t want them anymore, they’re here because of my past. I’m a different person, well I want to be new, healed as a matter of fact. But sometimes when I’m doing so good, when I’ve challenged myself and almost have overcome my toxic traits, I start to tell a story again. The inner critic comes out and I self-sabotage my success. I’m continually a work in progress. Maybe I fear if all my toxic traits go away then underneath I’ll be someone different, a person I can’t recognize. Or maybe I’m telling myself a story that I’m not worth it. That I’m not good enough to heal. I acknowledge my toxic traits. I know I have them, but will I be able to continuously work through them. Will I be able to be freed from them? Or will my self-critic tell me a story where it’s not in forte.  Recovery is an on-going battle, maybe I won’t fully ever recover from my toxic traits, but I can continue to put in the work to hopefully, in the end, heal from my past to be a better version of myself. Here to more fighting battles with myself, cheers. 

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  • (A/N): This is the original version. You can find the english one here.

    Genre: drabbles

    Warning: TOXIC TRAITS, MENTION OF BREAK-UPS!

    Keep reading

    #free! #high speed! #toxic traits #free! german #toxische liebe#trennung#fanfic german #free! imagines #free! scenarios #sosuke yamazaki#ikuya kirishima#asahi shiina#kisumi shigino#hiyori tono#natsuya kirishima#nao serizawa #sosuke x reader #ikuya x reader #asahi x reader #kisumi x reader #hiyori x reader #natsuya x reader #nao x reader #free! drabbles #drabbles german#german drabbles #free! deutsche fanfics #drabbles#sosuke free#ikuya free
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  • Here’s how toxic I was back in the day (and yes I’m admitting to all my mistakes);

    • I used to have a big go at people and bully them when I thought they were prettier than me.
    • I used to cause arguments because I couldn’t have a go at my family so I had a go at strangers on the Internet. Or I used to have a big go at people who I knew.
    • I used to stalk people on social media and wishing my life was theirs.
    • When I was a kid, I used to start fights, didn’t care if I got beaten up either. I had a lot of anger problems that I didn’t know how to deal with.
    • I was supper attached with my abusers and speaking of them highly (especially my mother). I also didn’t realise at the time I had Trauma Bonding. (Will do a post in detail about that in the future.)
    • I used to drink alcohol to hide the pain. Never realising it was causing more harm than good.
    • I used to cause arguments with people who wronged me in the past. Didn’t think ar the time that strong feeling I had was an emotional flashback, not realising that happened long ago.
    • I used to gossip and bitch about people a lot, thinking that was healthy. It’s NEVER okay in anyway shape of form to do that.
    • I used to judge people so easily but never thinking I copied that from my mother. It’s NEVER okay to judge someone, just because you follow their lifestyle, doesn’t mean you can judge them.
    • I used to bully my own friends, thinking that was okay to do, since my own mother did that with her friends. It’s NEVER okay to do that.
    • I used put my own insecurities onto my friends and other people. Again, that’s NEVER okay to do.
    • I used to say “get over it” or “why can’t you be happy for once” or “can’t you just stop being depressed” or “can’t you just ‘snap it out of it’” to people who are depressed, have anxiety or have social anxiety and so on. I thought this was normal since my mother said it all the time to me and never realising I copied it from her. Again, this is NEVER okay to do.
    • I thought I knew everything and I used to give people really bad advice. Never realising I copied it from my mother.
    • I thought it was weird that some people didn’t drink alcohol. So I used to persuade my own friends to drink more. This is NEVER okay to do.
    • Even tho when I was living with my mother, I had two lives. Like one life where I was dating girls, having one stands with girls and going out drinking behind my families back. The other life I used to judge my own friends for being apart of LGBTQIA+ community. This is NEVER okay to do.
    • I used to think it was weird and strange that people are asexual and they need therapy to be into sex. I was basically judging their lives. Again, this is NEVER okay to do.
    • I used to judge people for marrying twice and thought they were sluts. I never realised my mother taught me this and I was copying her traits. Again, NEVER okay to do.
    • I thought it was okay for guys to use me and they could have sex with me, whenever they feel like (I had a lot of dissociation with sex in general).
    • I thought it was normal that guys would beat me up daily (I had a lot of Trauma Bonding issues).
    • I used to bully my own friends and other people for their disabilities, even hidden disabilities. Again, NEVER okay to do.
    • People used to have to walk like there’s eggshells around me. Making sure they don’t offend me. (Btw, that’s super toxic).
    • I used to judge people on their happiness, like people watching ASMR or something that makes them happy. Just because I don’t do what they do, doesn’t mean it’s okay to judge people’s lives. This is NEVER okay to do.
    • I used to judge people who go out drinking every weekend or month. This is NEVER okay to do.
    • I used to judge women for being pornstars or selling their bodies on the Internet; via webcam girls, models who do nudes and lingerie. I thought it was “not natural” and wrong because the bible says it’s wrong. This is NEVER okay to do. Hence why I follow Wicca now.
    • I used to judge other people’s religions and beliefs because the bible says it’s wrong. This is NEVER EVER okay to do. Hence why I don’t follow Christianity anymore, I follow Wicca.
    • I used to be super racist and thought white is the superior race. Any other race is dumb, any culture is rude and anyone who isn’t white should be poor and white people should be rich. This is NEVER EVER okay to do.
    • I used to think that being a transgender was wrong and they weren’t “real people”, like they had no rights and it’s wrong to change the gender because it’s against the bible. For example; you are born as a male so you should stay as a male and you are born as a female, you should stay as a female. Being transgender is “not natural and goes against God who created you”. This is NEVER EVER okay to think like that. Hence why I follow Wicca.
    • I used to think that women got asked for rape because women should bow down to men at all times. (I’m still shocked I used to think like this). This is NEVER EVER okay to think like that.
    • I used to think tattoos was the devils work and you should never get a tattoo because you’re “damaging your skin that god created for you”. This is so WRONG to think like that. Hence why I’m following Wicca and not Christianity.
    • I used to think that women should cover up and if you show cleavage that you’re a slut and asking to get raped. This is NEVER okay to think like that.
    • I thought spreading rumours about someone was okay. Even if my mother started it, I thought it was normal. This is NEVER okay to do.
    • I used to think it was weird and wrong that girls would have one boyfriend throughout their life. So WRONG.
    • I used to think that people should have lost their virginity till they were at least 13-16. This is soooo WRONG on so many levels.
    • I used to think it was weird and wrong if you’re still a virgin by 50+. This is WRONG.
    • I used to think it was wrong that a woman had children not be married. So WRONG.
    • I used to think the man should stay around all the time and have him around for his sakes and the children’s sake. Even tho he’s abusing the wife. This is NEVER OKAY.
    • I used to think divorce is wrong, even tho they are getting abused and raped daily. Completely WRONG to think that.
    • I used to think that people can get over death easily. That death isn’t that big of a deal. Even if they got murdered or they have committed suicide and it’s “not a big deal”. This is NEVER okay to think like this.
    • Suicide is wrong and they will go to hell and be tortured for the rest of time. Suicide is selfish and it’s wrong. Satan will punish the person and they should “get over” their suicidal thoughts. THIS IS NEVER EVER OKAY TO THINK LIKE THAT.
    • I used to think miscarriages are “not a big deal”. This is NEVER EVER okay to think like that.
    • I used to think doing drugs and drinking alcohol to avoid pain was normal. So toxic btw.
    • My family does incest and marry their cousins, fuck their uncles/aunties that’s okay to do. I thought this was normal. THIS IS NEVER EVER EVER OKAY.
    • I thought it was normal that my family picked my friends and the people who I date and marry. This is illegal and SO WRONG!
    • I thought it was weird and wrong for people who didn’t to marry outside of the families circle. Like I thought it was okay to marry my cousins or family friends. This is soooo WRONG on so many levels.
    • I used to think any kind of therapy was bad and they should “get over it”. This is NEVER okay to do.
    • I used to be such a people pleaser and everyone should like me and should be friends with me. (This is soooo toxic.)
    • I used force friendship on people (this also super duper toxic).
    • I used to think that women should marry and have kids later. So WRONG!
    • I used to think women should never be single parent. SO WRONG!
    • I used to think it was wrong that women didn’t want children and not get married. This is WRONG btw.
    • I thought it was wrong that people didn’t get married in a church. So WRONG!
    • All LBGTQIA+ shouldn’t get married, they are not human beings and they go against the bible. This is so stupid and so WRONG!
    • I used to think men who dress up as drag queens are “not natural” and it goes against the bible and they should be thrown in jail and hell. So this is NEVER okay to think like that.
    • I used to think that people who didn’t swear are weird and “unnatural”. This is so toxic.
    • I used to judge peoples kinks and fetishes. This is soooo toxic.
    • I used to think guys raping me was okay and I was “asking for it” or they were “entitled” to have sex with me. Aka rape me was okay. This is NEVER EVER okay to think like that.
    • I used to shit stir with my friends and cause arguments within friendship groups. This is soooooo toxic.
    • I used to think only women are victims to domestic abuse and men should “man up”. THIS IS SO WRONG!
    • I used to think that everyone should marry, have children and live how the bible says. Soooo WRONG!
    • I used to think adults watching cartoons (not anime) is babyish and wrong. This is so toxic btw.
    • I used to think men should only game and not women. So wrong.
    • I used to think some jobs should be a mans only job and the women should stay in the kitchen. Super toxic btw.
    • I used to think that everyone should go to church and if they don’t, they will go to hell. This is so stupid btw.
    • I used to think that single dads are going to be bad dads and the children should go to the woman. Also that woman should be married to a different man so they can’t be single and grow up a child/children on their own. This is soooo toxic.
    • I used to think women shouldn’t have their own business and women should stay in the kitchen. This is super toxic.
    • It’s a mans job to be in the military and women can’t because they are women. Women can’t shoot because they are women. Again, so toxic and so WRONG!
    • I used to think that you can’t have children and work at the same time. So toxic btw.
    • I used to think children are dumb and they don’t understand when you call them names. Btw they do understand and they are not dumb in anyway shape or form.
    • I used to think that a still borns death is normal and they should never grieve. The woman should blame herself for the still birth. This is so WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS!

    I think that’s everything. Sorry it’s a huge list, I just had to write it down because I know I was toxic before. So writing down all my mistakes, honestly makes me feel better, like I’m admiting my wrongs and I’m trying not to be a toxic person. Trying not to be like my mother.

    #cptsdhealing #living with cptsd #cptsd problems #just cptsd things #actually cptsd#cptsd tag#cptsd thoughts#tw cptsd#actually ptsd#cptsd vent#huge list#toxic traits #I was toxic #my toxic self #what I used to believe #admiting my mistakes #admiting my wrongs #past life#Wicca#christian community#christian faith
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  • #lina's asks❓#free#toxic traits#highspeed #thank you so much for this
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  • (A/N): I know I’ve said there would be more hq content atm lol but somehow I feel a bit more confident with our swim guys. Maybe it’s bc of the fact that I’ve finished Free! so far but still have to watch hq to get to know everyone. However, there will also be hq content, so don’t get disappointed! ♥

    Genre: drabbles

    Warnings: TOXIC TRAITS, MENTION OF BREAK-UPS!

    Keep reading

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  • Emotional pain yet emotional freedom

    I loved you even though you had disordered thoughts on love. There is so much in you that was brilliant, but the abuse and the assault cannot be overlooked. If you were sincere in your apology you would have waited for me to heal. That doesn’t happen quickly.

    #emotional abuse #survivors of emotional abuse #emotional pain #trust after abuse #toxic relationship#toxic traits
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  • my most toxic trait is trying to get everyone to fall in love w me 24/7

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  • image

    via @wolftyla post on her story

    Source: Instagram

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  • Learn to unlearn toxic behaviors that were learned subconsciously from unhealthy situations or relationships.

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  • Can we stop celebrating toxic traits in dumb relationship posts and rom coms ? Thanks

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  • I have been gone a very long time…


    I don’t even know if there is anyone still out there listening to my ramblings. But that is ok. The point is, I am rambling. And that is fine.


    For anyone who is still listening, on whatever platform you have found me - If you haven’t already seen the pattern, I disappear frequently. Perhaps you’re familiar with it, perhaps you already know, but if you’ve missed the signs - I struggle with depression, and how it manifests for me is to just disappear. This is the longest I have ever disappeared. This has been a rough one.


    No. I am not in danger. I’m not even sad. Depression, for me, has never been that. It is simply a Nothing. Inspiration leaves me. Want and will evaporate. I just want to be left alone, and be. I am tired, and have nothing to say, and want nothing to do. But, of course, there are things I *have* to do. Things I MUST do, and like the good warrior I am, of course - I do. But that takes so much energy, that once what I must do is done, there is even less of me left than where I began.


    So I sit. And I sleep. And I watch the same million episodes of the same three shows that I’ve seen a million times before, because it is soothing. Because, somehow, they are still entertaining, and they are comforting and relaxing and I tell myself I’m just recouping - tomorrow I’ll do something. But of course, tomorrow has a whole new list of *musts* and *have tos*. And the cycle continues.


    The last post I made here, was not actually on this blog - but the Sister blog. The one I created solely for the dark and depressed rantings to be able to get it out and expell it from my being. It was my one and only post. And then I went dark. For four years. I was in a very bad place. It was hard for me to articulate, because I was still engulfed in it. I hadn’t escaped yet.


    About 5 years ago, I was in a car accident. A lady on her phone, speeding, not paying attention, ran a red light and hit me dead-on. She was going abput 60 in a 35. I was extremely lucky.


    I was banged up pretty bad, I have chronic hip problems now because of it - but it could have been so much worse. I didn’t even break a bone. I was extremely lucky. The car was unbelievable. My son could have been in the car, but I had -thankfully- just dropped him off at school. It would have hit directly where he would have been sitting. But, that didn’t happen. I was extremely lucky - but it left me with some serious PTSD. I was terrified of the road. I was terrified of other drivers. It doesn’t matter how safe you try to be when it’s someone elses recklessness that takes you out. And there’s not a damn thing you can do about that. I struggled real hard with that one - I still do.


    I’m the one you’re honking at for taking too long at the greenlight. I’m the one you’re frustrated with for never seeming to know it’s my turn at the 4-way. It’s me. Because I no longer care about inconvenience- if 10 extra seconds means I know the other person is not blowing through the intersection, then I’ll take it. You all can go before me at the stop sign, I’ll wait. I don’t mind. If it means I’m safe, then I’m fine with my commute taking an extra 10-15 min.


    I had several months of physical therapy, and a year out of the workforce. But eventually, all things move on. Wounds heal. Bruises fade. Money runs out, and you have to get back to life, and the real world. And even though I thoroughly enjoyed my reprieve from the bump and grind - I was ready to get back. Or so I thought.


    I’ll be honest, I never even considered how PTSD would affect so many aspects of my life. I did not get help for it. After all, if I’m just hyper aware of my surrpundings, that’s a good thing, isn’t it? Of course it is!


    Being aware of your surroundings is a good thing. But I was completely ignoring everything else that came with it. Hyper sensitivity. Paranoia. Trust issues. Control issues. Vulnerability. Fragility. Panic attacks. Let me tell you, starting a brand new job in the midst of this will certainly make you hyper aware of much more than just your surroundings.

    I was not ready. Not only was I not ready, but I had no idea what I was walking into. And it crushed me, utterly and completely.

    I was in a horrible, horrible abusive relationship, and it destroyed every ounce of my spirit. Extinguished it completely, not only did it trigger the worst depressive episode I have ever experienced, but my PTSD crippled me from recognizing it sooner, and then once I had, made it near impossible to actually act on.

    I spent hours, upon hours crying. Not just simple little tears - sobbing. Heaving. Mental breaking point hysterics. It was toxic. It was manipulative. It was undermining. It was suffocating, and I could not get out. I stopped sleeping. I stopped eating. Then I ate everything all at once. My blood pressure skyrocketed, even had my DRs threaten to withhold certain medications that I needed - and wanted to put me on a ton more that I was adamantly against. They didn’t understand - this wasn’t an issue with my body. My body was reacting in exactly the way it was supposed to. It was the stress, it was the circumstance. I don’t need to be on toxic, liver killing, kidney killing medications - I just needed to get out, then it would all be OK.

    My phone would go off ….at dinner, at the grocery store, driving home - wherever, and I would have a panic attack. And it would go off all. The. Time. I would get upset in public, I couldn’t control it.

    Complete strangers would come up to me and try to help - offer to call the cops for me. Take me to a shelter. Give me a safe place to stay. They wouldn’t want to leave me - gave my husband the most evil glares I’ve seen in real life. I had battered woman syndrome all over me. Only it wasn’t him.

    It was my job. My job was my abusive relationship. It. Was. Abuse. It was trauma. I was strongarmed into a position I didn’t interview for, I wasn’t hired for, and didn’t want - but it just. Happened. And once I was in, there was too much going on to have the time to protest. And then I was stuck. I was given impossible tasks. Literally impossible. I should have recognized the red flag in the interview when he asked about getting things done - he had said he had problems with past hires because they would tell him “It can’t be done” and he took issue with that because “nothing is impossible”. And some more choice phrases in that conversation that I can’t remember completely, but in that moment I couldn’t comprehend that anything was impossible - as far as work goes. I had never been presented with a task that couldn’t be resolved, in one way or another - even if it meant with help, or going a different route. So I had no qualms. In the clearview of hindsight, it should have been a warning. But these were, impossible. There is no other word for it - what they wanted, what they were asking for, could. Not. Be. Done. Short of kidnapping people off the street, holding them against their will, and forcing them at gunpoint, it could not be done.

    And I was blamed for it. I was just incompetent, like the so many others that came before me. It wasn’t their psychotic demands - it was me. And I quickly learned he was a legitimate, bonefide sociopath. I was berated. I was threatened, verbally and physically. I had bottles thrown at me. An office chair thrown at me. My “short comings” were broadcast across the entire office. Things I had absolutely no control over were my failings. Things I wasn’t even *involved in*, were my failings. Things THEY DID, were my failings. I was actively, legitimately, sabotaged, and then mocked when I could not complete the task - and then again, broadcast across the entire office. People thought I was crazy. Thought I was weak. Thought I was incompetent to the point they actually believed the only reason I was ever hired was because I had fucked my way to get it - because I was, obviously, so unqualified. Nevermind the fact that there had been at least 7 others before me, with the exact. Same. Story.

    You interviewed us. You vetted us. You hired us. Are we, coincidentally, ALL that incompetent? Or could it possibly be you? What’s the common denominator here? But no - it was us. My entire life revolved around this job - from the time I woke up in the morning, the phone wouldn’t stop. When I got to the office, I had a backlog of voicemails and emails that I could never get through in the day, which would just start again tomorrow - so I had an ever growing backlog that would never. Ever. Stop. When I left the office - HOURS after I had already supposed to have been gone - the phone would start immediately. And I would get reprimanded if I did not answer and respond immediately, even when I was driving - still not recovered from the car accident caused by a person ON THE PHONE in their car. Which they knew of - I laid all my cards on the table. They KNEW about my issues with driving, and what I was struggling with. They didn’t care. They even started putting me on recruiting gigs where I’d have to drive hours a day, alone, in areas I was completely unfamiliar with. They scheduled me on days that went against my availability - without telling me - and then was reprimanded when clients would show up to a locked office after hours, and they’d call me wondering why I wasn’t there. I can’t work on Saturdays - But you’re on the schedule - well who was going to tell me that? - well can you hurry up and get there - No. I can’t work on Saturdays, you knew that.

    I would go in to “unlock the doors” for other, lower level employees - under the premise that they were working instead - and then get trapped. My son left home alone for hours without knowing when I’d get back. There were days when I didn’t get out of work in time to pick him up. They even threatened the cops and CPS for “abandonment”. And they would make snide remarks about me “cutting out early” or being “lazy” to leave on time to pick him up - even though I was well past my hours. I was salary, mostly all of us were, so we did not have standard clocked hours daily to track - but I clocked them once, just to prove a point.

    119. One Hundred Nineteen hours. IN ONE WEEK.

    ONE. Week.

    ONE.

    And then when they discovered I was looking for another job - they fired me. Not only that, but gave me a horrendous, completely false, separation letter. A letter that prevented me from getting other jobs, for a good minute.

    I was completely broken. My spirit was utterly gone. I spent days and days sobbing. Screaming. I have never felt so much rage and anger and helplessness in my entire life.

    I, in all seriousness, actually contemplated homicide. Arson.

    I think I could have won a temporary insanity plea.

    Nothing I will ever write or say or tell will ever express accurately just how pure evil this company was, and how toxic and abusive and illegal and immoral everything about this place was.

    So needless to say, I now had even more PTSD to deal with. I still wake up in cold sweats from nightmares about this place. I still have trauma, I still have not gotten closure - but I’m working on it. It sent me on such a mental breakdown, that crept out over years. Once the initial pain and anger subsided, I was left just numb and empty. I didn’t write. I didn’t draw. I didn’t want to feel. I didn’t want to be exhausted. I didn’t want to be angry. I didn’t want to cry. And so the depression took hold, and held on to me. And I let it, because being in this numb place where I could at least get by from day to day was far better than where I was before, and I took comfort in that. And then slowly contentment set it. And so I was happy - not ideally. But at least I could enjoy my time again. At least I could relax, and laugh, and spend time with my family and just -be- and that was OK.

    But, finally, I started to confront these things. I started to work on them. I started talking to people for help - help heal up what others had done to me. And now, finally, after years of numbness - that itch has returned. The musings are stirring. The ~want~ is returning. I *want* to write something…. I *want* to draw something….

    The picking up of olde projects is still too much right now. And starting new ones hasn’t quite happened yet - new inspirations haven’t quite jumped to mind or lept to life - but the stirring is there, which I haven’t felt in a very long time.

    So this is my first baby step. To at least tell my story of what happened, if I can’t yet invent a new fantastical one.

    Lets hope it doesn’t take another four years for the next step.

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  • Me: starts talking about sg a lil obsessivly

    Friends: omg u stop that ur so fucking irritating im really tired that u keep bringing up this topic u better stfu

    Me:

    image

    Originally posted by your-health-hazard

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  • I’ve always been the honest friend. If there’s something in your hair- I’m telling you. If your boyfriend is exhibiting toxic tendencies- I’m sending you a list of reasons why you deserve better. If I feel you’ve treated me unfairly- It’s being brought up the next time we see each other. 

    Being honest is great! So why did it start making me feel so shitty?

    Up until a few years ago, I wasn’t aware that there are a variety of boundaries that are needed in order to maintain healthy relationships. This was something poorly portrayed to me as a child. Wait, so it’s not okay for me to heavily critique my friend for the decision she’s making? The fact that this was a serious question I had to ask myself shows tremendous progress.

    If you think about it. People are going to do whatever they want. You cannot control anything in life. Everyone needs to make their own mistakes and going out of my way to inform people of this was draining. And stupid. 

    Once you start being real with yourself about your own flaws, fixing them becomes tremendously easier. Stay honest- within boundaries of course.  

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  • My toxic trait is that when I’m giving directions and someones forgets to turn, I don’t say “you missed the turn” I say:

    Where ya goin?

    #toxic traits #haha i was born and raised in the south
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  • My toxic trait is accidentally hitting curbs and thinking it’s fine for the car 😩🤦🏻‍♀️ “it’s fine” is my favourite line when I hit a curb👌

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  • But sometimes I look at all the pain I’ve caused. I used to think I was such a good person. But I’m honestly not. At all. I bring toxicity to any friends/family around me.

    #toxic traits#toxicity #i deserve to suffer #i did this to myself
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