a reminder in these days of window pane views and silent hours in lonely rooms.
you are seen.
a reminder in these days of window pane views and silent hours in lonely rooms.
you are seen.
I come with a sword.
Uh so, I’ve been bleeding intermittently for no apparent reason, and my kidneys hurt. So.
This started on Saturday morning, after which I promptly went to the ER, because that’s what you’re supposed to do, right?
They were confused by my gross hematuria (blood in the urine that isn’t flat out hemorrhaging) and apparent lack of bacteria but put me on antibiotics anyway, assuming it was a UTI that just…went straight for my kidneys. Because kidney stones are supposed to leave people bowled over in pain, and it couldn’t be that.
Then I followed up with acute care on campus on Monday. They said I *didn’t* have a UTI, and that it was probably a teeny tiny non-blockage causing kidney stone. They referred me to a urologist, because they too were confused.
I’m still bleeding intermittently and seemingly at random this whole time. And I’m exhausted.
I saw the urologist yesterday and she scheduled me for a CT scan, which is happening this upcoming Wednesday. Because while she thinks it COULD PROBABLY be a kidney stone, even given that they run in my family, I shouldn’t be getting them this early given my healthy diet and hydration, and random bleeding from your kidneys isn’t….good. Or normal.
So I’m getting a CT scan on Wednesday because my kidneys are fucking up, and no one really knows why. Either I have kidney stones already (I’m 23?) from genetic bad luck, or….scary alternatives. I really hope that I know why by this time next week. Especially given that I also start my second year of grad school and coursework next Tuesday, and I’d really like to get back to focusing on that and feeling normal again.
Husband and I have been a total stress wreck this week from all of this. We are having a lot of trouble reestablishing normal routines and sleep habits given all of my appointments, me being sick, him getting stress migraines, and the overall uncertainty surrounding the situation. Please, please pray for us both during this incredibly unnerving and scary time. We desperately need to regain some sense of functionality and order again.
I’m strangely proud of that.
not by some phony tumblr ideology, but by my FAITH IN THE LORD
Freedom of religion means you can be Atheist or Buddhist or Muslim or Jewish
BUT IT ALSO MEANS I CAN BE CHRISTIAN
STOP TEARING ME DOWN FOR WHAT I BELIEVE
As soon as I am done typing this post, I will be on the ground crying out to God. I’ve been keeping up with the events going on in Iraq and with ISIS, and it breaks my heart more and more, the more that I learn of how things are worsening over there. Religious minorities that have fled persecution and certain death are living on a mountain where they are literally dying of thirst because they have no water. I just read that there is a park in Mosul, Iraq that has the heads of CHILDREN on pikes throughout it. They are brutally murdering CHILDREN and entire families. Christians are being killed in absolutely awful ways, families are being tortured and torn apart literally and emotionally, and it just seems to be getting more and more inhumane every day.
If you choose to live your own life in ignorance and believe that these things do not affect you, then you don’t know my God. God’s creations, His CHILDREN, are being slaughtered all in the name of extreme, radical Islam. I thank God that the majority of Muslims in the world do not condone this awful behavior. We HAVE to literally get on our knees and cry out for justice to God. We HAVE to cry out for God to move in a miraculous way to make a change. These events should be breaking your heart, not providing topics for snarky political commentary on Tumblr or Facebook as I have been seeing.
Cry out to God for all of these souls. As followers of Jesus Christ, we are made righteous. God hears our cries and will answer them! I challenge those of you who feel led to fast and pray. Deny yourselves food for one whole day so that you can fully focus on God.
“When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.” Psalm 34:17 (ESV)
Tumblr can’t fill you. Pictures, poems and popularity can’t fill you.
Jesus can fill you.
Humble pie can be a good thing, I should know.
I think we as a Christian community on this site should support each other more. Everyone has their own battle.
Sometimes it’s better to pray and think before sharing opinions.
Sometimes it’s better to not keep personal secrets.
There comes a time, now in my life, when the vintage like photos of cuddling couples or handsome men that girls post don’t make my heart flutter.
I also read this tonight: “Depression and anxiety are not signs of weakness. They are signs you’ve tried to be strong for too long.”
I like that.
Though many have turned away from me and I from them, I’m grateful for my closest friends. I’m grateful for my home, my bed, for a cool summer night.
But again, just Jesus. However that looks. See the Man on the cross. See the man risen with punctured hands. I can’t wait to meet Him. It makes me cry.
Time and time again, I see anons or even non-anons questioning your beliefs and Biblical content. More often than not, these Christian teenagers tend to immediately respond in an emotional and offended way. This leads to very poor answers that generally increase the stereotype that Christians know nothing about their faith.
I’d like to give some general advice to those who feel as if they are “under attack” with the number of messages they receive about their faith.
1. Respond in love, and be respectful.
2. Don’t make hasty generalizations or claim that your experiences are on the same level as Scripture.
3. Do your research. Show others that you will actually take the time to carefully formulate answers and study the word of God.
4. Don’t be afraid to admit that you cannot fully answer a question.
5. Pray for those questioning you. This doesn’t mean make a big deal out of it and announce that you are praying for this confused individual, but just do it because it’s the right thing to do.
James 1:19-20 (ESV), “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”
Proverbs 13:3 (NIV), “Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.”
Proverbs 15:28 (ESV), “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.”
Never replace personal time with God with reading a few meaningful quotes and scriptures on your Tumblr dashboard.
Lets just be honest here. As you’re scrolling through your dash and come across something meaningful to you, or that you really needed to hear that particular day, what do you normally do? Keep scrolling and get distracted by other things? Or do you actually get off tumblr, open up your bible, put on some worship music, and seek the presence of God?
Now I am aware that one’s personal time with God looks different for everyone (the above mentioned scenario may not be what you prefer to do), but just think about it. How many times do you think God is trying to get your attention in these situations? He just wants to spend some time with you.
If you have trouble putting aside time to read the Word, worship God, and pray, just think about how you really spend your time. So often I hear that people don’t have time for God. That is purely ridiculous.
We make time for what matters most. Does God really have any significance in your life?
Just found out that Calgary, Canada (a city of over 1 million) is under water with flooding and being evacuated. Can we start a huge prayer chain for them?! Lets do this!
Hello all! I will be fasting from social media starting today, for one week.
However, I have scheduled posts around-the-clock for the entire week, including answers to some of your questions, plus random rambling thoughts. This includes my Facebook page as well, which has daily encouragement and awesome pictures (please consider “liking” it!). But for the next seven days, I won’t be making any new posts besides the queued ones. This will be a week for prayer to discover the next chapter of my journey!
Also: thank you for the numerous encouraging messages I’ve received in the last few days. I love you guys times a billion. I can’t believe how spoiled I am by Tumblr friends and I still consider myself a nobody-blogging-pastor, so I’m extremely humbled. Please also know that I didn’t write about my troubles a few posts ago to “attract false sympathy” (bigger concerns plague our world than my middle class melodrama), but I wrote only to be honest. Honesty is indeed the purpose of this blog itself.
On Monday, I have a post coming up called “I Can Yell Louder: 5 Ways To Argue Like A Christian.” It seems recently there are so many theological passions colliding here with very little Jesus-sized hearts, and I’m praying for unity among our convictions.
If you have prayer requests, as always, I’m taking them.
Now I am off to introverted hermit land with my Bible, helmet, and highlighters.
“See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.”
~ Colossians 2:8