i literally have no energy to do anything ever

and i blame it on the fact that i have an ed

my progress until i go on holiday on june 26th :)

14/06 day 1: 46.4kg/ net 749

Do you ever just sit there and think that like..for probably several years Cas thought HE was broken or that he needed to be fixed for liking boys. Like over time it turned into spite for anyone who thought that but in the beginning he didnt feel like he was pure enough or good enough to be an angel. So he tried to do all these good things and when he messed up he only got deeper in that mindset. And then he met Dean, someone who was in a somewhat similar situation and he fell in love with him but thought he could never be loved

Cause I think about it a lot

how i literally feel everyday ^

side note: I really want some whiskey but A.) it has calories and B.) I don’t want a nasty hangover bc of my empty stomach 😩

Fizz, holding a bomb: Morbos, where should I put this so it doesn't hurt anyone we know or care about?

Morbos: Out the window. There's nothing but strangers out there.

Hey, does anyone know which tags I should block/blacklist to avoid seeing the twitter drama stuff? I definitly feel it's important to learn about and understand, but at the same time, seeing nothing but discourse for literal days really really exhausts me.

Idk if I’m blessed or what because I’ve been starving myself for months and I still barley loose hair

my stepmom, cooking anything:

I think the boys remember their childhoods and their relationship with John differently because they reacted differently to the trauma. Dean remembers everything John did (or didn't do)... because he had to step up and fill in. Sam, on the other hand, has probably blocked out or fully repressed some the bad stuff...and that, paired with Dean's parenting, make him remember his childhood as better than it was. And it's funny to think about how in adulthood they switch coping mechanisms... Dean represses his memories, and Sam tries to remember everything as it is... (and by funny I mean really really sad)

you can't forgive yourself

Sometimes I look into my crystal ball to see my future but only glance at nothingness. I find solace in those moments.

♡ changes i've noticed since losing 21lbs while gaining a lot more muscle tone ♡

my stomach is as flat sitting down as it is when i'm standing up

abs.

visibly defined quads & calf muscles while my legs have still slimmed down overall

🍑 - sincerely, cycling is amazing for the glutes

my ribs and spine are much more prominent

my arms look lean even when they rest against my sides (this has always been a problem area for me!!)

i feel lighter when i walk, gravity isn't so heavy and it feels like i could skip everywhere all day:)

my appetite is gone. i can still eat when i have to (like to refuel after a long cycle or when i'm with other people), but i have to force myself to get anywhere close to 1,000cals now

i don't get cravings at all when i smoke

i got taller?? i mean my posture is better and i'm more flexible / stretched out from daily yoga, but my family all told me that i got taller when i saw them recently - i didn't realize it was a visible difference

my collarbones are more prominent and i can see the sharp angle through to the end of my shoulders now

my eyes look bigger, my jawline is sharper and my cheeks are slimmer

♡ i feel better overall due to my increased fitness, and i'm more confident now too ♡

i've been cycling 6 days a week averaging about 350km/week, and i hit my one ride 100 mile (160.9km) cycle goal last week! endorphins do amazing things for the mind and body

i also go on walks everyday even if it's just for a few minutes because getting outside really helps me feel lighter inside (not saying this works for everyone, but find little things that help you!)

i love dancing around my apartment for fun, plus it's a great workout! i miss going out to bars, but once it's safe to again, i'm so ready for it;)

i'm 21 days into sticking with a daily yoga practice and it has become one of my favourite parts of my day! i'm actually really flexible and toned now, and the mobility difference is amazing. plus, while yoga helps with my fitness, it has drastically improved my mental health (i could go into a ton of specifics here, but this post is already super long - my asks are always open though!)

one of the biggest things i'm happy about is that i now feel good in the clothes i wear, because i finally wear the clothes that i feel good in! i used to be so insecure (like seeing a picture of myself or catching my reflection in public ruined my day), so i used to rotate the same few safe sweaters and pairs of pants. i wouldn't be caught dead in the outfits i wear now and i'm so proud of that progress

after my entire adolescent life, i no longer care about what other people think. now that i feel good about who i am as a person and all the beautiful things my body can do for me, i'm genuinely confident in where i am and where i'm going

tldr; hot girl summer is here ;) ♡

(found on Pinterest)

i cannot believe I’m sobbing my brains out because I got pit stains on my white shirt and I can’t get my craving foods :(

Can we stop throwing around gaslighting just because someone asks you why on something you did or said or how you are acting. It's not always because they are gaslighting you, it's sometimes a genuine fucking question.

She has lost so much weight since I last saw her wow talk about goals

Bugs

Summer of whump prompt day 9

Tw: spiders, bugs, injuries, manipulation (and just general abusive behaviour), pet names

Whumpee made their way to the sink, trying not to trip as they walked through the dark kitchen. Pulling out a glass they turned the tap (I think you Americans call it a faucet?) on; the water streamed out, filling up the glass. Whumpee took a large sip as they pushed down the handle and stopped the stream of water.

Sighing, whumpee turned round and leant against the edge of the counter, the glass still to their mouth. They jerked suddenly as they saw a huge black outline on the grey walls, causing a splash of water to land on the smooth tiles below. They cursed under their breath as they examined the haunting outline of a spider, they hated the damn things, they were the worst things in existence, aside from whumper of course.

Whumpee stood there in shock for a couple beats and slowly placed their glass down with shaking hands. Tiptoeing, careful not to alert the spider, whumpee made their way to the switch and flooded the room with light. They could see it in detail now, it’s hairy legs and beady eyes glinting at them. That’s when the panic set in. They could usually deal with the fear but the pure size of this one was enough to send whumpee into a state of frenzy.

Whumpees eyes glossed over and dark spots appeared, almost glaring at them in smugness. Their breaths quickened. They were unable to suck in enough air. They were drowning. Panic ridden sobs wracked throughout their shaking figure. Tears pricked in their eyes, only adding to the blurriness as whumpee desperately squeezed their eyes shut in an attempt to clear their vision. Whumpee almost ran to the other side of the room, away from the spider, as they moved toward the opposite corner. Ok the way there, due to their anxious grabbing for support they knocked the glass of water over, flinching back at the loud crack as it landed. Starting them and throwing them off their - already fragile - balance they fell hands forward into the shards, slicing their hand open. Oozes of blood poured out onto the once white tiles, painting them Scarlett. They were dying. Oh god, they couldn’t breathe. They didn’t wanna die.

Whumpee turned to the only hope left, whumper. He always knew how to help no matter how much they despised him. Still sobbing violently they reached for the phone and dialed the dreaded number. This sucked. After a couple seconds of ringing they heard a familiar, spine chilling- ‘Whumpee?’.

Whumpee felt a wave of calm wash over them once the initial shock had passed, they were safe, whumper was gonna help them.

‘Whu- whumper…’

They heard him hum in reply, urging them to continue. His tone was soft, softer than they remembered. Though, the memories that were most prominent were the ones in which he was angry, his voice was anything but soft then…

‘There-‘ they sobbed, ‘there was a spi- a spider’. ‘I cut- I cut my hand. Help. Ple- please.’

In the brief moment of silence that followed whumpee felt waves of shame and regret wash over them, overpowering the previous drowning feeling with an ocean of guilt. Why did they call him? They hated that he was there first line of support, that it was this easy for them to cave and beg for him to return. After all that pain and control. When whumper still hadn’t answered whumpees mind was filled with a familiar sense of fear. What if he was mad? What if he was gonna hurt her again. Oh god. No. Why did they call him. No. Shit, shit shit.

‘I’m on my way darling, just hang in there a little longer, can you do that for me?’

Whumpee stifled a sob as they nodded, only to whisper a ‘yes’ when they realised he couldn’t tell she was agreeing.

‘Good (girl/boy/whumpee)’. There it was. Whumpee took a shaky suck of air as they realised the unwelcom butterflies they felt at those words. Those damned words.

Composing themselves, ‘do you need my adress’ whumpee questioned with a defeated whisper.

‘There’s no need’.

He already knew, whumpee realised. All that time they thought they’d managed to escape his hold, somehow find somewhere in the shadows that he wouldn’t be able to track and he’d know all along. They began to think, had they ever really been free?

After a couple minutes of excruciatingly long waiting whumpee heard their lock turn and heavy footsteps echo from the hallway. He even had a key? How many other times had he let himself in?

‘Whumpee?’

‘I- I’m in here…’ they called, ending in a whisper .

Whumper stepped in, taking in their bloody hands and immediately pulling them up by the arms and lifting them up onto their counter. Silently, he ran his fingers through whumpees hair, pushing any strays back behind their ear. He held back a smile as he observed whumpee releasing a held breath when he pulled away.

‘Let’s sort this out then’

Whumpee grabbed a glass and walked over to the spider, trapping it. In one swift move he pulled the glass away and covered the end with his hand, the spider scrambling up the sides. Whumpee had to look away as whumper neared them, opening the window beside them and thrusting the bug out.

Whumper then worked on whumpees hands, cleaning the cuts with stinging alcoholic and wrapping them up in too tight bandages.

Whumpee jumped at every sound, every breath that whumper took. Why had they called him. It could’ve been anyone but him. Long silences filled the room, filled with uncomfortable stares from whumper, analysing the small, frail figure before him.

‘Now then…’ whumper grumbled softly. ‘Let’s talk about how you plan on thanking me for this.’

Shit

i just think trauma induced hypersexuality needs to be talked about so much more 😓

hmmmm i wanna throw and break things and also die

Wishing all the lgbt+ people who think they can 'rEvOke tHe gAy caRd' from trans people who are solely attracted to the same sex, a vary fuck you~

You are in fact a transphobic piece of shit. 💖

Trans mlms are gay trans wlw are lesbians, we are not cosplaying cis people fuck you, go fuck yourself & fuck off.

Have a vary un-merry pride you bastards~🌈

If you disagree? Un-fucking follow me. 😌💕