me wearing a t shirt and my mum seeing the scars on my arm:
mum: "soo when was the last time you cut?"
me who relapsed on my leg three days ago: o_o
also me: "uhhhhmmm jAnUaRy"
Tw Disordered Eating
So I've lost 4 more pounds since accidentally losing 2. Yay? Uh I dunno I'm a little concerned actually
constntly depedg on other peoples opinion of my worth i hate myself so much wby do i have to please ppl who dont give 2 shits about me and are gonna complain no matter what i do. why am i such a weak person i have no control over my life or anything i cannot even do this ed right i just wanna die but dont wanna be talked baput i hate this i hate my anxiety i hate my anger i hate my thoughts my speech my skin my soul i want this to end
Stiles: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine!
Derek: How can you still say that?
Stiles: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.
I made blueberry filled croissants 💚
The Pillsbury croissants are 100 cals each so this is only 250 cal breakfast
Tw - ED talk
I’m 28 hrs into my fast and I’m frankly quite hungry because I’ve been restricting. But it’s time for my body to start eating its own fat reserve. Believe me, there’s plenty!
So I discovered some YouTube channels dedicated to binge eating (some of them in recovery, some of them just record their journey as a way to feel less alone) and I’ve been watching them while I’m fasting. It helps me not to eat. I often crave savory things so I find the ones which show binging days on savory foods and live through them.
i need to stay focused this week, i gained almost all the weight i lost back in these past few months because i started caring more about being in love than being in control of what i eat. i was also always drinking so i have to stop this like right now and get my shit together. it sucks more to gain it back and having to start again, its like a fucking loop. especially knowing i wasn't finished loosing at all. from 59 to 65 kg. lets do this
me: telling someone i have a bad mental health day
my brain: wtf youre so annoying again. selfish. you don't deserve to be their friend. you can't even fix yourself. guilt.
me: bruv why tf youre doing this--
my brain: i sAID GUILT
When I first tried on XS (size 2) ☺ last Summer at my Lw. I want to feel this confident again.
Yesterday my mom asked me for motivational quotes and all i could think were "nothing taste good as skinny feel" and "skip dinner wake up thinner", and I keep saying I'm not sick lol
And yes, the second one is a motivational quote for me
my mom got me yogurt today. it’s 150 calories for one little container. since when has 150 become so much?
lol i used to be so worried about hunger and what i could do to suppress it and now i just have like... a shit ton of options? putting them here in case anyone needs this:
- i know this is old and reused but seriously, just drink some coffee or tea while you watch tv. it’ll make your brain occupied and you’ll slowly forget about the hunger
- drink a monster or a diet coke, carbonated drinks make your stomach feel full and most of them are low in calories or don’t have them at all
- this is kinda weird but like... romanticise the hell out of it? it’s literally my coping mechanism for every trauma i’ve ever had. like, you’re hungry? good, imagine you’re the protagonist of a movie and your s/o is, somehow, feeling all of the pain you’ve felt. imagine them feeling the big bad hunger and looking at you with puppy eyes. imagine your partner asking you to eat and you refusing. go to the mirror and look at yourself, imagine doing it again in a few weeks and noticing how much fucking weight you’ve lost. imagine being the token ed character in a movie (like cassie in skins), “oh,she never fucking eats” “what, her? she probably hasn’t eaten anything for days lol. yeah, she’s just like that” it’s kinda weird but i do it constantly and it helps me a lot
- imagine what you would eat in a normal day if you didn’t have an ed and had a fast metabolism. i do this all the time too. like, i haven’t eaten lunch and i’m hungry in the afternoon? imagine what i would eat if i could. i would have had a big bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, with honey, dark choc and strawberries. then maybe some biscuits or an apple for snack. then, for lunch, i would have cooked myself some pasta or maybe i would have gotten takeout and ordered mcdonald’s. then, what would i have ordered at mcdonald’s? this works all the time for me too.
- smoke lol. romanticise the hell out of this too, you’re the girl/boy/enby person who smokes instead of eating. cigs don’t really suppress hunger for me but my brain considers it a meal so then it’s happy.
- if you can, get out of the house and go somewhere where there isn’t any food: the library, the park, a vinyl store.
- just go to tumblr and look at some thinspo or ed blogs.
- take some vitamins
- and if you feel like you absolutely can’t take it, eat something small so you don’t feel guilty after. some fruit, some veggies, rice crackers, oatmeal. my safe fruits are strawberries, white or greek yoghurt, blueberries, fesa which is basically turkey breast (very low in calories and basically just protein) and eggs.
take care of yourself, reblog this so more ppl can see it and please be safe <3
