my mom saying she will “forever like” my first boyfriend who sexually assaulted me. that fucking stings.
my mom saying she will “forever like” my first boyfriend who sexually assaulted me. that fucking stings.
might actually have trichotillomania
I had my first kiss taken away from me, I had my virginity taken away from me from peer pressure I really don’t owe you or anybody shit especially no man, I especially don’t owe any man anything and it doesn’t matter what you may do for me I still wouldn’t owe you anything I don’t even owe you respect or kindness.
I don’t owe a man shit with how you all are.
Word Count: 1,186 Words
Summary: A body and theories.
Warnings: Kidnapping Mention, Vomit Mention, Death Mention, Dead Body Mention, Drunk Mention, Assault Mention, Caps, Drug Mention, let me know if I should tag anything else.
How Poe Stumped Ranpo: Chapter 4
Filing into their office was quiet that morning in failure of their sting on the Crimson Bullet. Nobody even realized that two people were missing until they got to their offices, where they found an envelope taped to the office door.
Kunikida immediately took call of everyone and only came up empty on Atsushi, Dazai, Kyouka, and the Tanizaki siblings as Atsushi came running up the stairs with Dazai and Kyouka, telling them how they were running late, taking them off the potentially missing list. They decided to open the envelope after filing into the office.
Atsushi and Kenji, upon accidentally seeing it despite Kunikida's attempt to hide the photos from the younger agency members, both ran to throw up in the bathrooms. Ranpo stole the photos from Kunikida to gave out a broken huff as he looked over their two allies. Just then, Twain came running up the steps out of breath.
"Francis and Louisa found a body. We got another picture." He took a moment to breathe as Dazai rubbed his back.
"Is it female?" Yosano asked.
"Yes. It's a girl. With dark hair. White dress." Everyone fell somber.
"That's Naomi." Fukuzawa said what everyone was avoiding.
"I'll bring her home." Yosano quietly told everyone, leaving with Twain once Twain handed Fukuzawa the envelope the Guild had received. Ranpo was still quietly looking over the pictures, wondering how he failed this badly to solve this.
"I remember Jun'ichiro saying that the blonde man was their uncle but I can't remember more. I didn't get a name. God, I was so out of it." Atsushi glared at Dazai.
"It's not my fault you agreed to do truth or shot!" Dazai argued back.
"There's red hair in this picture." Ranpo finally spoke up from his silence.
"So there's two guys taking people?"
"Twain described the first man as blonde. Red hair doesn't match that description." Ranpo told them.
"We have another picture of Poe, Ranpo." Fukuzawa alerted him.
"I can handle it this time." He put his hand out.
"No throwing Dazai this time." Fukuzawa warned him.
"I won't. This time." He grabbed the envelope and opened it, taking a deep breath as he saw Poe, again vulnerable and this time, the angle looked different, he could see the man on top of him a bit more clearly, that red hair was there.
The man who had kidnapped him was taking the picture this time and his partner was the one taking advantage of Poe's weakness. He felt himself turning red at the sight, as red as that forsaken red hair.
He wanted to rip it into itty bitty pieces but that wouldn't be helpful to the investigation. So he contained himself from foaming at the mouth with rage, trying to calm himself from his failure to save now three people.
"It'll be okay, Ranpo. We'll bring them home. They'll be okay." Kunikida assured him, comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Naomi is dead, how okay could Poe and Jun'ichiro be?" He shoved the envelopes pictures into Kunikida's chest, letting him catch them.
He went to hide at his desk, trying to forget the sight of Poe resigned and screaming, Naomi foaming at the mouth with empty eyes, and Jun'ichiro's eyes empty as they stared off into nothing, full of tears. Yosano came back in the afternoon, heaving a sigh as she sat down at her desk. Nobody bothered her, they knew she was close to Naomi.
"They don't have any related family so I took her to the local morgue." Yosano finally spoke up after an hour. "She'd been gone for about twelve hours when I got her there. If we don't find Jun in the next few days, the coroner says he has to either embalm her or cremate her." She kept going. "She was raped before she died. The coroner is going to try to test that."
"Atsushi says that Jun'ichiro called the man that kidnapped them their uncle."
"They don't have an uncle. They don't have any living family. Their father died in an accident a few years ago and their mother died giving birth to Naomi. They don't have an uncle." Yosano told them.
"This isn't good. They must have been drugged already when Atsushi came around them and were out of it." Dazai sighed.
"Or the man threatened them to play along since there were two victims instead of one this time." Kunikida tried to reason.
"Or the man was a friend of their parents." Atsushi suggested.
"I can look into their family's friends." Yosano told everyone
"Okay, I think I have a working theory." Ranpo finally spoke announced.
"You do?" Fukuzawa asked.
"I can only make bits and pieces right now. But obviously Poe was an opportunity kidnapping, it was out of convenience. The blonde suspect probably took him as a trial run. Last night was supposed to be the real test, to grab whoever he wanted after he was sure he could take someone without too much suspicion."
"But then either Jun'ichiro and Naomi likely recognized him or he recognized them, and he knew they'd be suspicious if he took someone from the bar since they were our backup to watch for suspicious people. They were victims of need. The blonde suspect had to kidnap them otherwise they might have tipped us off and told us something about him and possibly the redheaded suspect too."
"So, in turn, the next victim will likely be purposeful. He will hunt, if he does again, for someone specific to his needs. That could be anyone. His kidnappings don't have proper ties, other than. THAT COULD BE IT!" Ranpo suddenly burst out.
"He's taking ability users on purpose! It could be that he needs them, maybe to turn them. It could also be why he disposed of Naomi after making sure she couldn't tell us anything!" Ranpo finished.
"The coroner said Naomi died of an induced seizure. He suspects a special-made drug that works differently on ability users and non-users. He plans to take a blood sample and he can see what comes from a full screen of that. They do have tourniquet and needle marks on their arms in the photos." Yosano told everyone.
"Sounds like a drug test." Dazai butt in. "Me and Chuuya once took down something like this years ago. There was two men testing a drug on ability users. They couldn't test it on animals so they were taking people off the street and injecting them with a drug and then disposing of the ones that failed in front of important buildings."
"You and Chuuya worked together? You two can't stand each other." Dazai laughed but kept going.
"When we were trying to capture the two leading the testing and we would have if one of them didn't grab Chuuya and inject him with the drug. He had a seizure like Naomi's and we couldn't capture them. It was probably our biggest failure. The drug tests stopped after we almost caught them, though, so we thought they offed themselves out of fear. We never found out their identities."
Taglist: @pink-sweater-stan @everythingisstardust @starlightnyx @lgbtqforeverything @joylessnightsky
Wenn ich manchmal die Wand anstarre hell wach,
spüre ich dich zu drücken.
Ich krieg es einfach nicht mehr aus meinen Kopf.
Da oben sind zu viele Lücken.
Ich habe nein gesagt.
Das war dir egal. Deine Lust lässt deinen Verstand benebeln.
Ich weis du machst es nie mit Absicht,
ich hab ja mit dir Nachsicht.
Wenn du konsumierst bist du nicht bei Verstand.
Das war mir auch schon zuvor bekannt.
Das ist das Schlimmste.
Ich wusste es würde passieren,
ich wusste ich werde wieder sowas kassieren.
Ich bin so selbst Schuld,
aber ich dachte vielleicht wird’s mit einsichtsvoller Geduld.
Wenn ich daran denke,schneidet es mir die Luft ab, wie damals in dieser Nacht.
Ich will sagen hör auf,
meine Gedanken schreien mich an: mach was, steh auf, lauf!
Aber du drückst mich auf den Boden, ich spür dein Gewicht auf mir,
und sehe in deinen Augen wieder diese Gier.
Ich lieg unter dir, das einzige was mir bleibt ist meine Augen zu schließen, damit sie nichts mehr sehen.
Meine Gedanken raten: „Lass es einfach über dich ergehen“.
Deine Hand drückt immer noch zu….
Ich hab zu viel zu sagen,
schaffe es nicht zu beantworten die vielen Fragen.
Ich schaff einfach nicht es auszusprechen,
aus panischer Angst daran zu brechen.
Wenn man etwas sagt wird es wahr,
und wenn nicht ist es, als wäre es nicht da.
Dann nimmt man es kaum wahr.
Dies mag ich mehr,
da mich das Andere würde zerstören sehr.
Also wähle ich den Weg des Schweigens,
das ist mein Weg damit umzugehen eigens.
15 October 2021 … healing 💭🪴
“Shh, shh. You were having a nightmare.” Nila murmured, cradling Solana against her chest.
The boards met her shoulder painfully as she was thrown to the deck- the shock of pain familiar, as was the haunting laughter of the faceless men surrounding her. Her hands were bound behind her back, not allowing her to get up until the largest man grabbed her by the hair- yanking her upright and leaning down to her level. his words were garbled, unintelligible phrases mixed with distant sounds of piercing screams- but she didn’t need to hear him to know the threats he’d make- his smile wide and threatening and disgusting, the dagger in his hand already bloodied. her blood- it was always hers. She opened her mouth- to scream, to beg, to cry- but nothing came out but the taste of copper, more pain wracking her body. They laugh, and laugh and laugh around her- kicking her back to the ground and holding the knife poised over her back- she squirms frantically, desperate, but hands reach from the boards below her, pinning her down, pulling her clothes and digging into her skin- blood pools around her rising like an ocean, unending and deep- she’s drowning, she’s drowning-
She wakes up, feeling borderline frantic as she struggles against arms- only to finally register her lovers familiar voice. “...N..Nila..?” Solana stops struggling- her breathing ragged and shallow, heart racing as she registers where she is. She’s in Ul’dah, in bed, with Nila. Theres no boat. no sounds of horrible laughter. When she pulls back just enough to raise her hand to her vision, theres no blood. The Au’Ra inhales sharply, burrying her face against Nila’s chest and raising her arms to grasp tightly at her back. She’s shaking, but she doesn’t cry- doesn’t scream- she still knows better... She simply squeezes her eyes shut for a moment and tries to breath- finally uttering a soft, “..’m sorry..”
this week on the angeloncewas blog, a saga