#tw dissociation Tumblr posts

  • fatwheeliebabe
    27.01.2022 - 33 minutes ago

    TW SH, disabled grief, dissociation, lack of proper medical care, agoraphobia, medical trauma

    This one is going to be a bit of a ramble, as always tw in the title and in the tags. I don’t think we talk enough about how hard it really is to be multiply disabled, and have it be your full time job, and still be expected to live an average, functional, every day life.  The reality is never that easy.  As a medically complex individual, who also lives with severe mental illness, my entire life is spent dedicating time actively to making sure I am doing as best as I possibly can be at any given moment.  Friends, I am not doing the best I can be at any given moment.  I have not been able to access regular medical care for two years now because of the pandemic. I haven’t seen any of my specialists except through video visits. I’ve had blood work done exactly once.  My body is always a shambling house with a cracking foundation. There is never a moment I am not in complete agonizing pain. The thing about this level of pain is that it becomes boring. It becomes boring to have to limit my activities, and to have to keep myself together, and to have to just keep on keeping on. So I do what I’ve always done best when things get too overwhelming, and I dissociate. This has lead to a relapse of my self-harm.  I am overwhelmingly saddened by the fact that my mental health has deteriorated so badly. I am mourning the loss of all of the hard work I’ve spent the past 18 years doing. I know that it’s not invalidated, intellectually. I know that I’m not where I was 18 years ago. But where I am is not good. I can hardly leave my house, even when it’s necessary, because I’ve dived back into my agoraphobia. I’m working on this as well as I can.  My psychiatrist has me on a medication that actively makes me worse every time I’m on it longer than 6 months. It’s been about 9 at this point, and every day I have a literal hysterical breakdown where I am crying and laughing all at once because emotions are just so goddamned overwhelming that I can’t handle them or process them any other way. He knows that this medication does this to me, and yet he still prescribes it cyclically.  The antidepressant is killing all of my good feel brain chemicals, which leads to dissociation, which leads to self-harm. It seems like every road lately is leading back to self-harm. No, I am not at risk of unaliving myself, I have no desire to do so. I just am back to compulsively doing this, as if it’s a ritual that’s going to alleviate all of the other things I’m feeling when all it really does is make me feel guilty. The intersection of medical complexity, and mental illness is one that is largely ignored in disability activism. It seems that you have to be either one,or the other, or you have to focus your entire being on only one of the parts of you when they are actually a multi-headed beast who regenerates every time you feel like you’ve killed off one of the heads. Living with the constant struggle of battling a Hydra because that’s the only option you really have.  People tell me they don’t know how I do it, that they wouldn’t be able to keep up with all of the things I keep up with. Every time they say that I reply with the exact same answer: I don’t have a choice. This is the life I have, this is the body I have, and I have to accept it as it is and treat it as kindly as I can because when I ignore it, it will make me take care of it. I don’t have the luxury of just not taking care of myself for even one day, because if I skip one day of my maintenance routine, I’ll be bedridden for a week.  I wish so badly that I could make people better understand what it’s like to feel like you’re constantly being dragged under while simultaneously trying to pull your own self out of the Swamp Of Sadness, as if you are both Artax and Atreyu at the same time 

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  • osdd-positivity
    27.01.2022 - 1 hour ago

    Headmates recently back from dormancy, hello there. I know- this is all a little disorienting, isn’t it? New year, new headmates, new happenings, maybe even a new host. It’s okay to be a little freaked out. Nobody will hold it against you if you’re a little bit alarmed or taken aback. Just take a moment to breathe and connect with the rest of your system again. I bet they’re so happy to see you! Welcome back. We’re happy to have you.

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  • crownsmajesty
    27.01.2022 - 4 hours ago
    #eyestrain#depression#blood#tw#dissociation #.・。.・゜✭ traumacore #.・。.・゜✭ vent #.・。.・゜✭ my art
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  • peebeexd
    27.01.2022 - 11 hours ago

    sorry i havent made any bfdi related art recently, but i also havent been posting very frequently and i feel bad, so here’s some non-fandom related art i’ve made recently

    #tw blood#tw dissociation#eystrain #these are mostly just me testing some brushes i've downloaded for ibis paint x lol #zooby's art
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  • cupqueencake
    27.01.2022 - 15 hours ago

    Any analysisblr want to explain this line to me "Through Wilbur’s apparent numbing red mist he somehow managed to navigate his index finger to the ground floor button...". Because when hearing it it made me go the what? I sort of interpreted as that he felt kind of numb/apathetic/dissociated in some way, but I don't really understand the symbolism. Please lay the analysis on me.

    #dream smp#dsmp#wilbur soot #hitting on 16 #/rp #cry for help this is #/lh#tw dissociation
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  • wtfismymeantalhealth
    27.01.2022 - 15 hours ago

    Calming back to tumblr after a relapse like

    #mentally drained#mentally unhealthy#mentally exhausted#mentally ill #tw ed relapse #tw vent #tw ed in the tags #actually dissociative#mentally disordered#mentally fucked#tw cvts#tw selfhate #tw self destructive behavior #tw sh related #tw eating things #tw ed vent #im not having a good time #im not crying you are #i can’t cope #i need therapy #anor3xic#anorektyczki #not pr0 anything #anorexjk#anorexik#pro 4na #only pr0 for myself #not pr0 4n4 #ed restriction
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  • hop3wrlds
    26.01.2022 - 22 hours ago

    QUESTION FOR MY ADHDERS:

    i’ve always found it very difficult to study at my desk area consistently . i’d much rather literally anywhere else ( my personal fav is the kitchen table ) . when i try to study in my room at my desk it feels like i blend in with everything else ??? and it also feels quite suffocating ???

    just wondering if this is an experience anyone else has ?? i feel like it could pertain to being ND but i’m not sure

    i also do have dpdr disorder so i wonder if maybe it’s that ??? but i don’t see how sitting down at my desk would trigger it ://

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  • g3rm-exe
    26.01.2022 - 22 hours ago

    "waa waa you can only spilt when youre stressed"

    has anyone ever considered that being a system is in its self can be incredibly stressful *especially* when people don't know.

    plus add the pandemic that's happening rn, and school work, or just regular work, and there's even more stress

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  • yazhmog
    26.01.2022 - 22 hours ago

    I will never get over how messed up this panel is. He just threw the corpse of his future self brutally killed by the Draconian Dignitary out of the window and has some of its blood on his hands AND TEREZI ASKS HIM WHAT THE BLOOD SMELLS/TASTES LIKE IN THE SAME GODDAMN PAGE

    So. Messed. Up. Dave is gonna need SO MUCH therapy ON TOP of all the therapy he already needed

    #he's dissociating so hard :(( #homestuck#dave strider#blood tw#death tw
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  • systematicallyill
    26.01.2022 - 1 day ago

    i have absolutely no way of being sure but i think i have a gatekeeper-type alter thats hiding stuff from me, this is a little anxiety inducing bc although i knew it was unlikely, i liked to believe that i knew most things abt my system

    ever since i found out i was a system (i obvi wasnt ready to bc i did it on my own) ive had a steady worsening of:

    1) memory loss (mostly recall not recognition but recognition has been more foggy)

    2) feeling like my negative emotions or thoughts are being "physically" taken from me n a strong disorientating feeling hitting me if i try to "hold on" to them or find out why im feeling something with not thoughts attached

    3) disconnect from everything that isnt conscious thought, as if a barrier is being created between me n the mind, this has made introspection become increasingly more difficult (preventing me from being able to "pick my mind" for answers abt things like i like to do)

    4) n this is all made more likely by the fact that most of the info ik abt the system is through "investigation" n piecing together of info, n that theres an alter that i know nothing about other than hir gender n negative triggers bc shi fronts (cocon) v rarely but still sometimes

    n although from a psychology/system knowledge perspective i understand why a gatekeeper would want to keep stuff from me, even just system things, especially when they feel i wasnt ready to know, its so frustrating bc i want to Know things abt us, i getting so separated from the mind that isnt related to the outside world that im beginning to feel like what ik i am, just another alter whose job is to deal with daily living. that might be good to humble me ig fjdjcj but its still scary n confusing n difficult to be proven right that i have no real or full control over what my mind wants me to know. n its possible this isnt an alter n that its just my brain being protective but i doubt it, these seem to somewhat deliberate things n i cant imagine a brain having the ability to do these things without a facilitator

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  • autisticbeecas
    26.01.2022 - 1 day ago

    Vibe check from classical mechanics professor

    #Tw dissociation #Bestie I don’t know myself #it’s okay I got a full mark
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  • im-connected-im-alone
    26.01.2022 - 1 day ago

    financial issues made me like such a nuisance as a parents child. and i’ve realized how better it might be if i wasn’t here

    i wish everyone forgot who i was. i want to start over if not be alive or anywhere. i don’t know.

    #i’ve had enough #babi babbles#bpd#tw dissociation #tw suicidal thoughts
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  • the-moonchild-system
    26.01.2022 - 1 day ago

    Watching Queer Eye and hearing a pastor tell Bobby "the church owes you an apology." really fucking hit home. We have heavy religious trauma and that's honestly something we've been dying to hear for years.

    #trigger warning #tw religious trauma #did #dissociative identity disorder
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  • antivoidsystem
    26.01.2022 - 1 day ago

    I honeslty hate being in the world of the Creators when I, myself, am a Creation.

    I just feel like I'm putting a bad name for the other Creators, just a failure to the people around me y'know?

    I can't even talk to people face-to-face without someone else fronting ffs >:[.

    I also hate how I'm seen as real, I'm s'pose to be fictional!! Just an insult to me, really :[.

    But heyyyyyy, atleast I'm not fighting in a Multiverse War anymoreeee~. That's good eeheh. (Even though I still feel homesick most days :/)

    #Nova.txt #undertale fictive#oc fictive#hhh #if this needs tw just tell me #i am just full of negitivity atm :[? #traumagenic system#dissociative system
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  • ofauroradreams
    25.01.2022 - 1 day ago

    okay, I just basically read thru the plot of nwh bc I needed to know and I will say it again: Liana.  does not.  forget things.

    this is canon in many verses: due to her mishaps outside of existence, Liana is unaffected by the (teen//wolf) ghost riders.  she can see them and she does not forget the people they take.  she has a perfect memory: she can replicate music after hearing it once, she can replicate her art exactly multiple times, she never forgets a recipe.  she remembers multiple past lives and even skills she had in them.  she does not forget things.  she does not.  forget things.

    (unless someone messes with her memory or she dissociates hard enough, but those are specific instances)

    #headcanons :: main // it's woven in my soul #nwh spoilers#dissociation tw
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  • fanficks-from-fictives
    25.01.2022 - 1 day ago
    #did#did osdd #dissociative identity disorder #actually did #not a fic #jellybean bois post #danganronpa tw#murder tw #murder mention tw #serial killers tw
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  • exslstentialcrysis
    25.01.2022 - 2 days ago

    Drink. Smoke. Dissociate.

    #depression tw#nicotine#weed#selfie#love#quotes#bored#alone #unspecified dissociative disorder #anxiety #make it go away #make it stop #loud#personal#heart broken #im so broken
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  • secretswansong
    25.01.2022 - 2 days ago

    now there's a new voice that sometimes pops out from the back of my brain and says "i want to remove my head/arm/spine" that i have to drown in a well whenever something in my body hurts

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