"What are you supposed to do with yourself when someone decides to do the euphemism and 'kick the bucket' when their load was much lighter than yours? I get that question frequently as if suicide is the automatic go-to but the whole world is currently on fire and as horrible as the pain was it wasn't only mine; therein lies the contradiction"
they keep telling me i'm toxic and fucked up, bitch i'm just a poorly assembled puzzle like wtf did you expect? i don't even act this way on purpose, i don't even know what the fuck i'm doing myself, i don't even know who i am so why are you asking? like, i'm surprised too bro but shit is here. they're tired of me bitch i'm tired of myself too trust me.
Ngl, having to look at your crush and think “you deserve someone abled, not someone like me” is,, kinda traumatic :-|||
At least I’ll never have to deal with that with my f/os. My disorders don’t mean anything when I’m with them. They don’t care.
#I love my irl crush sk fucking much #he’s so fucking cool #but I look at him #and just know that he could never love me #because I’m just worthless compared to him #dead weight if you will #vent tw#ableism tw
My body reacts so weird when i give it real food with actual nutritional value, like chill bro it isnt the end times
#my body be like: #oh! OH!!! HEELLL YA BOOIIIIIII #but then later go: #>:( what is this?? you hate me??? you put this in me????? poison?! you poison me??!! #it be funky out here #whatever love me some vegetarian curry ^-^ #tw food mention
something very bad happened to our dogs and I'm not going into it but they are alive, but we can't see them for at least two weeks if we can at all. I can't stop crying and am going to shut down for a while, but if anyone could send me nice things or funny or anything that I could see later that would be very nice
#bruno and henry i love you so much please #tw heavy content
It had taken time to get here, deep into the murky waters of the swamp and alone with the corpse of her former Captain. It felt eerily disturbing how no one questioned her, if anything, the gatekeeper (an old man with eyes that have clearly seen too much in his time) merely motioned her with his cane. “She be expecting you.”
She’d heard stories in her childhood, what she had engrained into her memory and refused to forget. Her mother had spoken to her before about Calypso, of the myth that they were akin to Calypso’s granddaughters, of sorts. How the goddess had felt taken with one of the men as he sailed and had spent a time favoring him until she bore him a child—a daughter. Now they’re family consisted more of women then men—and most of the women born in the Faheem lineage carried a gift of the sea. Some stronger or weaker then others.
Mikeala’s mother had a gift for sensing bad storms and at times even knowing when danger lied ahead. It was how she had ensured Mikeala’s escape and safety when they lost their home—and yet, for her gifts, she was still murdered. Mikeala shook her head gently, her loose hair spilling over her shoulders as she pushed away the haunted memories of her past.
She was here for a different reason. She glanced at the burden she shared the boat with, steering it with care as he remained unmoving. She kept him covered, wrapped as well as she could manage with pale sheets and—to remember him better with the dignity he carried alive instead of dead.
It was a hard word to wrap her head around after all she’d been through as his first mate. The shock on his face that mirrored her own when the bullet passed into his chest, and at last he felt.. and bled. She hadn’t wept, too shocked to really cry and too pained to let the tears fall. He’d looked so pale…
The sound of wood creaking drew her attention back to the approaching dock, where a woman in a dark dress and shawl stood expectantly with two tribal men—locals she suspected. Mikeala felt herself still when she met the woman’s dark gaze, her heart suddenly jolting in her chest and hammering loudly in her ears. She felt a strange pull to the woman, and swore when the woman’s mouth curved into a smile that she knew who Mikeala was at once. Maybe she did.
She climbed and secured the boat out of habit, and watched wordlessly as the two men worked and lifted her corpse—bringing it inside the shabby hut then leaving. Tia Dalma waited by the entrance, waving a hand expectantly towards her. “After you child.” Swallowing down her nervousness, Mikeala guided her boots up the step, straightening her back slightly as she stepped inside.
“I had heard of Barbossa’s death, but I cannae say I was ready for his corpse to be delivered tae my door.” Her grin was all too knowing, her steps eerily light as she moved around Mikeala. Those dark eyes watching her every step. “To think one of my kin, would come out of hiding tae see me.” She giggled, resting her hip against her wooden table. “A child with tae blood of my blood.”
“You..” Mikeala had to wet her dry lips, feeling herself rooted in place. “You know me?” Tia’s dark mouth curved upward, her lashes low and veiling her dark eyes briefly. “I sense it—-She feels it too, don’t she?”
Yes, she did. There was something about the enigma of a woman behind her, goddess, witch—whatever names she went by—she pulled at something that hummed in Mikeala’s veins. It felt as if she’d found something lost and precious, and yet her instincts were still screaming at her to be cautious. Instincts that have kept her alive still.
Tia’s black gaze looked over Mikeala’s form thoughtfully, taking in her battered clothing and features. “Why bring me Barbossa?” As if she didn’t know—no, this was how she was, Mikeala realized. She wanted to hear it straight out of her own mouth. She swallowed and felt her fist clench then unclench. “To bring him back..”
Mikeala hesitated again, feeling her stomach roil nervously. She lowered her gaze. “Because he was my captain—and should have had a better death then the one he was cheated.” Just as the curse was broken—-he died. She knew, at least now as she thought back on it—Jack had not taken any grim satisfaction in killing his former first mate… However, they’re rivalry was something built upon years of betrayals and battles and simply.. being pirates. If Barbossa and Jack chose to kill each other again afterwards, by all means they could—so long as the fight was honorable between the two men.
“Donnae lie to me child.”
The words were ominous, and Mikaela held her ground as her head jerked up, Tia Dalma—no, Calypso, circled her like a predatory shadow. “I can sense the call of the sea in yer blood.” She grins, bearing her teeth. “It be a song that hum’s in her blood, hm?” Her hands settle on Mikaela’s shoulders, warm and light—yet she feels herself suppressing a disturbing chill that raced down her spine. The hairs on her neck and arms rose when Calypso breathed by her ear, the scent of sea salt and brime dizzying. “Aye, I can sense you be another daughter of tae sea—Kin of my kin an’ blood from long ago.” She moves slowly, until she’s face to face with Mikaela, Calypso’s hands cupping her face.
“But like me, her heart was taken by one who loves the sea an’ woman hm?” There’s a knowing look, a shadow of sorrow that comes and goes as quickly as it came. An understanding that flickered within the depths of her dark eyes. It startled Mikeala, causing her eyes to widen slightly. She felt Calypso’s finger sweep back her hair, toying with one of her thinly woven braids. “You knoa there be a price for this.”
She nodded, swallowing thickly. Mikeala had heard the stories—and as she brought his corpse with her (it hadn’t felt right, seeing him unmoving and without life—she kept him covered with a blanket out of respect). Her heart had felt heavy since his death, no—Murder by the hands of Jack. She couldn’t re-join the pearl’s crew, didn’t want to even think of it. She’d told him before, I’m your first mate. and had meant it. Never let it be said she wasn’t a woman of her word.
“What be your price, jidda?” She asked, lowering her head. She wasn’t sure what she could give but didn’t care. Calypso raised her chin lightly, holding her gaze just as her hand drifted down, hovering over her chest— “Her heart.” She said, the tip of her fingers skimming over the skin beneath her collarbone.
“All tae love you burned and carried—no more.” Mikeala’s eyes widened. “I.. It’s not like that—I respect him and served as his first—“ Calypso’s hand rose up, stopping her rambling and for a moment Mikaela thought she imagined a look of brief pity on her face. “You cannae deny how yer heart burns and aches no? Like a snake be squeezin’ at your chest when you remember his dying hm?”
Mikeala recoiled, taking a step back. Calypso clicked her tongue, shaking her mess of dark hair. “You heart burns for dis man—what I ask in price is a gift tae my kin. Donnae let her heart be taken by he—Men of the sea betray us all in the end.” In a lower voice, she added, “No matter how she loves deeply. It be their nature.”
“…Can you really do it?” Calypso tilted her head, dark eyes narrowing. “I am a ‘oman of my word. I be need’n his revival, but price must be paid.” Mikeala hesitated, raising her hand for a moment. “…After your done with him though, you let him go free.. Promise?” Her great aunt sighed, nose crinkling before she closed her hand over Mikeala’s. “Word promised child.”
A strange sensation washed over her, something that made her heart both ache and seize as she gasped and fell to her knees. Calypso did not release her hand yet, watching her thoughtfully. “The price is accepted.” She released her and turned, Mikeala grasped her chest. She looked at her chest, seeing a dark tattoo manifest over her heart; a tribal clock. “When the clock finishes its lap, it shall no longer burn for the Captain of the Pearl.”
Mikeala watched in growing horror as Calypso disappeared to the back of the hut, no doubt preparing to revive barbossa. She closed her eyes, keeping her head bowed as she felt her eyes stinging. All the times she’d felt too stubborn to give this feeling a name, this pain and ache that lingered in her chest.
”…I’m… such an idiot.” She lamented, pressing the heel of her palm against her eyes, feeling a tear roll down her cheek. “Sorry.. Hector..” This would be her burden… Her curse in exchange for his freedom.
A neighbor gave me dozens of these little apples that she grew and they're like a new favourite safe food!!! I mean, miniature foods are always the best bc it's like the real whole thing but there's just less of it, plus it's super cute too
#just wanted to show you guys #i'm in love #this is so cute #tw eating stuff #tw ed things #tw eating disorder #anamia#orthorexx#ana thoughts #it's not as simple as just eating #not pr0 just using tags
my beloved @halohamilton (thanks love 💜) tagged me to do a moodboard of the things I love —
an explanation —
obviously Lewis (the love of my life), my dog (my best boy !! I love him like Lewis loves Roscoe and Coco), reading (some of my favourite reads; and I still need to finish my latest splurge on classics), drinks (non & alcoholic), Merc (my dumb team but my only team), pastries and the beach (if you’re ever in Australia, I recommend Hyams Beach, Jervis Bay; where the picture was taken)
@querencva @vettelton @lescedes @soadoya @44ham @formulabaggins @sebandlewis @papaya-enthusiast @mickdidthat @safetycarz @sewissupremacy @lewisrises @kweenphia & @l8tof1 but there’s no pressure!
I killed a cockroach and now I feel as if I could kill god.
#mori writes #mori is a mood #context: #i love insects. but those fuckers are an exception. #FUCK COCKROACHES #I am also a mayor coward. especially when it comes to killing cockroaches #bitches can fucking jump at you and give you a heart attack #the point is. it’s happened to me before that I just stare at one of them for 3 hours and just never kill it #but now i did it in two minutes #i feel as if I could kill god #tw swearing in the tags #swearing tw#tw swearing#tw cockroaches #tw cockroach mention
i love how i was in one fandom where the author redeemed a child abuser and the whole fandom hated it even though the guy seriously regretted his actions and atoned for them, meanwhile in this other fandom i’m in child abuse is completely redeemable even if the guy doesn’t feel remorse about it ToT because it’s a “moral grey area”
#tw abuse #tw child abuse #critical #if you know who the first guy is congrats! #i actually liked his redemption arc tbh i liked how each person dealt with it differently and they didn’t have to forgive him and he didn’t #- even want to be forgiven he just wanted to healthily leave their life and try to atone #meanwhile c!dream would do it again and this fandom still loves him sjdjdkskdnfnmdmsnsn #negative#my meta