Cheat day I had like half but so good but so full ahhh
Cheat day I had like half but so good but so full ahhh
The guy I like rejected me and now i wanna barf all the food I ate for dinner bc I hate myself
today during lunch my friend said my face is becoming a V shape which is surprising cuz I have a round face AND she said my arms look Skinner too <3333
i just pur.ged for the first time ever and i barely threw up anything and now my throat hurts so that was useless im never doing that again.
Current me: resents 12 year old me for looking up how to lose weight fast
12 year old me: I’m literally neurodivergent and a minor.
i feel like purging so bad. i've never done it before (on purpose obvi) but it's been a reoccurring thought recently cause I can't cope with the fact that I've binged do much and it's been happening way to often omg. literally send help. 💀💀
I’m about to make my liquid fast interesting with some 10 cal chicken broth 😎
that moment when you've flushed the toilet enough times already that your parents would start thinking you're having a binge/purge episode again and you don't wanna make them sad so you puke in a bag in your own room and then you have to carry 8 pounds of puke to the trash omg eds are so pretty and fun i wish i had one 😍
Just a mini rant before I have to get up.
So I started destroying myself through Ed’s in 8th grade. I was around 120lbs during at time and considered skinny to everyone, but one girl said I was fat and that’s when it all started. I looked up on Google how to make yourself throw up and I found a tumblr page from like 2014 about ana and mia tips and tricks. Everyday that I wake up I regret ever being effected by that stupid comment that girl made. Because now I have years of self hate and self harm built up in me and I try so hard to overcome it but I always end up here 😕 Tbh the worst part for me was when someone recommended self harm as a punishment for overeating. WHY TF WOULD THEY DO THAT?!!! It was a post on ed tumblr and of course because I’m stupid I did it. Instead of thinking it through, my dumb ass cut the shit out my legs and not in hidden regions of my legs 😭 literally the front of my thigh. I spent all summer covered up so my parents wouldn’t find out, and it also spiraled into an obsession. I started cutting a lot even if I didn’t overeat. I became really depressed and suicidal for about 6 months, and I kept gaining then losing weight. I would binge, purge, cut, restrict, repeat. And I always look back on the events in my life and it all stems back to what that girl said. But she wasn’t just some girl she was actually my best friend since 1 years old. So of course I took it to heart and tried to lose weight extremely fast by purging. I was only 13 😭
I feel like i deserve to be fat, but at the same time i need to be skinny.
I feel trapped in this cycle. It’s not pretty. Food consumes every thought of mine and i am loosing a really close relationship over my eating habits.
I purge if i eat too much and i also restrict when i eat too much. My body says I’m hungry, but my mind disagrees.
My mind tells me these rules and things i ‘like’ but its just for the dopamine high and to feel like i have some control over my messed up life.
Having an eating disorder isn’t pretty or cute or quirky. It’s hell and it ruins every part of your life.
another ED experience: listening to Orange Juice by Melanie Martinez and wondering if you would be more valid if you purged
purging in a chinese place’s bathroom
I tried to eat a bit more yesterday but I panicked and well you can see how that turned out :/
My mom is trying to pay me in food and I'm actually scared. I cant turn down because thatd be uncharacteristic of me but I know that she'll expect me to eat in the living room.
I also need some new low cal food ideas.
I just had dinner and I feel so full..
I know I stayed within my limit, bit it still feels aweful and makes me wanna purge...
I can't do that tho bc 1) I physically seem not to be able to do that and 2) I am on a seminar with lots of people so someone would probably notice
I kinda love the feeling of working so hard on my schoolwork that I literally forget I’m not eating.
It’s almost like a trance. I come out of it hours later, exhausted, deprived of so many things, but I’m closer to going to bed, waking up, weighing myself, and hopefully getting the single drop of serotonin I get in a day from a scale change.
I wonder how I’ll manage when I decide to love myself.
¿you said just as good up as it was down? An amazing time & everything went smoothly :p
I'm hoping posting will help me stay on track. I really let myself go.
My mum noticed that I could literally barely stand, and that I was zoning out and asked if I was okay. I told her I probably just need to start taking my iron supplements again.
I told her that I just have troubles focusing my eyes and I’ve been really light headed.
She thought I had a brain tumour :I
I told her I know it’s not that and she asked how I know. So I had to tell her about my ED. I wasn’t ready to tell her but I also didn’t want to go to the doctor and get scanned n shit with people thinking I had a brain tumour.
She understands that I’m not ready to recover. She’s trying to be as supportive as she can be. She bought be like a ton of healthy foods today bc she understands I don’t want to eat, but she thinks if I have healthy food available, I won’t feel bad if I binge on it.
She’s struggled with an ED before so she knows what it’s like.
Lmao at one point she said “it’s hard for me to believe you’re purging bc I know how much you care about your teeth.”
OH MY GOD