#tw:trauma Tumblr posts

  • sandbees
    18.03.2021 - 1 mont ago

    Therapy Session

    Warnings: Mentions of abuse, past trauma, and death


    Yuu: Alright, state your name and occupation.

    Riddle: Riddle Rosehearts, 2nd year. I am Heartslybul’s dorm leader.

    Yuu: Great, now with those formalities out of the way, I want to go over a few things.

    Yuu: First, know that this is a safe space to talk your mind. I am not here to judge you or ask you questions. This is a place where you can vent out your feelings and complaints.

    Yuu: Second, this is entirely confidential. Unless you give the ok I am legally and morally not allowed to tell anyone what you have said. So if you want to talk shit about someone, go ahead.

    Yuu: Third, you don’t have to talk about...your trauma. You can talk about your day or your school life if you aren’t ready. Do you understand?

    Riddle: I understand.

    Yuu: Great. So now we can start. You talk, and I will listen.

    Riddle: ...

    Riddle: My day has been...good. I’ve been trying to better myself as a person and as a dorm leader. I’ve tried not to micromanage everything that happens in Heartslybul. I’ve also collared less people today, which Trey tells me that I’m improving.

    Riddle: I feel like I’m not, though. Everyone is still tense around me. It’s like how I used to be with mother...

    Riddle: Only now, after my near death experience, have I realized how much I’ve become like my mother. I- I don’t know if I should be happy because mother would’ve been proud or terrified because I became someone who I used to fear. That notion...scares me.

    Riddle: I was terrified of becoming like mother, but because I was also terrfied of disappointing and angering her; I became like her anyways.

    Riddle: I’ve become so much like her that I’m scarred I’ll never be able to change. That despite Trey and Cater helping me...I’ll fall back into that routine of strictness.

    Riddle: I care a lot about the Queen of Heart’s rules; but what if I take it too far like last time? What if I end up overblotting again and...no one would be able to save me?

    Yuu: ...

    Yuu: Riddle, I can assure you that you can change. You’re trying to change right now. That’s why you’re here.

    Yuu: While it would’ve been ideal to have avoided the overblot, it ended up being your awakening. When you realize your wrongs, you can grow from it. “Learn from your mistakes.” As they always say.

    Riddle: Learn from your mistakes...

    Yuu: Is that something you are not familiar with?

    Riddle: Mother always said that mistakes are mistakes. She would never tolerate a mistake. If she found out about my overblot...she’d- she would-

    Yuu: Hey, breath Riddle. The overblot situation is confidential too, there is nothing to worry about.

    Riddle: Right, right...

    Yuu: But, I would like to talk about how else you can improve yourself.

    Riddle: Improve...myself?

    Yuu: Correct. Let’s start with the positives; what are your strengths?

    Riddle: I’ve...learned good note taking. I’m at the top of my classes, and I follow rules to a T.

    Yuu: Great! Those things will help you in school. Now, what is it that you want to improve?

    Riddle: To be...a better person?

    Yuu: As in how do you want to improve to be a better person?

    Riddle: Well...I want to become more lenient to everyone in Heartslybul. I want to tone down on collaring students. And...I want to show everyone that I have changed and that I won’t go back to what I used to be.

    Yuu: Good things to want to change. Ok Riddle, here’s what we do. We set you goals.

    Riddle: Goals?

    Yuu: Seeing as you like to keep yourself organized and sticking to the rules, you’re someone who tries to keep on top of everything. However, if the goals are too big gaps, then you’d end up stressing yourself.

    Yuu: So we are going to make the goals small. Tell me, before this year, how many people did you collar?

    Riddle: ...Usually five to ten people every day...

    Yuu: Hmm...so your goal is to collar three less. And no, I am not talking about limiting yourself to collar 7 or less people. I mean to say is to try and weigh the severity of the rule broken.

    Yuu: If it is something like cheating in a test or if it endangers a student, then you are more than allowed to collar them even if you’ve collared 7 people. But, if this student is a minute or so late during morning meetings, then you shouldn’t collar them.

    Riddle: So...I just have to weigh in how much the rules help people and make a judgement then?

    Yuu: Precisely. And if you are struggling with deciding the severity of it; ask Trey. He is the Vice Dorm Leader for a reason. He is your support and your senior; he’ll give you advice.

    Yuu: Hm? Oh, look at the time. You should get going Riddle - you have a dorm meeting to attend, right?

    Riddle: Oh, thank you for reminding me. Yes, I should go now so I won’t be late.

    Yuu: Haha, yeah. Remember your small goal, Riddle. Oh, and make sure to come back next Monday at the exact time as today.

    Riddle: I will.

    Riddle: ...Yuu? Thank you. It was nice to get something off my chest.

    #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland headcannons #twisted wonderland imagines #twisted wonderland scenario #twisted wonderland yuu #riddle rosehearts #if Yuu was actually a therapist #let our bois talk it out #therapist!yuu #not a therapist but I hope I did this right #tw: death#tw: abuse#tw:trauma
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  • r4nd8m-fandom-7h1ngs
    14.03.2021 - 2 monts ago

    Person A: *says something extremely morbid then passes it off as dark humor

    Person B: "..."

    Person B: "Why are you like this?"

    Person A: "Trauma...I think"

    #writing prompt#dialouge prompt#writing#dialouge#tw:trauma #came from a conversation I had with a friend #fanfic#fic#fiction writing #person b's reaction could also be their face
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  • is-this-called-love
    12.02.2021 - 3 monts ago

    It hits hard when the one person you thought would never turn on you, does.

    ...I don't think you remain the same after that.

    #tw:sad#tw:trauma#tw:brokenfriendships#heartbreak #family is just people you live with #for some people apparently its people you love being with #funny how that works #idk really #how does it feel to be loved? #please tell me i would love to know #why do you think i read fiction so much
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  • returntoravenholm-awgag
    11.02.2021 - 3 monts ago
    #return to ravenholm #return to ravenholm:the events and after affects #chapter 1: 1 week until #half life 2 #half life#rtr#rtr:awgag#gordon freeman#tw:trauma#tw:injury mention
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  • atropaanimus
    02.02.2021 - 3 monts ago

    Headcanon: Atrophic Belladonna II

    Milo’s biggest scar, their most heinous blight upon their existence. This is primarily what such a form looks like, but is subject to change at will in terms of flora absorbed into the body. To anyone else, this form does not exist. Milo does not speak of this form at all, and if anyone does know about it? Sworn to secrecy or face incredibly consequences.

    Atrophic is in a constant state of growth, and decay. Black faux flesh akin to compact silt and smoke. Bleached white bones exposed, and petals to signify their mood and state of being. A broken wing from another wound that has remained unhealed, for Milo cares not for this appearance. A chest bearing floral teeth to capture and dissolve. Floral camoflauge is Atrophic’s greatest asset, looking like a mound of moss and roots, completely hidden by all means. Even their bones can be withdrawn into their faux flesh to push the veil forward.

    This form requires sustenance unlike Milo’s true self. It requires photosynthesis at times, rest and nourishment. Had Milo treated it properly, it wouldn’t need so much attention. Another part of this form is despite it being able to be changed into at will, it does have it’s own uncontrolled triggers: one being blight, the other being extreme trauma.

    Blight refers to a negative energy that is the only entity in the universes that can harm reapers. It is incredibly rare, nearly nonexistent, but can be used to manipulate an entity of death to the bearer’s will. Such a thing has caused Milo incredibly potent trauma over their entire lifetime. Becoming Atrophic in this way gives Milo no chance of returning to normal until the affliction has passed. In this case, Milo might vanish for a few days, upwards of a week. In more intense and drastic episodes, they abscond to their home plane, where time does not pass anywhere else. Essentially pulling a Narnia in terms of time and space, returning back to the instance of which they left and no one being the wiser.

    Atrophic does have different abilities than Milo does. Manipulation over all plants, growing ones off of their body that they’ve absorbed and so on. They can also modify the nature of those plants, especially ones in magical nature. For example, a plant meant to be carnivorous and siphon blood from it’s victim could be changed to taking toxins out of the blood stream instead. A stinging nettle could be changed for medical applications, rather than just stinging. These plants may even be harvested off of Atrophic, but would lose their modifications after no longer being apart of the body.

    #Dead Tell Tales;Headcanons #my art dunnot steal pls #tw:trauma
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  • loudjellyfishhologram
    05.01.2021 - 4 monts ago

    Have you ever traumatized yourself before going to bed and then cant sleep anymore????? I turned my phone off because I decided I needed to go to sleep but my brain said, hey you know how you are scared of camping because you are scared that a bear will rip your tent open in the middle of the night because you forgot to change your child out of the shirt that smells like chicken and so the bear carries him off and he starts screaming and crying so the bear kills him????? Let's imagine that tonight. So now I cant sleep and that image is replaying in my head and now I'm thinking that I have to tell my family that going camping this year is a no go for me even though my son loves going because my trauma riddled brain doesnt let me sleep

    #personal #just a mini rant about my brain #tw:trauma#i guess#tw: death #not really but like im imagining it so i think i should warn?? #i dont know #ill do it just to be on the safe side
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  • conquistadoradelmar
    15.12.2020 - 5 monts ago


    // Tbh I’ve really been struggling lately and I feel like I need to be honest about it because it’s impacting me more than I thought it was. TL;DR - some stuff happened a couple months ago that led to me finding out an RPer I had a really bad experience with years and years ago is back. Basically, they have some very “choice” opinions on female OCs and believe women should be excluded from LGBTQ+ communities altogether (so like what are those letters for then?). 

    It was an incredibly hurtful experience for me as a bi woman but also this was back in the days when I was still in the Age of Sail fandom and trying to portray the very real historical facts of 18th century LGBTQ+ women disguising themselves as men in the military as well as trans men joining the navy because it was essentially the only place they could be themselves (WHICH I HAVE A HISTORY DEGREE IN) and live the kind of life they wanted. It was really hurtful to find that other LGBTQ+ people who I thought were allies shunned me and Vianca for that. Moreover, since these people’s stories aren’t depicted in movies or novels, there is no way their stories can be told except by OCs. So people refusing to RP with OCs, especially female OCs in that fandom, created a lot of pain for me. I created Vianca specifically to tell those stories of those very real people.

    I think when I saw that person was back a few months ago, it triggered something in me that has only been getting worse. I mean I have a ton of other health and hormone issues going on which are contributing to my emotions I’m sure, and I know I have a ton of wonderful RP partners now who support me, but I’ve really been wrestling with all these emotions lately and it has been bringing up a lot of memories of times when I personally have been excluded from LGBTQ+ communities for bi-phobia and experienced gender based violence from other LGBTQ+ people (e.g. at my previous job 3 years ago where an LGBTQ+ man locked me in an elevator and screamed at me for politely contradicting him in a meeting and told me I needed to learn to submit to him). 

    Basically, I’ve been dwelling on all this ever since I found out that person is back and I think I’m starting to see some self-destructive behaviors in myself. I feel like I’m actually even like manically RPing and trying to do stuff here because I feel like I need to prove I belong here, I have a space here, and that I’m valid and my identity is valid. But, the thing is I DO actually want to be here... but I also feel like maybe it’s not good for me to be here and I should take a break. I’ve been crying about it a lot lately. Idk what to do, basically, but I don’t feel good and I NEVER talk about this stuff with anyone so I’m just feeling kind of lost right now.

    #. out of spain ||  ⚓「 ᴡᴀɴᴅᴇʀɪɴɢ ᴏɴ ᴀ ғᴏʀᴇɪɢɴ sᴛʀᴀɴᴅ 」 #// tw: biphobia #// tw:trauma #// just not feeling good tbh
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  • deepxedgexart
    10.12.2020 - 5 monts ago

    Who is going to tell her that biting and scratching isn’t going to help?

    Game isn’t even out yet and I’m here already simping hhhh- that’s it.. I can’t say anymore. You guys have permission to shoot me or smth

    Mason, AKA “big chungus” belongs to @gatobob thank u for blessing us with this.. lorge man 🙏😔

    ..that’s it.. bye.. I’m gonna go think about what I’ve done.

    #tpof#Mason #goth draws horrible stuff #tw:blood#tw:trauma #yes that’s an arrow #I don’t know what else to tag #he’s just giving her a love tap #he’s not going for her eye... yet.
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  • hyperionswrath
    02.12.2020 - 5 monts ago
    #.questionsAsked #.answersGiven #.tw:abuse #.tw:PTSD #.tw:alcoholism #.tw:drug abuse mention #.tw:trauma #.placed this outside our current RP because I know jack shit of where that will head as of right now lol #.the L O N G E S T year verse #.don’t you dare go hollow -> [Bahamut x Seifer] #draconianfury
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  • katsukikitten
    21.11.2020 - 5 monts ago

    WARNINGS Adult themes and hinted at sexual assault. This is an 18+ AU  @bakugotrashpanda I finished

    Your vision blurs from both the side effects of a quirk and the dam of tears threatening to burst. You throw your black hood up over your head, huffing as you rush to an apartment complex. 

    "Fifth floor. Fifth floor room 5C, right?" You mumble to distract yourself from the pain coursing through your body as you force yourself up the stairs, looking over your shoulder out of paranoia. 

    Finally you reach your destination but suddenly the urgency in you dies out. Fizzling away in your veins as you stand frozen wondering just why you were here? 

    Standing in front of the door of the very hero who has almost caught you time and time again. Having only narrowly escaped with a quick witted quip and a trick that barely worked. 

    Just as you're about to turn to leave, a hot head yanks open the door. His garnet eyes are sharp before widening in surprise. He takes you in with a slight horror as he takes in what he can in seconds. Your eyes are blown wide, dilated so unnaturally large that only a drug or quirk could induce a pupil of that size. The veins in your left eye are ruptured while a faint purple hue blooms on your lid. Your plush bottom lip is split down the middle, swollen even and the blood is barely dried. Your hoodie is torn down the middle as shaking hands clutch it closed while your tights and skirt are tattered beyond repair, your outfit threatening to fall away from your body from a small gust of the cold winter wind. 

    The last thing those molten eyes notice is the faint bruising around your tender throat and with the angle of your hood he can just barely make out the shape of fingers. Something hot forms in his chest and seeps out into his fingers causing them to twitch. 

    You answer the question he left unspoken.

    "I didn't know where else to go." 

    He watches you sway on unsteady feet as you speak, eyes fluttering as you fight off losing consciousness. He grabs onto you, causing you to flinch even as you're half out of it. That odd burning sensation blooms beneath his ribs again, he grits his teeth. Voice low, hushed even; missing the normal gruff venom. 

    "Let's get you inside." 

    After that your memories are a blur of warmth and a soft crimson gaze that holds with it malice towards someone unknown.  

    As you lie on his couch flickering in and out like a dying flame he debates with himself. Wondering if he should take you out of those clothes, well what is left or them, that are covered in blood and possibly vomit.

    But what he cannot fathom is how you a high ranking villain, probably the top female villain who has eluded him for months could end up like this. 

    He has seen your power, the grace in which you hold yourself and the feats you have done. And he's been dying to turn you in since the first time you punched him in the solar plexus. 

    As he crimson eyes linger over your frame he feels that way now, as you had delivered a well placed blow as he studies the bruises in the low light.  

    He decides he should at least rinse you off. You're awake enough to cling to him as he gently guides you to theshower, cranking it high enough it could scald but he knows you need it. Still you sway on your feet, shaking as he slowly removes your ripped hoodie leaving your breasts exposed to the steamy air and your worst enemy Bakugou. 

    But he hardly notices the way your tits sit or the color of your nipples, all he can see are the scratches and bruising. Unzipping your skirt with care you didn't know he possessed to reveal a pair of ragged tights with a hole ripped between your legs. Disgust fights to rise up his throat with a shout that he swallows down as he slowly removes them and your torn pair of underwear. You're shaking harder now as he pauses to collect himself, getting his teeth as he stares down black bruises on your inner thighs. He lets out a rush of air through his nose before he gently guides your bare feet to the cool tiled floor. He gestures to the shower trying to give you some privacy but suddenly you cling to him.  

    "Fifth floor. 5c. Fifth floor. 5C." You murmur fisting his shirt as you look up at him. He can tell that you're frustrated, fighting through the haze of whatever has you under the influence but all you can force Your or remember is his apartment number. Your broken voice echoes through his head as he stares down at you.  

    "I didn't know where else to go."

    So you, a highly wanted criminal, showed up at the doorstep of the number one hero, or at least one of the men who owned the title. And the least compassionate one at that. His chest feels odd, as if one of his explosions ruptured a lung or worse as he realizes what that means for you. Usually when someone found themselves at rock bottom they went to someone they knew they could truly trust but you, you had no one to turn to? 

    Just someone you avoided, half attempted to kill and vice versa. He was your last stitch effort.

    "P...please…."A tremor runs through you before he quickly scoops you up to set you on the counter of the vanity. He removes his shirt with a grimace before shoving himself free of his shorts and boxers. Gently guiding you to your feet as his callused hands held onto yours. He hadn't realized that how much he dwarfed you until now. Especially now, his stomach churning as he realizes just how fragile people can be. 

    He hates seeing fragility on you. He places you beneath the stream, grabbing onto something hidden beneath the vanity. The small set of women's toiletries his mother had given him for "just in case", silently and reluctantly he thanked that stubborn hag. 

    He offers you a bottle and when it is evident that your mind is lightyears away he sighs deeply, lathering his hands in flowery body wash. He holds his broad hand out to you and you grant him silent permission as you offer him your wrist. Hands sweeping up your arms, over your shoulders and pausing for a moment, unsure if he should touch your chest although you desperately needed it. Another tremor moves through you as you guide his hand down, resting it over your heart. His jaw tics as he feels how rapidly it is beating, a combination of substance abuse and whatever the hell just happened to you.  Still your eyes linger on his body wash and your mind wanders aloud. 

    "I thought you smelt like caramel because of your body wash." Voice barely there when you were normally boisterous. Instead you notice that the spicy smell comes from his soap, the burning sugar was all him. You had smelt it moments after entering his home. He says nothing, not that you wanted him to reply. You move his hands to give him permission to care for you before going numb. 

    Totally numb to the water and his touch, although it is much more comforting than the last set of hands that touched you. 

    Your vision blurs, the tears fall silently and he allows you to grieve before your mind goes numb again. 

    "Fifth floor." You whisper, voice breaking as if you bore bad news. He washes your hair and conditions it as best he can as he watches your mind begin to slip. A surprisingly plush towel caresses over your skin as Bakugou pats you down gently. Making sure you are dry before he moves to your hair,  squeezing the water from it softly. Finally he is done, scooping you to him, princess style, before he decides you're going to stay here tonight. 

    He takes you to his room, setting you on the edge of his bed, forcing you to sit for now. He throws on a pair of boxers before he rummages through his closet to find an old pair of basketball shorts and a long sleeved shirt.

    "Arms up." A gruff voice pulls you closer to the living and you obey. Arms burning as you lift them into the air only for comfort to envelop you. 

    "Step into these." Bakugou growls as he is bent over with the shorts held firmly in his hands. You nod furiously, sliding off the side of the bed to allow your feet to fall into the holes. One hand steadying yourself on a broad back. 

    "Strong." You whisper, patting him gently before he comes up, he hates how your breathing hitches, coming in short bursts now that he is full height. You even push away from him a bit before your glazed over eyes register that it is only him. 

    "5C." You mumble, touching his chest and he nods, fingers gripping onto yours. Katsuki eases you into the bed and wrapes you in his comforter. It's large and warm, reminding you of strong arms eveloping you. You deeply inhale the dark fabric and it smells godly. Like caramel, a burning sparkler and a spice you can't place, your eyelids become heavier. Just as he is about to walk away your eyes snap open, chest heaving as the night tries to return. 

    "FIFTH FUCKING FLOOR!" You shout, grabbing onto that callused hand that soothed the rage, the raw fear and the utter self loathing from something you couldn't control. Could never dream that it could have happened to you.

    But it did.

    The same fucking hand that kept you from shattering, at least for the time being. 

    "I'm here. I'm right here." He coos in a husky tone, hand smoothing down your damp hair. He squeezes your hand tightly and like a switch you go limp, all but your death grip on him as you fall into a deep sleep.

    He stands there until your breathing is even, turning the lights down low but not completely off as he leaves the door to his bedroom ajar. 

    Angrily he searches for his phone with an idea in mind. A threat turned promise, that he repeats to himself over and over again.

    When he finds out who did this to you, he was going to kill them. No questions asked, no second thoughts. Wholeheartedly he was going to commit murder for what they had done to you and what will continue to haunt you for years to come. 

    Finally he finds his phone and dials one of the few numbers he knows by heart. The recipient answers after the third ring. 

    "Oi, Deku, remember that favor you owe me? I think it's time I fucking cashed it in." 

    #bakugou x reader #bakugo x reader #bnha x reader #bakugou katsuki#bnha au#tw:trauma#tw:sexual assault
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  • vintageplumbobs
    19.11.2020 - 5 monts ago

    Harvey: How’s it going?

    Emmelie: She’s responding well to the dream stimulation, she remembers her father and sister...but we’re not yet at the point of her remembering what happened.

    Harvey: Is that really so bad? She could live the rest of her life without-

    Emmelie: She knows there’s something. The dream she has, a recurring nightmare where she feels a sharp pain in her back over and over...I worry that if she’s not able to face and understand what happened, it will continue to damage our work...and her. 

    Harvey: How much longer?

    Emmelie: It’s hard to say, we can’t rush this. If we-

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  • unscriptedtimetraveler
    15.11.2020 - 6 monts ago

    Me, trying to be productive: :D

    Past bad memories and lowkey tr@uma from years ago: hello

    Me: well time to go watch comfort cartoons for 5 more hours

    #tw:trauma #it be like this sometimes
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  • darkheartedprince
    12.08.2020 - 9 monts ago

    x. written to: My Jolly Sailor Bold

                    Down by the dancing shore sat the Prince of Darkness hiding his pain. In the Summer’s evening, the sunset glimmered bright. He watched the water move like breaths as he felt nothing but numb. He sat there still as his heart was pierced by Darkness, black and purple coating the Light-filled, shattered heart in his chest. It had yet to heal. . .

                    Would it ever heal or was it forced to be in pain forever?

    ‘And often we have wandered. . .’

                    Aquamarine eyes flickered at the voice he heard radiating in his ears. He knew this voice, though he dare not speak it. It was coming from the ocean, it sang to him aloud, he pushed himself from the sand and stared out at yonder now. He took three steps closer, his feet now wet and cold, as he reached his hand forward to the sailor who fled when he was five-years-old. 

    ‘There’s nothing can console me. . .’

                    Farther the boy stepped, keeping his hand reached, up to his knees he walked as the ocean dragged him home. His father was calling, he spoke his name so true. His heart was there but empty as it weeped and moaned, his eyes now darkening, up to his hips he walked now as, “. . . We’ll be together soon.” Slipped out in a whisper from lips as cold as ice. 

                    Was this a dream or reality, his heart would never say. Riku just kept walking hoping his father’d be there. 

    #x. o o c | it is headcanoned by me and someone else that Riku's father died while sailing when he was five and he only learned that when he #came back from the war that that was how he died so this is inspired by that | o o c .x #x. l i n e  w h e r e  t h e  s k y  m e e t s  t h e  s e a | o p e n #tw:drowning#tw:trauma #x. d r e a m i n g  o f  a d v e n t u r e s | s t a r t e r s
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  • witnessprotection444
    30.07.2020 - 9 monts ago

    I’ve been having dreams where I wake up and I’m locked in that room again, in that house, in that state of mind..with those soulless people..I’ve truthfully not been able to stomach anything for 2 days now. They make me sick.

    #me#personal#tw:trauma#trauma#ptsd #people are poison #i just wanna cleanse my body #dont touch me #really dont want to be touched
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  • heyisfurwhoresez
    04.07.2020 - 10 monts ago

    Michaela Cole is brilliant. Like a true visionary. Her new show, “I May Destroy You,” covers sexuality and r*pe culture in such an honest, caring, and meaningful manner. Using sexual violence as her lens, she examines romantic, platonic, racial and gender allegiances in a manner that is truly is ground-breaking...and, at times, triggering...but it is never intentionally or carelessly so. And the thing about her depiction of assault is that she does not let bystanders, enablers, and gaslighters off of the hook; in fact, they are depicted as being quite culpable in the violences committed against victims.

    One of the stranger, perhaps sweeter, and more fascinating scenes thus far involved Bella’s hookup slipping her period blood clot between his fingers as he analyzed it with this oddly intimate fascination. I was shocked and awed, but more than anything, I felt lucky to have seen that.

    A lot of British shows are just on a different level.

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  • justadream27
    14.06.2020 - 11 monts ago

    When you put on two pairs of pants as a coping mechanism for trauma but then it starts to conflict with you feeling trapped and suffocated because of a different trauma and they pretty much combine until you’re just having the worst time 😊

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  • rileysletters
    14.06.2020 - 11 monts ago


    I was never traditionally pretty. Often, the weird girl. The fat girl. Ugly girl.

    "Crazy." "Psycho." "Stalker"

    Whenever I admitted feelings for someone.

    I was laughed at. Mocked. Overall rejected. So I bottled everything up.

    I used to drink. To smoke. To fuck. All to make me feel something.

    Anything. To prove that I was alive.

    I had no shame. I didn't care about anything. I just wanted to be useful.

    To make others happy. Regardless of how I felt.

    I kept my distance. Put up walls around myself. And protected myself.

    Most of those walls have been torn down. Over many years.

    Some, replaced with new ones. Others remain crumbled. Disheveled. Removed.

    Trauma impacts a lot of my decisions.

    "Don't wear that!" "Look like this!" "Diet." "Excercise."

    Things stay bottled up. Sometimes the bottle breaks.

    But luckily the important things are vaulted.

    Steel doors hide my secrets. Secrets aren’t healthy. But neither is trauma.

    So I’ve learned to live with it.

    I may not be able to do basic things.

    Like making appointments. Following through with plans. Holding conversation.

    I can no longer do things I used to enjoy.

    But hell. I’m alive. I’ve fought for this long.  I don't hate myself. Not any more. Not for a long time.

    But I wish I could speak up. I dont have my own voice. My trauma won't let me.

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  • miseducationoftheblckwomxn
    03.06.2020 - 11 monts ago

    #Why Didn’t I Report

    He was my boyfriend. He was an athlete. He was popular. He said he had been molested as a child. He is Black. He said he loved me. Him and his friends started harassing me.

    I naively didn’t think boyfriends raped/sexually assaulted their girlfriends and tried to excuse his behavior time and time again. It was easier than admitting the truth.

    This is what i wish I posted on twitter.

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  • cloverywands
    31.05.2020 - 11 monts ago

    Personal Update

    Let’s See, 

    I got a new job April 10th and it is pretty physically draining and I can’t get rid of this darn shoulder pain from lifting heavy objects. I hope to return to working at a school come August/September and leave retail behind me once again. However, I’m able to work 40 hours a week, which is nice because I’m able to save up for mathematics courses I want to take over the summer.  

    I’m thinking I will need to take analytical geometry and calculus for the Master’s program I want to be admitted to, but we shall see. My undergrad was in English Language and Literature with a heavy side of linguistics, therefore I didn’t need to take as many math courses to complete it. 

    I want to thank everyone for their well wishes and prayers for my Mom. She’s been awake for a few days now, and can hold semi-regular conversations over the phone. Days 7-10 are crucial because this is when bleeding might start happening in her brain again, which could further impair her or kill her, so my anxiety has skyrocketed these last few days. It’s like day 9 since her aneurysm, and the resulting subarachnoid hemorrhage, if it’s counting from when she was taken to emergency. There’s hope for her surviving this all, but it’s like there can be further complications six months out. 

    Then there’s her recovery and therapy as well. I hope she will be able to drive again someday because she LOVED driving. If we were able to go to Scotland this summer, she wanted to drive from London to Edinburgh in lieu of flying directly to Glasgow or Inverness. I am so grateful she was able to visit Okinawa before this happened.

    My dad’s results from his doctors came back good. He has a weak heart and is only borderline diabetic. It’s amazing that he hasn’t had a heart attack by now or liver failure. 

    I’m trying to get back into doing wand analyses, and will have a couple posted the next few days. 

    Anyways, I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy as they can. I feel a bit better writing and sharing these bits of my life with you guys. 

    Thank you.



    #personal #shut up clover #tw:trauma#tw: anxiety #been replaying AJR's Karma a lot lol #always going to be a bit emo I suppose #have to be a downer somewhere else other than to my family
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