#twilight rennaissance Tumblr posts

*27-car pile up on the highway, one vampire killed another on their trail, ballet studio burned down, all of Phoenix is now suspicious that something is going on, baseball game ruined*

All the cullens for some reason:

Okay so do y’all think that when Bella was sending Alice all those emails in New Moon, Alice had visions of them? Like could she read them?

“That’s Edward Cullen. He’s totally gorgeous, obviously. But apparently, no one here is good enough for him.”

(credit for the original picture of bernie sanders in this outfit: shuhomu on tik tok)

Bernie has more important things to watch than the inauguration

• Rosalie: hey what time is it
• Emmett: I don't know pass me the recorder
• Emmett: *plays recorder loudly*
• Edward: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE RECORDER AT 2AM BELLA IS TRYING TO SLEEP
• Emmett: it's 2AM

If Jade was your favourite Victorious character you stan Rosalie Hale now I don’t make the rules

• Emmett: You know, Rosalie, I'm not a big fan of your last name, I think you should change it
• Rosalie: I don't like yours either, you should change it
• Emmett: Wait, to what?
• Rosalie: Hale
• Emmett:
• Emmett: That's MY line

After Twilight in the UK I would like to suggest: Twilight in the Netherlands

• They ride bikes everywhere so the cullens have these new super fancy bikes that go really fast so they can still be ~speed demons~ or whatever
• Bella’s bike is one of those that you need to duct tape back together after using it
• Instead of surfing at the beach the kids go fierljeppen (jumping over ditches w water in them using long sticks)
• For reference the world championships look like this

• Eddie cant come cause the farmers that have lived on the land for generations know about the cullens
• Instead of wolves, the farmers can turn into godwits (national bird of the Netherlands and a lot less suspicious than the national animal, a fucking lion)
• Alice would go HARD on Kingsday, whole house is decorated with orange flags and stuff
• I’m imagining this takes place in like the west of the country cause the cullens obviously live in one of the canal houses in Amsterdam and let me tell you Jasper would be teased MERCILESSLY for his ~southern drawl~
• Carlisle would be an Amsterdam native with a thicc accent who uses tons of slang
• There’s no mountains for Emmett to be from (there are some particularly steep bridges but that’s about it) BUT I think he should be from the north
• Rosalie is from one of the suburbs of Amsterdam, Edward’s from Rotterdam, that’s like 99% of the reason she hates him (Carlisle suggests they date and Rosalie is just like “you’re from here too how dare you betray me like that” and slaps him)
• Endless complaining about having to go all the way to Germany to hunt because the Netherlands has like no wildlife whatsoever

Y’all know EXACTLY who you are

Twilight from the POV of Charlie Swan: a short summary

2021 bingo cards but make it twilight renaissance. here’s to a great year!

• Alice: What's this?
• Bella: Oh, that's my to-do list
• Alice: That's great! I love that you're trying to be more organiz-
• Alice:
• Alice: This just says 'Edward'

Emmett: *finishes drinking from an animal*

Emmett: this bitch empty YEET

Midnight Sun is hilarious, Edward is even MORE extra when you’re reading his thought processes. Like a meteor might squish Bella in her bed while she sleeps! I better go sit outside her house to make sure she’s okay! Also since I’m totally going to either kill her or make her a vampire, I’ll just give up!

My inner fourteen year old self who walked a mile in the rain to pick up Eclipse is gleeful.

Excuse me but this is one of the best things I have discovered. Her voice is beautiful and she sings the good ones™. 

Smeyer having a white character talk like this about the Quileutes; an actual Native culture and community who have lived through this colonial discourse and entitlement to genocide from white people in real life.

Smeyer framing the serial killer and rapist who almost harmed Bella as a Latino and making it very clear (also through María and the other guy in The Short Life of Brie Tanner who was also portrayed as a criminal….) that in her opinion, we Latinxs are fucking vile.

I just.

(Sorry if someone already pointed this out, but I’m in fucking disbelief at this point.) 

okay but why the hell did edward ask emmett and jasper for sex advice in breaking dawn when it seems like clearly the denali sisters would have way more helpful information about human/vampire sex risk management?? au where they make him a powerpoint

edward is like “ew jessica felt jealous of bella that one time she’s mean and I hate her” then has to go talk himself out of murder again

can I say smeyer really does NOT know what real people think abt l m a o

Quick Question; in Twilight vamps can’t have kids right? So what happens if a pregnant woman is turned? Does she remain pregnant for the rest of her undead life? Is the baby miscarried and she becomes thin? (Since it seems overweight vampires don’t exist in Twilight, which is stupid but worth its own post) like what happens?? Anyone know?