Hopelessly Devoted to Him
summary: story about me being in love with the same guy for the past 11 years.
warnings: unrequited love and me being a dumbass
word count: 1.8k
a/n: i’ve had this in my drafts for while and decided to finally post it :)
this story is not a love story, far from it actually, it's a story about unrequited love.
we met when we were only 4 years old.
for the longest time, i did not believe in love at first sight.
i later realized that the first time i saw him walk into class was when i fell in love with him.
like i said, we were 4 so i couldn't understand the reason why my stomach felt like it was about to explode every time i was near him but all i knew was that i never wanted to leave his side and luckily he lived right in front of me.
he had a similar feeling for me at that age but like the girl i was, i decided the best way to show my love was to kick him. my plan backfired quickly because instead of his love growing, his hatred started. alright, hatred is a strong word more like distaste
because of his distaste for me and my abusive behavior, we became enemies. but that stomach-churning feeling was still there and i couldn't get rid of it.
year after year we would get sent to the principal's office for our misconduct towards each other, but after our meeting with the principal, we would walk home together, protecting each other, from any harm the suburban sidewalk could cause.
by the time we were in 6th grade my dream came true, we were inseparable. we would walk to school together, be in the exact same classes, walk home together, hang out at my house, go to orchestra practice, then say goodnight to each other. only there was one thing that i didn't wish for that was there; his girlfriend.
like the boy he was, he found many girls attractive, and because he was one of the most popular guys in school (and one of the cutest) he easily got a girlfriend. sadly, no, it wasn't me i just stayed behind and helped him if he had girl trouble. i was a good friend and i wanted to keep being a good friend so decided to always give him the best advice even if that meant hurting me.
they broke up because they were in 6th grade so it wasn't very serious. i felt bad for him so there i was; a good friend that helped him through the pain of heartbreak.
so that summer i decided to do what i was never brave enough to do.
i told him i liked him.
i regretted it 4 minutes after.
the movies, the books, everyone, lied. they said that he would like me back. the perfect enemies to best friends to lovers trope.
he told me to never speak to him again.
a bit harsh not gonna lie but i responded with "ok"
6th grade was hard for me. i lost all my friends because of a dumb rumor my "friend" started, so he was the last one i had left. when he left me i fell into a dark hole i will hate to this day called, depression. but that's not what the story is about so let's continue.
he ignored for about 4 months.
he realized that i was his friend and that he shouldn't have reacted the way that he did so he decided he was going to apologize. so he did on the first day of seventh grade at the bus stop.
i was extremely nervous that day since it was the first day at a new school but his apology made me feel better. i obviously forgave him because my dumbass was still hopelessly devoted to him.
the year went by and i still stuck by his side only this time we had different classes but we still walked to the bus stop together and walked home together.
once again, he got a girlfriend.
then once again i played the role of a good friend.
and once again they broke up.
by the time 8th grade rolled around i was used to him flirting with girls and talking with a lot of them, but that year this tripled because of something called...
he suddenly became way taller than me.
his voice dropped like 5 octaves.
his muscles grew.
he suddenly was no longer cute.
he was hot.
and i was not the only one that noticed this.
suddenly every girl in school was after him, not just a few girls and i. obviously i would get jealous but i had to hide my feelings from him so i would just smile and act like i was ok.
8th grade went by rather quickly and our routine of walking to the bus stop and walking home together stayed the same
the summer after 8th grade was different than any other ones.
we had summer school so i got to see him every morning and our routine of walking to the bus stop then back home after together continued.
every morning was a beautiful morning because i got to see him.
until one morning when he informed me that he had made out with our friend, my best friend of 10 years the night before.
i couldn't face him or my friend the whole day.
i knew if i saw them i would break down crying.
i walked home alone that day.
the morning after i did what i do best.
i pushed down my feelings and plastered a fake smile on and wished him a good morning.
luckily, nothing happened between them again but it still hurt me but ignored it.
and with that, summer was over.
and high school started.
our routines continued only this time we had no classes together.
we slowly grew apart.
not too far though, like i said i was hopelessly devoted to him.
like most high schools, mine had a homecoming.
i always imagined myself going with him and slow dancing under cheap stage lights.
so you could understand my heartbreak when someone informed me that he asked another girl to the dance.
but not just any girl.
a beautiful skinny sophomore cheerleader.
i was decent, not beautiful.
i was chubby, not skinny
i was a freshman, not a sophomore.
and i was no cheerleader.
and lastly, i was not her.
i sucked it up and went to the dance.
he was obviously there but i couldn't bring myself to say hi to him, so i just danced the night away with my other friends.
i saw him while i waiting for my mom to pick me up and like the sweet guy he is he decided to come up to me. the next words he told me made my heart skip a beat.
he told me i looked beautiful.
god only if he knew what he caused that night.
when i got home that night i took off my dress and makeup, and i cried into a pillow.
i was overjoyed he told me i looked beautiful but i knew that even if he thought that, i would never have him.
some time went by and the same girl he took to homecoming became his girlfriend.
i didn't think much of it because he usually broke off his relationships a month into them.
but then a month went by.
and then another.
it was into month 3 that i realized that this was not like his past relationships.
he loved her.
and he would of course rave about how much he loved her every day on the bus.
how much i wanted to hate her for it but couldn't bring myself to it.
she made him happy.
i wish it was me not her.
i would make him the happiest person in the world.
but he loved her.
this time we actually did grow apart.
we would no longer walk to the bus stop together nor walk home together.
but then the pandemic hit.
we were ushered into quarantine.
and everyone in the world was apart.
and with no one to talk to i fell into a dark and very familiar space.
but then something dinged.
by something i mean my phone.
it was him.
after months of only mouthing hello to each other in the halls, he texted me.
that simple three-letter-word bloomed our friendship once again.
5 months into quarantine and our friendship had never been stronger and my longing for him as well.
it was everything i could ever wish for, once again i was by his side, virtually. but then i remembered he still had a girlfriend and he decided it was time for her to formally meet us.
so there i was on facetime with her, playing video games. i suddenly found myself hating her even more, i hated that she was beautiful, i hated that she was sweet, i hated that she was compassionate, i hated that she was smart, i hated that she was funny, i hated that i couldn't hate her as much as i told myself i did.
i was in my bed on my phone one day when i suddenly got an incoming facetime call from him. my whole face lit up and i excitedly answered the call. i expected him to ask me to play video games with him or tell me about his day.
what i didn't expect was for him to ask me for help with a 1-year anniversary gift for his girlfriend.
365 days since i officially lost my chance with him.
for the past 11 years, i've played the role of a good friend so i wasn't about to let that crumble, so i did the most logical thing a good friend would do; i helped him.
she loved her gift.
for the past few months, i've been trying to ignore the feelings i have for him.
but of course, the pandemic isn't that bad anymore and i can now hang out with him and when i do, he always has to do something to make me remember how much i like him.
he put his arm around me.
he tickles me.
we play fight.
and he just has to throw in compliments every once in a while.
he can't just call me pretty and expect me not to have a breakdown over it.
and of course, i still talk to his girlfriend, we planned his birthday party together, and just last week we met up and talked for about an hour. you can guess the topic of our conversation...
because she loves him and he loves her.
and he loves me, as a friend
and that brings me to today.
the year 2021.
11 years, 9 months, 14 days since the first day of me loving him, and im still...
devoted to him.