in some ways, I have everything I have ever wanted – an apartment to myself & a studio to dance in & a subaru & a sweater vest. but every time the curtain falls & I take a bow, I return home to my empty bed. I cobble together longing & wine, drink myself dry of the loss. I dream of dinner parties & crowds & a bed with you in it. instead, I walk alone in the woods. we spent the whole night awake, dragging chairs together to watch documentaries, eating ice cream in my car to avoid the mosquitoes. the next day, our knees touched under the table & my whole world spun. my friends are celebrating anniversaries & I am thinking about your pinky finger. by the time I finally ask you to paint my nails, it is too late. this is what we mean by temporality. I have loved a thousand times & also not at all. I saw us splayed on the page when we first caught eyes. we tried anyway. this is the hard part – our blind belief that friendship can transcend a botched confession & smudged nail polish. in the car, I accelerate & the peaches we picked roll off the dashboard. you catch them all as they fly through the air & we laugh so hard I nearly wreck. in the rearview mirror, I see your sunglasses & denim hat & soft eyes. one of us had to make a choice.
i don’t know what this is or if it’s even good or anything but i had to share it
I’ve heard people say love is a dream. A dream they never want to wake up from. Maybe that’s what it’s supposed to be, but loving him is a nightmare. One that you can’t shake no matter how hard you try. Or maybe it’s like sleep paralysis. Where you’re lying there, and you can’t move, and you feel this weight on your chest, pushing down, suffocating you, but you can’t wake up no matter how hard try, no matter how much you want to. You just can’t.
Or maybe it’s like an addiction. And you know that it’s bad for you, that it could kill you, but you can’t stop. You can’t stop chasing that high, hoping to catch it, to feel it again, to let it consume your entire being.
Or maybe it’s like drowning. When your head’s deep under the water, the tide and the currents pulling you down no matter how hard you fight. And you’re holding your breathe, struggling to reach the surface, to breath, but the water won’t let you go. And your brain is trying so hard, forcing you to hold onto that last breathe, to keep the water out.
Maybe loving him feels like dying. And maybe I don’t mind.
Maybe I’m just waiting, waiting for the moment that weight on my chest becomes to heavy and I finally stop breathing.
Maybe I’m waiting for the moment I chase that high just a little too far and it sends me tumbling over the edge.
Maybe I’m waiting for the moment my brain stops fighting and I let the water come rushing in.
Maybe I’m waiting for it to kill me because I can’t let it go, I can’t let him go.
Or maybe I’m already dead. And these are just the consequences of my actions, of what I did, of what I did to keep him.
Warnings: Unrequited Love, Character Death, Blood, Throwing up
Plot: Asahi Azumane has no clue about the girl who fell in love with him as soon she saw him. The second year manager, Y/n L/n. Slowly as days go by Y/n realizes Asahi will never love her back. Developing the “fictional” Hanahaki disease was not a part of her plan to get over him.
Lavender Roses:Love at first sight and Enchantment
Forget-Me-Nots: True love
Dark Crimson Roses: Grief and Regret
Word Count: 1,305 words
As Y/n woke up this morning, she noticed something was off. Noticing a small purple, lavender to be specific, petal on her bed, she sat up to see about 5 to 10 other petals around her pillow. “There is no way.” She shook her head to get rid of the thoughts. As she got ready for school, her mind began to wander. “What if it is? Does that mean-NO! I won’t think like that!” The walk to the school gym was uneventful. Her normal walk consisted of Kiyoko and Yachi meeting her,as they lived close to each other, but she had gone a bit earlier today, wanting to be alone to process what she saw this morning. Walking into the gym, she saw a few people there. Hinata, Kageyama, Tanaka, Suga, and, shockingly, Asahi. She waved hello and started to get out the rest of the equipment while also accidentally hearing something she shouldn’t have.
“So Asahi, I saw a girl with you the other day at a cafe! Wanna tell us about that big guy?” Suga questioned with a smug smirk as he watched Asahi freeze. “Well I-I can explain!” Asahi stuttered out. Tanaka and Suga laughed as Hinata and Kageyama looked on curiously. Y/n stood still in her spot as she felt a tickle in her throat while Asahi rambled on about his mystery girl. “I was there to help her study! We finished our work and everything and just talked. It was...nice ya know? Talking to a girl other than the managers who isn’t scared of me because of my looks! It’s a nice feeling.” Y/n felt her heart crack more as he continued. She couldn’t hold it in anymore and she coughed. . She ran out of the gym before more could come out. Not noticing the worried eyes of the 5 boys in the gym following her form.
She made it back to the gym after throwing up more flowers. Everyone was there and already practicing. She made her way to the girls. Before she could make it, Hinata stopped her, “Hey Y/n-senpai! Are you feeling better after this morning? You ran out of here pretty fast!” The gym quieted down slightly as if everyone was trying to figure out what was wrong with their manager. She gave a small, notably forced(but only a few picked up on it), smile, “I’m fine Hinata! Just ate something funny for breakfast. Now go back to practicing.” She ruffled his hair and continued to the manager's spot. Not noticing the worried brown eyes on her.
As the days continued, the petals got worse. Some days there was blood or full flowers. After some research, Y/n realized that she would die. She refused to get the surgery. It was Wednesday, October 17th. It was fall. Her favorite season. Practice was running smoothly with one exception. Asahi wasn’t there. In her last month, she had been spending more time with everyone but, more specifically, Asahi. They had grown closer than before. She knew it wasn’t smart. It would break his heart knowing what she was keeping from him but she wouldn’t have him pity her. The disease had grown worse to the point she needed a mask in her daily life. She would only wear black ones in case of blood.
Asahi finally walked into practice that day but everyone quickly realized he wasn’t alone. “Everyone! I’d like you to meet someone! This is R/n(Random name), my girlfriend.” Everyone gathered around her pretty quickly. Yachi whipped her head to where Y/n was only to figure out she wasn’t there. Yachi and Kiyoko were the only ones who knew about the hanahaki. Yachi nudged Kiyoko and pointed over to your empty spot. Kiyoko’s eyes filled with sadness and worry. Yachi’s own eyes mimicking hers. Asahi looked around for Y/n as he had wanted her to meet R/n. “Hey guys, where’s Y/n?” Everyone looked around but didn’t find her or her stuff. They had just assumed she went home.
Little did they know, Y/n was home but she was puking blood and flower petals into her toilet. She sat up, blood trickling down her chin. “Well…I guess it’s over now.” As the next week passed by, Y/n quit the team as manager and only interacted with Kiyoko or Yachi. Rumors ran wild around the school. Some questioned if the boys did anything or simply that something was wrong with her. The boys weren’t aware she had quit until Coach Ukai broke the news to them. “Y/n has decided to quit her manager position for personal reasons I can’t say. I hope you boys don’t badger her about leaving and just move on from it. Let’s practice okay?” Everyone in the gym was sad and hurt when they learned of what happened. The only question they had was, “Why would she have left?” One person could obviously be pick out among the boys as the saddest.
Asahi was confused. Why would Y/n leave without telling him? Was it his fault? He didn’t know and it worried him. His girlfriend had been busy with her own stuff so he walked home alone that night. Now that he thought about it, Y/n had been more distant with the team in the past few weeks. Faking smiles and not hanging out with them as a whole anymore. “What did we do?” Asahi’s thoughts were running wild as he walked home, not realizing that this is the last days for Y/n.
Today was October 31st, Halloween. The day Y/n would died. Not that anyone knew. It was a Saturday. No practice. She smiled from her bed covered in flowers and vines. She sent a text to the Karasuno group chat as her swollen eyes fell shut.
“My favorite flowers were always Forget-Me-Nots and Crimson Roses. Don’t forget me okay?”
Kiyoko and Yachi rushed to her house and in the distance the team could be seen running too. Everyone had arrived to the scene of her room. Lavender roses and vines guarded her body covering blood. Yachi screamed, crying for her best friend to wake up. Kiyoko grabbed Yachi into her arms and held her close as all the boys cried at their dear ex-manager’s body. One boy was stunned as he had tears rolling off his face.
Asahi Azumane’s favorite flowers were lavender roses.
When her parents had the funeral, her mother handed Asahi a letter.
It feels weird. These feelings. I don’t want you to blame yourself for this. I know you probably have been but don’t. It was my choice to fall in love with you. It was my choice not to get surgery. I didn’t want to live my life knowing that if we had a chance I couldn’t have it. I know it’s late but surprise! I’m in love with you! Though fate decided you needed better. It wasn’t going to be me in the end. I knew that the day you told the team about R/n. But it’s okay! I can live peacefully now knowing you’re happy. Please don’t feel pity or guilt or regret for not doing anything. I purposely kept this from you and the team. I love you Asahi Azumane. Please don’t forget me?
Always with love, Y/n L/n
Asahi shoved his face into his bed when he read the letter. He knows she said not to feel guilty but he can’t help it. He could’ve saved her. If he had only told her before all of this. He felt a tickle in his throat. “Oh no.. Please god no..” He coughed.
A Dark Crimson Rose with Forget-Me-Not petals. Y/n L/n’s favorite flowers.
If only he had told her how much he loved her sooner. Now, she laid down. Forget-Me-Nots and Crimson Roses marking her resting places. While he throws them up.
A/N This was super sad and now I wanna cry🥲This was for @atzuums 1k event! Check out their works and ofc their collab! Bai Bai~
i’m chewing through my couch writing two ppl who are so obviously in love but haven’t SAID IT but also show it at every turn. if i perish in the process, know that i died doing what i loved (yearning)
#they are also together so that helps. it's not requited unrequited they're both just. afraid #the other thing i love writing: very hard characters turning fragile #UGHHHHH PUT THAT IN MY COFFEE LEMME DRINK THAT SHIT #narrativefoiltrope narration
YoungJustice!Fox’s feelings about the Young Justice team as of the end of season 1
*young justice bio option*
Dick Grayson / Robin: definitely a crush
Kaldur'ahm / Aqualad: is it a crush? is it hero-worship? the world may never know
Wally West / Kid Flash: partners-in-recklessness
M'gann M'orzz: “that’s my bestie”
Conner Kent / Superboy: “the stitch to my lilo”
Artemis Crock: definitely intimidated
Roy Harper / Speedy / Red Arrow: definitely intimidated
Zatanna Zatara: definitely a crush
#headcanons. / #wanted connections. / #this is an open invitation for anyone that plays these characters to come write with me #even the crushes if you aren't down with shipping with someone they don't know #bc we all about unrequited love in this house #and crush or not you'll still be her fam and her team
Inside an empty room in my brain
lives the spirit of your existence.
It crawls on its knees
to shorten the hell-long distance
between traces and a thought.
It seems that I forgot
about the princess
you fell for.
#I normally don’t post super personal stuff #but I am just kinda confused and emotional #this past year my BFF keeps making ‘we’re in love’ jokes #and it’s starting to really feel like it’s not a joke #like she keeps calling me wife when we text #but I haven’t mentioned cause I’m neurodivergent and bad at people #but I already kinda thought she was bi and this kinda isn’t helping things #and these. past few days I’ve been starting to think I might me gay #not Aro like I thought #and with time I might actually be ok with this #the only problem is that she loves halfway across the country now #and hads had a bf for almost a year #but if I think about this any more I might del one a crush #and unrequited love is the last thing I need on my mind rn #I’ve avoided relationships for 21 years #I don’t need drama now #ALSO #my fam’s super homophobic conservatives so that’s great #and I only live down the road from them #i’m just so confused #delete later#maybe#tag rant#scar speaks#mine
i made a huge mistake and fell in love with two of my best friends that are in a romantic relationship together, thing is— i thought that they returned my feelings since i was receiving some mixed signals from them, i was insecure but i was going to tell them anyways (they're both polyam so that's why i even considered the idea of telling them) before i could even say something i found out they liked this person we all met at the same time, and by the time this happened they started distance themselves from me to put all their attention to this new person and i'm just here, you know? very sad and resigned to the fact that there was never a chance of a "we" even if they did gave me signals of returning my feelings :(
what makes me even sadder is that they once told me that if i ever got a partner i should not stop talking to them as we were used to, but now? i'm here seeing how someone else is slowly taking them away from me and they're not even aware, i'm trying to detach myself because it's just — it hurts a lot man. i wish i could make these feelings disappear.
however i made them clear that if they ever needed help with this person or if they needed some kind of advice i was here for them, even though it hurts like a bitch.
My soul knows you from long ago. My heart knows you from too many almosts and oh so close. My mind keeps screaming if you really wanted me, you’d be here and I wouldn’t have to wonder about the endless space between the two at all.
~We may have danced this dance before, but at what cost?