I’ve noticed we haven’t talked in a few days and when we did talk, it was because your friends were busy.
I was grateful but to you I was just an option. A 3rd option.
I was grateful but to you I was just an option. A 3rd option.
“I’m not responsible for the version of me you made in your head”
- “I won’t stress myself over your expectations”
I got over my love for you by finding and loving myself..🦋
if i were given a second chance
i’m not gonna fucking let you go.
– my crappy feelings for you
some people just weren’t meant to be monogamous and u can’t force them to be
I prepared new brushes to draw and paint all the pain and bruises you’ve given me.
Yes, new brushes and gouaches for the fresh wounds and heartaches that I would conceal in the coming days…
I’ll paint the bleeding sky for that chaos I chose not to end. I’ll paint those nameless people who saw us together that night, wait, did they envied what they just witnessed?
I don’t quite know, but infatuation can go beyond the sleepless nights,
and in a fraction of a second can turn pain into trepidation and longingness.
I’ll give you an exact picture of the hues of gray and black in the stories of ours which we chose to finally put into an end.
“I stopped texting you and hanging out. I thought you would understand”
Yes. Because when you say you’re busy with finals my first thought is that you’re back with your ex.
Sorry for understanding that finals are stressful and giving you space instead of jumping to conclusions.
I only see you 4 hours per week
But I think of you for the remaining 164
i thought of you the other day, your favourite song came on the radio.
i thought of you the other day, i drove by where we met.
i thought of you the other day, i still love you.
The Good But Absent Lover
A shadow in your peripheral
Been there done that
Her every sensation so visceral
Ah here comes someone else
And yet it isnt someone new
The shadow of her lives within everyone you meet
Replaying the day she said adieu..
A ghost a legend cant get her off your mind
Her love her hate her affection her back turned..
The way she smiled at you and kissed you..
Her love was freeing releasing and yet every word burned
She was the moon, shining so bright in your life..
And bringing the tide to drown you in your yearning of her love..
She was amazing
She was a dream
She was a beauty
Someone you’ve never seen..
~ a left behind heart
There’s this guy at work, and he’s kinda cute, kinda got those bad boy vibes, ya know? Like, he’s good at his job and he’s doing well in school, but he also is kinda rebellious and he drinks and parties (and he vapes 🙄 ). Idk I’ve known him for a few months and I kinda sorta have a crush on him, but also…. I feel…. idk embarrassed? About liking him? Because I feel like it’ll only hurt me and that he’s no good for me, but on the other hand… it can’t be worse than what I’ve currently got going on, right? I think he’s 20, so it’s not an age gap thing or whatever, just a cute coworker. But also, I feel like he wouldn’t want to date me or hang out or anything. Should I ask him out? Let him know I’m interested??
a form of gratitude ;
pairing: keigo takami x f!reader , implied! masaki mizushima x f!reader
warnings: cursing, references to sex, drinking, slight angst
summary: you’re keigo’s publicist. nothing more, nothing less. it’s the nothing more part that kills him.
dedication: for @bqkubabey who said she wanted angst AND unrequited love WITH THE hawks <3 ily, sorry for making you wait 5ever for a one shot :( not even that angsty?? idk im kind of back on my short one shot bs now :((
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
“Hawks, we have to talk about–”
“Hmm, well, I suppose that you probably deleted my first voicemail the moment you heard me put on my ‘stern’ voice that you believe–”
“Third time’s the charm, Hawks.”
And then Keigo Takami promptly deleted the fourth, fifth, and sixth voicemails that you had sent him, each of them only mere minutes away from each other. He noticed, from the very tiny snippets he listened to, that you were getting progressively more and more annoyed with him and his antics.
Ah, well, to be nineteen and filthy rich.
In fact, it appeared that young Keigo Takami got himself into much more trouble than he could keep up with – not that it mattered much. He hardly ever suffered major blows to his reputation as – what did the entirety of the media call him? – “a rising star”. (Cue a picture of him, bright red wings spread as far as they could go as he was caught in midair, flying like he was destined to become one with the sky, large block letters printed on said image of him spelling out “THE WINGED HERO: HAWKS – A RISING STAR”. He liked that particular magazine cover. It currently sat framed on his office wall.)
As it was, being talented, young, and famous meant that no matter where he went, cameras followed. And with cameras came proof of all of his…lesser heroic moments. Ones that made him seem more like a typical nineteen year old male and less like the admirable hero all the news outlets made him out to be. His most recent scandal (if one could even call it that) involved various photos of a very wasted Keigo Takami drowning in a sea of scantily clad supermodels, all of whom were every bit of intoxicated as himself.
In all honesty, it probably wasn’t the most compromising position that he had ever been caught in, and it wasn’t nearly as horrible as some of the other stuff that could have been captured. In fact, Keigo hardly remembered the series of events that had taken place that night, save for the fact that the booze had been particularly disgusting and cheap, but that it had been served to him by the barrelfuls and he gladly consumed it all with a vigor that only the body of a pro hero could possibly handle. (That, or a serial alcoholic. Whichever made him sound cooler was the one he would ultimately go with.)
Surprisingly enough, as far as hangovers went, this one wasn’t too unmanageable. Granted, he was feeling exceptionally thirsty, and he wouldn’t protest to going out and grabbing a quick breakfast. Despite the fact that he owned his own agency that he worked at, he highly doubted that showing up late to work would help gain any respect from his sidekicks. (Who all had varying degrees of respect for the pro hero, although his antics and attitudes made it hard to take him seriously at times, especially since most of them were older than him.)
The only thing that made him feel worse than his hunger and thirst was the constant pounding in his head. Much to his relief, it was only due to the incessant knocking on his office door, and Keigo managed to choke out a “Come in!” before you came barging through the door.
Keigo was greeted by the sight of your mouth curled up in an annoyed scowl, your [H/C] hair done up in a painfully tight bun, and your blouse and pencil skirt freshly ironed. It was a sight that Keigo had gotten used to, ever since he hired you nearly three months ago. You were eighteen and the youngest publicist on the scene. No experience. The only thing you had going for you was your family reputation to rely on, and had his manager not suggested you, Keigo Takami probably would have never met you at all. Your father was the best in the business – the publicist business, that was.
As far back in your childhood as you could remember, it had always been pie charts and line graphs, newspaper headlines and magazine articles, radio talk show appearances and meet and greets. Life wasn’t about you, wasn’t even about your father, to be honest. Life was…about the pro heroes who were protecting Japan. The pro heroes who were rescuing kittens from trees. The pro heroes who were doing canned food drives. Whatever would make them look the best, they were doing it.
The truth, you were soon taught, was a fickle thing. Like everything else in the world, it could easily be manipulated. Opinions could be swayed, photos could be edited, and words could be taken out of context. This, you were taught, was the way of life. The way life would always be.
And for the most part, you were content with that fact. Perhaps you had other hopes and dreams and aspirations that you had long ago buried away since they hadn’t aligned with your father’s beliefs, but that didn’t matter. What mattered at that moment was the fact that you were the youngest person at your father’s publicist agency, and your very first (and at that moment, only) client was a reckless, irresponsible nineteen year old boy who obviously didn’t understand the concept of keeping a low profile!
Even if he was barely a year older than you, that didn’t stop you from attempting to put on your most intimidating scowl, arms crossed, eyes narrowed.
“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” You snapped, taking in Keigo’s appearance. His usually messy ash blond hair was looking even more disheveled than normal, and his warm brown eyes were currently squinting at the bright light flooding his office as you yanked the blinds on his office windows to allow the maximum amount of sunlight to flood his office. You did this on purpose, just to further the pain of his punishment.
“At the moment, not really,” he groaned, elbows on his desk and head falling into the palms of his hands. “Can we not do this right now, [L/N]?”
“You know, Hawks, I would love nothing more than to be able to walk into my client’s office and not have to discuss with him how we’re going to counter all the attacks and blows to his reputation, but it seems like we don’t always get to do things according to whatever plans we originally had.”
“Your voice is making my head hurt.” Keigo groaned in reply. You smacked him on the back of his head, making him groan once more.
“Are you sure your head isn’t hurting because you’re hungover?”
“Well, that too.”
That earned him another smack on the head.
“Why can’t you just take me seriously for once, Hawks?” You sighed, taking a seat on one of the plush chairs in front of his office desk. When you said that, Keigo finally lifted his covered face from his hands and opted to rest his chin on his palm instead. His warm brown eyes looked even more tired than usual as he stared at you intently.
“I do take you seriously. You’re the youngest person on my team, and I think you’re the most serious of us all.” He chuckled at that, and you merely frowned.
“Yes, well, perhaps nobody wants to be taken seriously whenever their boss is out partying on a Sunday night, getting drunk and frisky with–”
“Did you say ‘frisky’?” Keigo gave a bark of laughter. “Dammnit, [L/N], this is why I keep you around. You’re hilarious.”
You rolled your eyes.
Keigo laughed again.
“Are you done?” You snapped, crossing your arms. “Because I’m not done.”
“Yes.” Keigo pretended to wipe away a tear, brown eyes shining, bringing out the golden flecks in them. “Please, do continue, [L/N].”
“You need to start thinking about the future.”
“You know, hiring an eighteen year old was supposed to ensure that I wouldn’t be forced to endure a lecture early in the morning.”
“It’s almost one in the afternoon, Hawks.”
“‘Damn’ indeed.” You said. “You need to stop acting like a nineteen year old boy and more like the respectable pro hero everyone wants you to be.”
“Why do I have to worry whenever I have you to fix my reputation and force everyone to forget all about my falls from grace?” Cheeky comments from Keigo were nothing new to you, and they rolled off of you as easily as you rolled your eyes in response.
“Sometimes I wish it wasn’t my job to clean up your messes.” You intended for it to be considered as a joke, but even if he didn’t tell you that he knew there was a slight bit of truth to that statement, Keigo willed himself to sound as serious as possible whenever he spoke again.
“You’re good at what you do, [L/N].”
You stood up, nodding. “I don’t know, Hawks, sometimes you give me a run for my money. It’s like you almost want to see just how far you can go before we run into a mess I can’t clean up.”
“So, this’ll blow over by dinner?”
“Mmm, more like in the next two hours.” You said, and there was that slight curve of your lips that could almost be classified as a smirk. Even if you didn’t love your job, there was no denying that you were damn good at it.
“That’s why I love you.” Much like his cheeky comments, Keigo throwing around the words “I love you” was hardly anything special or noteworthy. In all honesty, it was just another way of him expressing his gratitude, and you had accepted this form of “thank you” a long time ago.
There was really no need for you to reply back, and all you do is shut the door on your way out.
━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━
It had never occurred to Keigo Takami that he hardly ever saw you outside of his office or yours. On the rare occasions that he hadn’t annoyed you to your limits, the two of you would grab a quick treat at the nearby bakery located next to his agency, and for a few minutes, you two could just enjoy each other’s presence without you having to scold him or him trying to find a way to push your buttons.
It had been a week since you had managed to twist around the story and make it seem as if it were a positive thing that pro hero Hawks was out getting drunk on a holy day. (Something about him being human and more relatable to the general public? He wasn’t quite sure, and while the excuse was weak, his charisma and looks made it easier to forgive him.) He was actually on time to work this whole entire week, which meant that he was patrolling at one in the afternoon instead of dealing with a hangover in his office.
And damn it, Keigo really wished that he saw more of you outside the office because you were a completely different person. Well, maybe not quite completely different, but seeing you underneath the sunlight as opposed to those God awful fluorescents, you were practically radiant. You were like light made into flesh and had you not been his publicist, nothing would have stopped him from flirting with you right then and there. Well, nothing save for the fact that all of your attention was currently on some lesser-known hero. Keigo respected all heroes, big name or not, but he couldn’t help this uncharacteristic flare of anger that he got when he saw you smile – an actual smile, not just an almost smirk – and heard you laugh for the first time. No, he wasn’t mad because you were smiling and laughing. He was mad because you never did that with him, and now you were showering, practically enveloping this unknown man with your pure joy, and Keigo Takami had everything anyone could ever dream of, and yet he was a bit envious of the man standing in front of you.
He was average looking, Keigo decided, both out of spite and just basic fucking observational skills. He was nothing special. Average height, average brown hair, average looks. A horribly plain face. A charmless smile.
(Okay, so perhaps now Keigo was being a bit of an ass, but in his not-so humble opinion, how could you possibly smile at this man before you smiled at him?)
And because Keigo Takami wasn’t the average pro hero, and because sometimes he just acted unpredictably, he found himself walking straight towards you and this mystery man. There was no plan, there was no actual reason, and there was no way he should be doing this because you were one of his employees, but Keigo decided to hell with plans, proper reasonings, and your professional relationship with him.
“Hey, [L/N]!” Keigo chirped, standing closer to you than he normally would have on a regular day. There was still a considerable amount of space between you and him, and you hardly seemed to noticed the small change in distance. You raised an eyebrow at your client, but returned your full focus back to the horribly plain-faced, charmless smile, average Joe you were so keen on smiling at.
“Mizushima, this is Hawks. Which I’m sure you already know.” Your cheeks were tinted a slight pink as you added in the last sentence, almost as if you felt foolish for introducing such a well known hero.
“Mizushima, huh? Sounds vaguely familiar.” Keigo said, pretending to be in deep thought but actually paying very close attention to this Mizushima character. Well, he wasn’t entirely hideous, but Keigo stood by his belief that you could do so much better.
“I’m, uh, also a hero. Not as widely known–”
“–yet!” You interjected, grinning at him. “One day, Manual is going to be a household name. Especially if you accept my offer.”
“Offer?” Keigo was now interested in the turn this conversation was taking.
“Ah, [Y/N], I thought you were just joking!” Mizushima chuckled. “She has this idea that becoming my publicist will help jumpstart my career.” He told Keigo.
Keigo Takami was hardly ever caught off guard, but that was a surprising statement. He supposed that this was good for you, because surely you couldn’t just have one client and be wildly successful. You were an ambitious woman, and he respected that about you. Keigo nodded slowly.
“She’s right. You should take her up on her offer. Or, at least consider it seriously.”
You raised your eyebrow again, but your [E/C] eyes were focused on him now, searching for any trace of a joke or an upcoming snarky comment. But he was serious. This was the closest thing you had ever received that could be considered praise, and it was serious praise at that.
There were no words exchanged, but Keigo’s heart soared as you smiled at him, his heart taking flight almost as if it had red wings too.
━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━
It was all a series of revelations after that.
Like how he realized that you didn’t need to leave a button or two on your blouse unbuttoned because you were undeniably alluring without needing to do anything remotely seductive.
He also realized that you were funny, even if you weren’t trying.
He also realized that you were perfect without putting in any effort at all, a fact that you would deny and blush about if he were to ever voice this out loud. The fact that you would react this way was even more endearing to him than it should have been.
He also realized that no other women had the same effect on him as you did, which helped him keep his image clean, but also meant that you were visiting him less and less, which meant that he had to savor these fleeting meetings even more now.
“What’s the rush?” Keigo had a smile on his face, albeit a very forced and faked one at that. You didn’t notice, and maybe you never would.
“I have something else scheduled today.” You said, and a genuine smile appeared on your face as you got up from the chair in front of his desk.
“No.” You shook your head, and suddenly, it was like you were glowing, turning these dingy fluorescents into your very own spotlight. “A date.”
━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━
Keigo Takami was fast, but he had been a bit slow when it came to him realizing that he was in love with you. You had entered his office and scolded him without hesitation, and you had originally started off as an annoying presence. But then he realized what a great asset you were, and he had begun to respect you as someone more than just an uptight publicist.
All of his feelings for you did not come out of nowhere, but he had still not anticipated them at all. It was like when there was a small hole in a leaky roof, and a rainstorm passed by, and gradually the bucket you left underneath it would fill up. One drop here and there added up, and now he was overflowing with emotions that he had to vocalize or so help him, he would drown in them.
“Hawks, are you even listening to me right now?” Two months ago, you might have been seriously annoyed at the lack of attention he seemed to be giving your conversation, but when he finally focused in on you, you looked… amused.
“Yes.” He said, but you shook your head, knowing damn well he was lying.
“I was talking about how I planned a couple of interviews for you to do later this month. Y’know, to give you some more exposure.” You handed over a folder, presumably with all the information and dates and times that you considered to be so important. “Everything is already handled, thanks to yours truly.”
His hands brushed against yours, although this small touch hardly seemed to have any effect on you. The avalanche of emotions he felt made up for your lack.
“That’s why I love you.”
You smiled at him, getting up from your seat. “You know, sometimes a simple ‘thank you’ is good enough, too.”
And then, Keigo Takami’s ever so observant eyes saw it. The thin engagement ring adorning your ring finger, shining under these yellow lights almost as bright as your smile.
And then came his next realization: that no matter how many times he proclaimed his true feelings for you, these confessions were nothing more than another form of gratitude to you.
I think I love you but perhaps I don’t. Perhaps the fact that I need to ask myself proves that I don’t, but maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it shows I’m afraid to be vulnerable with even myself. Who knows but tonight just for tonight I know I love you and I wish I could hold you through whatever your going through
Eine Verrückte halb
what can i say
when you stepped away?
what do i do
when you hurt me too?
you were my stars, my moon, my sky
yet all you did was lie.
i gave you my heart,
and you tore it apart
i loved you so, so much
and your scathing words were like a punch
to my gut as you left me.
you left me broken and bleeding
you left me yearning
for your touch, your embrace
but all you wanted to do was erase
my entire existence
from your life.
all i can do now
is to ask,
what did i do
that stopped you from saying,
“i love you, too”?
you know what you’re doing to me
you know how this makes me feel
you know exactly how to make me go crazy
you know exactly what i want
but you refuse to give it to me
and your smile
but it’s not like you notice me
it’s not like you could ever think of me in that way
there are others, i know
but i don’t want them
i want you
i need you
He left, and my heart followed behind.
“We reach out, because our hands are empty. We reach out, because we want something to be filled. To find another’s arms, stretched out for another’s like yours is an incomparable elation. It is the union of two lives that have found someone to hold, someone to spend time with, someone to share a life with. And there is far more to a life than we often notice at first glance. When you fall in love with someone, you’re not merely falling in love with who is standing in front of you. Rather, it is the amalgamated stresses and joys of years, decades even, that shaped them into the person you see now. To love is to accept more than a face, it is to allow a story to intertwine with yours, brief as it may be. And so, rejection for the receiver is far more than a simple “no”. It is a denial of any union, any connection. It is a rejection of their entire life, that they are not good enough for whom they pine for. That, to the one they love, they are no more than a passing stranger. And that is the lowest feeling of all.”