After Rhona finds out Vanessa has been kidnapped by Pierce and turns up to Laurel’s to rescue her:
Charity and Robert together on screen givess me life. I wish we had more double dates and bad plans between the couples. Those bisexual disasters who I love 💓. Also I loved Robert and Vanessa friendship
I am so excited for Vanessa’s cancer story.
From the time I was a kid, I felt the world was too shallow. It wasn’t just that I was bullied based on preconceptions had just by looking at me; it was also fashion trends. For awhile, long loose socks were in fashion, until the trend switched to bootie socks, and I was made fun of for still wearing the previous type of socks. Things like that made me think people were just petty and shallow, and led to me making an enemy of vanity.
While vanity was my enemy, my mother kept trying to convince me that fashion would improve my confidence. I just thought she was full of shit; fashion had never once made me feel the way she described. I thought that she was just too vain, and thus too preoccupied with how she was viewed to think for herself about how to live outside the eyes of others. It wasn’t until years later that I learned that what she had told me about fashion was true; I just never felt like that because she was always forcing me to wear the kind of clothes that made her feel like that, and those kinds of clothes just weren’t my style.
From my teens to my twenties, I’ve just been trying to dress for myself. However, I’ve had to struggle against expectation to get there. I’m still not there. I’ve pressured to wear skirts; I hated the skirts, so I ended up wearing pants instead. I want to keep my hair short; I’m continually pressured to keep it longer than I’d like. I want to wear masculine clothes; I’m pressured not to.
I think there’s a toxicity in the culture of beauty and fashion: women are encouraged to think of beauty too much, pressured to look a certain way in a variety of circumstances, even shamed for not wearing makeup; men are encouraged to think of beauty too little, at the risk of being unmanly if they think about it too much, as though men are incapable of appreciating beauty or wanting to feel beautiful. I think that beauty and fashion have a potential of good, of self-expression. It’s when people are pushed to look a certain way, or not look a certain way, that it becomes toxic.
On one hand, I’m glad for the time I spent hating beauty and vanity; it allowed me to escape the trap too many women find themselves in. I am also glad that I learned I was wrong. But the truth is, I still find myself in a trap of expectation. Although I’ve overcome some obstacles, I still feel there are certain things I can’t do in my self-presentation, because the world is too cruel and would only hammer me down for it.
I continue to reach for what I want, though. Because the reality is, the society we live in shapes how we present ourselves. In group-oriented societies such as Japan, you have people who use fashion to stick out as individuals, despite their society; in individual-oriented societies such as America, you have people who follow fashion trends, and connecting to people via fashion. I just think that everyone has this dialectic, these pulls between individuality and society, and everyone just wants a little of each. If you have too much of one, you crave the other. No matter what society you live in, there’s no escape from that.
So, the struggle continues…
Just so y'all know I won’t be writing stuff or posting for the upcoming storyline with Vanessa. I’ll still be floating around and writing the odd unrelated fic and I’ll keep this blog active but I just really really can’t with this storyline.
“And because we have the same high-leveled vanity, we’ll keep suffering from the significant love we have for eachother we’ve been silent about it for too long.”
Morris Day and Vanity.
Moses not being able to keep his eyes off of his other mum Vanessa Woodfield appreciation gifset